cepheusgalaxy

[cepheusgalaxy]

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[cepheusgalaxy]

very funny to me when people act like animal farm and 1984 are revolutionary anti government texts that the Powers That Be dont want you to read when they have literally been a part of every standard middle/highschool english lit cirriculum in the usa and beyond for decades. precisely because theyre such convenient primers to propagandize that Commies = Bad. the government is quite literally making kids read them

[cepheusgalaxy]

Febuwhump day 6: Forced to stay awake

Cws: Sleep deprivation, mentions of torture

Kaiki wasn’t sure when had been the last time he’d been allowed to sleep.

That was not the first time he’d been put like this, it came across his mind, head supported over his shoulders . He was still chained by his hands to the ground, but now his legs were left free, and he’d been given a mattress.

He didn’t know if he liked it or hated it.

It was so desperately tempting. He just wanted to lay his head down on the thin bed and pass out. But he’d given in before. Enough times to know what would be waiting for him if he did. So he bit back his tears and tried to let his thoughts wander to distract himself.

The first time they ever decided to take the sleep out of him, they had starved him, too. It was one of the worst things Kaiki had ever experienced in this place. Despair eating him alive as his stomach grumbled, hunger gnawing at the empty walls of his stomach like claws. He remembered that he could not stop shaking back then. After maybe a few days, Kaiki was pretty sure he was barely alive. His captors were not happy with it. They had said something about how he was lasting just as long as a frail kid and how that hadn’t been supposed to happen. They really thought he could handle it better than that. Apparently, they were mistaken. Kaiki would have thought that’d be the end of that trial. But no. They wanted him at it again.

At least this time he was being fed. More than normal, actually. Every few hours someone would come in and hand feed him some soup—so warm it made his eyes almost fall shut against his will—or some weird mix of fruits and nuts and give him water and juice. They were actually pretty tasty. Despite himself, Kaiki found himself looking forward to them. He didn’t know when would be the next time he’d be fed anything else than dry rations. Or anything at all.

Last time a woman came in to give him food, he overheard her cheerfully rambling on her talker about how now he was lasting longer than the normal ones.

Kaiki shoved the back of his head against the wall, suddenly angry.

Obviously he lasted longer than someone normal would. That was the damn goal of all of this. Otherwise, he’d be dead for a long time now, buried God-knows-how-deep under these stones and labs. Otherwise, he wouldn’t even have been put here. Otherwise, he’d still be back at Onemia with his sister, and his friends, and—he stopped his mind from spiraling further. He could already feel his eyes burning.

Kaiki raised his hands in front of his face. He was too weak to lift them higher than a few centimeters off the floor, so he just quit and dropped them after trying for a few seconds. The heavy chains attached to his cuffs tingled.

He winced. Why were they so loud?

And then just on cue, the door on the other side of his cell opened up, creaking like something had scratched metal on his ear, making him flinch. Heavy footsteps approached him, and Kaiki decided against lifting up his head to see who it was. He was too exhausted for that.

A single icy blue eye staring at him dispensed the need to. He barely catched a glimpse of it and could feel his stupid body tensing up.

Alvaro.

His tall figure walked right towards his corner, towering over Kaiki. His big, rough hands grabbed him by the chin and turned his face around, before he could even react. Alvaro’s eyes—the brown and the blue one—looked for something on his face, as if they were evaluating some sort of fine china or an injured animal.

Kaiki wasn’t really too far away from one, though.

When he realized, Alvaro’s hands were not on him anymore, and the man was walking towards the table near the one-sided mirror on another corner of the cell. Kaiki knew it was one-sided because they’ve shown him before. Not that he liked looking on it. He mostly avoided it.

Alvaro was saying something onto his speaker, which Kaiki couldn’t make out what it was. It was all just fuzzing in his ears. God, he closed his eyes. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep for a while. In the other tests, he was hurt, examined, would heal, and then the pain would be gone for a few hours and they’d leave him be until the next session.

