Christa ~ 21, Long Beach. Studying Architecture, Aspiring Surgeon. Girls. Beach. Softball. Gym. Orthopedics. Freehand Art. Tequila. Coffee. Languages. Challenges. Switchfoot. Lifehouse. Greys Anatomy. Glee. Good times.
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Fun Fact
Women make up for the other 50% of Tumblr’s audience.
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Apparently my summer freckles are 'sexy as hell.' Too cute, haha (:
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I’m incurring crazy debt for this for real
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All I want is guyava, crackers and coffee. Let me go back to the DR :'(
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Day 10
After that day, we just continued to grow. It was kinda inappropriate, especially when we look back on the circumstances we allowed it to grow on. Before I told you, you'd wake me up in the middle of the night maybe once a week to talk. As the the weeks waned on, the number steadily increased to every night.
It was pretty adorable, you were all hesitant and cautious. I was just laughing and picking at little things you'd say. We transitioned into Skype sessions several days later,
To say I was blown away would be an understatement.
Gorgeous, funny and pulled me in with a single glance. I always talk about your eyes because they're so expressive. I can feel every emotion you're experiencing before you even verbalize it. It's one of the greatest things I've ever had the opportunity of witnessing.
We both know that this isn't always the epitome of rainbows and unicorns.
We fit together amazing, you're everything I'm not and everything I wish to be. My Yin of my Yang, the stars to my sky. You just complete me. But you can also just absolutely obliterate me.
I remember, I was especially pissed about this was the night I had my Chem final. (I believe that was the first major time you ran from me also) So instead of getting the seven hours I had planned on getting and having an hour to review before the class, I slept until two hours and got no morning review done. In fact, I remember speeding down Hillsborough on my bike trying to get there on time. I took the final, aced it thankfully, but was torn for the rest of the day. I felt like a piece of me had left, I was no longer complete. Remember earlier in the week I mentioned how I was numb and incomplete? It was because I hadn't found you yet. FYI: I'm gonna give you shit for that time above (and one other occurrence) for a very long time.
But yet, I came back to you. Why, people may wonder?
Because I am irrevocably in love with you.
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Day Nine
It had to be a day in earlyish June. It was before my finals, but definitely after a test. I'm going to assign the date to June 8, 2012.
You know, I feel like a terrible person sometimes for my scheming. I totally knew that what I said to you would affect you in a sense. It was awfully selfish but I don't regret a single word I uttered.. or fumbled upon.
I was pissed that week. Absolutely enraged. I had finally accepted the fact that you meant something to me. That I had feelings for you. That I wanted you. Even if I was in school still for one more year until I returned back to New York, I still thought you were worth it.
And apparently worth making a fool of myself for.
So I made a plan with the boys that we were going to go find ourselves a couple of cases of Corona, eat some food, go out to dinner and do our thing. We played our stupid drinking games, I wound up in a damn lake, and they had tricked me into losing as much as possible with one stupid game that I can't even recall the name of. Only Jules was aware of one particular part of that plan that no one else knew about.
You see, the night prior, I went to him seething about "our just friends, you know" agreement. Absurd. So I told him, I was going to do something about it. I don't fight for things unless I really want them. If they're not worth my time, I will let them go without a seconds hesitation. So the drunker we got, as usual the more obnoxious and outgoing I got. I worked up the courage to tell you I had to talk to you tonight.
You said you'd try.
I remember throwing my phone across the restaurant table, effectively done with the conversation until further notice. I scarfed down my food and tried to call you an hour later. You couldn't talk. So I typed it out, all of my words flying through the air. Every emotion I had felt in the moment, how you were making the biggest mistake, how you and I...I tapered off at that thought. It didn't matter if you couldn't reciprocate. You needed to know:
How I had fallen from the tops of the California Redwoods for you.
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Day Eight
Chemistry had started a day or so after I returned from the wedding. You and I had begun talking more indepth and much more personally. It’s funny. We didn’t stop texting each other for longer than a handful of hours. If one of us had stopped supplying conversation for a period of time, the other would have just said something to start it back up. Day in and day out. We continued to do this. I learned the smallest details about you, and you learned about me. To this day you tell me how proud you are of me. I guess I am modest about my actions and accomplishments and try to brush you off, but you wouldn’t and still won’t have that. You made me listen to how truly impressed you are. I feel like that’s a very common occurence between us; both trying to get the other to really have words sink in and absorb them instead of just pushing them off. However, Things aren’t always perfect. I know you don’t know this, but I started to freak out. It was probably in sync with when you started telling me about your past. I was trying to deal with the fact that I was actually feeling something. I was trying to hold on to it and cherish it all the while trying to rip it to pieces and throw it to the deepest trench on this hemisphere. We both know I love being a martyr; even more, I love keeping my emotions bottled up. So as you were telling me about your past and how those subjects were definitely touchy with me, added to the stress of the said above.. I ran. I ran from you for a couple of days, pushed you to the furthest corners of my mind andlostmyself in studies and alcohol. I can be so bad with that shit sometimes. But yet, with all that running all I did was distance myself. I couldn’t stop talking to you; literally couldn’t. You meant more to me than I had known so I just tried to be nonchalant. Eventually, less than a week or so, I took my head out of my ass and accepted the fact that you weren’t going to be my mother. That your problems are your own and you faced them; you weren’t like the coward I grew up to despise. I should apologize for that now, though. Just know, I most definitely do not think that. It was a moment; a moment of weakness where I was stuck in the past and the fears that resulted from that era. Nothing more, nothing less. So we grew, and continued to grow as a pair of friends. HA, Yeah right.
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Day Seven
"Well, that's fucking fabulous."
The words that come hoarsely from my mouth when I pick my phone up out of a water glass I had just thrown it into. I guess waking up an hour after I had fallen asleep to a screeching alarm and still absolutely wasted was not the smartest idea. Well, I guess in hindsight, one good thing was that I finally got rid of that piece of shit.
Then, I also had to wait an entire weekend before I got a new phone. Through an entire, drunk-ass wedding in Wilmington with the four hardest partiers I know.
Fuck.
We left Raleigh around 8AM, got to Wilmington around 11AM, got to the beach and waited for a friend. Starving and fighting a hangover, I was definitely feisty and pissy. So I played in the cool water and played football with some non-descrip frat babies. Ry was effectively drunk by 1PM, the girls' started drinking.. My ass was stone cold sober and stayed that way until dinner. The entire day I bitched and moaned about needing a phone. "Suck it up" was the common phrase. I eventually did.
And banished any thoughts of feeling anything more than a simple crush.
I slapped that thought down quicker than the double shot of Mr. Cuervo that burned down my throat. My obviously inherent insecurities about having feelings bubbling to the surface. Nothing a load of liquor and looking hot couldn't fix, right?
Pffff.
Gone. We all were absolutely gone. I don't know how I got into my bed, or where the hell we camped out. An open bar at a wedding for a bunch of twenty-one year olds should be illegial. I can't even count or recall the amount of illegial things I am sure transpired that night. I finally got my phone the following Sunday morning only to find that I drunkenly screwed up my own phone number. All that worrying for nothing. I resent you my number, confidence wavering slightly without my previous liquid courage. I don't remember when you texted me, if it were the next hour, next day or next week.
I do remember my thoughts flickering to your face and how I wish I could've brought you to this wedding. It really was a magical night. Yes, also filled with our idiocies but nonetheless absolutely stunning.
How stunning you'd look standing next to me.
Yeah, fucked.
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