celestitewrites

[celestitewrites]

TW: emotional ab*se.

Prologue:

“God I got another rejection. It’s like these people don’t want employees. This world is a joke. How hard is it to get a minimum wage job?” Angelo threw his hat indigently across the room, hitting the television. “Does the world hate me or something?!”

“Maybe you should try and talk to your dad and get a job at his restaurant.” I whispered innocently.

“Why can’t you think for once? All I wanted was support from my girlfriend. Are you seriously going to bring this up again?” His voice bellowed in my head. He grabbed my arm and stared into my eyes. “Why would I do that? What? You think I’m not good enough to find a job on my own? Fucking bitch.” He spat out.

I’ve had enough. Looking deep into his soul I can no longer see the man I’ve once loved. The golden sparks that once shined in his coffee colored eyes have disappeared and his once kind expression that lured me in has morphed into rage.

How did we get to this? My first love, my first everything; changed to pure anxiety and uncertainty. I don’t know him anymore. I thought he was the one, but the one isn’t supposed to make you feel like the gum on the bottom of his shoe inconveniencing him. I will no longer be his target of anger.

“But you need a job. I’m just trying to help you.” I can feel the warmth of my tears streaking down my face. “All I wanted to do was love you… I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you but you make it so impossible.” He takes a deep breath. “Katie I can’t be around someone like you. All my friends tell me I’d be better off without you.”

“Then leave.” I spit out “what’s stopping you? If I’m really that terrible why’re you here?”

His hold on me loosens and his eyebrows drop. “Are you not gonna fight for us? I just told you I love you.”

“Love shouldn’t hurt like this.”

“Baby please, you know I’ve had a bad day, and you have to admit what you said was dumb.” Hr let out a sly laugh to hide his discontent. “Don’t make any harsh decisions.” His expression softened.

“You always have bad days. It’s been like this for months Angelo.”

“What’re you trying to say?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

It was as if he saw a ghost. I could see the terror creeping into his manner. He was loosing me, his emotional slave.

“Please baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You know that. You know I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose.” His words become exasperated. “Please promise me you’ll be with me, I can’t live without you.”

I looked deep into his eyes and mustered up the courage I’ve been searching for months. “I can’t.”

“What…. So you’re breaking up with me because I don’t want to work with my dad? Seriously?” The rage filled his face once again.

“You know that’s not why.”

“One day I’m going to be gone. And it’ll be all your fault. I hope you know that.” He hissed between his teeth. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved… and you see me as a monster. How do you think that feels?”

“You already see me as an idiot. What’s the difference.” I fought off his grip and closed my eyes. My arm stung and my lungs ached. I lost my composure and burst into a mess of tears and snot.

“Don’t go”

“I have to”

“No one will love you like I do.” He sobbed.

“I sure hope so.” I turned and walked away. My steps were heavy but finally after months I had some clarity as to what I wanted. I’d rather die alone than be controlled by rage. All this time I’ve been walking on eggshells, trying to be the perfect girlfriend. But what’s the point of that if it makes you feel worse? At the end of the day love isn’t supposed to be a never ending fight, a puzzle piece that has to be cut and morphed to fit right. As I got closer and closer to the door his cries turned to howls as a desperate act to get me to stay.

“You ruined me and it’s all your fault!”

I grabbed the handle and pushed it. Exposing the cold winter rain. I didn’t dare to look back or engage. I took my first steps out the door, walking away with no regret. This was my new beginning.

[celestitewrites]

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