chaoortu

[chaoortu]

fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am an observer, but not by choice.’

[text id: my fist has always been clenched around the handle of an invisible suitcase. / i am always ready to leave. / there is not a single room in this world where i belong.]

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and the winner is spoilers below for the next chapter i just wanna YAP

writing daisy dog death hard as fuck makes me sob my eyes out ive been crying over a fictional dog but also bc i had to reference when nellie passed and i just know nick would be a wreck in canon when that happens but also. in the winner is, charlie fully comes undone when he discovers daisy has passed and both nick and katherine try so hard to help him through it and what snaps charlie out of it? katherine starting to cry . oh the powers of parenthood and while this whole thing is going on, nick is very early pregnant with their next baby bc he and charlie can't keep their hands off each other for five minutes and nick sincerely forgot he can get pregnant postpartum (but to be kind to him, he and charlie also didn't fuck at all until katherine was like a year old bc they were struggling SOOO FUCKING BADLY, and bc he compares how he feels post-mattie to how he felt post-katherine... yeah. dumbass fully forgot sex makes babies even though SEX GOT HIM HIS KIDDOS IN THE FIRST PLACE.... I love him. I am blaming parent-brain.

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Do you think most of your versions of Nick have the neurospicy particularness about which cutlery can be used and which is an abomination against gods and men that should be melted down and made into actual acceptable cutlery?

oh yeah of course. i mean full disclaimer, all of my nicks are neurodivergent so this is probably an across all my works thing with him (kind of like how he always has eczema in all my fics... oops) His favorite utensil(s) would be a sujeo set. The long, wooden spoon handle prevents food from touching his hands, and the wood prevents any unwelcome noises such as metal scraping against ceramic. The shallow bowl of the spoon also has a good mouth feel and allows for prime scarfing capabilities. I also like the idea of Nick being weirdly good with chopsticks considering the fact that he's a white boy. He likes using them to cook and eat with (scrambling eggs with chopsticks is just the best way to scramble them i'm SORRY)

least favorite: all metal utensils. he hates the sound they make, he hates washing them, he hates the weight of them, he despises the texture in his mouth, the scraping-- all of it. but there's a special place in his heart for how much he fucking LOATHES butter knives because half the time they don't even spread butter the right way or they just collect crumbs and they're stupidly serrated enough to cut yourself if you're not careful but not serrated enough to cut a crusty loaf of bread!!! fuck butter knives.

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POST WAS STILL TOO BIG. MORE BELOW!

Tara definitely cares more about Nick, but she only knows what Nick is willing to tell her and I'll give her her flowers because in these past chapters, she was the only one who wasn't being mean to him. Idk if we will see anyone acknowledge that they treated Nick poorly at the pub concert and from Nick's pov-- he probably wouldn't expect them to. He's used to being treated that way and probably doesn't think anything of it imo. I think with HS getting a show about six years after Heartstopper's inception, writing the scripts gave Alice the chance to sort of rectify these plot and characterization holes to flesh out the narrative a bit more in order to make the story feel more grounded and well... more like a t.v show. The beauty of t.v is you can head hop and show the explicit inner worlds of different characters and the actors will do a lot of the heavy lifting in making it tangible. It's fantastic-- but that's also time to reflect on what you've written and as a writer, nothing is ever done or perfect. We can adjust things to oblivion and try to tweak things to the end of time. For what it was at the time HS was good, but going back and rereading it, I can tell that Alice is a young writer because I'm literally watching her writing improve and become more grounded as the story progresses. It's still a very 2016 piece of media in terms of like... content, story, and the sheer amount of angst happening to these middle class british kids, but it gets better and will continue getting better as she keeps writing. (Dear Alice, I would sell my left kidney for an updated Nick and Charlie novella. xoxo, Chao.) So, now we're here and it's like... yeah. Nick kind of gets treated like shit in the webcomic and he takes it because that's his character. He's been taking it through most of the story both in terms of people being mean to him, his boyfriend being mentally ill, and now this. Nick also isn't a character who shows his vulnerabilities, especially in the webcomic, which is a huge part, I think, of why Tao and Elle get so mean to him at the pub. They don't know him and I think I can argue either direction if they even want to or not. I would be sincerely shocked if that scene goes panel for panel in the movie bc it is ooc for where Nick and Tao's current friendship is at in the show. I'd personally LOVE it if we saw Tao caring for a very very drunk Nick, maybe Imogen as well (i love a callback) especially since we won't have the conflict with Darcy's mum kicking them out since that already happened in the show. I'm hoping that scene gets flipped around to everyone showing up for Nick with genuine concern and maybe Nick, very drunk, loses his fucking mind and is in the wrong instead, which would be fun bc so far, Nick's never really made poor choices in the show and I think it'd be huge to see Nick being the one cutting off his friends because he's anxious.

