cassie-lmao - Tumblr blog

[cassie-lmao]

me when someone wants to talk to me about mental health or any of my special interests: *i trap them in an unskippable cutscene that lasts 1-2 hours*

me when someone wants to talk to me about something else because i literally don't know what to say: "yeah" "uh huh" "i get it" "what?" "i see" "really?" "is that so?" "thats cool"

[cassie-lmao]

when i started healing i slowly internalized that i'm nearly not as angry and frustrated as i thought myself to be

im actually a goofy lil fella who likes to do her silly lil hobbies and send walls of text messages to her friends about her hyperfixations

[cassie-lmao]

how the "delulu is the solulu" girls look at me after i tell them that one time when i was like 11 and our elderly neighbor came to our fence to talk with my mom and i convinced myself that i must have done something terrible and that its going to be about me so i locked myself in the bathroom with a knife to k!ll mys3lf in case my mom's tone is angry when she says my name after she came back inside the house.

narrator: the elderly neighbor was only asking about the carrot prices in the store nearby.

[cassie-lmao]

my tragedy? i am equipped with the best tools to heal others. yet, i, simply put, am not able to heal myself.

[cassie-lmao]

childhood is "i can't wait to be an adult to have my own money and buy as much cheese as i want oh i love cheese"

adulthood is "god damn the inflation why did cheese get so expensive i will never financially recover from this purchase"

[cassie-lmao]

a day in my life:

in the morning: i want to watch my comfort show but i have to leave home for work

at work: oh i really want to go home watch my comfort show

leaving work: finally i can go home and watch my comfort show

at home, making dinner: oh this is going to be so tasty while im watching my comfort show

watching my comfort show: ahahaha oh fuck yeahhhhh

[cassie-lmao]

girl you are not missing that emotionally abusive person you only confuse the trauma with "missing them" and the reason you cant stop thinking about them is because you are traumatized but it's easier to accept that you miss them than accepting that you gave them enough power and control over you to completely destroy you

[cassie-lmao]

parents fucking you up as a child/teenager but then coming to the realization that they can and should do better at taking care of you and being a better parent is so weird like i love you even though you gave me borderline personality disorder and i can't even be mad at you for fucking me up in my early years and giving me one of the worst mental disorders to live with because you are so understanding now and you are so kind and loving and supportive now and i can depend on you for emotional support now that im 21

[cassie-lmao]

bpd behavior is stalking your FP during a split so you can find clues why they aren't the person they show themselves to be and you look at their posts from 7-8 years ago as absolute signs they are not good for you even though you literally have BPD you post something and half a day later you completely disagree with it

[cassie-lmao]

i've been through some heavy shit but i always come back i always make it out not only alive but better and stronger than ever and honestly it scares the shit out of everyone i meet

[cassie-lmao]

i went from having a few weeks long talking stages to having talking stages that last months to make sure they are not in it just for my body, my face or my voice, or the overidealized version of my potential who or what i can be, just purely for the person i am right now.

[cassie-lmao]

what do i want from you? nothing. im aware of the terrible person you are. but my inner child is so terrified of you, you appear in every one of my nightmares. she is still in fight or flight mode. she can't believe it's finally over and the monster is gone. the only reason i still care about you is to show that poor little girl the coward and the weakling you really are. i will hold her hand while i stand up to youfor her sake.

[cassie-lmao]

you know you've been abused when your abuser appears in your dream and when it ends with just a decent conversation between you two without any arguing or fighting, you wake up feeling the same exact type of fucking relief you used to feel whenever you had a decent human interraction with them without them snapping at you or being unnecessarily mean/passive aggressive towards you for no reason

[cassie-lmao]

"there are shows for adults with compelling, mature and serious plots. why are you watching literal cartoons made for children and early teens?"

shut up they calm down my inner child🗿🗿

[cassie-lmao]

if you can't handle me at what you assumed to be my worst, prepare to be unpleasantly surprise in the future lmao

[cassie-lmao]

I didn't put any effort into keeping you? I convinced myself that the purest form of me, the most innocent, genuine, caring, loving version of me was toxic and abusive just because you told me this much love was scary and I needed a pilar of hope to cling onto, so I believed that if I change myself on a fundamental level, you are finally going to love me back. I will never do that again. Not with anyone I will ever love. Am I too much? Go find someone who is less. And that's that.

[cassie-lmao]

I used to say things like "I am the executioner of your karma" but that's bullshit the real executioners of your karma are the people you chose over me just for them to turn you away and hurt you. You are going to boil alive in your own regret and guilt. And the best part, I don't even have to move a finger. I just sit back, bring some popcorn and enjoy your downfall unveiling. How you treated me scarred me on a fundamental level and completely changed me as a person for the worst. You had it coming.