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I have so many unpopular opinions when it comes to kuro outfits

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Kuroshitsuji

Chapter 135 | Chapter 198

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Emiri Kato, the VA of Mey-rin, drew a fan art of her own character.

I drew fan art on my own!

Mey-rin 👓

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Sebastian showing a Singular genuine emotion for a whole 13 episodes and it's because of a fashion related predicament. i fucking hate this gay demon.

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Imo I don’t like Ociel and Lizzie romantically, but I love their overall dynamic and what makes me sad is that I think lizzie genuinely likes Ociel’s personality, even if she doesn’t realize it yet.

I watched this show called Behind Her Eyes. One of the main characters is the wife and the husband. I forgot their names so let’s call them that for convenience sake, now moving on[spoilers] The start of the story shows that their marriage is crumbling. You can immediately tell that they have zero chemistry, zero love on the husband’s side, yet the flashbacks show that they were happy together and very much in love. The plot twist is that the wife’s body was actually hijacked by her best friend, so in the present, the friend was pretending to be the wife all along so he could have the husband all to himself. The reason the husband straight up hates his wife now, was not because his feelings changed, but because it’s LITERALLY not his wife anymore, even if he never realized it.

I find myself comparing it to Ociel and Lizzie's dynamic, and how is it not quite the case for them? They do have their strained moments when Ociel’s having his so-called memory problems, but for the most part, Ociel and Lizzie actually get along. They are actually bonding and having memories together.

Not to mention they both love cute things. It’s implied that Ociel confides to her about his new ideas for Funtom. Lizzie even treasured his bitter rabbit, the rabbit that represents Ociel’s true self. Which is why it hurts even more when she abandoned it later.

Lizzie must have spent a lot of time thinking about Ociel’s feelings, because she notices things about him that most people don’t. Everyone else was wondering why he would impersonate his brother, yet only she was able to empathize with Ociel and understand why he lied to her.

That’s why their relationship makes me sad. I think Ociel and Lizzie are actually compatible in some ways. They were just never given the chance to bond normally. If things were different, would they work out romantically? who knows, maybe not, but as friends? as a family? absolute yes for me. It’s been several years so I hope we see Lizzie again. I want to see how she’s processing all of this. I don’t expect her to forgive Ociel that easily after what he did, but the story spent a long time making us care for their relationship, so I will be very sad if none of that meant anything.

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A lady being presented must have her hair coiffed as befits the upper class. Fortunately, Fräulein Sullivan already has nice long hair, so it shouldn’t be an issue. Next up— Here I am. Young mistress?! - Kuroshitsuji: Midori no Majo-hen - Episode 12

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The idea of Grell and Ciel having a rivalry over Sebastian is so funny to me. Cause that's a grim reaper and a sickly child. And the sickly child is WINNING.

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This guy would totally eat wet napkins

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Horror podcasts will sometimes ask "hey what if this strange, unsettling individual - who is the way they are because of unnatural means - were actually a deeply kind and lonely person?" And I fall for it every fucking time.

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why ciel made this face? was he really that upset by sebastian drinking?

he did get a little sloppy... did sebastian really got drunk?

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ever since i was a little girl i knew i liked problematic tropes

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There's this One (1) idea I keep trying to capture about Sebastian and Ciel's dynamic and I'm not sure if I've managed to quite get at it properly in my previous takes so. Guess I'm gonna go for it one more time ahahhaha =3=" (SPOILER WARNING FOR THE USUAL SHIT)

It all goes back to This Fucking Page, which I've seen plaguing the minds of at least a couple of people around here more than a few times. The question is clear: how the hell can Ciel not trust Sebastian at this point? After years of putting his life directly into Sebastian's hands, not only pulled from danger but doted on constantly, fed, bathed, and protected at all times by him 24/7-- even after all that, he still claims to trust him the least. Is he lying? Fucking with him? Making a joke?

I'd argue: none of the above. Regardless of how their relationship may actually function on a base level, Ciel is telling the truth as he believes it here, and revealing a key part of what drives him in doing so.

