catscraftsandcommentary

[catscraftsandcommentary]

fairytales which tell you to be both kind and clever fairytales that say to be kind is to be clever and to be clever is to be kind fairytales that say the cleverest thing you can ever do is choose kindness and that cruelty or thoughtlessness are always foolish but not kindness never kindness

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Source material is comics, which a) there's a lot of them b) a bunch of different people wrote them c) plotlines keep getting rewritten/edited/etc, so as far as I can tell, it's like if you took the top 50 AO3 fics in a given fandom and declared them canon.

That said, here are the major characters in Batman/Bat-family: if anyone who's actually READ the comics wants to correct me, feel free

Bruce Wayne (Batman): a megabillionaire who was orphaned as a child, raised by his parents' butler, and eventually chose to study lots of different fighting techniques so he could fight crime. Usually has A Thing against using guns and killing people. Also has A Thing about bat puns/names and adopting/mentoring every orphan or sad looking child he meets.

Thomas and Martha Wayne: Bruce's parents. They're killed by a mugger in front of Bruce when he's a kid, and after their death, their hometown of Gotham goes through a SERIOUS decline.

Alfred Pennyworth: the Phil Coulson of DCU. Looks like just a mild-mannered British butler...until you threaten his family. Then you realize that he's actually the badass who taught Batman everything he knows. Including high society manners and deflecting unwanted attention. When in doubt? Listen to Alfred.

Richard "Dick" Grayson (1st Robin, Nightwing): the first orphan that Bruce brought home, Dick's parents were circus acrobats. He's the 1st Robin (child sidekick) to Batman, and when he grows up, he moves to Gotham's sister city Bludhaven to rehab that, using the new name Nightwing.

Jason Todd (2nd Robin, Red Hood): an orphan from the streets, he gets adopted while...trying to steal the tires off the Batmobile (Batman's fancy ass car-tank hybrid). I think. Eventually he is captured and killed by the Joker (Batman's most important enemy), but because it's comics, he doesn't stay dead. Afaik, he has an on-again, off-again relationship with the Batfamily after his resurrection.

Tim Drake (3rd Robin, Red Robin): a child prodigy and the son of absent socialite parents, Tim becomes Robin #3 after Jason's death when Tim tells the Batfam that Batman *needs* a Robin.

Damian Wayne (5th Robin): son of Bruce/Batman and Talia al Ghul (daughter of R'as al Ghul, who leads the League of Assassins). He's hidden and raised by his mother to be the heir of both Batman and R'as. He's half spoiled brat, half bloodthirsty child assassin, and all headache.

James Gordon (detective, police commissioner): Batman's ally/contact in Gotham's police department; his daughter Stephanie becomes the first Batgirl

Stephanie Gordon (Batgirl, Oracle): works with Batman as Batgirl, but is eventually shot and paralyzed by the Joker (NOT while working). Went on to become the IT expert (info gathering, hacking, mission coordinating, etc) under the name Oracle. Sometimes dates Dick Grayson and/or recovers from paralysis after surgery.

Cassandra Cain (2nd Batgirl): daughter of two assassins, SEVERELY neglected childhood, she was raised without language and learned to interpret body language as almost a superpower. But she's mute and has very poor social skills. Evetually adopted by Batman as his only daughter.

Stephanie Brown (Spoiler, 4th Robin, Batgirl): daughter of a minor villain, she dons a costume to "spoil" his plots and discovers a taste for heroing. Briefly works as Robin after Tim Drake...gets injured? Dies? Idk.

Lucius Fox: Bruce's master inventor/tech devemoper at Wayne Interprises

Clark Kent (Superman): an alien from the planet Krypton, he's adopted as a baby by Ma and Pa Kent (small town farm couple) and becomes a reporter for the Daily Planet newspaper in Metropolis. He marries Lois Lane (a coworker) and has son Jon (Superboy). He's Batman's ally and a founding member of the Justice League.

Diana of Themyscira (Wonder Woman): princess of the Amazons, she's an ambassador of her people to the wider world and a founding member of the Justice League.

...I relied heavily on wikipedia for this. It seems like everytime I run into a new name, I look up just enough to get a working understanding "who is this, how do they connect," and then I keep reading.

AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will all work out in its own weird way

Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey, Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’

Batman is mortified.

No one lets it go.

The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.

“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.

“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.

Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get a hold of himself

He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused. Batman is furious.  Nightwing manages to breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad you’re socializing now, Batman.”

Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”

Keep reading

[catscraftsandcommentary]

i know aubry wasn’t assigned as jaskier’s bodyguard until the agata incident, which was well after he joined the council and moved to sit by eskel at meals, but i like to imagine that he was the first pick because even though he’d never complain, no one could stand aubry smelling sad and kind of lonely now that he didn’t have his dinnertime buddy anymore

I like this theory. Eskel looked at his calm, quiet big brother who has gotten bizarrely and unexpectedly Attached to the loud, brightly colored, ever-chattering bard and went, Y'know what? I can kill two birds with one stone here.