But now?

Kaiki must’ve been too out of it, because only after a teardrop fell on his lap that he noticed his eyes were watering up.

He just wanted to sleep.

A sudden shock of fire shot through his veins and Kaiki jolted awake, gasping. His eyes shot open, but all he could see was white. After a few seconds, the pain eased away and his vision returned, leaving Kai curled around himself, gasping for air.

“Oh. You should really have learned it by now, silly.” Alvaro said, coming up to him. He must’ve been out for only a few seconds.

He grabbed his hand, rough. Kaiki mumbled half a whine. But Alvaro didn’t really care. He held his wrist to the light, evaluating the mark carved on it.

It didn’t heal. It wasn’t meant to.

“You drifted off for not long before it took action,” Kaiki could see he was talking to himself. “I’m glad it is working as intended.”

Kaiki freed his hand out of his in a sudden burst of annoyance.

“Stop touching me,” he hissed, a little bit weaker than he’d wanted.

Alvaro seemed surprised for a second, hand hanging in the air. Then he laughed.

“Oh sure,” he chuckled, voice so light it made Kaiki’s stomach turn. He wanted to maul him. Alvaro grabbed his face again, shutting his mouth up in a pout. He shook Kai’s head. “Little man, I think you’ve forgotten you don’t have a say in here. Have you?”

Against his will, his eyes teared up again. Alvo smiled.

Gosh, how he wanted to get back on him. He thought. Rip his heart apart and tear his chest open to release all the gore in there, making him stare at his own intestines. Kaiki would cut his throat open, too, cutting up the biggest arteries so he’d choke on his own blood until all of it drained to the floor and he was left dry and limp.

Just like they’d done with him.

But that was no more than feeble dreams his exhausted mind was conjuring up to keep him busy.

Even if he someday managed to get his hands on the guy to torture him back, he wouldn’t last. Kaiki was being put through more than any other body would be able to handle. He knew that much by now.

Alvaro let him go.

“You’ve been up for a little more than two weeks,” he checked on his watch. “Keep up the good job!” He joked, leaving the room.

Kaiki hid his face on his knees.

The orange rune still glowed bright on his hand, the scar pulsing against the back of it. A reminder of why he couldn’t fall asleep.

Not until they would allow him to.

Febuwhump Masterlist || taglist: @whumpinthepot || @febuwhump

[cepheusgalaxy]

Throughout history and in our modern society, women are supposed to be: thin, silent, chipper, happy, pale, dressed modestly but not too modestly, sexy but not too sexy, young, reserved, sane, able-bodied, fertile, mothering, selfless, humble, restrained, and, above all, white. She has to be a She, she has to be cis, she has to wear makeup and dresses, skirts; she cannot under any circumstances be described as smelly, loud, brash, dark, or crude. She cannot wrinkle, she cannot stink, she cannot cause a scene. A woman is always religious, a woman is always married or seeking to be married, a mother or hoping to be a mother. To stray from this path is to become weird. While I personally do not believe that any act that subverts the status quo makes one queer, I do think it makes you weird. There’s an honor to that, to stepping outside of the very thin, very pale line set by mainstream culture. To exist as one’s truest, boldest self, to exist as a human being with warts and farts and smells, to be unusual and to react with the madness, the anger that this world we live in inspires is brave. It is weird to be brave, and it is brave to be weird.

[cepheusgalaxy]

Did a study of my doll :)

3hs 51m on Procreate

[cepheusgalaxy]

Febuwhump day 6: Forced to stay awake

Cws: Sleep deprivation, mentions of torture

Kaiki wasn’t sure when had been the last time he’d been allowed to sleep.

That was not the first time he’d been put like this, it came across his mind, head supported over his shoulders . He was still chained by his hands to the ground, but now his legs were left free, and he’d been given a mattress.

He didn’t know if he liked it or hated it.

