chanwoo-ofmp

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Sunday 11/25

Strengths hmm.... I would say my biggest strength is being able to relate to people who are shy, and talk to them to sort of open them up to others. This is because when I was growing up and going to workshops, I was definitely the guy who sat on the side, tried to finesse his way out of doing the embarrassing icebreakers, and didn’t like doing things up front on the stage. Since then I’ve definitely changed, and going through that change helps me realize why people feel that way, and how I can show them that you can still be yourself and feel comfortable while putting yourself out there too. 

Another strength I have that goes in hand with that is being relatable. Over time, I think I’ve trained my ability to empathize pretty well, and have been in a lot of different scenarios that are common for teenagers, especially growing up in the church. I can relate to wanting to fit in, but also having strict parents, and finding everything “cringy”, etc. lol. Being able to communicate my similarity to younger brothers and sisters has really helped me in the past to bring them to another level and grow through it.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Saturday 11/24

Wow, my biggest weakness/growing point. I definitely have a lot of flaws that I try to overcome about myself, but the biggest is probably self-forgiveness. A lot of times, I make a mistake, and I kick myself for it for way longer than I should, and in the end, it probably damages me more than it helps me improve. If you’ve been reading a lot of my past posts, you might notice that about me, lol. Even if others give me encouragement or reasoning, for some reason, I always internally brush it off and make myself feel bad about what happened, even if it may have been out of my control. And although my self-criticism has definitely helped me push myself to be better and strive to achieve more, at the same time, I think I’ve taken it too far in a lot of cases, and I do a lot of unnecessary self-bashing and worrying. I think I need to be able to control it more, and also find a happy medium, where I push myself, but don’t do it to the point where it’s a detriment. 

Part of it also is that I feel like when people talk to me, they are only getting like, 20% of me. I keep a lot of things internal and to myself, and that limits me from really connecting to the hearts of others, and on their side, have them understand me on a deeper level. Especially with strangers I meet, I feel like I hide way too much, when I could potentially be affecting them in a much more positive, complete way. In general, I think I need to be less internal with everything I do, despite how shy I can be sometimes, and really externalize some of my thoughts and feelings so that others can understand me better, and vice versa. I probably get that from my parents, haha; both of them have always been internal, even with their church involvement sometimes. But I don’t want that to be an excuse for me to be completely internal; I think there’s a middle ground yet to be found for me. 

I think a lot could be gained for me to externalize more of my thoughts; I find that when I talk to my parents about everything that’s on my mind, a pressure is released off of me, and I really feel fulfilled in conversation. Doing that with more people would probably amplify that feeling for me, and make conversation in general more enjoyable. I really love talking to my parents, and it’s probably because they can relate and empathize with me so well due to me opening up completely, and being honest.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Friday 11/23

Traits I find Valuable in a Person For me, I would say one really important thing is honesty/transparency. Especially in terms of communication, I think the key to having give and take centered on God is being on the same page, and understanding that you might have to lower your inhibitions and tell the truth in order to reach a high place in the relationship. I would say even more important though is individuality, and being a character of your own. Sometimes, especially outside our movement, I feel like the youth relies too much on what others are doing, and copy it even if deep down they believe in something else. Also, it’s just so much more fun to be around people who are original, and themselves, even if maybe they’re a little embarrassed by it. I’m awkward, kinda weird sometimes, and my sense of humor is sometimes different, but hey, I own it, and I think if more people did, our world would be better in a lot of ways. I also definitely admire dedication in people. When people stay up late to do something for someone, or sacrifice time and energy for their passion, I look up to them because I know it’s hard. One of the biggest things is selflessness though; I know it’s extremely difficult to think of others before yourself, so I admire it.

When Do I Feel Most Connected to God I think I feel most connected to God when I talk to people, and really hear their background, where they come from, and what their story is. I feel that even if I don’t like someone when I first meet them, if I really talk to them and understand where their heart lies and why they do what they do, I can’t help but empathize and love them. Also, seeing what they do, and what their motivation is, always amazes me. When I see a kid, and think about how much love and sacrifice has been put into them by their parents, and all the investment required to get them to that position, for some reason I feel God through that. I feel like God is powering these people to do it, and is behind a lot of the success and beauty in the world. Also, each individual person is truly unique, and meeting new people is never a chore, because everyone has their own opinions, and is shaped in their own way. Humans also have so much power and potential, and seeing people tap that power when they do well in a sport, or any passion they pursue, is so fulfilling and motivating. I think for me, seeing people excel in that way is energizing, not tiring.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Thanksgiving Day

Highlight of the Day A highlight for today was just getting to see my cousins again. I haven’t been able to see them in a long time, and being able to spend quality time with them and having fun is really nostalgic for me. It’s nice that we have a nice relationship where we don’t dread meeting the in-laws for holidays, but we genuinely enjoy it, and spend as much time as possible with each other as we can. I especially enjoyed spending time with my cousin Eric, who’s the closest I have to a brother. It’s nice that we can relate on a lot of things, and just have fun together.

