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asking “who left you?” / is telling me to vomit blood on your doorstep:

Jordan Anthony Elijah Barnes,

from “Vigilante,” published in Yes, Poetry (via

lifeinpoetry

)

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What sensations (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell) invoke a sense of comfort or happiness etc for you? alternately a sense of fear or discomfort etc?

happiness/comfort:  raindrops on her skin / how a bottle of vodka fits in her hand / old books / spanish lullabies / lemon cakes  / burnt marshmallows / lavender essence / pulling blankets all the way up to the chin / thick knit sweaters / the way a cigarette pack feels in her jacket pocket / brand new leather jackets / coffee burning her tongue / 80s synthpop / jumping into the sea on a december morning / the sound her shoes make when she crosses the Castelvecchio

fear/discomfort:men’s cologne / lipstick stains / verona nights on streets with broken street lamps / glitter / the feeling you get when you need to change the bandages on your hands / handprints on mirrors / looking into a mirror when her face is banged up / unexpected touches / when someone actively tries to hold eye contact with her / shattered glass / the smell of hospital beds / gasping for breath / slamming doors / playgrounds / being able to hear music from someone else’s headphones or earbuds / missing sunrises / the way someone’s eyes shift when they’re hiding something / shirts buttoned wrong / cheap beer 

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Ana de Armas photographed for Tentaciones Spain - October 2017

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Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of it’s constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.

Edgar Allan Poe (via wordsnquotes)

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Come ask my character really hard questions about themselves, their past, or their relationships.

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Love and pain become one and the same in the eyes of a wounded child

Hell is for Children (via aborderlinesuicide)

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✧

I would kill you? ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I want to be indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I would have liked to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are were my friend✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respected you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I wish we could have fought on the same side. ✧ I considered you an equal. ✧ I want you to see me as an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I have hugged you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I almost loved you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

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✧

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I have to balance my burning desire to attack you unprovoked with self-preservation. ✧ I would manipulate you...if only I knew how ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ I have no idea what my ex-friend sees in you. ✧ You are my friend ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy  ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would  fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I want you to see me as an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧  I would sleep with you. ✧ You can hate someone and still think they’re hot. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

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✧

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend...I think? ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy murder babes ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would have fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I want you to see me as an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

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✧

I would kill you. ✧ I would have physically hurt you. ✧ I would have attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would have fight by your side. ✧ I have to fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I hate you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

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Friendtopia! A dystopia around our friendship! 

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If Castora could save any three people from ever being touched by violence, but it means they never met, who would she choose?

Castora isn’t selfless enough for that. There are people she wishes she could spare from pain, but those are people that she is very close to and cares about, people she most likely couldn’t live without. 

Take Ramona and Valentina for example. She loves them more than anything, and would do everything she can to keep them from being hurt, but she wouldn’t do that if it meant never meeting them. She’s too selfish, and also too cynical. Violence is an intrinsic part of their lives - in her mind, it would inevitably end up touching them and without her, they could have been dealt worser fates. 

She wouldn’t be able to choose because the people she would choose, Castora couldn’t live without. 

However, three people she would choose are: Calina, Catherine, and Priam. Three people she would be glad to have never met ok mostly Priam and Calina because she’s bitter over the Spades

Calina; if she was never ever touched by violence and they never met, she would by default not enter into a mob war and Castora would never have to deal with the hurt of that smothered friendship. 

Catherine; even though Castora reluctantly likes her, she finds her hope and optimism frustrating. It would be easier if Catherine was never touched by violence, never had to be a half-hearted soldier, never had to play a role in a war. And Grace, a Spade, would by default have to factor into that somehow, so maybe less Spade issues in Verona as well. Her genuine bizarre hate-fondness plays a role in this one and is the mostly well-meaning;

Priam; honestly it’s just because she despises him, and would be 100% ok with never having to meet him. 

tl;dr cas made herself an island, and shot herself in the foot in some ways because of it, but she’s not a fool; to cut her lifeboats away wouldn’t make sense. and she would find the dark side in this question. 

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alexanderrallis:

He ought to have taken her to task for baring her teeth at him, her advisor, but how could he have? He was the one who’d taught her how to bare her teeth, how to raise her hackles, how to growl—and she did it all so well, his lupetto. Too well, really. Head-achingly well.