It was so desperately tempting. He just wanted to lay his head down on the thin bed and pass out. But he’d given in before. Enough times to know what would be waiting for him if he did. So he bit back his tears and tried to let his thoughts wander to distract himself.

The first time they ever decided to take the sleep out of him, they had starved him, too. It was one of the worst things Kaiki had ever experienced in this place. Despair eating him alive as his stomach grumbled, hunger gnawing at the empty walls of his stomach like claws. He remembered that he could not stop shaking back then. After maybe a few days, Kaiki was pretty sure he was barely alive. His captors were not happy with it. They had said something about how he was lasting just as long as a frail kid and how that hadn’t been supposed to happen. They really thought he could handle it better than that. Apparently, they were mistaken. Kaiki would have thought that’d be the end of that trial. But no. They wanted him at it again.

At least this time he was being fed. More than normal, actually. Every few hours someone would come in and hand feed him some soup—so warm it made his eyes almost fall shut against his will—or some weird mix of fruits and nuts and give him water and juice. They were actually pretty tasty. Despite himself, Kaiki found himself looking forward to them. He didn’t know when would be the next time he’d be fed anything else than dry rations. Or anything at all.

Last time a woman came in to give him food, he overheard her cheerfully rambling on her talker about how now he was lasting longer than the normal ones.

Kaiki shoved the back of his head against the wall, suddenly angry.

Obviously he lasted longer than someone normal would. That was the damn goal of all of this. Otherwise, he’d be dead for a long time now, buried God-knows-how-deep under these stones and labs. Otherwise, he wouldn’t even have been put here. Otherwise, he’d still be back at Onemia with his sister, and his friends, and—he stopped his mind from spiraling further. He could already feel his eyes burning.

Kaiki raised his hands in front of his face. He was too weak to lift them higher than a few centimeters off the floor, so he just quit and dropped them after trying for a few seconds. The heavy chains attached to his cuffs tingled.

He winced. Why were they so loud?

And then just on cue, the door on the other side of his cell opened up, creaking like something had scratched metal on his ear, making him flinch. Heavy footsteps approached him, and Kaiki decided against lifting up his head to see who it was. He was too exhausted for that.

A single icy blue eye staring at him dispensed the need to. He barely catched a glimpse of it and could feel his stupid body tensing up.

Alvaro.

His tall figure walked right towards his corner, towering over Kaiki. His big, rough hands grabbed him by the chin and turned his face around, before he could even react. Alvaro’s eyes—the brown and the blue one—looked for something on his face, as if they were evaluating some sort of fine china or an injured animal.

Kaiki wasn’t really too far away from one, though.

When he realized, Alvaro’s hands were not on him anymore, and the man was walking towards the table near the one-sided mirror on another corner of the cell. Kaiki knew it was one-sided because they’ve shown him before. Not that he liked looking on it. He mostly avoided it.

Alvaro was saying something onto his speaker, which Kaiki couldn’t make out what it was. It was all just fuzzing in his ears. God, he closed his eyes. He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep for a while. In the other tests, he was hurt, examined, would heal, and then the pain would be gone for a few hours and they’d leave him be until the next session.

But now?

Kaiki must’ve been too out of it, because only after a teardrop fell on his lap that he noticed his eyes were watering up.

He just wanted to sleep.

A sudden shock of fire shot through his veins and Kaiki jolted awake, gasping. His eyes shot open, but all he could see was white. After a few seconds, the pain eased away and his vision returned, leaving Kai curled around himself, gasping for air.

“Oh. You should really have learned it by now, silly.” Alvaro said, coming up to him. He must’ve been out for only a few seconds.

He grabbed his hand, rough. Kaiki mumbled half a whine. But Alvaro didn’t really care. He held his wrist to the light, evaluating the mark carved on it.

It didn’t heal. It wasn’t meant to.

