chaos-in-elysium

[chaos-in-elysium]

But I'm going to leave this tumblr,too many soured memories. It's full of Fandoms I'm not really in anymore. I'm going to my back up,I won't give the name unless it's to mutuals or people who like my art I'll dm it to you. But this account is going to be a graveyard. I will dissappear and move on. Its time I left Elysium behind where they belong. Become someone new,someone better. And try to put this behind me. Turn over a new leaf. Be at peace.

[chaos-in-elysium]

People can claim I'm entitled and cuildish but if roles were reversed, they would want an explanation and evidence to. You can't make accusations against a person then proceed to never let that person in on what's going on, it doesn't work like that.

"He said to not blast music and you threw a fit" did he also mention that 1 I started turning my volume down after he mentioned it and 2 it was because he instead of leaving the call isti n silence. I was watching tiktoks even after I turned my volume down he would complain that I'm not paying attention to him.

I'm childish? But the person who accused me brought up stuff from 2 years ago. The sexual abuse claim makes very little sense to me, if he doesn't make it obvious that he is uncomfortable or did not want the interaction how was I suppose to know? He never gave any slightest hint he was uncomfortable,he never stated it either, in fact he consistently gave enthusiastic consent.

"If him crossing your boundaries bothered you why didn't you block him?" Cause he was my fp (favorite person) at the time I would have let him treat me anyway he wanted if that meant I wouldn't be abandoned. Also ask him the same question when it comes to the sexual abuse claim.

"Get therapy" I honestly don't have the money nor does my insurance cover it, also as someone who says they have bpd you would know how utterly difficult it is to find a therapist willing to work with a pwbpd(person with bpd) due to the stigma.

And even without the bpd the fact I told him more then once to please refrain from doing certain things that upset me, he should have stopped, because that's not ok no matter who you are.

And I'm kinda entitled to evidence that deals with claims made against me. And that deal with any screenshots from private dms.

Also I blurred his name his pfp from what I can tell is portal fanart it has no signifying markers to who he is, I even gave him an alias.

On the topic of things I said. I said something that seemed to bring down the mood in the server- 1 time. "TlYou should have gotten a warning then" Yeah I should have. That's kinda proving my point on people not doing their job.

When it comes to the Andy thing that was honestly meant to be a joke,and only a joke, if he had told me he was uncomfortable with it, or with that type of joke I would have stopped.

Based of how you reacted to the incident I stated where we kicked someone for faking osdd (Which was agreed upon by orb) that gives me the feeling that you are the person we kicked. If you aren't my bad that's just the way you came across. But if you are know that even Orb saw through you and said you were faking I still have the screenshots.

I don't block people because I "Know they're right" I block people because simply don't have the energy to deal with their harassment, they made a whole account just to slander me and try to silence me.

I only ever wanted answers and to defend myself. There was no harm in letting me see the evidence,there was no harm in letting me try to prove my innocence, you all could have still chosen to not believe me, chosen to ignore me,chosen to block me. Yet that didn't happen instead of taking the high road and letting me prove my innocence, then move on you all chose to slander,harrass,and attempt to silence me. It shows that somewhere deep down there is insecurity and part of you knows that the mods have some blame in this.

I admit that I don't always handle things the way I should, I'm prone to over explaining,not letting things go,and jumping to extremes when threatened. It's something I have always struggled with, that however doesn't mean that I am malicious,lying,ot manipulating anything. I'm showing my end of the story.

The reason I never came forward sooner is because due to a lot of what I've been through it takes me a while to realize the way someone treated me wasn't ok, and me and him at that point had calm down,started to be friendly,and left each other alone. I didn't see the point in bringing it up especially since I knew with the stigma surrounding bpd, that no one would believe me.

I am prone to anger especially back when "elm" and I met, I had just found out a year prior that I had bpd and had been struggling to work on it since I couldn't and still can't afford therapy. I had told him from the start about it and explained what I knew about the disorder,I even told him about the stigma surrounding it and hour abusers tend to target pwbpd and turn them into the abusers. He used this against me continued to push and push. I was splitting so much that I felt like I couldn't breath. That every move I made had to be dictated by him. This isn't me using it as an excuse this is me showing how it effects me. When I told him that his actions were causing splits, he honestly should have stopped. He would always claim "Oh I'll do better." But never did at some point I gre bitter and thought "Why should I have to change but not him? Why should I work on myself but not him? Why does he pin everything on me? Why?why?why?" Then we mostly cut contact and what do you know I was no longer splitting 2,3,4 times a week. Finally I could breath. Then this happened, I don't know why he would start all this up, I can't pretend to know. It has been 2 years yet in a time of peace and silence he throws a rock into the pond and attempts to ruin what calm I had finally built. He knew I wouldn't go quietly,he knew I would cause a fuss. I played into his hand out of my own instinct to protect myself. I was a idiot, I still am and Idiot.

