charlie-raye

[charlie-raye]

I dont know why today was so hard. I have been off work for a while and alone so maybe that's all it really takes. I spent all day in bed crying on and off and I had gotten a headache so I got up to take some tylenol. I held the bottle in my hand and so strongly wanted to take them all. Just take 2 I reminded myself as I started to cry again. My hand actually started shaking as I pour two tylenol into my hands. I dont know why it's like this.

[charlie-raye]

If this ride doesnt stop soon I'm gonna get off I dont care the costs.

[charlie-raye]

This is difficult. I'm 150lbs now. I am officially overweight. It might be the antidepressants or the birth control that made me gain weight but eating sugar and carbs sure didnt help. I want to starve myself so bad. I worry about my daughter seeing my unhealthy eating habits and developing them herself. How do I teach her how to have a healthy relationship with food when I've never had one? Why cant I be thin and healthy? What's wrong with weighing 100lbs?

[charlie-raye]

Something I've realised about eating disorders

No one gives a fuck about you or your eating disorder unless you’re frail and look like you’re dying. Millions of men and women sufferi from ednos, bulimia, binge eating and even anorexia go unnoticed because they don’t “look sick” This is why none of us get help. Because we all feel like we’ll get looked down upon for saying “hey I have an eating disorder” if we don’t look the part. We feel embarrassed to be getting help because we feel like if we aren’t on the edge of death then we’re healthy. Even though we know in our hearts that we aren’t healthy and that we are struggling, our minds, because of society, force us to believe that we shouldn’t recover because we don’t have it as bad as someone else.

[charlie-raye]

i wanna talk about it but i really dont wanna talk about it

[charlie-raye]

XD 15lbs ago oh what a time to be alive. When you try to recover from ana because you're 26 and not a child anymore and just get fat instead. Yeah I'm back hopefully we can lose this weight. Cant be old and fat.

And I'm back.

I gained 5lbs can I fucking die now???

[charlie-raye]

He didnt choose you

He got left with you.

[charlie-raye]

And I'm back.

I gained 5lbs can I fucking die now???

[charlie-raye]

🔪 t h i n s p o 🔪

[charlie-raye]

Make me skinny

[charlie-raye]

Not wanting to eat in front of anyone because it makes you anxious

Vs

Only wanting to eat in front of people so your eating habits look normal

Vs

Wanting everyone to think you don’t eat anything

[charlie-raye]

half the ed community: fasting will only make you lose temporary weight, you'll gain it all back and more

the other half: i lost 23028261lbs by fasting and I haven't put on a single pound!

[charlie-raye]

Member when I was trying to lose weight?

Yeah like 1 month ago I was determined to lose so much weigh it scared people or I ended up in the hospital and now I'm on the verge of "healthy weight" I'm almost over weight. That's how disgusting I am. Cant even fucking starve myself right.

[charlie-raye]

Reblog if your ashamed of your weight.

[charlie-raye]

[charlie-raye]

https://instagram.com/p/BhexFw2nCFM/

[charlie-raye]