And now Aubry gets all the Bard Time he wants, and smells so happy.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I just read Left Unsupervised and am now imagining Milena joining a group of bards (to escape from a Velen wedding or just to see the world).

... what? She's almost pocket-sized! Aiden and Lambert will be delighted!

*delighted giggling*

Aiden: Look! I found one! She's tiny! Very kidnappable! Please? *pleading kitty eyes*

Lambert: Why the fuck do I gotta be the sensible one? Sorry, miss, uh, you can go if you want, really you can...

Milena: I think I should rather like to be kidnapped, actually.

Lambert: o.O

Aiden: O.O

Lambert: Really?

Aiden: Victory is mine!

[catscraftsandcommentary]

@help-help-i-need-an-adult @catscraftsandcommentary @0dde11eth @fandom-junk-drawer @random-apollo-child @thequeeninyellowlace @awitcheress @akelafang @kupocat

[catscraftsandcommentary]

On the one hand, deciding to do a herringbone pattern probably increased the floor renovation project time by 4-5 hours. On the other hand, my library floor is going to look bomb as hell (just as soon as I run to Home Depot for more flooring because I ran out 😬). We’ll do black grout in here as well. And once the floor is done…I can start building bookshelves 🎉🎉🎉

[catscraftsandcommentary]

@everything-but-the-not-natural I am dragging you into this "chaotic found family" fandom with, kicking or screaming...

AU where the Justice League forms like usual, except Batman maintained his “totally a myth” status and has in fact been active for years before the JL forms. He’s very cautious about trusting them, but still joins, and the others sort of accepts that as long as they trust that Batman has a really hard time with trust, it will all work out in its own weird way

Then, one day, in the middle of a JL mission, the League gets in a tight spot. Out of nowhere, this blue and black blur swoops in and saves everyone’s ass. Maybe breaking some shackles that were proving very difficult, maybe disarm a bomb that the League was just a hair’s breadth too slow to reach without help, but whatever happens, the shadowy figure pauses just long enough to say, “Hey, Batman, you know you there are these things called cellphones now and you can just call sometimes, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic?” and bounds away after shouting ‘let’s do brunch! Bring your new friends!’

Batman is mortified.

No one lets it go.

The entire rest of the mission, the whole League is asking so many questions. Who was that? Do you know him? How do you know him? What’s going on? I didn’t know there was a vigilante in this area?? They don’t let up until he talks.

“That was Nightwing.” Batman is mumbling. The JL forces him to bring them to the Brunch. Brunch happens to be in a run-down apartment on the edge of a bad neighborhood, at five in the morning, in costume. Nightwing introduces himself as Batman’s lovechild with justice.

“I did not realize Batman had a child,” Martian Manhunter says, calmly enough that no one’s sure if he’s accidentally plucking a really loud thought out of the air or if he’s trying to make a joke.

Nightwing stares for a moment falling over laughing. He doesn’t get up. Batman starts trying to apply anti-Joker venom but Nightwing just kicks him and laughs until he cries. He keeps trying to wipe his eyes and his mask keeps getting in the way, so he asks everyone to leave so he can please get a hold of himself

He is still laughing when they leave. Everyone is confused. Batman is furious.  Nightwing manages to breathe long enough to say, “We’re just so glad you’re socializing now, Batman.”

Superman turns to look at Batman very slowly. “…’we’?”

Keep reading

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I HC that Dick's family endangering themselves is one of the only things that really pisses him off, so this is how Robin: Son of Batman happens in my head:

Damian: "I'm leaving on an important mission to atone for my sins. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Goodbye."

Dick: "That sounds serious. Should I bring our Batmobile?"

Damian: "No, you are not coming. This is something I have to do alone."

Dick: "Agreed, this should stay between us. I won't even tell Alfred."

Damian, frowning: "No, you are not listening to me. Only I am going."

Dick, nodding: "Mhm, just you and me, like the good ol' days."

Damian, seething: "You are being obtuse on purpose."

Dick: "Yes, yes I am. Because you are twelve and as important as it is, you are definitely not allowed to go on this trip. So either you let me come along or you're grounded."

Damian, bewildered: "What? You cannot ground me! We do not even live in the same house anymore!"

Dick: "You want to test that theory? :)"

Damian, sensing danger: ".........On second thought, I will let you tag along."

Dick: "Good choice. I'll fire up the Batmobile."

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Okay, earlier today I had an idea for how Jaskier could end up 1/4 incubus, 1/4 elf, and 2/4 human.

Short version: his maternal grandma fucked an incubus, his paternal grandpa fucked an elf lady, and when both "oops" babies grew up and needed married, their parents went "we'll marry you to the only other young noble as unpopular and scandalous as you."

((STOP putting YOUR scandal on your children, terrible noble parents.))

In any case, when little awkward-bloodlines-Julian was offered to the Cats, they went "sure! We don't care!"

And so now, however many years later, when Eskel explains carefully that he usually only fucks Geralt, lovers shared with Geralt, or nonhumans, the Cats turn EN MASSE to grin horrible knowing grins at Jaskier.