Goal(s) for the Workshop I really want to be a great group leader for our kids. I’ve never been a proper group leader before, but I’m looking forward to the challenge, and want to make this workshop memorable for all the participants, but especially for our team members. I want to be the one who takes initiative and makes the participant comfortable, as usually when I used to go to workshops, I was the one who needed to come out of the shell. I feel that because of that past that I have, though, I can do especially well to make shy kids more comfortable, and open them up to being serious about their faith. At the end of the day though, of course I also want to have a fun time at the workshop myself.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Family

Wow, my family. Only 500 words Luke? lol It’s a good thing you chose family, because I don’t think I would be able to write 500 words on anything other than family. 

I really appreciate my family. Every morning, the first thing I try to pray about is how grateful I am for my family, because they’ve given me such a wholesome and nurturing environment to grow up in that most children never get the chance to have. I got to live with my grandparents growing up, so it was really nice to be able to see them and talk to them whenever I wanted to. Also, growing up, my parents limited me from a lot of things (I didn’t have a smart phone until senior year lol), but it’s allowed me to be more mature today, and they had to go through a lot of screaming and complaining ChanWoo’s to get me there, so I’m really grateful for that. Nowadays, I do everything I can to make sure they know I’m grateful for it, and return as much love as possible.

My Dad My dad is probably the person I’m closest to in the world. I talk to him about all the struggles I have, and he is able to give his own input and support me all the time. He drove me to every workshop, so on the way back, I would be able to talk to him for several hours about how I felt and reflection, and that was really awesome. When I was a kid, we would also go on hour-long walks every Saturday morning, and that was so much fun, talking to my dad. Today, we think so similarly and have such close opinions that I pretty much know what his stance will be on something before I even ask him about it. We agree on a lot of things, but once in a while he also humbles me or educates me too. I really enjoy having my dad as company; I think he’s the person who most understands me and my heart,which is probably why it’s so nice to talk to him.

My Mom Growing up, me and my sisters didn’t give that much attention to my mom, and I felt bad. She was always doing chores around the house, and cooking meals, but us children never talked to her nearly as much as we did our dad. Today, I make up for that as much as possible; whenever she went shopping during the summer, I did my best to go with her, and just talk to her for a bit, and I think she really appreciated it. Also, whenever we go for walks as a family, and I see my sisters always talk to my dad, leaving my mom alone, I talk to her. It’s allowed me to understand a feminine heart more closely, and of course her as a person. It was really difficult for her as a mom, because she had to pursue her nursing degree at the same time, learn English, get used to America, etc. (She’s full Korean, and grew up there until she was blessed). Nowadays, I always take the time to understand her heart and have talks with her.

My Sisters Growing up, I wasn’t much of an older brother to my sisters, and I always feel bad about that. For one thing, I wasn’t a woman, and I was also kind of anti social, so I couldn’t offer much advice to them. I also didn’t spend as much time with them as I should have, and I feel like they always saw me as kind of separate. Today, I always try to spend more time with them, and make jokes, but not make fun of them nearly as much as I used to. I remember they would get mad at me because I only used them as a joke and made fun of them, and I really feel bad about that. Now, I do my best to help them with their problems, and just be there for them when they have problems. Being at college away from them has made it hard to do it though, and that’s kind of painful. College has always made me feel bad about how I’m going to miss all my sisters’ years of high school.

