catstarkapologist

[catstarkapologist]

"How do you read so many books??" I am simply trying to avoid reality, what are you doing

[catstarkapologist]

The nedcat fandom really has been recycling the same quotes for years huh? "Ned loves my hair" "it was a good ache" "Ned, the rock my life was built on" am I forgetting something?

[catstarkapologist]

Announcing the Third Year of NedCat Week

I’m very pleased to announce the third run of NedCat Week starting January 18–24 2026 (fake looking date). Since I’m starting college in August I want to get everything ready before then, so prompt voting will open next week via google forms and close July 19. Thank you to all the wonderful participants in the last two runs and I hope to see you this time.

If you have any questions, please send an ask or dm me @haruchimaki.

[catstarkapologist]

The concept of a happy Ned Stark

[catstarkapologist]

Happy father's day to DADDY Stark

[catstarkapologist]

Nymeria was waiting for her in the guardroom at the base of the stairs. She bounded to her feet as soon as she caught sight of Arya. Arya grinned. The wolf pup loved her, even if no one else did.

This passage from AGOT just breaks my heart, as does this entire chapter of Arya's actually. She truly did feel like they didn't love her😭

[catstarkapologist]

One of the best takes I've read lately

How do you think Ned and Catelyn parent differently, and how do they complement each other?

Hi, anon! I got a tad bit over with answering this question, so I'm going to have to put the whole answer after this cut.

When you look at Ned and Catelyn as parents, what really stands out is how different their styles are--not in opposition exactly, but in tone, focus, and what they each think matters most in shaping their children. They come from different regions, different cultures, and different emotional temperaments. Ned is shaped by the North, by stoicism and a strong sense of integrity. Catelyn is a Tully, Southern in upbringing, and far more attuned to outward appearances, social dynamics, and emotional connection. They love their children deeply, that’s not in question, but how they express it, and how they try to prepare their kids for the world, looks very different.

With Ned, parenting is about example. He doesn’t explain his choices unless asked; he expects his children to observe, absorb, and understand the lessons behind his actions. He’s the type to take Robb and Jon to see an execution and say one line afterward: “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword” because he believes that doing is the teaching. There’s a powerful morality to him, but it’s deeply internal. He raises his children to have that same inner compass: grounded and deeply tied to duty. But Ned’s also emotionally restrained. He feels everything, but he rarely lets it show. That means his children--especially the younger ones--may not always feel seen or understood by him, even when he's deeply invested in their well-being.

Catelyn, on the other hand, is hands-on in a much more direct way. She’s likely more emotionally present, deeply involved in her children’s day-to-day lives (since she does not necessarily have to leave Winterfell for weeks/months from time to time unlike Ned), and driven by a protective instinct that can border on fierce. She parents with structure, with affection, and also with a strong awareness of what her children will need in the real world, the world of courts, alliances, and appearances. Where Ned thinks about inner values, Catelyn often thinks about outer safety. She wants her children not just to survive but to thrive, and that means shaping them into people who can play the game, who can be respected, admired, and even feared if necessary. Her version of love is active: tucking them in, praying with them, correcting their behavior, worrying over their reputations. She is as much a mother as she is a lady of the house, and she never forgets either role.

What’s interesting is how these differences play out with each child, because they don’t parent all their kids the same way. With Robb, for example, both Ned and Catelyn are fully engaged, but in complementary ways. Ned trains him to be just and firm, as he is the future Lord of Winterfell, while Catelyn helps him be someone who understands politics and alliances, who can speak with bannermen and hold his own in a hall (which is mostly and primarily seen through their dynamics during the war). Robb is the only child they co-parent in that balanced way from the beginning, and it shows. He’s the one who carries both his parents’ legacies: honorable like his father, but warm and commanding like his mother. That dual influence is a strength for him… and sometimes a vulnerability.

With Sansa, the dynamic shifts. Catelyn is clearly the dominant influence as Sansa’s interests naturally align with her mother’s. Catelyn reinforces the courtly ideals Sansa already loves: etiquette, beauty, proper speech, the fantasy of noble life. Ned, while affectionate with her, doesn’t really have the chance to dive deeper in her world. He’s more comfortable watching Arya shoot arrows than sitting through Sansa’s embroidery. He doesn’t try to change her, but he steps back, lets Catelyn lead. That distance matters, because when Sansa falls for the Southern court dream, there’s no one in her life giving her a counterpoint until it’s too late.

