champion-level-astroturfing

[champion-level-astroturfing]

we don't mess around about stealing bread round here

me in hell trying to explain what a reverse sleeby deeby hybrid chosen faller is to a poor galarian orphan who was executed for stealing a loaf of bread

[champion-level-astroturfing]

[A video is posted...

It's. Strange.

The view is the same as some of the other videos recorded and posted by the phone ghosts: Shardy's bedroom, the mound of his body blanketed by the duvet on the bed, Blue curled on his hip as he sleeps. But Shardy is out tonight- anyone who knows him knows he would never miss New Year's Eve, never miss this excuse to go wild, could easily call him and hear his waking voice cut through by the revelry in the background. And the video is posted at precisely midnight, when he should be cheering, shouting, locking lips with a stranger who smells of cheap whiskey and fresh sweat.

There's words, in the video. But they're not painted across the walls, or clicking into place on the screen. They drop into the watcher's mind like they belong there, as a Meowth might invite itself into a home as though it is simply returning to where it belonged all along.

foundling child Changeling child We are here at the turning of the year At the time between In the seconds that are neither one nor the other

foundling child we are waiting in the turning of the seasons In the fading and blooming of the daylight

changeling child we are here and we yearn as your heart yearns as your blood yearns as your mind yearns

The scene flickers, changes abruptly, and now here's Shardy as he must be in reality, in the middle of a crowded mass of humanity and Pokemon, a cacophony of sound through which threads a heavy musical bassline, the crowd's shared heartbeat. The scene is awash with confetti, streamers, balloons- glitter flashes from every surface, confusing the light, taunting the shadows.

Shardy is laughing.

He flings his arms wide, dropping the glass he's holding and grabbing the hand of the woman next to him, pulling her along with him as the vessel shatters unregarded on the floor. She seems a little startled, but goes with him willingly; her free hand catches her friend's grip instinctively, and the second woman follows. The person she was dancing with lunges after her, and the sudden movement attracts the attention of others.

It is only human nature to follow the crowd. And now the crowd is following Shardy, who moves through the press of bodies with the silvery, flashing grace of a Wishwashi in their school, catching everyone he passes in his wake, dragging them into a whooping, howling, spinning circle.

They are dancing.

The dance is not any modern routine. Not the elaborate Tinkatok crazes, not the close-pressed gyration of a busy dancefloor, not the awkward swaying of people who would rather not be there. The dance that Shardy leads shakes the floor and rattles the ceiling, thrusts a hand into the brainstem and hauls into the light things that have been forgotten since long before any of the dancers were ever born.

The ring of dancers blurs, moving faster and faster, but at the centre Shardy is always visible.

He is still laughing as the video cuts out]

[champion-level-astroturfing]

we going OUT out tonight

[a selfie of Shardy in his- apparently- New Year's outfit. It's quite something, consisting of a tight and incredibly glittery silver jumpsuit with an equally glittery bright acid green sash tied around the waist, topped off by what can only be described as 'stripper boots' with heels verging on the fetishistically tall and, on the other end, a headband sporting silvery pom-poms and bright gold stars, all on springs.

Perched on his shoulder is Queen Fezzerie III the Roselia, adorned in an equally glittery silver cape and an incredibly tacky tiny tiara. Her expression suggests she is gearing up to kill it on the runway.

Vaguely visible in the background is Blue; he might be wearing a silver bow around his neck (he's a little blurred), and appears to be bapping at something on the floor. Is it... is it a Morelull?]

Her Maj is coming with me to tear it the fuck up. happy new year or whatever, if i'm online before like 4pm tomorrow it's someone pretending to be me

[champion-level-astroturfing]

My guys wanted to say hello to Blue Diamond

[Attached is a photo file. It's of a shiny Glaceon sitting on a carpentry workshop bench. There's all sorts of tools around it, hammers, pencils, rulers, axes, whatever you can think of. There's also a leafeon in the back, not really paying attention to the camera, in the midst of messing with some old plant clippers that seem to be forcibly closed by a band or something of the sort.]

oh man you've got some fucking cute guys right there

i showed blue the picture and he said 'glrrrr' which i'm pretty sure means 'sup fellas'

[a picture of Blue- whose colouring is actually remarkably similar to the shiny Glaceon of Anon's, though Shardy hasn't commented on that at all- being shown a laptop; the ask's picture is blurrily visible on the screen. Blue is observing the picture with an expression that can probably be best described as 'polite interest']

[champion-level-astroturfing]

look i take praise wherever i find it and i'm counting that as praise. loved it so much she ate it

(also all the plants are safe for as many pokemon as possible so like prolly won't hurt her)

you like eevees and stuff, right? in the spirit of the season, then:

[a picture of Blue Diamond the Glaceon, lying upside-down on what seems to be a workbench, since a half-finished topiary is visible in the background and the area around him is littered with clippings. He looks smug as Shardy's hand points a small pair of clippers at him in accusation. Apparently he got in the way on purpose]

here's my little asshole

“Come with me to the Galar League holiday party,” my old man says.