My Grandparents Because I grew up in the same house with them, my grandparents are actually pretty close to me. They’re pretty old now, but even having their presence is something inspiring to me. They still take everything involving the church seriously (HDH every morning, watching all the livestreams, going to church every Sunday despite their age, etc), and seeing that motivates me too. Today, I do my best to spend time with them, because I know my days with them are numbered, especially with me at college and barely seeing them. I always try to show them I’m still invested in the church, and I want to continue on the foundation they’ve set for me. I remember my mom told me once that they don’t have much to show for their lives except for their family, and that really wanted me to make them proud of their grandchildren.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Tuesday

Source of Happiness - Is it bad to say that I like shopping a lot? Lol, I just like browsing deals online and buying stuff, especially now that I have a part-time job. For the first time, I’m probably going to actually buy gifts for my family for Christmas, so that’ll be really fulfilling; I can definitely see how giving can be more enjoyable than receiving. Speaking of family, I would say that’s the prime source of my happiness. School can definitely get taxing at times, and it’s really hard for me to stay motivated, but when I get to meet my family on Sundays and we go to church together, my purpose seems to all come together. I’m really looking forward to this Thanksgiving break, because I’ll finally be able to spend quality time with my family; it’s where I feel 100% comfortable and at ease. Any struggles I go through or thoughts I have, I can share with my parents, and they empathize with me, and give their thoughts too. My grandparents also are a solid foundation for me, because they always set a good example, and when they take everything within the church seriously, it inspires me to do the same. I always feel happy when I feel like I’ve made my grandparents proud. And my sisters, they give me so much happiness because I like seeing how much they’ve grown over time, and they each have a character of their own that’s so unique. Interacting with my family in this positive way has made me so much more excited to create one of my own that is centered on God and True Parents.

Favorite Workshop I Went To - Actually, my favorite one was probably the 2017 Spring DP Workshop in Maryland. It was the first time I was meeting a lot of the people there, but I got to know them, and it was a lot of fun. Toya was actually my group leader, and I really liked him; me and my team members always had a lot of DP and lecture questions, and he was always able to answer them in a brotherly way. Also, the lecturer was Uncle Jerry, and I loved his style of lecturing; he was so dedicated and faithful in the church and DP that it rubbed off on you. He was also very emotional and solid in his belief, and everything he said was very relatable to real life, which made it really easy for me to understand. Also, it was at Pecometh, and I was surprised at how good the food and lodging was, lol. It was so much better than any workshop I had been to before; not that the others were bad, but it was so good that I was like, “I hope the participants don’t think it’s like this everywhere”. Overall, even though it was a shorter workshop, I enjoyed the environment and activities so much. 

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Day 1 for Cray Cray

My hobbies are exercising, typing (yeah I know it’s extremely nerdy), watching youtube, and listening to music. I like listening to hip hop, but I listen to a lot of other genres too. On youtube, I usually watch fitness stuff, but also I watch tech videos and general popular videos from time to time (prank videos lol). I like exercising every day cause it keeps me in shape and helps me feel good about myself. I also watch my diet if I’m really feeling it. My hobbies are pretty boring, because I don’t have much free time during the school year.

My relationship with God and True Parents is pretty good. Sometimes, I see myself falling out of it a bit, and I feel like that’s just because I need to work on intentionally exercising a life of faith 24/7, instead of just when I’m motivated, or remember it. But I do HDH and prayer every morning, and I feel that gets me on a good start to the day with the right mindset. I also like to maintain gratitude, and keep that in my mind throughout the day, which definitely helps a lot. Belief in the church has always come naturally to me, largely because of the family I grew up in, it’s just a matter of keeping myself accountable, and growing each day, that is a little more difficult for me. 

[chanwoo-ofmp]

The Value of Family 11/18

Today I didn’t have much going on, except for the meeting, which was cool! I got to meet my team, and that was fun; I’m definitely excited for the future, lol. 

One thing I’ve been thinking about a lot recently is how much I appreciate my family, and what they’ve given to me. At least for me, I value time spent with them over pretty much anything else I could do with my time, especially when I can barely see them during the school year. I wish I had some way of expressing it deeply, because whenever I can’t go to something because I would rather spend time with my family, it sounds like I’m just flaking or something, but it’s true: I miss them a lot. I always think about how our days are measured, and especially for how old me, my sisters, and my cousins are, it won’t always be like this, where we’re in close communication with each other. And in the case of my parents and grandparents, I want to spend the rest of my life showing to them how much I appreciate their love and support through giving them even more love back, and if I can achieve that, then I’m happy. For me, one of the toughest parts about college has been separation from my family, and it hurts me a bit when I think about how there will basically be a 4-year gap of no memories I’ve had with them. 