Arya is the flip side. Catelyn tries to mold her into a lady, and Arya rejects it completely. This is where the tension in their parenting really shows. Ned, in contrast, sees Arya for who she is, and as best as he could, he makes space for it. He doesn’t encourage rebellion, but he doesn’t stifle it either. He lets Syrio come. He lets her carry Needle. It’s one of the most radical parenting choices in the books. Ned accepts her for who she is, and that permission becomes a foundation for Arya’s entire arc. Meanwhile, Catelyn--loving, protective, but very traditional--struggles to see Arya’s wildness as anything but dangerous. She loves Arya deeply, but she doesn’t quite know how to reach her or nurture the kind of girl Arya is becoming.

And then there’s Bran and Rickon, who really reflect the toll of time and trauma on both parents. Bran, before the fall, was probably raised with high hopes and shared pride. Ned clearly thought he’d grow into a strong, capable son. Catelyn doted on him. But after the fall, we see their styles diverge under pressure. Catelyn becomes consumed by grief and guilt. She abandons everything else--Robb, Rickon, even Sansa and Arya--for Bran’s bedside. Ned is still present, but more emotionally muted, torn between Winterfell and King’s Landing. You can feel how tragedy fractures their shared parenting.

By the time tragedy begins to unfold, Rickon is still a toddler, too young to understand what’s happening but old enough to feel the absence and fear that settles over Winterfell. Neither parent really gets the chance to shape him fully. Catelyn, after Bran’s fall, becomes so consumed by grief and guilt that she leaves Rickon behind entirely, and Ned is called away to King’s Landing before he can truly be a consistent presence in his youngest son's life.

But there’s this one moment early on that tells you everything about how differently they approach parenting Rickon. Catelyn tells Ned that Shaggydog, frightens Rickon “He is only three,” she says. And Ned replies, almost grimly, “He must learn to face his fears. He will not be three forever. And winter is coming.” It’s just a line, but it says so much. Catelyn wants to protect Rickon’s innocence, at least acknowledge that he is rightfully scared of the direwolf at that age. Ned, in contrast, sees fear as something to grow into and through, something a Stark child must face, because softness has no place in the winters to come. Neither of them is wrong, exactly, but the moment shows that emotional divide between them: Catelyn wants to comfort; Ned wants to prepare. And in the end, Rickon ends up getting very little of either, raised more by ghosts and wolves than by the parents who once argued over how to protect him.

But even with all their differences, they work well together because of the contrast. Catelyn brings warmth, emotion, and social strategy while Ned brings integrity, perspective, and restraint. She teaches their children how to survive and lead in the world; he teaches them how to live with themselves. It’s that balance that makes their family strong… until it all comes apart.

They parent differently. Radically so, in some cases. But in their best moments, they don’t cancel each other out but they complete the picture.

For starters, this is not to say that they didn’t fail to teach their kids things they needed--because they did, in ways big and small. Ned, for all his strength and moral clarity, didn’t know how to prepare his children for a world that didn’t follow the same rules he lived by. He taught them honor, but not always the cost of it. He gave them a deep sense of right and wrong, but not the tools to understand or go through the grey spaces in between. His children inherited his integrity, but not always his caution. And when thrown into a world like King’s Landing, ruthless, deceptive, political, they were left vulnerable.

So yes, they failed in some parts, like any real parents do. But they also gave their children the foundations of who they became. Their strengths, their courage, loyalty, resilience are just as much the product of Ned and Catelyn’s love as their traumas are. The tragedy of it all is that the world they were raised for--the world their parents thought they were preparing them to live in--didn’t exist anymore. And by the time that became clear, it was already too late.

[catstarkapologist]

I would just like to say, this is nedcat to me

[catstarkapologist]

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily ... God knows we're worth it

[catstarkapologist]

IDC if nedcat is canon ashara is better for ned.