At this point I want silence and I want peace. Believe me to be the villain,believe that I'm a horrible abuser. Feed into his lies. I don't care anymore, I'm going to continue with my life and work on healing from all the damage he caused. I'm going to enjoy doing stupid shit with my closest friends,friends who don't push,who know I'm not a malicious person. Friend who care for me deeply. I'm going to live and exist in my own space, and you all can continue stabbing and howling in the distance to anyone who will listen, but I won't hear you. Live your lives,enjoy your friends,and be happy.

[chaos-in-elysium]

Is it the jacksepticeye egos cause that also fits

If I had a nicklet for everytime I was attached to a webseris where the creator was very vauge about the production of their lore driven story to where i just kinda wish they would make a public announment if they dont want to do it anymore. Since its been at least 2 years since that lore driven story last had a epsiode.

Id have 2 nickles

which isnt a lot but werid it happned twice

is- is homestuck the other one

[chaos-in-elysium]

Ok it's time to come forward with my evidence and claims. In August or September of 2021 I met my accuser- let's call him Elm. We grew close rather quickly and became romantically involved. One day he asked if he could add his best friend into a group chat with just the 3 of us, I said yes. It didn't take me long at all to realize that his supposed best friend was actually his boyfriend, I had a talk with his boyfriend first who claimed Elm told him that I was the best friend. After explaining that Elm and I had been romantic for about 1-2 months his boyfriend despite having a hurt tone claimed that they were in an open relationship. These discussions all happened over discord call so I don't have screenshots for it. When ai confronted Elm about it because he never told me about his bf or the open relationship, Elm couldn't give me an answer to why he just kept dodging the questions. So when two people are in an open relationship and one wants to date someone else and doesn't tell that person about the open relationship, that isn't an actual open relationship - its cheating.

I pulled back a bit after this staying friends but becoming more platonic after Elm seemingly lost interest once I called him out on the cheating. There is one thing about Elm that always bugged me, the fact he would claimed his original characters or "muses" as he called them "tool control". (This was mentioned on call) When I asked if he had D.I.D he out right denied it but it seemed that whenever I would explain that something he was doing upset me that's when his Muses would "take over" and they always tried to make him blameless. For some context I have bpd and tend to split (I call it an episode) when I notice I'm being treated poorly, this can lead to rather explosive anger- Elm know this and would continue to do the behaviors that I asked him not to. I have one major instance of his main muse taking control

I was primarily upset because we had planned to hang out on call that day and Elm left barely 5 minutes in to hang out with a friend who randomly asked. )I blocked out names for their privacy because I know if I didn't they would raise hell. ) As you can see I'm trying to address a problematic pattern of behavior and he uses this muse to try and make me into the bad guy. He would purposely do something he knew would cause me to split, tell me to communicate if something upset me, then shame me and get pissed at me when I did. I had let him know multiple times that if I told him that an action he did was causing episodes then I would prefer it if he could refrain from repeating those actions as much as possible- he said he would but then would continue to do those same actions. This Azlute character only seemed to come out when I would call Elm out on how shitty he was treating me, and then would try to make me the one in the wrong for bringing it up. After this incident we muted each other and spent time apart to calm down after we settled we tried to remain friendly- but not fully friends. After a bit of not talking I had gone through a bit of a upsetting event with another friend and reached out to Elm this is the exchange. (I blocked out irrelevant messages prior)

Notic ehow he said "That's doesn't mean we have to be enemies,thought. I dont want to fight anymore .i consider you...an aquatance."

This interaction was 7 months ago we hadn't talked since. His words completely contradict his recent actions, if he didn't want to fight or be enemies why bring up these allegations? If he had such a big issue with me why wait til the allegations were made to block me? It makes honestly little sense to me

Moving on from Elm, next up we have Crimsons rather rude behavior. I did not blur her username out because these are public comments made on one of my posts. Keep in mind this woman is 31 years old (according to her Tumblr bio) and yet is behaving like a chronically online middle schooler.