To fully understand this moment, I think we have to take a step back for a second and really look at what Ciel's motivations are, and also the origin of his contract with Sebastian. Specifically, the points I'd like to focus on here are as follows: what was o!Ciel's emotional state of mind like in the weeks after their introduction to the cult, and what changed at the exact moment that he summoned the demon?

In the case of the first question, we get a pretty clear answer: o!Ciel believed.

Despite the insanely horrific child abuse these kids were forced through at the hands of the cult, o!Ciel still managed to find hope and peace in the form of his protective older brother. He believed, had faith-- in God, and also his brother (same difference?). It is made quite clear throughout not only these chapters but also the few flashbacks we get pre-129 and onward that r!Ciel was the primary thing getting o!Ciel through this period of time, the one constant he could rely on. Everything about their lives changed on that day-- their parents were dead, their house destroyed, their lives and futures and known universe entirely ripped apart as their entire existence was groomed to turn them into the ideal sacrificial lambs for someone else's gain. Through it all, they had nothing but each other.

To put this another way: o!Ciel trusted his brother.

It is clear from the way in which o!Ciel talks about himself, in the few instances that we get of his most bare-faced honest narration, that he does not think highly of himself. Frankly, the fact that he felt the need at all to impersonate his brother is proof of this. o!Ciel did not grow up respecting or trusting himself, always easily accepting the view that he was simply the Spare, the sickly extra that had to stay inside and watch while everyone else got to play outside. Ciel was the brave one, the one that proudly introduced himself to strangers, who was mentored directly by their father for a job o!Ciel would never have. Ciel was the strong one, the capable one, the one powerful enough to stand on his own feet and support his brother as well. Ciel was the one to check the house, to fulfill his duty and protect him.

For all their appearances as mirrors of one another, it is clear from the moment of their birth that the twins were not and never would be truly equal. The elder, Ciel, is the future Earl of Phantomhive-- the other is only there to pick up the pieces he may or may not leave behind.

It is a dynamic ingrained in these two deeply enough that it follows through even as the rest of their lives are torn away from them. r!Ciel protects and o!Ciel believes, trusts that his big brother will always know the right path. There is thus little need for o!Ciel to ever take action or make any major decisions when it comes to ensuring their future. r!Ciel swallows the ring-- all o!Ciel has to do is keep the secret. Maybe in their previous life he could've worried about toy stores or games or making a living for himself outside of the Phantomhive manor-- but right now, when the two of them are still very much stuck in Survival Mode, all he needs to do is trust.

And then.

The object of his trust is torn away from him. They are separated, wholly and utterly, forever-- for nothing that is lost can ever again be regained. And suddenly, there is nothing left to believe in.

Thus, we reach our second point: o!Ciel's mental state at the moment he summons the demon. Faith in God/Ciel is broken, all hope is lost, familial blood has been spilled on the sacrificial altar and o!Ciel is still locked in his damn cage. Trust has disappeared entirely-- all o!Ciel wants now is power, control over his life and the shit happening to him, the exact thing he has lacked all this time, really his entire life.

KEY POINT: o!Ciel does not want (another) hero. If there is one thing that this moment proves to him, it is that he cannot ever again put all of his faith into another person to save him. Rather, what o!Ciel wants is agency, the power to decide his own fate for himself.

Again, we can infer that this is a large part of why our twin even bothers to take the name "Ciel" in the first place-- because, at this point in the story, the only way he can even conceive of having that kind of power and independent autonomy is by literally becoming his brother, the object of courage and bravery and protection that he has been looking up to for all this time. And this is something that he doesn't only believe internally, in his own mind, but constantly sees getting affirmed to him externally as well-- because, if "everybody would be happier if Ciel was the one to return," if Ciel is the only one capable of handling the job of the watchdog and fulfilling the Phantomhive duty for the Queen, then the only way he can move forward is by becoming Ciel, and leeching his power that way.