“You drifted off for not long before it took action,” Kaiki could see he was talking to himself. “I’m glad it is working as intended.”

Kaiki freed his hand out of his in a sudden burst of annoyance.

“Stop touching me,” he hissed, a little bit weaker than he’d wanted.

Alvaro seemed surprised for a second, hand hanging in the air. Then he laughed.

“Oh sure,” he chuckled, voice so light it made Kaiki’s stomach turn. He wanted to maul him. Alvaro grabbed his face again, shutting his mouth up in a pout. He shook Kai’s head. “Little man, I think you’ve forgotten you don’t have a say in here. Have you?”

Against his will, his eyes teared up again. Alvo smiled.

Gosh, how he wanted to get back on him. He thought. Rip his heart apart and tear his chest open to release all the gore in there, making him stare at his own intestines. Kaiki would cut his throat open, too, cutting up the biggest arteries so he’d choke on his own blood until all of it drained to the floor and he was left dry and limp.

Just like they’d done with him.

But that was no more than feeble dreams his exhausted mind was conjuring up to keep him busy.

Even if he someday managed to get his hands on the guy to torture him back, he wouldn’t last. Kaiki was being put through more than any other body would be able to handle. He knew that much by now.

Alvaro let him go.

“You’ve been up for a little more than two weeks,” he checked on his watch. “Keep up the good job!” He joked, leaving the room.

Kaiki hid his face on his knees.

The orange rune still glowed bright on his hand, the scar pulsing against the back of it. A reminder of why he couldn’t fall asleep.

Not until they would allow him to.

Febuwhump Masterlist || taglist: @whumpinthepot || @febuwhump

[cepheusgalaxy]

I did it! Febuwhump day four (five days late lmao) is done! After three triesI managed to do it. It honestly could've been a bit better but it's going. Cws for underage whumpee (Meine is around twelve--although this one is not necessarily whump). I think that's all. If I forgot anything, please warn me! Enjoy.

Febuwhump day 4: Obedience.

Meine is admiring the colors of the tents when Noah calls him.

“Meine”, he says, voice mixing with the loud music and feisty atmosphere of the fair. Meine loves it. So many pretty colors, different smells, happy chatting around him--

His father rested a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention and Meine flinched. “Yes, father?”

“Do you remember why are we here?” He asks.

Meine looks at the colors that warm him up inside. He nods.

His father raises an eyebrow, as if saying, what did I say about not answering me properly?

“I do”, he answered, before Father prompted him again.

“Good”, he smiled. “Don’t distract yourself.”

Meine bit a lip. “Yes, father.”

He just followed him around, passing through all the people that were enjoying the fair. 

He had a job. He was here to help Father.

He had to wear a turtleneck and a brown tuxedo. Noah didn’t want him looking bad when they went out. Father had a white button-up and a long suit. Sometimes, like this, Meine could understand why people thought they looked alike. Even their suits were the same color.

Noah stopped sometimes to observe a tent or a group of people, but Meine knew he didnt’t actually care.

He was only here for the stones.

Meine avoided trying to locate them just yet, because his eyes were a bit tired and he wanted to use his powers only when he was needed.

He stopped when Noah pulled his arm and looked amused at one of the tents.

It was a large one, with lots of shiny rocks and precious gems carefully displayed over wooden shelves and a table with white cloth. Meine thought it was pretty. The table was in the shape of an L, and the tent was one of those that had a tarp on top of it and hanging down to make a wall-kind of thing on the back. There was a tall woman built like a wall behind one of the tables.

Meine glanced at the prices.

They were pretty low for what they were looking for.

Father smiled to himself and whispered on his ear to start looking.

Meine was quick to obey.

While Father chatted with the owner, Meine looked fot the hecatites. He tried to remember the market rules for them. If the seller wasn’t completely sure that their rocks were actual hecatites they were obliged by law to lower their prices. The process to test them would usually be super expensive, but Meine could see their power and find them easily.