so on nick and friendships

thank you @shinytimetraveltraveler for the suggestion. I'm gonna do some like tldr up top then my analysis will be below. - we're gonna cover the difference between show!nick's friendships and book!nick's friendships. (aka why book!nick is treated kinda shittier) - we're gonna talk about characterization, plot, and perspective on a craft level (my own takes as a writer myself, obviously.) - and we're gonna talk about how medium and time impacts hs as a story and why that's a GOOD thing.

okay, so let's first start talking about the differences between show!nick and book!nick because there's a few key things we have to highlight before we get into it. What are the main differences between show!nick and book!nick friendship wise? 1) Show!nick has a "best friend" (as close as someone like Nick can get to one bc remember: he is afraid of being vulnerable/seen), Imogen. They've been friends since year 7, she kind of has a crush on him but they work it out and remain friends bc again!!! Friends since year 7. 2) Show!nick's friendship with Tara is expanded upon. I make this argument a lot but show wise, Tara and Darcy are more Nick's friends than they are Charlie's up to a certain point. and 3) Book!Nick just doesn't have close friends, and technically neither does Show!Nick. The difference is that we see on screen Charlie's friends getting closer to Nick but in the book, we don't get any of those moments due to craft reasons I'll get into in a moment. Now, enough about show!nick for now. Let's talk about the comic.

"All my other friends are dickheads." also please remember that in the dear diary mini comic, we even know that Nick at age twelve didn't like hanging out with his rugby friends to the point of never even having them over at his house.

then we get this text convo on 3-30 or 3-31, post punching Harry at the cinema. Peep the instant need for validation. "they liked me then??" as in Nick did not expect them to like him at all, and that's not an unfounded thing to believe as Tao specifically has very firm opinions of Nick at the beginning of the story, labeling him as this chavish rugby lad before they've even spoken.

Now let's transition over into craft bc craft is a big reason why Book!Nick doesn't have as close of a friendship with the main cast but Show!Nick does (like genuinely, if Tao and Elle in the movie snap at Nick like they did in the comic I would be SHOCKED.) So here's the thing, Nick is kind of an accessory character until book 4 but more so book 5. I attribute this to the fact that Victoria Spring was Alice's first character and because Charlie is her sibling and has such a huge impact in her story in Solitaire, he's more fully formed at the start of Heartstopper compared to Nick who is sort of just slotted as Charlie's big protective boyfriend in Solitaire. Nick doesn't really get hardcore development for a majority of the webcomic outside of his relationship with Charlie because... well. HS is primarily from Charlie's pov. We do get a handful of Nick chapters sprinkled throughout the story, but we are almost always in Charlie's head seeing things how he sees them and we understand this world as he and later, Nick, understands it. We are never really IN anyone else's head or bearing witness to those conflicts the way we are in the show. Alice is the only one drawing and writing this comic-- that's so fucking cool but it'd be too big of an ask to have one person showing us every character's inner worlds while balancing the story and it's not really typical for comics as a form to DO that.

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post was too big. more below!