This is the fundamental moment that establishes o!Ciel's relationship with trust and Other People more generally for the entire rest of the series as we get to see it. After having his faith broken in every conceivable way, watching every single member of his family be killed in front of him while he was completely unable to do anything, o!Ciel finally arrives at a decision-- to take the power that has finally been offered to him, regardless of the consequences, just for the chance to finally have some control over his own life and fate.

o!Ciel does not care about the fact that this contract will kill him, about the fact that he is entrusting his soul to a starving demon that will eventually kill him. o!Ciel is perfectly willing to step under his own personalized sword of Damocles, perfectly accepting of the fact that it will eventually lead to his own demise-- all he wants is the power to set it up himself, to decide exactly when it will inevitably fall.

Thus: trust. From this point forward, trusting anyone else is simply not an option. Because if Ciel couldn't protect him, if Ciel couldn't uphold his faith and grant him their hope, then who the fuck could? Frankly, o!Ciel is even kinda granting him a second chance by taking his name as he dedicates himself to his revenge...

...which gets to my biggest point. Trust in other people may no longer be an option. But: trust in himself?

Now we have a chance to keep moving forward.

This is what Sebastian and his whole demon contract schtick Truly grants o!Ciel-- power, agency, and the ability to have faith in his own abilities, to stand up on his own. o!Ciel does not want another hero to save him, he is not going to set himself up for failure like that, and certainly not with the guy whose first big move is to fucking lie directly to his face.

What o!Ciel trusts here is not Sebastian, not directly, but rather his own ability to manipulate Sebastian into doing what he pleases. And this is exactly what he wants!! Again, o!Ciel does not want Sebastian to play the hero for him, to replace that which has already demonstrably failed him. He wants Sebastian to give him the power that he wants, and, perhaps ironically, he grows into a more capable and competent person in order to work as efficiently as he can under the terms of their contract to get that.

Ciel says that Sebastian is the person he can trust the least, and DUH. o!Ciel is not stupid, of course he believes that. There's a reason why every one of the terms of their contract are specifically designed to bind Sebastian down, why his first wish was to ensure that Sebastian would never be able to lie to him like that again. Never forget: Sebastian is dangerous, a starving animal that o!Ciel has only barely got chained back, who in this very arc was fully prepared to eat him alive if his traumatized state of mind made him go back on their contract a little too much.

YET: the intense irony of all of this is that Sebastian's very untrustworthiness is exactly what makes him reliable. o!Ciel knows exactly what the fuck Sebastian wants (him), and how to use that weakness to his advantage. And, in turn, this gives Ciel exactly what he has wanted and needed all this time, the chance to grow and take charge and believe in himself, that he is capable, and meaningful, and that his life has value as more than just The Spare.

It is this exact axis, the contradictory truth that o!Ciel trusts Sebastian to be untrustworthy, that their entire relationship revolves around in my opinion. It is what allows the contract to be such a beneficial force in Ciel's life, what makes Ciel and Sebastian's dynamic so appealing and fascinating to me.

Sebastian isn't a person, he isn't a human that can grow and love and be relied upon in a more traditional romantic sense. He's a domesticated demon, not an enemies-to-lovers bad boy love interest-- his fangs can never be cut. YET. Even so, I see absolutely no reason why Ciel's recognition of this fact must detract from their relationship in any way, or the fun of shipping them together. Rather, it is this exact facet of their dynamic with one another that makes Ciel such an emotionally compelling protagonist to me, and sebaciel more generally such a lovely relationship to explore. ^__^

They're fucked up as hell!! But you don't have to disregard the knives they are constantly holding to one another's throat to also acknowledge the ways in which they are loving, and warm, and build each other up into something they never could've been on their own. Ciel doesn't trust Sebastian, but he never wanted to in the first place. Instead, Sebastian gives him the chance to gain something much more meaningful, that he has never before truly had: trust in himself.

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Nature + Fiddler

This month's (June) exclusive sticker club artwork. There are a few slots still open!