“Curious one, aren’t you?” The woman said softy, and after an embarrassing second, Meine noticed it was aimed at him.

“He likes hecatites” Noah answered, sparing him from having to answer.

“I think we should take these, father”, Meine spoke up, pointing at some rocks that had a specially reddish aura. These were the hardest ones to find, and looking for them this way, only taking home the ones they needed was way better than importing tons and tons and having Meine identify each one, just to discard the ones they didn’t have use for. 

Or at least it was what father told him.

“Are you sure?” Father asked.

Meine double checked just in case, but he was sure. Father told him the auras were more difficult to identify in open spaces like these so he’d have a wider error range, but he wanted to be sure he wouldn’t fail.

Noah then smiled at him, approving, and Meine could feel himself smiling as Father finished the bought and payed the owner.

That was not the last tent they visited. They spent the whole day like that, until twillight painted the sky red and the tents started lighting up ilumination for the night turn.

“Oh, one more thing,” Noah says when they’re entering the limousine.

Meine looked up at him.

“Before going home, we’ve got one more person to visit”, he smiled. “You will evaluate them.”

Meine supressed a sigh. He was somewhat tired, and was hoping they could go home already.

But the only thing that left his lips was “yes, father”.

[cepheusgalaxy]

Febuwhump day 27 — Post-victory collapse

Today's are two separate unrelated snippets!

CW: Blood, fainting, minor character death mentioned.

--

Alisson wasn’t much of a fighter.

No, unlike Ceres who had an eerie and insane amount of control over her link and every ability she absorbed, or Yuri, who had the grace of a dancer and could get by pretty well on his own, her parents had only put her in maybe one or two classes of self-defence a few years ago.

But apparently, adrenaline was one hell of a drug.

She breathed out, forcing the air to come in and out of her lungs. Her arm had been hit. She winced and shielded it with a hand. Alisson’s vision was swaying, and she felt like her legs would give out at any moment. She couldn’t see much ahead.

“Alisson!” Someone screamed from afar. Alisson knew that voice. Meine yelled something else, and she tried to make out what his words were, but to no use. It was all static in her ears. Her breath came out like steam from her mouth. Everything around was frozen. She felt chills.

In a few moments, Meine was in front of her.

“Alisson,” she made out, his voice strangled and eyes worried. He grabbed her shoulders, and for a moment Alisson wondered why—when she realized she had fallen forward. 

The warmth of his chest felt good.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, looking like he was about to cry. He didn’t ask if she was okay. Meine always knew the answer so he never had to ask.

Alisson tried to answer. But her mouth suddenly felt too heavy, and she couldn’t get any words out. Black spots danced on her eyes. She looked up to Meine again, watching as he faded out of her vision.

The tiredness washed over her body, and in a second, Alisson was out like a light.

--

Dimitri just needed to get to their room.

They panted, leaning against the wall in an effort not to fall. A shot of pain flared up from their waist, making them wince. She reached out a hand to cover it, but the contact made it sting. Dimitri grit her teeth and continued walking. It was fine. It just needed to get to their—

He was caught off guard by Nosac sitting in the living room. Dimitri’s foot took a step back before it could think. Too late.

Nosac looked over his shoulder, taking his gaze off a magazine. Dimitri froze up in place, heart beating hard against her chest.

“You got yourself hurt?” He asked, disinterested. Dimitri gulped and looked down—which was a mistake. The floor swayed under his feet and he barely caught himself on the wall again. Blood dripped to the pristine white tiles. His master would be so mad.

“...Y-yes,” she said, still avoiding his gaze. She was so stupid. It had not been that hard—she had just needed to get a piece of data from a pen-drive and get it to Master, but she had fallen into an ambush, and was too slow to react, and they got an ice blade to her side, and it hurt, and if she wasn’t so useless, then—

A hand cupped his face before he could notice. Dimitri looked up, suppressing a sob.