I've said this before... but since this anon crept their way into my inbox, I'll say it again. I don't mind if people ship Ashara and Ned or even mind if it's confirmed that Ned was the Stark Ashara had intimate relations with but with what we have in canon, the most Ned felt for her was a crush.

And if he really was in love with Ashara, that only says A LOT about how strong his love for Catelyn is because if you go on and read/reread AGOT, you'll see Ned recalling the events of the tourney, where they met, yet he did not spare a single thought for her.

And this ask just really tells me that you hate Catelyn. Maybe you prefer Ashara because she doesn't have much characterization in the text. We (still) don't know many things about her, so you can project whatever romanticized fantasy you want onto her.

But you hate on Catelyn because she's a developed character who has flaws like literally any asoiaf character?

[catstarkapologist]

And when I say the weaknesses in their relationship I mean mostly the problems that Ned created because Cat is perfect and this is non-negotiable but even about Ned I will not hear it from a hater. Like he's an idiot but he's my idiot you have no say on his character

When I'm talking to other nedcat fans I'm more than happy to point out their flaws and the weaknesses in their relationship but when a non-fan tries to say anything negative about them I get pissed off

[catstarkapologist]

When I'm talking to other nedcat fans I'm more than happy to point out their flaws and the weaknesses in their relationship but when a non-fan tries to say anything negative about them I get pissed off

[catstarkapologist]

Heyy I'm not sure if you've answered this before sorry if you have but I remember you answering an ask about who you think Cat's favourite child is. So your last oneshot got me thinking, who do you think Ned's favourite child is? I mean we know he has a soft spot for Arya but damn his relationship with Sansa and the way he always seems to be so careful and gentle around her is SO special to me

I answered this question before, but I never really connected it with his relationship with Sansa.

You’re totally right that Ned clearly has a soft spot for Arya. It’s the most overt bc he sees so much of Lyanna in her, and there’s this bittersweet protectiveness there, especially because he knows firsthand where defiance and wildness can lead in their world. He wants Arya to be safe and seen, and that makes their bond really emotionally charged.

But when it comes to Sansa… I believe it’s a different kind of tenderness. Especially because however much Sansa looks like Catelyn, she definitely is so much like her father in her core. With Arya, he can be direct and a little stern, but with Sansa, he’s delicate. There’s this reverence in how he treats her, almost like he’s afraid of shattering something fragile, but also deeply proud of her grace and strength. Ned certainly respects Sansa's dreams, no mater how idealist they are and that’s huge. I think their relationship is marked by this subtle emotional care that often gets overlooked.

So to answer your question, Arya is his favorite, but (I mean, come on) Ned loves all his children equally. It’s not that she’s his “favorite” in a way that diminishes the others to his eyes.

[catstarkapologist]

Why'd you take so long to tell me you need me?

[catstarkapologist]

So I (slightly) fixed Ned & Cat's Bedchamber scene with this GIF

@pattarainn

[catstarkapologist]

AND THE THING IS (no I'm not done talking about it, been thinking a lot about him today) HE KNOWS THAT AND ACCEPTS EVERY BIT OF SUFFERING. Like he knows that he has hurt Cat deeply and hates himself for it which is why whenever his guilt is killing him inside he's probably like "Good, I should feel terrible I deserve it" Because Ned's sense of justice includes himself as well. Most of all himself actually. That is a deeply miserable human being not only because of traumatic past experiences but also because he continues punishing himself with his thoughts and choices every single day. So at the end of the day, Cat is suffering because he hurt her, Ned is suffering because amongst other things he feels guilty over hurting her and they only find peace when they're together because their love makes them look past the pain.

Ned Stark is a type of character that is trapped in a never ending cycle of internal suffering because he does things that hurt both himself and the people around him and by hurting the people around him who he loves (Cat) he hurts himself even more. And he will never stop doing this because despite the pain he believes he's doing the right thing. And so the cycle continues.

[catstarkapologist]

Well maybe not never ending actually it did end but you get my point

Ned Stark is a type of character that is trapped in a never ending cycle of internal suffering because he does things that hurt both himself and the people around him and by hurting the people around him who he loves (Cat) he hurts himself even more. And he will never stop doing this because despite the pain he believes he's doing the right thing. And so the cycle continues.