catastrofries - Tumblr blog

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pfffft, you call yourself a supervillain but you’re STILL using chrome? dumbass! everyone knows REAL evildoers switch to firefox!!

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i started doing things scared and doing things alone years ago the real challenge is doing things tired

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I walked up to a restaurant entrance at the same time as this guy and he held the first door for me and then I held the second door for him and he said "we call that the Midwestern two-step" with a laugh and I've been thinking about it all day.

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Grad school is lying to you. You can indulge fixations on obscure topics on your own time. You can sit in a library color-coding notes on articles printed from JSTOR for free. You can argue with dead philosophers in essay format whenever you like. Academia is a state of mind.

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Listen if the study of ancient humans doesn’t make you at least a little bit emotional idk what to say.

I started crying today at the museum because they had reconstructed the shoes of Otzi the iceman.

Either he or someone he knew who cared about him made these shoes out of grass and bear skin and twine and he was wearing them when he died over five thousand years ago.

And a Czech researcher and his students did reconstructions of these shoes and wore them to the same place where he died to test them out and they were like yep! These shoes are really cozy and comfy and didn’t give us blisters while hiking!

Is that not just the coolest shit ever????

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every antique store looks like this

[ID: a doodle of a cartoonishly convoluted building layout with lots of strangely shaped rooms, weird hallways, crevices, and dead ends. an X in the middle is labelled “the heart (several old people sitting around the checkout talking shit),” and a little appendage at the bottom is labelled “door.”]

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sure I could become a slut. but you see, I'm scared

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Hey if I'm your blorbo can you stop putting me in situations? Even just for like a week please????

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Im a serendipitist. I believe god exists, but he made creation on accident.

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The last time we were on a long flight, my wife and I invented a game we call "Little Guy."

You start a game of Little Guy by saying, "I'm gonna hand you a little guy." The little guy is some kind of baby animal you are imagining. "Oh," she might say in response, "Okay," and hold out her hands for it. I will then mime handing her the animal. This provides some clues as to the little guy's size, weight, and general ungainliness.

She then gets to ask questions about what kind of little guy this is, BUT NO QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS ACTUAL APPEARANCE OR SPECIES ARE ALLOWED. Qualitative questions, or questions about his behavior, are the only ones permitted. She can ask "Is he soft?" or "Does he seem nervous about being held?" or "If I put him in the bathtub, does he seem okay with that?" or "Would he like a lil grape?" or "Is he the sort of little fellow who would wear a vest in a children's book?" but not "Does he have fur," "Is he a reptile," "Is he from Asia," etc. Some questions are in a grey area so you have to follow your heart, but the point is not to identify the animal as fast as possible: the point is to guess the animal purely based on vibes + how he would act if he were in your living room right now.

And I'm not limited to yes or no answers! If she asks, "Would it feel appropriate to see this little guy in a propeller hat?" I can reply, "Oh no, he has a gravity to him. A bowler hat would be a more appropriate hat." Or if she asks, "Does this little guy have protagonist energy?" I can say something like, "he probably wouldn't be the main character in a children's cartoon. He'd probably be the main character's ditzy best friend who's always eating sandwiches, or something."

We're big Twenty Questions to kill time in a waiting room people, but Little Guy is more about the journey than the destination. It's got a different kind of sauce that's nice if "killing time" and "lowering anxiety" need to happen hand in hand.

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It's about devotion and obsession. It's ALWAYS about devotion and obsession. And hunger. It's love with teeth.

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[Image text: there's actually no political label or identity that absolves you of doing harm.]

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shitty boots.

Playing shitty boots on the sidewalk in New York waiting in line to get the discount Broadway tickets.

Running a shitty boots table at Froodstock and other people would join in and drop out but I stayed there basically the whole weekend.

Solitaire Frenzy

Waking up at noon to go get breakfast at the Waffle House and playing solitaire frenzy while we wait for our food to come out. Teaching the waitress how to play. They like that we always bring a different deck of cards.

Hand and Foot

A cut throat version of conasta. A game I learned in my grandma's dining room with aunts and uncles. Threes are worth negative points. We taught it to a friend and only found out halfway through she had collected a clean conastas worth of 3s. Don't talk to her much anymore but tell that story every time we play. Once when my sister was 12 she was beating my uncle and he flipped her off. She was so offended, but he said if she was old enough to play cards she was old enough to get the bird. Mom agreed.

Last time I played my niece sat in my lap and "helped".

She's not old enough for cards yet, but when she is I'll remind her mom she's old enough to be flipped the bird.

Do y'all have any favorite card games?