Nosac was looking down at them, his magazine forgotten on the jade green couch.

“Why are you not at the bay?”

Dimitri didn’t know. He just wanted to be alone. They had killed someone again. And she knew she should report every time, so that her master could go and clean up her mess—but she just... she just needed to go sleep for a minute. Dimitri didn’t want to go down the medical bay. His room was more important. He needed Lola.

Dimitri’s vision started to fade. His legs gave out under him.

The last thing he felt were Nosac’s arms grabbing it and his voice making a disappointed, tired, tsk.

It didn’t have time to feel ashamed before it passed out.

Febuwhump Masterlist || Taglist: @whumpinthepot || @febuwhump

[cepheusgalaxy]

More Parental Whumper Prompts

Whumper, having just finished beating Whumpee so badly they can barely move, pulling them into a hug and gently stroking their hair, knowing Whumpee is too exhausted and scared and in too much pain to fight it.

Whumpee, in pain or with a high fever or under the influence of painkillers or sedatives, instinctively grabbing for Whumper's hand as they're about the leave, the word mom/dad slipping out of their mouth before they can stop themselves.

Whumpee pleading for Whumper's help as they're tortured by an even worse whumper.

Whumper arranging for Whumpee to fall into the hands of someone worse so they'll realize just how much better Whumper is by comparison.

Whumper gently brushing and braiding Whumpee's hair, their fingers occasionally touching the bruises they left on Whumpee's neck.

[cepheusgalaxy]

You know when people say “I watched this movie because you talked about it” or “I’ve been listening to this artist because I know you like it”, tenderness

[cepheusgalaxy]

J r r Tolkien reading the Bible being like “I gotta write one of these”

[cepheusgalaxy]

Answering my own oc questions because I can

If you want the mystery questions to be a mystery and you haven't seen them yet READ NO FURTHER! Alternatively, have a peek and see which one you want to answer! ;)

(also under cut bc it's long oops)

🛡What is your characters strongest conviction/belief?

ELDWIN:

The importance of strength. Only the strong survive, the weak are left behind. Strength in this context doesn't necessarily mean physical prowess; mental resilience is also something he values. He also believes that the strong must protect the weak. Yes, he is full of contradictions and hypocrisy.

(this is partially why he's such a self-sacrificial bastard; after all, who is he if not the strong? Oh yeah when he's with the agency there's gonna be so much "take me instead" :]

the other reasons are the belief he deserves to suffer for his wrongs and suicidal ideation lmao. I love my tragic magic boy)

JOWAN:

The ends justify the means. He can excuse all the suffering he inflicts if it's in the name of scientific progress, and for the good of the world.

KIERAN:

That people are, fundamentally, good. He believes some people can be "bad" certainly, on an individual level. I'm talking about humanity as a whole. The world can be cruel, humanity most of all, but at their core people are good, and he never wants to lose sight of that.

ANCASSIUS shares Kieran's view, along with Eldwin's "the strong must protect the weak"

💧 What is something that makes your character cry?

ELDWIN:

I think for Eldwin it would be a long series of things. He used to cry a lot when he first joined the Black Syndicate, believe it or not; but he's learned to at least hide it and he doesn't cry much anymore (exceptinhissleep)

I see him having just a really rough day. Whether he's with the syndicate or the agency, just a long, tiring, difficult day with many obstacles. Probably hasn't slept much. Maybe feels physically ill, he does feel sick a lot.

And if he's with the syndicate at this point, I see him being really worn down and doing everything he's told, he behaves, he keeps his mouth shut, does his job well - but they (*cough* Clyde) still finds something to punish him for, and it just feels so unfair. He'd never cry just because of that, "Life's not fair" and all, but it would be the cherry on top of a long and arduous day.