Now, the thing is, Alice has been writing HS for about a decade now I believe or close to it, so we are literally watching her writing and art get better in real time and as the story progresses, so does Nick and all of the side character's characterizations. Nick especially stops feeling like an accesory to Charlie's narrative and more of his own person. I feel like there is an arguement to be made about Nick feeling like an accesory because that could be how he views himself, but I think it moreso has to do with balancing a story. I finished writing a novel recently and I know I have to back to flesh out a really important side character at the beginning of the book because that character grew legs and became whole to me WAAAY later on in the story. Alice doesn't have that opportunity in the webcomic because those pages are already out. Like, most of Heartstopper is the Charlie Spring show because we are in Charlie's pov. So, even if Nick had really close friends (which we know he doesn't) or was bonding separately with Tao and Elle, or Tara, Darcy, or Aled, we wouldn't see it unless we were in a Nick pov chapter which just aren't as frequent. And it does make me ask the question: what is Nick's role in HS outside of being Nick's boyfriend? And that's pretty much the plot of this last book. Who is Nick Nelson? What does he want outside of his relationship and how is he going to get it while balancing his person? I feel like this entire last book is giving Nick the most character definition out of the rest of the series and I think a lot of that stems from the work she did on the show cementing more of Nick's character. I think Kit Connor does a GREAT job at giving layers to Nick Nelson that weren't in the original text through his mannerisms and body language-- that's the power of the actor though, however if I were a writer and I saw someone play my character it'd give me SOOO many ideas and get my brain GOING. But she gets the chance to flesh out all of her characters in the show. What does this mean for Show!Nick? It means more character development, relationships, etc. We get Imogen, we get my favorite episode-- the GCSE bonfire scene, we get the prom decorating scene, and in season 3 we even see him building a closer friendship with Tao, which just isn't in the webcomic AT ALL. The season 3 Halloween party episode comes to mind because I feel like that moment between Nick and Tao is character defining for both of them. This is Tao comforting Nick when Charlie isn't even around and this is Nick being vulnerable around a man who is not his bf for ... the first time, honestly? That's huge for both of their characters bc both of them have similar struggles with vulnerability. Chao, you ask, but why do Charlie's friends in the webcomic treat Nick like shit? BECAUSE THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW HIM, THAT'S WHY. We do not have a lot of scenes where Nick even interacts with Charlie's friends one-on-one, if he ever really does. What they know is that Nick is Charlie's perfect rugby boyfriend and that's kind of it. They don't know about Nick's dad or brother, they don't really know about Nick's struggles with friendship, and they hardly know the issues Nick and Charlie have been through because Charlie doesn't exactly tell them about it either. So to them, Nick is literally JUST Charlie's boyfriend, he is not Nick, their friend. Show!Nick definitely is, that's what has been built up by the narrative, but Book!Nick didn't get those bonding scenes. Book!Nick kind of suffers in silence which is why he's so codependent on Charlie in the first place.

so on nick and friendships

thank you @shinytimetraveltraveler for the suggestion. I'm gonna do some like tldr up top then my analysis will be below. - we're gonna cover the difference between show!nick's friendships and book!nick's friendships. (aka why book!nick is treated kinda shittier) - we're gonna talk about characterization, plot, and perspective on a craft level (my own takes as a writer myself, obviously.) - and we're gonna talk about how medium and time impacts hs as a story and why that's a GOOD thing.

okay, so let's first start talking about the differences between show!nick and book!nick because there's a few key things we have to highlight before we get into it. What are the main differences between show!nick and book!nick friendship wise? 1) Show!nick has a "best friend" (as close as someone like Nick can get to one bc remember: he is afraid of being vulnerable/seen), Imogen. They've been friends since year 7, she kind of has a crush on him but they work it out and remain friends bc again!!! Friends since year 7. 2) Show!nick's friendship with Tara is expanded upon. I make this argument a lot but show wise, Tara and Darcy are more Nick's friends than they are Charlie's up to a certain point. and 3) Book!Nick just doesn't have close friends, and technically neither does Show!Nick. The difference is that we see on screen Charlie's friends getting closer to Nick but in the book, we don't get any of those moments due to craft reasons I'll get into in a moment. Now, enough about show!nick for now. Let's talk about the comic.

