carriesthewind - Tumblr blog

[carriesthewind]

I hate hate hate so much that etsy won't let me clear notifications to review purchased items. I have items that I am not going to leave a review for (e.g. stuff that is objectively fine, so I don't want to hurt sales, but didn't work for me for reasons that would not be helpful to another buyer), and the *fucking* notification button won't go away. It's genuinely driving me off the site because it bothers me so much.

[carriesthewind]

Ok so today I was on the bus with another trans guy and we were talking about how hard it is to get testosterone. The waiting lists, the price, all the doctors you have to go to, that kind of stuff. Except, we were calling it ’T’, like you do when you’re both closeted and in public.

Then suddenly the elderly lady sitting behind us was like ‘young men, either I’m going crazy or you both have never heard of supermarkets, they have shelves full of tea there! Do you need directions to one?’

To which my buddy starts to explain, because why not. ‘Well you see, we’re both trans, and… ’

The lady didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. ‘Oh no, I don’t mind that at all! Now do you want to know how to get to a place that sells tea? I’m actually heading there right now!’

We let her take us to the supermarket. We let her show us, excitedly, where the tea was. We both bought loads.

[carriesthewind]

History will never vindicate these student activists. In the future, we totally won’t use photos of their demonstration to advertise our liberal, forward-thinking student body. Free speech is the backbone of a vibrant academic ecosystem. Just this once, though, we must silence and punish any student who speaks out. As our Executive Vice Dean of Community Outcomes likes to say, “The donors are really mad this time, so we better shut these brats up.”

Goddamn

[carriesthewind]

I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.

[carriesthewind]

I walked up to a restaurant entrance at the same time as this guy and he held the first door for me and then I held the second door for him and he said "we call that the Midwestern two-step" with a laugh and I've been thinking about it all day.

[carriesthewind]

Black-and-White Warbler Gouache and Ballpoint Pen on 8x10 inch Wood Panel Painting no. 5 in the "In Bloom" series, availability TBA

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[carriesthewind]

Mtn_f_Jdgmt_ot_Plds_AllEdits_FINAL(final)(FINAL FOR REAL)(updated).pdf

[carriesthewind]

Lmao how is this real, "the ambient sounds of the world were wrong, sir"

[carriesthewind]

Although most reasonable people seem to understand that, now more than ever, twitter is an unreliable cesspool, I've seen multiple posts that seem to uncritically repost/reblog screenshots of twitter's community notes as if they are somehow more reliable. And while it is both fine and funny to point and laugh at assholes who are getting dunked on in the community notes, it's worth remember that those notes should not be treated as accurate or reliable in any way.

[carriesthewind]

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

[carriesthewind]

@emyrys Soup

[carriesthewind]

Cinders~

[carriesthewind]

Ahaha. I have a fever. And like five different time-sensitive, labor-intensive tasks I need to complete on Monday. This is fine.

[carriesthewind]

uggh I need an Ingredient and it's increasingly looking like walmart is the only place I can get it. I do not want to go to walmart.

[carriesthewind]

So today I got a rather unkind comment on AO3 (one could call it hate), but I believe it to be a bot for several reasons:

Guest account, but username attached

Said username exists but person is unlikely to be reading Tolkien fic (according to their Tumblr and AO3, they are in other fandoms)

Two grammatically correct sentences

Super generic text that could apply to any fic:

"I've seen better fanfiction written by a toddler. Get it together!"

I'm curious, did anyone else get comments like this? Let me know.

And to those who have gotten rude comments and are now worried/upset: Maybe it was just a bot too. Either way: You're awesome for putting your writing out there for others to enjoy and you don't deserve to get rude comments for it. If you want feel free to message me to compare cases and discuss details :)

[carriesthewind]

Halibut (State I of II) - 2007

Susan A. Point (Musqueam)

[carriesthewind]

My favourite Parker episode has always been The Inside Job, y'know why? It's not just what Parker does, but rather what the others do FOR Parker.

Parker has 4 safe houses in the city, but Nate and Sophie know her well enough to know where she actually stays when she's away from the team

Parker's security code. Do you understand the level of trust someone like Parker will have to have to use their name as her security code? To the place that's her own personal sanctuary? Sophie EARNED that level of trust.

'The Sterenko can't be cracked-' 'Can you do it?' 'Nate, it can't be-' 'For Parker. Can you do it for Parker?'

This. Just this.

'I made her. I trained her, and I released her into the world.' 'She was broken! She needed you!'

This stood out so loud to me, because it's not Hardison or Sophie (the more emotionally intelligent ones of the team) saying it. Because it's NATE. It's Nate, the man who couldn't say I Love You to Sophie for so long. The man who got so caught up in his son's death that every job involving kids or medical malpractice he nearly went out of line. NATE, who pushes and pushes and is ruthless and so cold at times.

It's Nate protesting for Parker, standing up FOR Parker, and y'know why? Because Parker doesn't know what she got deprived of. Parker doesn't feel that loss because you can't grieve something you aren't even aware you could've had. But Nate does. Nate saw her injustice and loss of childhood and spoke up, KNOWING she'll never know about him defending her.

'Hardison I screwed up.' 'We're already here mama.'

Do you understand the level of trust and vulnerability it requires for her to say those words? She's never gotten anyone's help after a screwup, she's had to take care of herself on her own. And there's Hardison, right there, not upset, not angry, not disappointed. A right straight - I'm here and we'll get you out.

'Let's get our girl home.'

Do I even need to say anything.

'It's not what we do, we don't get involved!' 'No, that's what YOU do!'

Parker is not Archie Leach's protege anymore. She's Parker. She's the greatest thief in the world. She's the one person to get the entire Leverage Inc breathing down your neck to save her. She has a family who got her back. She has a life and friends and people who may not understand her always but will always support her and be there for her, no matter what, without changing any aspect of her or forcing her to change either. And she saves people, because that's what they do.

'It's your play Parker.'

The explicit trust Nate displays in her. For someone like Nate with control issues and need to be the guy calling the shots, this is practically an all out notice saying 'she's my people, she's my family, I trust her with my life, more than that I trust her with my family and our jobs.'

'No.' 'What do you mean no? This isn't time for crazy, Parker! Come on!' 'No! I need to go back. I need to put the vial back.'

Do you understand what it feels to have someone like Parker, who is practically a ghost and the prospect of getting stuck somewhere is unthinkable, to refuse an escape route? And that too because she wants to help people and not be used to hurt them? In the face of someone who brought her up to only steal? Now that's growth.

Now this is a callback, but when Sophie and Nate first enter her safehouse, Sophie says something that foreshadows the ending. She says 'Look at this. It's methodical. This could be one of your plans, Nate.'

This is a personal choice, but god it's so good when authors and writers and creators give you hints and foreshadow and reward your intuition at the end, rather than changing endings for shock value. Because Hardison isn't ruthless, Eliot isn't striving for control, and Sophie is dramatic, not clinical. None of it would have been worth it unless it went to Parker, which it did.

Man, this fucking show I swear.