If we're talking just one thing however, then it's someone being nice to him :) On the RP blog he was, well, going through it, and someone sent an ask telling him he doesn't deserve it and to stay strong and yeah he was in too much of a state over there but canonically he would sob. He wouldn't believe it, but still he would absolutely break down if someone said such words to him.

JOWAN:

I'm not sure he can 😭 Not out of emotion. An uncontrollable physical response to extreme exhaustion yeah. But not out of emotion.

Hmm. I wonder if he'll cry when I force him to confront all the feelings he thinks he's buried? Or perhaps a trip between realms is in order to see the ghost of his dead mother LMAO

ANCASSIUS:

He's pretty emotional, but rarely actually cries. Like a lot of men he finds it difficult to physically cry, even if he wants to. Him crying is likely to be a result of a long build up like Eldwin, but for maybe different reasons. He carries a lot of guilt, for people he couldn't save (*cough* Eldwin included *cough*) even if there was nothing he could have done, he bears the guilt anyway. I can see it becoming too much.

Also betrayal. That might do it.

KIERAN:

I wouldn't say he cries a lot, but he has an easier time of it than the other three listed lol. Yeah we're gonna see him cry I won't spoil it

🌻What is a crucial moment in your characters growth?

JOWAN:

Like I said in an earlier post, I'm struggling to make him grow in a redemption sense. But yeah him confronting his upbringing, and his own feelings, will be critical for him as a character. I doubt it will change who he is; but it's important for him to face it nonetheless.

Tbh I don't have an answer for Ancassius yet and Kieran's is spoilers, so I'm gonna jump straight to Eldwin which is also technically spoilers but like his story rn is just a bunch of one shots anyway lbr

(Don't worry, there are things I'm keeping to myself that must be discovered in the main story - I'm not giving away too much! At least, I don't think so. Anyway!)

ELDWIN

I left him last here bc this deals with discussions of/implied noncon, so please stop reading here if it makes you uncomfortable!

Sooo, I mentioned in one of my ramblings awhile back that tl;dr, Clyde gets jealous and throws him to the wolves. Eldwin pissed off a lot of people who would like to see him brought down and humiliated and... yeah.

And it's this moment that makes Eldwin really think, "well what am I doing here then?" because the idea was that being with the Black Syndicate automatically protected him. Outside is worse, it could always be worse. With the syndicate he was, at least, relatively safe.

But that just isn't true anymore, if it ever was. He's killed for them. He's died for them. Been tortured and used and done whatever they asked no matter how cruel or degrading. It could always be worse.

Can it? Can it really? In what way could it possibly be worse? He's done everything. Been through everything. What is left? He'd be better off trying to survive alone. And he trusted Clyde. Despite everything. Eldwin never liked him, Clyde was always his most disliked, but Eldwin still trusted him to an extent. That trust has now been thoroughly destroyed.

He's already been through everything they've claimed to protect him from. So why is he bothering to rely on them?

Also fun fact it's Nels who picks him up after this. Nels won't go against Clyde's direct word but still strongly disagrees with what he did here, and they actually had a little argument about it which didn't last long because Clyde threatened to upend Nels' entire life, but hey.

Anyway. Nels does mean well but also basically tells Eldwin to stop moping around and put his feelings to better use. Let his anger fuel him, get back out there and remind them exactly who he is. Demand their fear and respect again.

Basically encouraging him to get revenge and well, he certainly does that.

He doesn't leave the syndicate immediately after this. There's too much going on, and no matter how he wants to he cannot just leave. But any real loyalty he had for them -and he was so loyal- is gone. It's not enough for him to be free anymore. He wants to see them burn.

[cepheusgalaxy]

Was gonna add this to my last post but it turned into a longer musing on Eldwin's character and story so

Also little CW for discussions of noncon and dubcon

-

Eldwin also loves having power over other people. That's actually a problem at some point. He feels so helpless about everything in his life, so he takes it out on the few people he can, i.e. lesser gang members and lower Syndicate ranks. He's not needlessly violent, that's not good for anyone, but he does like to toy with them a bit, threaten them, push them around, just generally chatting shit to feel bigger than them. Because they can't touch him, and both he and they know this.