First up I was already banned and blocked why would you still need evidence? Unless Elm had no evidence when the claims were made and the mods of the server decided to believe him, despite that went against our usual process.

"There's nothing you could possibly say that could change what you've done and said." If that's the case why prevent me from even attempting to plead my innocence?

"The only reason I've said anything is because I'm not involved." Yet you're being extremely rude and aggressive, and also involving yourself??

Once again based off her own words they did not have evidence when the claims were made.

I understand not posting the evidence to the public, I never asked for that I asked to see the evidence. When I gave another option to dm me the evidence she blocked me. This is the type of people running the server, people who will condemn you without evidence, who refuse to let you defend yourself, who refuse to even offer an explanation to what's going on. If the mods had just don't the mature Nad professional thing and discussed the issue with me,went through the claims, and let me defend myself none of this would have happened.

My original post was to try and reach the mods in the only option I had left to figure out what was actually going on. They banned and blocked me with zero explanation, I was left completely confused and blindsided. People are saying I'm immature but yet these mods are the reason I've had to go to extremes. I just want the evidence so I can defend myself. I'm not satin you have to believe me, I'm just saying you should jump to guilty until proven innocent.

I've had at least one person say "Well you should have just handled it privately" Well one can't handle it privately when all the mods decided to block me. I understand Elm made me out to be manipulative and when in an episode I can come across that way. Even still someone should have done the mature thing and been like "Maybe we should get Ry's side of the story and go from there".

Mods shouldn't be acting like children in this way. Especially for such an old dying Fandom such as portal 2. I feel that over time some of them lost touch with the world outside of the internet, the more they witnessed younger people struggling to separate fiction and reality, the less grounded they were. I think all of them need to step back and reflect and ask "Is this really how we should run this server?" A server that has over 100 people where only maybe 15 are ever active,a server that will have months of dead silence. Maybe it's time to move on, and to grow up.

[chaos-in-elysium]

My original post was mainly to try to see if any of the mods could be adults and explain what was going on. When Crimson rather rudely explained that she had seen the evidence I asked for her to dm it to me- she blocked me. If there's nothing I can say or do to change anyone's verdict on me (Crimsons words) then what's the point of refusing to let me see the evidence? Maybe if the other mods had been mature and professional and actually discussed what was going on when the accusations came forward, this wouldn't have blown up the way it did. I just want to at least be given the chance to defend myself and prove my innocence, I don't want back in the server.

Regardless, watch out for @chaos-in-elysium. I dont know what they think they're planning, but its only going to cause more drama over something that should stay private.

[chaos-in-elysium]

Tag your syscourse, that fakeclaiming garbage is fucking triggering to any system that comes across that... You prick.

1. Sorry for not tagging I'm not familiar with those specific tags and 2. The person I'm accusing has told me to my face that he doesn't have D.I.D or OSDD but continues to pretend that his original characters take control and I know that it's pretending due to the circumstances surrounding it. Once again sorry if it was triggering I'm not aware of the proper tags all I was trying to do was bring forth my own allegations which I will be going in depth on with screenshots soon. I just don't want this person hurting anyone else. (I also showed the screenshots to a very close friend of mine who has D.I.D and she did agree that what he is pretending is rather harmful to the community)

But if you know the tags I should use I will gladly add them to my post to avoid this happening again

[chaos-in-elysium]

trying to prove a point to the boys at school

reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont

[chaos-in-elysium]

Picking kids from School (Genshin Version) Cartoon by me

[chaos-in-elysium]

[chaos-in-elysium]

its a discord server who tf cares this much

Because of the accusations being thrown at me and the fact that they are spreading the evidence around to people not involved who have the audacity to stand up for me. It's an attack on my character that's why I care.

[chaos-in-elysium]

As a survivor of sexual abuse and harassment, your second post makes me sick. How the hell could you know they didn't want it. If someone made you afraid of what would happen should you tell them no, would you? And don't say "of course of course" cause I thought I would too. Grow tf up and move on.

That's the point if they do not communicate in any way and continue to give enthusiastic consent I can't know. I can't only try to defend myself with what I do know. I would check in constantly with them to make sure they were ok and they always said they were. Plus this was all online since we do not live in the same state they had the chance to block me in the past 2 years we've known each other. I can't argue against any evidence because those who have it refuse to show me it. And I do have my own allegations of this person with screenshots if they are allowed to come forward with there allegations so am I. So if you have the evidence you would know that I don't have it and can't refute it, if you don't have the evidence then please do not try to lecture me on something you have no information on. The server mods were immature and unprofessional by offer no explanation or evidence to the situation I am just doing what anyone would do and prove my innocence. So if you are going to continue to behave this way please do not bother talking to me because I do not have the patience to try to refute against evidence I currently do not have.