He was surprised—pleasantly so—by her restraint. He’d expected to curl her upper lip, to wrestle the cigarette out of his hand, to be unruly and unreasonable and irrational. But she’d been listening to at least some of the lessons he’d been trying teach her, it seemed, for she exercised prudence in favor impulse. “Che bravo bambina,” he drawled, pinning her in place with a knowing look that was equal halves reproach and praise. 

We both know you wouldn’t. He scowled. She was right—he wouldn’t. Not for long, anyway. He might assign her grunt work for a handful of days, or maybe even a week, but he’d never bench her for long. She was too valuable, too good at what she did, and for all his moaning and groaning about what an insufferable nuisance she was, there was, perhaps, no Montague soldier more trusted, more adored, or more admired by Alexander Rallis than Castora Aguilar. But he’d sooner fuck a Capulet than let her know any of that, and so he twisted his lips and sneered, “Careful, ragazza. I’ve been playing this game a lot longer than you have, sì? Don’t call my bluff unless you’re certain you’ve a better hand than I do.” 

He frowned at her sudden retreat, brow creasing. “And is that what it was?” he asked. “Pleasurable business?” Ignoring her efforts to create distance, he moved in front of her, grabbed her chin, and tilted her head to the side so that he could better examine the blooming bruise below her cheekbone. “I taught you better,” he tut-tutted. “Perhaps you need a refresher course in how not to get your ass kicked.” 

“Yes,” she smirked, concealing the surge of adrenaline that almost commanded her body to strike back against the advisor when he grabbed her chin. Touch startled her; as a gateway to affection, Castora did not necessarily choose to avoid but never particularly sought it out. She could handle a fury of fists or nights at the Emilia, but touches of concern, of worry? Never. The girl preferred being an island.

“Pleasurable business. Really kinky sex. God Rallis, you don’t have to know everything that goes on in my life,” Castora scoffed. Her sarcasm was poisoned arrows, but nonetheless she let him inspect her lest he actually follow through with his threat of grunt work. Unlikely, but it was not like she had not driven the man to that point before. 

She noticed the creasing of his brow, and it was odd. As strange as it was she was the caretaker in their acrimonious relationship, having driven him home or letting him sleep on her couch on more than one occasion. Castora’s nostrils flared when he called her ragazza. Concern was not what they did. To care was to go against their nature. 

“When have you taught me anything, vecchio?” Castora rolled her eyes, “Right here, right now.  know it’s practice to duel your enemies on the Castelvecchio not your advisor, but if you think I need a ‘refresher course’...” She trailed off, cocking a brow, waiting for his response. 

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bellamysantodomingo:

He caught the insult, though it didn’t snag on his ears like most would. It was practically in his repertoire of nicknames, especially when it came from Castora’s mouth. He was immune from prolonged exposure. But he cut her a halfhearted glare anyway, just to let her know he heard it.

“I’d say they’re more comparable to the Manson Family in terms of cults. And the majority of the members are still alive and well in prison, so I’m going to have to disagree with you on that front.” It took a beat for him to realize he was not helping his case, or anyone’s for that matter.

He couldn’t decide whether half an hour was an insulting or generous assumption to make. There were many words to describe Castora, but merciful was not one of them.

He took one last withering look at the clock before sighing and slipping the wraps off of his hands, unraveling them and rolling them before placing each bundle in his bag. “Fine,” he agreed, sounding just as reluctant as he felt.

He took a few steps back, guiding Castora towards the more open space behind them before he crouched down in preparation. After a few moments of sizing her up, trying to scan for the weakest points, he threw a punch towards her shoulder.

Castora easily sidestepped him, laughing a little at Bellamy. “What was that?” She knew this was not his thing, he was one of the gentler souls in this rotting city and it was not in her nature ( she wouldn’t dare allow it to be ) to accommodate him. 

Sighing, she put all of her effort into elbowing him in between the neck and shoulder and kneeing him in the gut, the second attack made with less force than she normally would have. “You’re forms not bad. But you don’t want to do this.” Stating the obvious. “You don’t even want to fight me, and I know for a fact that I irritate you. Is it because it’s easier to deal with a punching bag, because you’re afraid of losing?”

Castora stepped back and put her trembling hands on her hips. Her body needed the fight, craved it. She didn’t know who she was without it, even if it would be wiser after her fight with Calina and Pavel at the Hotel Emilia to take a break. 

Thinking about the Hotel Emilia brought an idea to her head. “What would you do if I was Tiberius Capulet - how would you fight me?” 

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m. mccoy

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