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[cassiopeajelly]

Wow, I did not have a pretty true to the novel (as I recall it) adaptation of Counterattack on my bingo card. What a surprise to get a 20+!!! Episode series of this somewhat toxic but very enjoyable novel.  They’ve done a really good job with the first 4 episodes and I’m looking forward to the rest especially given that they have time to really flesh out the story.

Why is there so much on right now that I want to watch?!!

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It is interesting in Pit Babe how we have so many characters that were raised by Tony and we get to see all the different ways they are dealing with their trauma.  Those ways are different in part because they are different people with distinct personalities, but they also differ because they had different status with Tony.  Babe and Pete seem to have always been treated better.  Pete is especially interesting to me because he was gifted a whole person as a playmate and seemed able to leave without much complication.  Babe also seemed to be put on a pedestal, but Tony didn’t let him leave so easily. Jeff and Way are (were?) both powerful in their own ways, and therefore valued by Tony but were clearly never treated as well or respected as Pete and Babe.  And then Charlie and Kenta were the bottom of the ladder with any talents they have (powers or otherwise) treated as worthless. This results in Pete and Babe being more assured of themselves, and Charlie and Kenta feeling that their sacrifices are the only things of value they can offer.  

I was thinking about Pete because, full disclosure, I don’t like him.  I think the character and the actor are great and that he plays an important role in the story.  This is not a I wish he didn’t exist thing or I want him to die thing.  I just don’t care if he ends up in a couple by the end of the season.  I feel like the show has been signposting that this thing he has with Chris is stupid and reckless and I really hope the writers follow through and have the whole thing blow up in his face in some way.  Pete’s been able to skate on by in ways the other characters haven’t, and he clearly feels a bit guilty about that (cue the savior complex).  But other than giving money to float everything, it doesn’t seem to me that he has been all that successful at saving anyone really.  I didn’t really like him in the first season, his ability to read Kenta and how he interacted with him felt a bit manipulative to me.  But this season has really crystalized those feelings. I’ve seen others mention how he is mirroring Tony in a way which is also interesting.  I know he is a good person at heart and is doing things with the best of intentions, I just feel like he is out of touch with reality in some ways because he was so feted and needs to feel some pain to grow into a better person.  That sounds cruel I guess…we’ll see what comes of it. 

I feel confident that by the end of season, Charlie Babe and Alan Jeff will be together and I am optimistic that Kim Kenta and North Sonic will be too (KimKenta in particular better be endgame here).  But I just don’t see how Pete Chris end up together given what we have so far. 

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Ramblings of an old BL watcher

I am old and have been an active lurker in the BL space since the beginning.  There was a period where I dropped out for a while due to life getting in the way, but I’ve been here a long time.  And maybe because I remember the old days of having to scrabble to find video and subtitles for the few series that existed, I’ve always binged shows rather than watch them as they come out.  But recently, that strategy really doesn’t work anymore.  There are so many series coming out these days that I am falling behind and still haven’t watched several things I really want to (Top Form!!!).  It doesn’t help that I have very broad tastes and pretty much enjoy almost all BLs at some level or another.  Plus it can be hard to find the activation energy sometimes to power through the first episode or two as it often takes me more that one episode to get into a series. 

So in May I started something new and watching things as they come out.  And I have to say I am pretty proud of myself for keeping up so far.  I am up to date with Pit babe 2, My sweetheart Jom, Boys in Love, My Stubborn, Knock out, and Sweetheart Service (with plans to start Reset this evening).  I also kept up with Sweet tooth Good Dentist. I know that this is a very short list compared to most people, but for me to keep up with this many series is unprecedented.  The only one that I have dropped so far is The Next Prince.  I kind of bounced off that one but it’s mostly my own fault because I read the books right before which was a mistake (I am comparing them too much when I shouldn’t be as they are different media and should be taken as different things).  I’ll try again with that one a few months down the road when the books have faded a bit more in head.

Also, as an old, I have to say it is so amazing how good we have it now. I am very lucky that (at the moment) I have a job that allows me to indulge legally in all this media, I pay for four streaming services and I buy official translated novels when they come out.  I know not everyone can do that but hopefully they make enough money off people like me to continue to make great, diverse content and continue to provide easy, legal ways to get access to it. Honestly, if I had millions I would create a company that just bought the rights and translated novels because there are so many I want to read and I can’t really stand to do it on Wattpad or whatever (I want to read on my Kindle on the train ride to work!).  Oh, Color Rush, will I ever be able to read you? Probably not :(

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Kim and Kenta make me crazy in the best possible way and get me thinking about so many things that it is hard to write something that makes sense.  Others have also done a better job then I could ever do breaking down scenes and such.  But I do want to mention something I really would like to see. 