"All my other friends are dickheads." also please remember that in the dear diary mini comic, we even know that Nick at age twelve didn't like hanging out with his rugby friends to the point of never even having them over at his house.

then we get this text convo on 3-30 or 3-31, post punching Harry at the cinema. Peep the instant need for validation. "they liked me then??" as in Nick did not expect them to like him at all, and that's not an unfounded thing to believe as Tao specifically has very firm opinions of Nick at the beginning of the story, labeling him as this chavish rugby lad before they've even spoken.

Now let's transition over into craft bc craft is a big reason why Book!Nick doesn't have as close of a friendship with the main cast but Show!Nick does (like genuinely, if Tao and Elle in the movie snap at Nick like they did in the comic I would be SHOCKED.) So here's the thing, Nick is kind of an accessory character until book 4 but more so book 5. I attribute this to the fact that Victoria Spring was Alice's first character and because Charlie is her sibling and has such a huge impact in her story in Solitaire, he's more fully formed at the start of Heartstopper compared to Nick who is sort of just slotted as Charlie's big protective boyfriend in Solitaire. Nick doesn't really get hardcore development for a majority of the webcomic outside of his relationship with Charlie because... well. HS is primarily from Charlie's pov. We do get a handful of Nick chapters sprinkled throughout the story, but we are almost always in Charlie's head seeing things how he sees them and we understand this world as he and later, Nick, understands it. We are never really IN anyone else's head or bearing witness to those conflicts the way we are in the show. Alice is the only one drawing and writing this comic-- that's so fucking cool but it'd be too big of an ask to have one person showing us every character's inner worlds while balancing the story and it's not really typical for comics as a form to DO that.

[chaoortu]

so on nick and friendships

thank you @shinytimetraveltraveler for the suggestion. I'm gonna do some like tldr up top then my analysis will be below. - we're gonna cover the difference between show!nick's friendships and book!nick's friendships. (aka why book!nick is treated kinda shittier) - we're gonna talk about characterization, plot, and perspective on a craft level (my own takes as a writer myself, obviously.) - and we're gonna talk about how medium and time impacts hs as a story and why that's a GOOD thing.

okay, so let's first start talking about the differences between show!nick and book!nick because there's a few key things we have to highlight before we get into it. What are the main differences between show!nick and book!nick friendship wise? 1) Show!nick has a "best friend" (as close as someone like Nick can get to one bc remember: he is afraid of being vulnerable/seen), Imogen. They've been friends since year 7, she kind of has a crush on him but they work it out and remain friends bc again!!! Friends since year 7. 2) Show!nick's friendship with Tara is expanded upon. I make this argument a lot but show wise, Tara and Darcy are more Nick's friends than they are Charlie's up to a certain point. and 3) Book!Nick just doesn't have close friends, and technically neither does Show!Nick. The difference is that we see on screen Charlie's friends getting closer to Nick but in the book, we don't get any of those moments due to craft reasons I'll get into in a moment. Now, enough about show!nick for now. Let's talk about the comic.

"All my other friends are dickheads." also please remember that in the dear diary mini comic, we even know that Nick at age twelve didn't like hanging out with his rugby friends to the point of never even having them over at his house.

then we get this text convo on 3-30 or 3-31, post punching Harry at the cinema. Peep the instant need for validation. "they liked me then??" as in Nick did not expect them to like him at all, and that's not an unfounded thing to believe as Tao specifically has very firm opinions of Nick at the beginning of the story, labeling him as this chavish rugby lad before they've even spoken.

Now let's transition over into craft bc craft is a big reason why Book!Nick doesn't have as close of a friendship with the main cast but Show!Nick does (like genuinely, if Tao and Elle in the movie snap at Nick like they did in the comic I would be SHOCKED.) So here's the thing, Nick is kind of an accessory character until book 4 but more so book 5. I attribute this to the fact that Victoria Spring was Alice's first character and because Charlie is her sibling and has such a huge impact in her story in Solitaire, he's more fully formed at the start of Heartstopper compared to Nick who is sort of just slotted as Charlie's big protective boyfriend in Solitaire. Nick doesn't really get hardcore development for a majority of the webcomic outside of his relationship with Charlie because... well. HS is primarily from Charlie's pov. We do get a handful of Nick chapters sprinkled throughout the story, but we are almost always in Charlie's head seeing things how he sees them and we understand this world as he and later, Nick, understands it. We are never really IN anyone else's head or bearing witness to those conflicts the way we are in the show. Alice is the only one drawing and writing this comic-- that's so fucking cool but it'd be too big of an ask to have one person showing us every character's inner worlds while balancing the story and it's not really typical for comics as a form to DO that.