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VITA CARNIS

A tribute to my favorite analogue/internet horror series.

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i love re-consuming media i used to love when i was younger. like wow! child me still is in me i am holding her hand and keeping her safe and doing her favorite things with her!!!!

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It means so much when you realize that Soma is o!Ciel’s first real friend.

When our earl was a little kid, he was sheltered due to his asthma, which prevented him to make genuine social connections beyond his familial ones.

Even with his brother by his side, there was still a sense of isolation, like the world around him, intentionally or not, kept pushing him to the side. He was present, but never quite part of things.

And then, after the tragedy, when he returns under his brother’s name, things become even more complicated. Elizabeth still loves him deeply and tends to him with all the care in the world, but she doesn’t realize he isn’t truly Ciel. That unspoken truth becomes an invisible barrier between them.

Even in her affection, he’s alone, carrying a secret that keeps him at a distance from the only people left who still care for him.

Then there are the servants, utterly loyal, unwavering in their devotion. Their respect for our earl goes above and beyond, but it isn’t friendship. Their bond is bound by the roles they play. They serve him not out of companionship, but because they feel indebted to him—because they owe him their lives. That sense of duty creates another kind of distance.

But Prince Soma is a different case, he was a wildcard in o!Ciel's life. He didn’t tiptoe around the earl’s walls; he barged right through them. Uninvited and unstoppable, Soma didn’t just enter o!Ciel’s home, he settled in, pulling him into a rhythm that felt disarmingly normal.

He annoyed his way into o!Ciel's life, treating him like the kid he was, falling into playfull rythms and a routine that contrasted o!Ciel's usual darkness.

In a life shaped by shadows, Soma became a burst of color the earl never saw coming.

Soma doesn't owe o!Ciel his life, he didn't stick by because of his title or name either. He simply befriended the earl because o!Ciel challenged him, inspired him, gave him a different lens through which to see the world.

Through their clashes and contrasts, Soma grew, not because he was forced to, but because their dynamic naturally pushed him to mature.

The prince is probably the first person in o!Ciel's entire life that considered him a friend, a best friend. Our earl, once a quiet, sheltered boy, so unsure of his own worth that he felt the need to live behind someone else’s name, somehow gained a friend simply by being himself.

No masks, no manipulation, just the reluctant honesty that came from being seen and chosen anyway.

o!Ciel could be harsh, distant, even cruel: pushing people away again and again. But Soma didn’t give up. He kept showing up, kept breaking through the walls, because he saw who o!Ciel truly was beneath it all, and he genuinely cared.

And what makes this so soft is how the earl grew so accustomed to the prince's antics.

He got used to playing games with him the way friends do: competitive, yet always teasing and playful.

He got used to getting embraced (even though he despises physical touch, he slowly accepted and allowed this affection from the prince.)

It's so important to highlight the safety he feels around Soma, even when he's all over his personal space. The prince isn't just anybody anymore, he became someone the earl grew familiar and comfortable around.

That kind of vulnerability isn’t in his nature. But beneath the pride and distance, there’s a quiet care that runs deep. It’s subtle and unspoken, born from a platonic bond that means more than words can express.

Before Soma, o!Ciel had never truly known what it meant to have a friend of his own.

And that’s why the fact that r!Ciel deliberately jeopardized that friendship, by killing Agni and making Soma believe it was our earl’s doing, showing us how this act was made to knock o!Ciel off his feet and shake the fragile bonds he’d built.

r!Ciel’s possessiveness over our earl runs deeper than mere jealousy, it’s rooted in an intense, almost pathological need for control. It’s as if he can’t tolerate the idea of o!Ciel forming bonds outside of himself, because those connections threaten his fragile sense of identity and power.

But I’m sure that if Soma could weather o!Ciel’s calculated, harsh, and sometimes manipulative moments, he’ll still find a way to come around, and stand by his best friend.

For true friendship is not the absence of flaws, but the quiet courage to remain, even when shadows fall.