“It’ll be fun,” my old man says.

ALL I HAVE BEEN IS CORNERED BY MELONY AND GORDIE ASKING ME HOW DIRECTOR CLAVELL IS DOING.

I wanted to talk about Veevees this is taurosshit.

[champion-level-astroturfing]

hey, at least you can admire the like super impressive little bushes clipped into proper festive shapes and such

cause i did those

...

at least i did those in my universe. bloody well hope if there's a me in yours he did too. the league like NEVER lets me do topiary except at holiday parties

“Come with me to the Galar League holiday party,” my old man says.

“It’ll be fun,” my old man says.

ALL I HAVE BEEN IS CORNERED BY MELONY AND GORDIE ASKING ME HOW DIRECTOR CLAVELL IS DOING.

I wanted to talk about Veevees this is taurosshit.

[champion-level-astroturfing]

what the fuck

TELL TELL TELL TELL

Well. If you're certain.

Once watched a Gulpin eat an entire sleeping Swalot.

[champion-level-astroturfing]

i'm a humble guy and everything but like right? right?? TITS. smdh

i'll send one to you too if you got a safe postal address. winky face

league had a contest for delibird day cards this year so i entered

didn't win though. somethign something 'not occasion OR league focused' something something 'you can't just show off your tits and arms and expect to win'

which. poor reason. and look how fucking cute Blue is too c'mon

i'm printing them myself though. gonna get enough to send to everyone for every card sending occasion for like the next five years at least

((OOC: art by my beloved partner @ivoryandwines, whose art is beautiful and whose commissions are open!))

[champion-level-astroturfing]

i knew you'd appreciate my artistic efforts

you gotta have a P.O. box or something people can send letters to. i'll send you one ;) specially written

league had a contest for delibird day cards this year so i entered

didn't win though. somethign something 'not occasion OR league focused' something something 'you can't just show off your tits and arms and expect to win'

which. poor reason. and look how fucking cute Blue is too c'mon

i'm printing them myself though. gonna get enough to send to everyone for every card sending occasion for like the next five years at least

((OOC: art by my beloved partner @ivoryandwines, whose art is beautiful and whose commissions are open!))

[champion-level-astroturfing]

league had a contest for delibird day cards this year so i entered

didn't win though. somethign something 'not occasion OR league focused' something something 'you can't just show off your tits and arms and expect to win'

which. poor reason. and look how fucking cute Blue is too c'mon

i'm printing them myself though. gonna get enough to send to everyone for every card sending occasion for like the next five years at least

((OOC: art by my beloved partner @ivoryandwines, whose art is beautiful and whose commissions are open!))

[champion-level-astroturfing]

i also have no idea what anon is talking about but i'll be a lesbian if you give me like ten minutes to find my cuntiest cargo shorts

You know where one of those womanguys are and she'd be a lesbian for the bit for you but you don't want to admit it do you

This ask almost got me to use a question mark. Impressive.

With that said: What.

[champion-level-astroturfing]

Happy december everyone

october never happened

[champion-level-astroturfing]

I'm pretty stable I think. Must be you.

and fuck you very much too, nonny

my brother and their wife didn't even notice i was gone because apparently to them i was 'gone' for like half an hour and they just thought i went for a walk

[champion-level-astroturfing]

i'm losing my fucking mind actually

that or everyone else has lost their minds and i'm the only sane one

[champion-level-astroturfing]

eh, not as big as unova. ballonlea has some of its own traditions though. weird ones, obviously.

it's uh. more that i went in on like. maybe the first of october? and like yeah honestly i was kind of expecting to maybe lose a day or so but a month is

uh

more than that

[a close-up selfie of Shardy's face. He looks, frankly, like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards]

WHAT. fucking day is it

[champion-level-astroturfing]

I MISSED HALLOWEEN?

...

i missed a whole month?

...

my brother is going to fucking kill me

[a close-up selfie of Shardy's face. He looks, frankly, like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards]

WHAT. fucking day is it

[champion-level-astroturfing]

[a close-up selfie of Shardy's face. He looks, frankly, like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards]

WHAT. fucking day is it