I agree with others (like @le-trash-prince) that feelings are already happening for both Kim and Kenta but I am curious on who is going to realize it first.  The feeding scene and the preview for the next episode seem to indicate to me that Kenta might realize it first, but we know even if he does, he is not going to act on it.  What I really want to see is a moment where we see it flash across Kim’s face that he is not just doing the things he is doing because it’s the right thing to do.  I want to see a moment where he realizes that he needs to help and protect Kenta because it is Kenta and he is important to him.  Furthermore, I want to see Kim catch his breath in a moment of pure attraction to Kenta. 

The little bit in the opening credits with Kenta holding Kim from behind might be such a scene of realization, because Kim seems to be thinking something along these lines there.  I hope we see that further developed.

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Oh, great point about them both being lone wolves!

Unpacking my Feelings on Kim Feeding Kenta

There's so much uncertainty coming from Kenta at the start of this scene. He hesitates to sit down, he hesitates to serve himself, and he consistently looks to Kim for guidance. And Kim sees this without Kenta needing to verbalize it. Where Kenta is constantly hesitating, Kim is constantly reassuring him with gentle but firm commands.

I want to make obvious how important this is specifically in the context of Kenta's relationship to Tony, who would get physical with Kenta out of nowhere for failing to do what Tony wanted, even when Tony's wants hadn't been made clear. And when Tony did give clear instructions, he would treat Kenta like he was stupid for needing them.

Where Tony's orders and expectations came from a place of cruelty, Kim's come from a place of kindness, and Kenta doesn't have to try and read Kim's mind, even for something as simple as eating.

And where Kenta was practically invisible against the walls of Tony's house, he sticks out so much more in the daylight of Kim's condo, making it all the easier for Kim to see him. Kim's eyes flick down, noticing that Kenta has his chopsticks in hand before he's grabbed a piece of lettuce, which will make it more awkward to assemble the ssam.

But Kim doesn't treat Kenta like he's stupid, the way Tony would. He doesn't sit back and watch him flounder or make fun of him or criticize him, he simply sees that Kenta needs help and immediately decides to help him. It's the most quintessentially Kim thing he could do.

There are a lot of ways that Kenta could have responded to this. He could have pushed Kim's hand away, he could have taken it as an insult, he could have pulled away or stubbornly kept his mouth shut. But Kim's guidance has already established a sense of security for Kenta in this scene, and his actions in previous episodes have established a sense of trust.

So Kenta has only the briefest hesitation before obediently bending his head forward and opening his mouth so Kim can push the ssam in. If I sound normal while typing this just know that I'm about to faint. Kenta has gone from putting up a weak and performative resistance to Kim's offers of help... to barely even hesitating before allowing Kim to feed him by hand.

Handfeeding is something that can be so normal, such a basic means of physical care that humans must have been doing it since time immemorial. So to know that Kenta has been deprived of this, to know that he is finally receiving this, an action that at its heart says, "I hope you live. I hope you eat well and you live." Well, I could go supernova.

Then at the last moment, Kim actually cups Kenta's chin 😭 Excuse me while I hide my face into my pillows and cry about it. It's such a physically vulnerable position for Kenta to allow himself to be in, and he doesn't pull away even an inch. He has zero expectation that Kim will hurt him in this moment.

Then Kim is so pleased by this interaction that he immediately goes back in for seconds. Kenta hasn't even finished chewing before Kim is already putting more food in his mouth, and again, Kenta just lets him. (many things can possibly be divined about their future sex life from these interactions)

I'm also just so charmed by the tone of Kim's voice when he says "Have this too." It's so low and gentle and caring.

I love the shots of Kim's face in this scene. He's gorgeous, he's glowing, the lighting is practically throwing shoujo bubbles around his face. It's such a visual representation of Kenta's feelings of warmth in this moment, and it pairs so perfectly with the music, which makes me think of butterfly feelings, of a racing heart. Kenta feels so deeply here that he immediately has to check himself by reminding himself that Kim is leaving.

And the shots of Kenta are drawn into sharp focus by comparison, showing how clearly Kim sees him. And I think it's significant that Kenta is seen most clearly by anyone in a moment when he's at his softest, dressed in a sweater style shirt, wearing socks and cozy slippers, his cheeks full, and letting himself receive affection. *explodes into a million pieces*

I think it is also worth pointing out that this is the first time we've seen either Kenta or Kim have a meal in the entire series. Kim has breakfast offscreen with X-Hunter, but we never actually see him sit down for food, and (aside from Willy, who's new), he and Kenta are the only ones in the cast who've never done so. Even Winner and Dean get celebratory snacks with their teams, but Kim and Kenta are the lone wolves of the series. They may ally themselves with other characters, but Kenta has been truly alone most of his life, and Kim comes and goes from teams as he pleases.

