chaospandemoniumandcuddles

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Kili: We can’t have stories until I ‘cept your ‘pology.

Fili: Sorry.

Fili: Sorry sorry sorry sorry

Kili:

Dis: With a good apology, you say sorry, say what you did wrong and what you’ll do differently.

Fili: I’m sorry I threw that at you like it was an axe and you were the target.

Dis: And next time…?

Fili: I’ll throw it at something else. Like the wardrobe.

Kili: (excitedly) Or outside! At a tree!

Fili: Yeah, we could make a place for throwing things at things and put faces on them and make it so when you hit them something red comes out like blood.

Dis: Whose fa- Never mind.

Kili: I don’t ‘cept the ‘pology.

Words changed: 1 (stories)

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Following a hiatus due to me calling my child the wrong name…

Fili: Can I throw yet? It’s my turn.

Dwalin: (who has successfully wrestled the first axe off Kili and is once again in pursuit, nursing a bruised arm and battered pride) Come… here… you…

Fili: But can I throw yet?

Kili: (poking his head out from behind a target) Can’t catch me!

Fili: Mr Dwalin, can I throw yet?

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Thorin: If you don’t eat those eggs, I will go without you.

Fili: (Hitting a blanket-covered lump with another blanket) I would have eaten them by now, but there’s a spider on my chair.

Thorin: And? What’s it going to do?

Kili: (emerging from blanket, with a face covered in scrambled egg) We can just toast it!

Thorin: What?

Dis: It’s just a house spider!

Fili: Are there spiders as big as houses? As big as trees?*

Kili: As big as… as really tall trees!

Kili: I would smash them.

Dis:

Thorin:

Dis: Smash them and toast them?

Kili: No, I’m going to toast the small ones and smash the big ones. Then they will turn into lots of little spiders.

Fili: No they won’t. They’ll turn into spider bits.

Kili: (Finding this hilarious) Spider bits!

Fili: Where’s-

Dis: He’s gone without you.

Fili and Kili: NOOO!

* The only word I had to replace in this was ‘skyscraper’

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Kili: (drops a pile of sticks on the floor) MARBLES!

Dis: What?

Kili: MARBLES!!!

Kili: It’s what you say when you drop things on the floor.

Dis: What, marbles? Marbles…

Kili: Why are the marbles hairy?

Dis: Marbles aren’t…

Kili: They got hairy when you dropped the frying pan.

Dis: Oh Mahal- Marbles.

Kili: (Dropping the sticks with a triumphant clatter) BIG HAIRY MARBLES!

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Thorin: *following Balin around the corner* I still do not see why -

Fili (who could aptly be described as ‘covered in paint’ by anyone who has not seen Kili): It was an accident.

Thorin: *raises the eyebrow*

Fili: We just found a bucket of paint, and it was nearly all gone, so we thought we would tidy it up.

Balin: They climbed the fence, opened that shed and poured paint on each other.

A dwarfling-sized paint blob: It was an a-

Balin: Dwalin saw the whole thing.

Dwalin: *folds arms*

Paint blob: -axy- axy-

Fili: Accident.

Paint blob: Yes, def’nitly an axydent.

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Fili: I just looked at it and it cut my finger!

Dis: Just looked at what?

Fili: At that! I just looked at it!

Dis: *following his finger* Is ‘that’ the cheese grater? The cheese grater half-hidden behind the curtain on the high windowsill behind your uncle’s desk?

Fili: Why did you put it there?

Dis: … I really don’t know.

Fili: I just looked at it.

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Thorin and Fili are in the kitchen discussing terms for Fili’s allowance. Thorin began by generously offering that Fili apprentices in the art of smithing, allowing him to one day earn his own coin. Fili’s opinion is that he should be paid to attend lessons. Not gold, but at least silver.

Neither has yet budged from their starting position.

Dis: *bustles around the kitchen finding boots and mittens, dropping increasingly acerbic hints that Fili is already late for said lesson, and trips over Kili*

Kili: *frowning* I’m trying to open this satsuma with my nose, and I just can’t do it!

[chaospandemoniumandcuddles]

Dis, entering the kitchen to find a small Kili perched precariously on a drawer, waving a large, cast-iron frying pan above his head: ?

Kili (in a self-explanatory tone): Fili sworded me.