Until they can.

See it's a thing that Alistair is drawing Eldwin away from Clyde. Clyde is outright cruel, he doesn't hide that. Alistair is more manipulative, using Eldwin's insecurities. When Clyde looks at Eldwin, he sees a tool. A traitor who no one cares about who Clyde can use as he sees fit. As far as he's concerned Eldwin shouldn't have silly things like feelings. He betrayed humanity anyway, so he doesn't get to be human.

When Alistair looks at Eldwin, of course he sees a tool, a pawn. But he also sees how Eldwin clings onto his praise, how he becomes desperate for Alistair's acknowledgement, just to hear the words, "You've done well." Alistair sees that he can make Eldwin do anything, just by showing a little affection. By letting him feel human, if only for a moment. Murder and torture is part of the job description. Sleeping with wealthy partners to gain favours was not in the contract (hedoesn'thaveacontract) but as humiliating and degrading as it is, it's a small price to pay. He wants to be good. He wants to be rewarded with nice words and gentle touches and walks around the garden. If he's really good he might get new books and hot chocolate, and hey, he got Aconite. He always gets hurt no matter what he does, so he may as well try and earn nice things, right?

It's a fair exchange, he thinks. He's already given so much of his mind, his body, his soul. What's a little further degradation for a few moments of peace? And Alistair has such a way with words as to make Eldwin feel like he's in control. That he could say no. That it was his idea, to help in anyway way he can.

None of that is true, of course. But it feels true, and that's what matters.

Clyde knows Eldwin is drawing more towards Alistair, and he hates it. Eldwin is his, he took the gamble on buying him, Clyde made him the asset he is today. Clyde doesn't like Alistair as is, but now he's trying to steal his victory too? Not a chance.

Clyde cannot take it out on Alistair though. So he takes it out on Eldwin. Logically he knows it's not Eldwin's fault either, if even Clyde doesn't say no him. But Eldwin is touchable while Alistair is not.

Clyde uses the aether extractions. He times it so Eldwin is recovered enough to be mostly-normal while still too weak to use any magic. It's around this point that Eldwin always gets really antsy, tired of being cooped up and he practically begs Clyde for something to do. Clyde tells him to deliver a package to one of these lesser gangs. Eldwin's irritated because that's fucking grunt work, he's wasted on that, but he wanted a job so he takes it, unaware that he's walking into a trap set by someone he trusts. Eldwin hates Clyde, yes; but he does trust him. He's cruel, but he's predictable. He's a sadist, but he's also possessive. Eldwin's relied on that before.

It's a real blow to be thrown into the lions den, left at the mercy of men Eldwin's taunted for all these years, who are desperate to see him knocked down a peg or two. He doesn't know how to deal with it after. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do. How is it fair for him to be caught in the crossfire of whatever his superiors have going on when he can't say no to any of them? Exactly how is he supposed to navigate this without making one or the other mad at him?

I feel like this takes place while he's on a break from the Agency, whilst he's still working there on the Syndicates orders. Maybe it's a holiday, or he just made up an excuse to report back. Either way, he has to pretend everythings fine, that nothing's going on. He doesn't know if he can manage that.

[cepheusgalaxy]

harleyyy ♦️

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harlivy being girlfriends ✿ batcat... sponsored by Sinners (highly recommend it if you haven't seen it!)

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Character Question of the Day #10

You can answer the question for your character(s) or write a piece that incorporates the question.

Does your character consider themselves to be outdoorsy or do they prefer to stay inside?

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don't call intersex people "femme presenting" just because their body happens to have characteristics seen as feminine

don't call intersex people "masc presenting" just because their body happens to have characteristics seen as masculine

in fact, how about we stop calling anyone these terms unless they explicitly identify with them