So it's meaningful that the first time they eat onscreen with anyone, it's with each other and it's in a way that establishes such a degree of trust and connection. One of Kim's first lines in the series was "I don't want to cooperate with anyone." But he suffered firsthand the cost of working alone, and now he's here sharing a table with Kenta, who has always been alone.

The very last scene we saw KimKenta in, Kenta was telling Kim that he'd devoted his life to men who never felt anything for him, and Kim responded by saying that one day Kenta would find someone who truly loved him. And then they follow that up with THIS and we're SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL ABOUT IT????

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I am also enjoying My Sweetheart Jom as a palette cleanser, which I know is not everyone’s cup of tea.  I wanted to comment that I actually appreciated when we find out that Jom was the one who hired the villagers to scare Yo.  It was not an ok thing to do at all and Yo probably did forgive him too easily, but it made Jom more human and less perfect which I think is important.  Yo needs to learn to cool his jets a bit and be a bit more level headed.  But Jom also needs to learn from Yo that he needs to listen to the people around him and not just assume he knows best (even if his heart is in the right place).  

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Although we didn’t get much of them together as a couple in episode 6, Alan and Jeff reminded me why I love them so much as characters.  They are both so grounded and help everyone else remain so (which is why it was so bad for the whole team when they were fighting).  Alan and Jeff are trying to help Babe and Charlie respectively work though their issues (which in all seriousness requires some intensive therapy).  Alan especially making Babe sit and listen is good.  Also, I understand him sharing Charlie’s location because I think Alan knows he would go crazy if he didn’t know where Jeff was and that he was safe (particularly with Tony being back around).  But he also knows that Charlie needs time and makes sure Babe doesn’t go to him and gives Charlie the space he needs. Finally, his exasperated look when Babe couldn’t just say sorry was so great and funny.

Jeff was also great talking Charlie down this episode.  Good on him for reminding Charlie of the damage Way did to Babe and how that is more likely to make him suspicious of everyone around the team.  

I also really loved the family bbq in episode 5, reminding us how close knit the 4 of them are.  And earlier in the season, Babe saying that he trusted 3 people - Charlie, Alan, and Jeff was great.  Alan and Charlie are a given, but including Jeff in that list also reinforces what a small, tight family they have become (with X-hunter maybe being the extended family). 

I actually have thoughts about Charlie and Babe and the fight where everything bubbled to the surface (and how it all primarily stems from issues unresolved from the first season) but I don’t know that I care enough about this couple to write them up, particularly when I really want to talk about Kim and Kenta.

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Thoughts on Pit Babe

What is it about Pit Babe?  It is a show that sounds like it would be so awkward and weird, you could even say cringy (though I don’t really like that word).  To be fair, I can read the most stupid and ridiculous romance and enjoy it, but somehow seeing it acted out is where it becomes awkward and that is what I expected for Pit Babe.  And yet, the show is so addicting.  

I didn’t watch the first series when it came out because I thought the premise was so ridiculous and I figured I would have a lot of second hand embarrassment watching it.  But I was pulled in by clips of Alan and Jeff and eventually took the plunge.  And, although I think there are things that you can criticize about the show, I loved it.  There are so many good characters and while I am not really drawn to the main pairing (I do like it though), Alan and Jeff may be my favorite couple ever.  I rewatch their scenes all the time in comfort watches. Kim is also a superior character.  Kenta grew on me a lot as the season when on.  Those four are all really top tier characters for me.

When I saw the initial trailer for the second season I was dismissive of it.  I didn’t think that they could capture the same energy twice and I worried that they would go back on character growth in order to create storylines for the new season, something that I feel like happens all the time with extra seasons.  I especially didn’t like that it seemed to imply that Kenta went back to working for Tony since his break with him was such an important moment of growth for him.  But that is not what happened, the second season is not undermining the the character development of the first season, but rather bringing to to forefront the issues that remain unresolved. I actually think the characters have been remarkably consistent so far in what we know about them and their motivations. (Side note, I was really surprised that so many people were so angry at Babe in episode 5.  I feel like him taking action like that was pretty well signposted and in character, I wasn’t bothered by it even though I agree it was stupid.  But I am someone that appreciates nuance).  It’s not a perfect show, but I am once again addicted.  It doesn’t help that in addition to still having my beloved Alan and Jeff, they have once again given me a couple that I am feral over in Kim and Kenta (so many thoughts about that). There are a lot of balls in the air and so many couples that it is going to be hard to stick the landing, but I hope they do it.

To take it back to the why at the beginning, I feel like Pit Babe really commits to the bit and takes its world and characters seriously.  I think that is a large part why it works and doesn’t come off embarrassing for me.  Or maybe there are just narcotics in the show.  I don’t know.