[chaoortu]

i need british person help is there like an equivalent of a big gulp in the uk. are y'all drink slingers or is it just like. tea, squash, water, coffee, and like fruity bevs?

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you're not turning your fandom hobby into a job are you? giving yourself deadlines and quotas that you have to meet? focusing on the numbers instead of your enjoyment of the act of creation?

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How it feels to find a fanfic where your favorite character is going through literally the worst horrors you can imagine

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whoa an unpubbed fic update

selkie fic: nick is about to return to the estate after having been gone during a storm and charlie is like ough i hate you and nick is like "well i hate you more!" (because he does and also can't lie about it.) then another storm rolls in and the paris squad will not let nick lead so he's very grumpy pingu about it but it's good for the bonding. yellowjackets au: nick sees coach singh and her son for the first time since the wilderness and it sincerely sets back his recovery by several years and he decides that if he and charlie dont move out of london within the month, he's simply filing for divorce so he can disapppear himself. (dw. charlie gets them moved in a week bc he's like that.) you adored me before: sarahs just told everyone nick's going to california over the summer for research as nick was about to tell his and charlie's families that they're engaged. this does not go over well yikes on a kite i feel so bad for them. "find me somebody to love": still in the percolating stages. will either be my nick and charlie never date but make a bet that if neither of them are in fulfilling relationships by the time they're 29 and 28 respectively, they'll just date each other. they've been trying to outslut each other for years however, the year nick should be turning 29, he gets in a relationship with someone who is SO bad for him and charlie's making it his mission to save nick from that and possibly keep him for himself. or it will be my after a string of failed relationships, charlie's friends try to set him up with nick nelson, a somewhat single father who still lives with his ex and her partner. they take things super slow because charlie is afraid of getting his heart trampled again and nick isn't keen on letting just anyone into his daughter's life. but of course... they're nick and charlie, so guess what happens.

[chaoortu]

im gonna go walk my dog, finish rocketman and then yap about some of my current wips that aren't hitting ao3

[chaoortu]

reasons to write fanfiction (I'll start):

share a cool scene that popped into your head

evoke a particular emotion the canon makes you feel

song made you think of a character or idea from canon

make people feel the same way about a character you do

make dolls kiss for fun

explore ideas the canon hints at but doesn't do anything with

traumatize characters and make them suffer

coddle characters and let them rest

had an insane idea for a crack ship and now everyone needs to know

the author of the canon was wrong and must be fixed

use familiar characters to explore your own ideas and plotlines

canon is too short and you need to wallow in the universe of the story

[chaoortu]

MY SHAYLAS... 8-24 spoilers and analysis under the cut

okay so this chapter rlly is a good reminder that they are still teenagers learning to communicate but god. god this was such a sad one i think because charlie FINALLY called nick out but the way he went about it was just. bad? not blaming him bc he's literally just sixteen i think but jesus man. I might have this analysis be panel for panel so stay with me y'all.

now charlie is the one who said he wanted to talk tomorrow. i will go on record saying if nick could get away with not talking he'd 100% take that route bc i honestly don't think he's ready to unpack WHY he's so anxious because it doesn't seem like he fully understands why he feels the way he does; he just knows he feels shitty! and wow bingo bullseye right on the money call me a prophet the way i predict things bc yeah. rejection of the "thanks for taking care of me" pancakes. (which, nick feeling the need to give back in that way, providing something i believe is connected to the fact that he seems to use sex both bc he enjoys it but also as a means of "hey. stay with me. don't leave me. look at what i can do for you look at how i perform please don't go."), and u could literally put a broken glass filter over that bottom panel. yeah. nick talking about HIS feelings isn't gonna happen while charlie is doing poorly. like from nick's pov, how can he possibly open up about his own anxieties when his boyfriend won't eat? when he might be on the verge of a relapse? i think what makes this chapter difficult is the fact that nick and charlie don't know how to talk to each other the way they used to anymore. and i had this kind of revelation that it's been a little over a year since charlie's been to treatment, and that sort of means nick's been playing the supportive boyfriend for a majority of their relationship. those early days where they did share things, where nick was blubbering and all that? that was a literal FRACTION of their relationship. and that's not charlie's fault, it isn't his fault he's mentally ill but it is the situation that they are currently in and idk if either of them have had that realization but i sure have. that's hard.

