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girls will be getting every card except the one they need (appearing at standard frequency my ass)

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Eggplain

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Whoopsie daisy! 😂

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Politics in the Neath

The Traitor Empress: You have two cows. You convince them they will be better off with you alive and in control than not.

The Constables: You have two cows. They are probably guilty of something. Loitering, probably.

Mutton Island: Where are your cows? Those go ‘bah’. Those are sheep. They are not your cows.

The Player: You steal two cows. You convince everyone they are made of gold and sell them for a fortune. You get arrested and become the Minister of Agriculture.

The Urchins: You have two cows. The Vake tries to steal one and you hit it with a frying pan.

Feducci: Someone has two cows. You steal them, then fight them, then fight yourself. You win.

The University: You have two cows. One is caught up in a red science accident and is now a chair. The other has become a professor.

The Labyrinth of Tigers: You have many cows. They aren’t Hounds of Heaven, so you don’t care. You have 37 Hounds of Heaven.

Mr. Hearts: You have a cow and a bull. You enjoy explaining how they will make more cows.

Mr. Veils: You wish Hearts would stop explaining how you get cows.

Sinning Jenny: You try to create an economic plan for London based on bovine products: your people are too busy listening to Hearts.

Seekers: You have two cows. Two is not seven. You are hungry. RICH AND RED RICH AND RED RICH AND RED RICH AND R- You don’t have any cows. You don’t have any friends. You must go North.

Mrs Plenty: You have TWO MARVELOUS INFERNAL BOVINES! COME MARVEL AT THEIR VISAGE! AT THEIR FIREBENDING POWERS! Admission is three carnival tickets. Upon closer inspection one of the creatures is a cow, painted red, and the other is a cardboard cut-out. Several devils in the crowd are trying real hard to suppress the laughter.

Mr Mirrors: You have two cows. Technically they are the same cow. Both are very, very dead. A third cow is pretending to be both of them.

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It seems that, as a reward for becoming a Person of Some Importance, the amount of grinding I can do has increased by tenfold

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Yippee! Yippee! Yippee!

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BORN TO ZAIL

LONDON IS A FUCK

Kill Em All 1899

I am trash captain

2,147,483,647 OPPORTUNITY CARDS

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Why do I keep failing the burning breath checks I literally have a 90% chance of success

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Happy September, everyone

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I'm close to getting my Watchfulness to 100!

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good lird

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I am going to taste the Gaoler's Honey. Surely there will be no repercussions to this.

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Who is Zatoyi and how do I loiter with them

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About to go on a dig in the Tomb of the Seven wish me luck 👍

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It's fine. Don't worry about it

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average carnival experience

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had a dream that there was a very straightforward exceptional story about dropping a stalactite on the merry gentleman. fbg didn't say anything else about it, except for vaguely implying that everybody had asked for this. everyone in the fallen london tag was either like "oh fuck yes, we've been wanting to hit him with a rock for so long" or "wtf no we don't? literally who asked for this"

it turned out the entire es was, like, 4 or 5 actions long. it was, again, very straightforward, the manager had been called into court for some unidentified reason, he fell asleep partway through the proceedings, and there was only one ending (the manager gets impaled by a stalactite). there was also a 15-fate option where you could stay to watch him actually getting impaled, otherwise you just got out of there

people were mostly confused over the entire thing, but there was at least one person on tumblr who was trying to carefully analyse every piece of text. but there wasn't much else to say about it, it was just. an es where the manager gets impaled by a stalactite. no impact on any other part of the game, just. stalactite