[chaos-in-elysium]

Dragon Age Sexyman Masterpost!

Follow the links to vote!

Round 1:

1. Zevran Arainai vs. Oghren

2. Alistair Theirin vs. Aveline Vallen

3. Leliana vs. Carver Hawke

4. Morrigan vs. Bethany Hawke

5. Fenris vs. Briala

6. Anders vs. Gaspard de Chalons

7. Merrill Sabrae vs. Celene Valmont

8. Tallis vs. Brother Genitivi

9. Marian Hawke vs. Sigrun

10. Sebastian Vael vs. The Iron Bull

11. Cullen Rutherford vs. Loghain Mac Tir

12. Cassandra Pentaghast vs. Wynne

13. Anora Mac Tir vs. Thom Rainier

14. Solas vs. Andraste

15. Dorian Pavus vs. Raleigh Samson

16. Josephine Montilyet vs. Meredith Stannard

17. Sera vs. Ser Rylen

18. Bodhan Feddic vs. Jethann

19. Felassan vs. Corypheus

20. Varric Tethras vs. Karl Thekla

21. Abelas vs. Inquisitor Ameridan

22. Isabela vs. Delrin Barris

23. Cremisius “Krem” Aclassi vs. Orsino

24. Jowan vs. Marric Theirin

25. Flemeth (GILF) vs. The Architect

26. Flemeth (Swamp Lady) vs. Sten

27. Flemeth (Dragon) vs. Lace Harding

28. Nathaniel Howe vs. Vivienne de Fer

29. The War Table vs. Tamlen Sabrae

30. Teagan Guerrin vs. Warden Duncan

31. Garrett Hawke vs. The Arishok

32. Bianca (The Dwarf) vs. Bianca (The Crossbow)

[chaos-in-elysium]

So I'm kind of tired of The still alive server giving me the run around. Here's my proposal send me the evidence, or I will take to my social media's with my screenshots and go public with my allegations against my accuser I will blurr out names but I will come forward. I will also come forward with how toxic and aggressive your mods are based of how Crimson talked to me, and no I will no block out the username since it is a public comment. Honestly by being immature and unprofessional in the way you all handled the accusations against me has made you all look worse, I would prefer not to have to add to that with my own evidence but I will if I have to. You all could still take the simple path and at least send me the evidence. Also yes I did tag my original post but it was only to see if any of the mods could give me info on what was going on, Crimson made this public by sending out your evidence to someone trying to defend me. The next choice is up to you.

-Ry

[chaos-in-elysium]

To the Still alive portal server mods. Yes ik you're reading this. At least have the courtesy to dm whatever evidence you have against me. Withholding it is basically saying "We know you aren't guilty but we just don't want you to defend yourself." Seriously you all are adults and need to truly grow up. From what I was told evidence wasn't even presented when the claims were made yet you all believed it. I know who accused me and I have proof that they aren't the victim in this. I'm not saying the name so you can't get pissed, but they used me to cheat on their partner and when I brought it to their partners attention I was told "Oh its an open relationship its fine" but it was clear that their partner was hurt by the situation, also news flash it can't be a open relationship if you aren't communicating aka the partner was told I was "Just a friend" and I was told the same about the accusers partner. Everything that happened between me and the accuser during the time prior was always consensual and they never gave any indication that it made them uncomfortable nor did they say "no". Also the acusser(despite never actively claiming the term D.I.D) pretends that his ocs or "Muses" as he calls them "take over" and uses those to basically negate any responsibilities for their actions, I have screenshots as proof and will gladly share. The reason we are no longer friends is because the accuser would continue to do things to upset me and when I would explain that those actions upset me I was made into the bad guy. But none of you want to hear that, because you seem to believe "Guilty until proven innocent" but yet refuse to allow the accused to prove their innocence, real professional. At this point I don't want to come back I just want to see the evidence and at least be given the opportunity to prove my innocence.

Also if you all are still "Gathering Proof" as crimson puts it. Why? I'm already gone, I'm banned and blocked so why the need to gather evidence?

[chaos-in-elysium]

Please reblog and add your nationality in the tags along with what you answered! I'm very curious about this; and it's not to shame anybody, so don't be rude!