what i love is that we actually see in real time nick switching into supportive/perfect boyfriend mode right in front of charlie. this is nick's default and i genuinely think nick doesn't understand that he's doing it, like this behavior feels subconscious to me. and while charlie has now spotted this behavior and is trying to call it out, the way he goes about it is just... not good! the equivalent of trying to give nick a high five and slapping him in the face in the progress. like again, friendly reminder that nick has at this point had one nightmare THAT WE KNOW OF involving charlie dying. his anxiety around losing charlie, not even in the breaking up sense but the LITERAL sense is a massive thing. i have to remind myself sometimes that charlie was suicidal, that he was hurting himself, and when i put myself in nick's shoes... i don't know if i'd be able to tell my partner about my own issues if i didn't know with 100% certainty if they were in the clear out of fear that if my issues compounded atop theirs, it'd make their mental health worse. it's a kind of guilt i'd never forgive myself for and i have in fact broken up with people when my situation has gotten so severe that i could not be an equally supportive partner (around 16-17, so, the same age as the boys.) like this situation is HARD to navigate and it's made worse by the fact that they really haven't seemed to talk much about charlie's mental health, nick just knows it's declining because he's not eating and imo, that's a good enough reason to not want to tell my boyfriend about my deeprooted abandonment issues bc... what if i made his mental health worse? THAT'S where i believe nick is at. moving on.

now here is the funny thing. charlie fully bulldozes over nick here despite wanting nick to talk. and we see that gray ink blotch getting bigger and bigger, we see nick starting to pull away. this is no longer a conversation this is "my boyfriend is upset with me, what do i need to do to make him not upset as quickly as possible so he doesn't leave me?" it's not a conversation, not by a long shot. I do think if Charlie hadn't cut him off, Nick would've kept deflecting and that could've turned into a conversation if Charlie said: "hey you're still deflecting, you're still turning this on me can we please not." and maybe it'd turn into a blow up fight or maybe nick would just start fucking blubbering and they'd get somewhere. but that didn't happen, and yeah im a little upset about it because for someone who wants nick to communicate, charlie doesn't do a great job at giving nick the chance to in this moment and i get it bc this issue has been festering for months but like. christ. charlie is right to call nick out on focusing on him all the time but like. from nick's perspective-- their early relationship was all about keeping nick safe and then coming out, but the rest of it has been about making sure charlie doesn't, like, die??? and yes, it is dramatic. he's seventeen it is very dramatic for him. they haven't talked much about it though, not in a real way. and just god. nick looks so fucking exhausted here it's not even funny and like REMINDER THAT HIS ASS IS DISGUSTINGLY HUNGOVER AS WELL. i wish nick would've puked on charlie in the middle of this, alas. im the only one always rooting for a good catharsis vomit. we're gonna circle back to the "why are you treating me like i'm fragile" thing because charles francis, you lowkey just proved your boyfriend's side of things, but first!

nick is so funny for this bc there was no therapy speak in anything charlie said, he was just being open, which again-- i just don't think nick KNOWS how to talk about this kind of thing as in doesn't have the vocab to even try. he hasn't been to therapy! he doesn't know these things! but i do think charlie was putting words in nick's mouth here bc nick never has seen him as fragile. nick thinks charlie is one of the strongest people alive and has ALWAYS thought so, but he's also an anxious wreck right now so he isn't showing that as much. i think the "you really dont' need to use your therapy speak on me" is less about therapy speak and more about wanting to be talked to like a partner, not as a sort of therapist + client relationship which nick may have seen it as with the way charlie kept talking. now back to the fragile thing.