Anyway, thinking of my family this way has also helped me realize how much True Parents’ and Heavenly Parent’s heart must be in pain. If I’m missing my family, then God must be feeling much more grief toward his children that he hasn’t been able to claim from Satan for thousands of years. This helps me actualize and sympathize with God’s heart, and better understand Father’s words of sacrifice and suffering through HDH as well. 

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Uneventful 11/17

Today was a pretty uneventful day; I woke up early to my roommate playing video games at 6AM, and I was a little ticked off at that, because it was already hard to get to sleep that night due to my suitemates banging on the walls at 1AM for some reason, lol. I wanted to have a good night’s rest because I had to spend all day writing an essay that’s due before Thanksgiving break, but I guess I got a headstart on it, so that was a blessing in disguise.

While I was writing the essay, I was listening to classical music, and it was nice to listen to music I played in high school orchestra. Normally I listen to hip hop and rap music, but that’s too distracting for me to listen to while I’m concentrating on writing an essay. It was just nice in general to listen to music that was clean, and slightly nostalgic too; I guess I’m just weird in that I like classical music, haha. It’s kind of funny too, because I sometimes find some parts of certain classical songs “hype” which others would definitely find weird. But what I found in general is that I love music, and you can actually connect it in a certain way to God and being grateful of how amazing his creation is. You would think music is man’s creation, and not God’s, but God designed our brains, and maybe he even had all of the technology we have today in mind while he was designing our brains. While nature is God’s direct creation, what humans create is also indirectly his creation, and recently I’ve come to appreciate human creation, like music, so much more. There’s definitely a certain beauty to how much the human brain can accomplish, and when I hear certain pieces of music and the hard work musicians put in, I’m amazed by it.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Communication With God 11/16

Growing up, I was always a little confused when I went to workshops, because sometimes a lot of other participants would say they spoke to God, or God “spoke to them”, and in their prayers, they always got an answer to their question. I felt like I must have missed something, because I never got any answers, lol. But I’ve learned over time we each find our own way to connect with God, and with each person it’s unique. For me, I most feel God’s heart and communication when I’m pleasantly rewarded from time to time.

For example, this past summer when I attended GTGY, we were offered to volunteer at the blessing that was taking place. I volunteered because I felt like I should, just as someone who could offer a helping hand, and also have a new, fun experience. However, I found out after we committed that volunteering would mean we wouldn’t be able to see any of the event, and we basically had to hand out lunch and then sort the trash afterwards all day. On top of that, I was already sort of sick going into it, so it got much worse after that, and actually I was sick for the whole first month of school too. Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed and a little sad, because I wouldn’t get to see the event, wouldn’t get to see True Mother, and wouldn’t get to meet anyone I hadn’t seen in a long time. However, we took a break for lunch in the middle of our volunteering, and we got to eat one of the packed lunches we were serving to the newly blessed couples. I was so hungry, and that meal is probably one of the best meals I’ve ever eaten in my entire life, haha. The meal itself was nothing special; it was just rice with a bunch of old-fashioned Korean side dishes, but a lot of the side dishes were things I hadn’t eaten since I was a little kid, and everything seemed like it tasted amazing. In that moment, I felt like God was letting me know, “ChanWoo, it’s OK. I understand what you’re doing right now is difficult and sacrificial, and I’m with you.” I don’t know why, but I felt so much love in that moment, and it’s little things like that that help me feel closer to God.

Anyway, the significance that story has with today is that today there was a quiz in my discrete math class that I was pretty worried about. However, because of the snow and the class being a little behind in general, the professor let us drop 2 quizzes this semester instead of 1, and I had already gotten 100% on the first 2 quizzes out of the 4 total 😊, so I didn’t need to take the quiz. I know, it seems really small and lame, but it’s little things like these that make me feel like God gives me a little nudge once in a while, like “I gotchu”

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Gratitude 11/15

A couple days ago, a student on my campus died from getting hit by a car. This wasn't the first time, either; a couple months ago, a student on a bike also died from being hit by a car. Sometimes I also walk by this guy in my school who has no legs from the knee down, so he has to go everywhere in a wheelchair. When I think about people like these, I come to appreciate so much more what I was given, both as a member of this church, and as a child of God in general. When I stop and think about it, it’s such a blessing to even have all four of your limbs, be in full health, and be able to just pursue an education, and not really have any other serious obligations in your life. 100 years ago, people had to fight through hopeless, bloody wars, and 200 years ago, people had to go through slavery, so in comparison, my struggles in school are not a concern at all. Whenever I find myself complaining about a certain assignment or exam, I just think about how there are probably a lot of people in spirit world that can only wish to have a life as “easy” as mine, lol. 