Who smirks right back at them and says "I got to meet the dragon of Kaer Morhen, and he is GLORIOUS."

Cue explosive cheering.

As a child, Jaskier had been given to the Cat witchers. Shortly before he would have gone through the trials, their grasses were destroyed and their ability to make new witchers forever lost.

The Cats release their trainees into the world, encouraging them to make their own way and promising that, should they ever meet a Cat in the future, they will still be a beloved little brother.

Ten years later, Jaskier graduates from Oxenfurt and begins life as a bard. When he meets his first (non Cat) witcher, Jaskier knows enough of witcher politics to conceal his connection to the Cat school, but he still reveres witchers enough to decide to travel with - and publicly praise - this one.

After all, Geralt really IS that noble and protective and kind, even if he does tend to grunt instead of speak.

One day they meet the Dyn Marv caravan...and all hell breaks loose.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Additional Jaskier headcanon:

Every noble house has SOME kind of scandal. This is very well known, and all proper nobles try to keep up the fiction that "oh yes, eight generations ago, one of my grandfathers was a cut-throat business man, but that was eight generations ago, we're very refined now..."

Because of course, if anyone alive met the scandalous ancestor - or worse, remembers the scandal as it happened - you're doomed. Ruined. Will never make a proper marriage, will be shunned from society, et cetera, et cetera.

Well. About two generations ago, a very fine noblewoman, recently married, became very lonely while her husband was away and took a lover. And became pregnant.

Had the child taken after her, or even had her lover vaguely resembled her husband, this would have been fine. Unfortunately, her lover was an incubus, and the baby girl took after her father in...quite obvious ways.

In the same generation, a young lord was seduced - so he claimed - by an elven lady who desired his power and money. (The elves claim that they merely wished a place to settle in peace, and the lord required a young maid service him, but who listens to elves?)

In time, the lord's lover bore him a son, and as his wife proved baren, the child was adopted.

When the half-succubus daughter and the half-eleven son grew up, both were shunned by most of polite society, and so in frustration and despair, their parents wed them to each other.

In the fullness of time, the young half elf inherited his father's title - and the county of Lettenhove - and his wife bore him a son of his own.

When young Julian ran away from Oxenfurt to become a bard and follow a witcher, the nobility decided in unison that "strange blood will out" and cloistered their children further.

(Does it pair with my "Jaskier was a Cat trainee who became a bard after the Cats lost the grasses" headcanon? WHY NOT! Just add an extra step of "a witcher saved Julian's father, claimed the Law of Surprise - and the young half-human son - and eventually sent him to Oxenfurt when the grasses were lost.")

[catscraftsandcommentary]

But that's your apprentice!

She's a little confused, but she's got the spirit...

I'm encountering problems with the measuring tape.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

You are NOT ALLOWED to be this funny on my post when I check it while in the car with family.

NOT FAIR

As a child, Jaskier had been given to the Cat witchers. Shortly before he would have gone through the trials, their grasses were destroyed and their ability to make new witchers forever lost.

The Cats release their trainees into the world, encouraging them to make their own way and promising that, should they ever meet a Cat in the future, they will still be a beloved little brother.

Ten years later, Jaskier graduates from Oxenfurt and begins life as a bard. When he meets his first (non Cat) witcher, Jaskier knows enough of witcher politics to conceal his connection to the Cat school, but he still reveres witchers enough to decide to travel with - and publicly praise - this one.

After all, Geralt really IS that noble and protective and kind, even if he does tend to grunt instead of speak.

One day they meet the Dyn Marv caravan...and all hell breaks loose.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I want a fic where Bruce is only 17 when the Flying Graysons die. Dick is 8 and Bruce is 17 and he desperately wants to take in this child who’s going through hell just like he was, but he can’t because he’s a minor and the state won’t let him.

And Alfred, seeing all this happen, does the responsible thing: he adopts Dick himself.

But for whatever reason, the media all just runs with Bruce being Dick’s guardian. Really, they’re more like brothers.

So years later, when the Batfam has expanded, all the batkids are sitting around one day complaining abt Bruce and someone jokes abt “their dad being an asshole” and “ugh we hate him” Dick just laughs.

“Not me. I love my dad. Sucks for you guys tho B is an ass with the emotional range of a teaspoon.”

And they are all so confused. Bc Dick what the ever loving fuck are you talking about.

And Dick just stares at them all like they’re total moron.

“Bruce is NOT my dad. He was my weird roommate. The emo older brother. ALFRED is my dad I love him he’s the best. U guys all got the shit end of the stick tho that really sucks for you, my condolences.”

Their minds are all fucking blown. Not a single one of them knew Alfred was the one who adopted Dick. They all assumed Bruce did.

Meanwhile, Alfred is just ridiculously proud of Dick. He turned out so normal in comparison to Bruce.

[catscraftsandcommentary]

[catscraftsandcommentary]

He got it from his husband 😗

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I'M LOSING THE WELL TO LIVE

[catscraftsandcommentary]

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