oh hey look it's the reason why nick didn't want to tell charlie his bullshit happening on page in real time. charlie is leaving. he is walking away. nick has tried to be perfect and good and his boyfriend is leaving anyway. and here's the thing. i don't think nick's in the wrong for not talking to charlie because these panels literally prove why he receded into himself. his big feelings (and they barely scraped the surface, fuck man) made charlie cry, his "outburst" made him leave. and i'm legit getting a little choked up about it because how... how is nick actually supposed to talk to him after this when charlie's sort of proved that he is too fragile for this conversation or rather that nick is "too much". yes, having nick throw that back definitely hurt, i see that, but for all charlie spoke about wanting nick to talk to him, he doesn't give him the chance to in this specific moment and when things get hard, he walks away. that! shit! blows! it's understandable. i get it on a character level and obviously the story needs conflict for a reason but it's also like... charles... francis... spring... that boy has been by your side even when you were really fucking mean to him and you are WALKNG AWAY because he had a little outburst!? get real dude.

so here we are with nick saying sorry for hurting charlie's feelings. and charlie saying he'll be there when nick wants to talk. nick is better than me bc the crashout that sentence would've caused would be newsworthy. i also love how we see nick's reflection in the mirror here, i just like it a lot. but this is like. ugh. nick really needs to talk to SOMEONE about this shit and i think the issue is that their friend groups are so combined and nick is too empathetic to even attempt talking about charlie in any way that might be perceived as negative with them bc he LOVES HIM DUH, but also bc he knows how that would look. and nick asking charlie to eat when he gets home breaks my heart. i don't think charlie will tbh. and i'm 88% certain nick will blame himself if charlie fully relapses and i am crossing my fingers and toes that doesn't happen for charlie's sake. but this is sort of like... yeah, this is the perfect chapter to showcase where their relationship is at. nick bottles his feelings because charlie isn't well, charlie wants to be treated like he's not fragile, but breaks when nick is the tiniest bit mean to him, and so the cycle goes. yes. it did kind of piss me off that charlie didn't really give nick the chance to speak and tbh... i hope nick doesn't go to him first. i want this to be a quiet "relationship break" on record, i sort of hate that charlie's put nick in the position of having to reach out bc i know nick doesn't know how to do that and it's not really the supportive move he seems to think it is. and i am selfish. i want charlie to have his "i'm going to run in the rain to make things right with my boyfriend" moment. but hey... david at the end. we all know i like david as an antagonist. so. i have no solid predictions, but i hope david, whose just gotten out of a relationship, can have a convo with nick about charlie and offer some perspective and maybe some fucked up older brother advice? although i'd gnaw my own ARM OFF if we got a parallel to the tori kicking his phone out of his hand and david either talking to tori or charlie directly. i, selfishly, want a "i'm the only one allowed to make him feel like shit" moment bc as an older sibling with not a great relationship with their younger siblings, i am always down to proverbially beat their partners if they so much as make one single step out of line. i am also sort of hopeful that maybe. hopefully MAYBE see nick go to rugby and god, i'd gnaw my own leg off if he got injured. i want him to get bonked on the head badly. i want sai, christian, or otis to call charlie about it. i want the moment to highlight some of charlie's ocd. oh. the one time you make your bf talk he gets a fucking concussion you are the worst worst worst person alive, that kind of thing. i want the moment to force them to talk OR... I want Tao and Elle to break up and that lights the fire under Nick and or Charlie's asses to start chatting. but idk. nick will probably just talk to david and possibly hopefully maybe his mum about it? I feel like there's been a severe lack of Sarah in these pages. Does she come home and Nick is just like a wreck and David's like damn idk what to do about all that

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oh the new update

[chaoortu]

Being a bi guy quite possibly the funniest sexuality like dammmnnnn I know who John Waters is and jerk it to twinks in panties but I got a coffee date with Hetero Jessica from work at 3 thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica

[chaoortu]

everybody thinks having ocd is all about touching stoves or hand washing when in reality it’s really about having this guy inside your brain