On top of that, I was given a family that raised me well, supports me so strongly, and is always there for any problem I have. A lot of people in the world have to suffer with parents who leave them or abuse them, and more commonly, don't support certain decisions they make. Every morning, I try to make the first thing I pray about how grateful I am for my family, and how much they've provided for me. When I do that, I feel I can truly understand how much love has been poured and invested into me, and how it’s my job to put it to good use, and appreciate it.

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Wednesday 11/14

Today was a pretty uneventful day; I had an exam, so I spent most of the day studying, and I felt I did pretty well on it. Still, I feel like these monotonous days are the opportunities for you to improve the most. In the same way that your true colors show when no one’s looking, the times that you improve the most as a person are arguably during the monotonous, repetitive days of the year, not the exciting ones. Sure, workshops are huge opportunities to grow spiritually and mentally, but I would say I’ve grown just as much, if not more, from daily practices of being “godly”, or following in True Parent’s footsteps and the church. Even if a day goes by where not much goes on, if I at least do HDH and prayer in the morning, and reflect on my day each night before I go to bed, then slowly but surely, I’m cultivating my relationship with God and True Parents.

These repetitive days also make me think about how important it is for workshop participants to be impacted when they get back home from the workshop. Yeah, it’s great for them to have a good time during the workshop, but it’s just as important, if not more important, for them to get home and want to build a stronger relationship with their family, their parents, and Heavenly Parent, right from the get go. At least for me, I know I definitely found it easy to kind of slowly lose motivation after the workshop was over. It’s still a little hard for me, and it’s definitely a battle for me to learn to keep that internal motivation going day after day. 

[chanwoo-ofmp]

Tuesday 11/13

A couple weeks ago, I interviewed with Prudential at their headquarters in Newark for a summer internship, and I got a call back this morning saying I unfortunately didn’t get a spot. I was definitely a little down after that, because I thought I had done well in the interviewing process. Even though I’m only in my sophomore year in college, I’ve always been worried about the stability of my future job, both for the sake of myself and my future family, and getting rejected today made me more worrisome. Up until now, my journey through college has been pretty much smooth sailing, but recently it’s gotten a little difficult, especially with events like these. I’m always one to worry about everything, but in a way, it’s largely why I’ve been so successful academically so far. Still, when things like getting rejected from an internship happen, it makes it hard for me to keep hopes high, and I often wish life wasn’t so stressful and difficult. At least for me, when one small thing happens, everything else in life seems to fall apart too, especially with my past being relatively “easy”. 

However, if anything, events like these really show to me the value of my relationship with my family and God. Whenever I go through difficulties, I talk closely with my family, and especially my parents, and it helps me overcome my sadness or small bout of depression. On top of that, through my relationship with God, I know at least that God knows I tried my best, and I’m only improving each day, learning from my mistakes. Often times, what keeps me down is when I compare myself to others who get the internship, or who get better grades than me, but when I find myself doing that, I tell myself about all the other things that I am able to stay on top of outside of academics, like staying fit, having a close relationship with my parents, and keeping my faith in God and True Parents solid through daily prayer and HDH. 

Realizing the priceless value of familial support in difficult times has made it even more apparent to me how important it is for me to build on the foundation my parents and grandparents have set for me, and create a beautiful, solid family of my own. 

[chanwoo-ofmp]

11/12

Today I got to attend the rally at Nassau Coliseum, and it was nice to see True Mother. Although I have already seen her several times this year, each time I saw her and heard her speak, I felt that I really built a closer relationship with her, which I found really valuable. Today I felt that when I saw her, I could feel a genuine emotional connection to her, and I felt that her mission for the world also fell in my hands. Previously, maybe before this year, it was really difficult for me to feel this connection to her and True Parents in general, but now I've found the connection to be strong and actually important to my relationship with God and finding peace within myself. I was actually a little bummed out during the event, because I wish I had attended the workshop beforehand; there were a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a while, and I feel I would have personally benefited from just being in the environment. This semester so far has been a little lonely, and it was a bummer that I couldn’t see everyone. I thought I would be busy really from schoolwork based on the semester so far, but I turned out to have an empty weekend, and by then it was too late... Still, I definitely learned from it, and I at least got to attend the event itself and see True Mother, which is most important.