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Reactivating this blog

I started this page because I had thoughts and things to say about Twins the series.  Unfortunately, that show fumbled the really interesting premise it put in place and never really dealt with any of the issues it brought up.  To be honest, I never actually finished that series.  And although I have watched other series and have had thoughts, I haven’t posted.  But I work for the US government which is a terrible time right now with the idiot (jerk, a**hole, ect.) who is currently the president.  So I am returning to BL dramas as a way to escape all the terrible things currently happening here and it turns out I have a lot to say about some of the ones coming out right now.  Not sure anyone cares, but there is context for this page.

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Thoughts on Zee and Sprite

So far in Twins, we have mostly gotten Sprite’s perspective, but we are starting to see Zee’s a bit more and I had thoughts on that.  

From the first flashback to them as kids we see that Sprite has always been more able to go against the wishes of his parents, particularly his mom, while Zee is a rule follower. He has a very difficult time going against her wishes.  We see that reinforced when Sprite straight-up tells his mom that he doesn’t want to play volleyball.  Zee seems to want to say something here, but can't. When they divorced, the mom took Zee who would do what she told him to, even if he doesn’t really want it (though it is not clear yet whether Zee loves volleyball or not).  So Zee is trapped by his mom’s expectations.  That part makes me feel bad for Zee.

But rather than placing the blame where it belongs, it is easier to blame Sprite.  From Zee’s perspective, Sprite does whatever he wants and no one seems to care, even when he screws up.  Zee doesn’t see that Sprite has paid the price for rebelling against his mother’s (and Dad’s somewhat) wishes.  He has just paid in a different way than Zee.  Sprite might be strong enough to stand against the parent’s wishes, but in return, he doesn’t feel loved or supported.  He father tells him to his face “I shouldn’t have raised you” which is a terrible thing to say to your child. And it doesn’t seem like the first time the dad has said something like this. 

Sprite jumping on having a meal with his mom in the most recent episode also stuck me.  He is desperate to have her attention and love since it seems like he typically doesn’t get any of it so he will use the situation they are in to get some from her.

Zee also plans to use the situation, but instead he will run away from his mother’s expectations.  He thinks he can just become Sprite.  Sprite is just a screw up after all, with no dedication to anything so how hard can it be?  But of course, we know Zee is wrong, Sprite has worked very hard at martial arts and we see how hard he worked while Zee was in the hospital. Plus, Sprite has social skills that Zee doesn’t have which are grossly underappeciated.

Also, I am very concerned on how the family will react when they discover that Zee was beat up in place of Sprite.  To be clear, this is not Sprite’s fault AT ALL.  The seniors were so far out of line attacking Sprite and then sending thugs after him.  Sprite may not have deescalated the situation like he should have, but the seniors took it way too far.  However, from what we have seen of this family, I assume that they will just blame Sprite for this which will add to his complex of being a screw up who can’t do anything right.  He clearly feels very guilty about it already.

Finally a note on the father.  He is terrible too.  He should have helped Zee more as a kid and not let the mom take over his life like that (he should have known his son well enough to know that Zee would have problems going against his mom).  Also, he should have put his foot down and stopped the swap when he found out about it.  He is still allowing the mom to prioritize Zee over Sprite as he is allowing Sprite’s whole life to go on hold for Zee. 

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Sprite logic

Long time lurker, first time poster.  Plus I am an old and don’t understand totally how Tumblr works.  However I have thoughts about Twins that I needed to get out.

A lot of people are justifiably upset that Sprite is still lying to First.  As watchers, we can tell that First had no romantic feelings for Zee and the person who he does have these feelings for is Sprite.  Plus, of everyone we have met in this universe, First is the one who has the most similar experience to Sprite in dealing with Zee (i.e. being overlooked and constantly being compared to him) and would likely be the most understanding about the truth. Even if this wasn't true, Sprite absolutely should tell First the truth before things go further as it is only fair. It is just especially frustrating because we as watchers are pretty sure that First would understand.

However, I think the problem is that Sprite thinks that First will only love him if he is Zee.  Keep in mind that from Sprite’s perspective, no one has ever chosen him over Zee.  Why should First be any different (particularly as I don't think he fully understands the history between First and Zee as we do)?  He thinks this is all going to be over as soon as the truth comes out so he is going to try to prevent that for as long as he can.  Plus, I get the impression that Sprite is more spur of the moment with his decisions while Zee is more of a planner.  He isn’t really thinking through all the consequences of his choices, he is just trying to hold on to one person who really makes him feel good.  It’s the wrong decision but I think it is in keeping with Sprite’s character. 

I also have thoughts on Zee but will save those another post.