chenfleur - Tumblr blog

[chenfleur]

everything in you

summary. time and time again, life drags you down until you lose your senses—and time and time again, jake manages to bring you back to the surface.

pairing. jake x y/n

genre. fluff, angst

disclaimers. insecurities, implied burnout

word count. 2.6k

released. 03.19.2024

author's note. feedback is appreciated! from drafts ^_^

masterlist

There’s a crack in your wall, located a small distance above your TV.

It’s tiny and shallow, barely noticeable to anyone unless they purposefully look for it—or spend enough time staring at the wall that they’re forced to notice it. 

You noticed it for the first time last Tuesday, when you came home from work and the first thing you did was drop yourself down onto the couch.

This was a situation you found yourself in multiple times over the course of the past week: hands in your lap, mindlessly staring at nothing. There’s a thrum at the back of your head that you’ve been trying to ignore, just like all the other sensations that have manifested in your throat and lower back and the pit of your stomach.

More times than not, you sit here spacing out for hours; all the way from the time you get home to the time you feel your eyelids beginning to drop shut. Sometimes you have the energy to make a meal, but on the days that had no mercy for your peace of mind, you didn’t.

Maybe you do this to cope with stress. Maybe you do this because despite the rational part of your brain telling you that this is a form of self-sabotage, the exhausted part knows that silence—nothingness—would never betray you. It would never make you work overtime or make you worry about how others perceive you; it would only give you the peace you desire.

Today was one of those cruel days, to the point where you’d think it’s the shittiest you’ve had in a long time. You felt like you were at your breaking point, and you hate how every little inconvenience had made you want to burst into tears.

But even after you got home, you didn’t cry.

You seem to never cry, and you’re not sure if that’s a good thing. Instead of having a quick breakdown to rid yourself of strain like everyone else does, it piles up inside of your mind until utter blankness is born from the ashes of loud, rampant thoughts.

It’s what lands you here again tonight, despite never really wanting to be—staring at the line where the black of the flat-screen TV turns into the light cream of the apartment walls. There’s a mug of chamomile tea on the coffee table that you had brewed for yourself earlier, but it remains untouched, steam no longer wafting through the air.

A yawn racks through your body, bringing you back to reality after your mind had essentially been shut off for an hour and a half. Groaning loudly, you push yourself up off the couch to get ready for bed, trying your hardest not to think about how tomorrow, you’d probably have to repeat today all over again.

What you don’t expect is the sound of the front door’s lock suddenly clicking open.

It causes you to freeze, head turning to look towards the entrance.

As the door opens, a tall figure emerges through the threshold. 

There’s a black baseball cap fit securely on his head, shielding his face from view—yet, it’s someone who you can recognize instantly. Someone who you have spent hours upon hours memorizing head-to-toe.

From the expensive bomber jacket he's layered over a grey hoodie, from his favourite pair of worn-out sneakers that he refuses to throw away. From the teddy bear charm—a gift from you—that dangles from his keyring.

You stare at him for a moment, slack-jawed.

Someone who you haven’t seen in a long time and weren’t expecting to see again for a while.

“Jake?”

Shutting the door behind him with a click, a grin breaks out onto his face.

"Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing still awake?"

Someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and weren't expecting to see again for a while—and who you never realized you'd missed so much until he was finally standing in front of you again.

Hurriedly taking off his shoes and jacket, your boyfriend pads over to you. His arms slink around your waist, pulling your body into him and hugging you loosely.

Breath hitching at the contact, your own arms come up to rest on his shoulders. You can't bring yourself to fully meet his eyes; you feel like if you get a proper look at him, a dam would break loose.

For some reason, Jake just makes you want to cry your eyes out. You have the art of concealing your emotions around others perfected to a near tee but he—

God, you don't even know why.

You try so, unbelievably hard to remain strong around him, but his presence—his touch, voice, warmth—never fails to make your facade absolutely collapse.

But even though he's reassured you time and time again that it's okay to let down your defences around him, that he wants you to, you refuse.

At least not this time; most weeks, six out of seven days, Jake would let himself into your apartment as if it was his own, and the two of you would fall asleep next to each other with your limbs a mess on the mattress. But, with the group's upcoming comeback, he's been staying at the dorm to make preparations easier. It's been weeks since you've seen each other, and with each passing second you spend with him again, you realize how much you'd truly missed him.

You're confident he isn't supposed to be here right now, but you don't know when you'd see him again. You're not going to let a precious moment be spoiled by tears.

However, the universe seems to always be working against you, because just the feeling of him loosely pressed against you is making your bottom lip quiver.

A beat of silence passes. Habitually, you lean into his touch.

You feel the tip of his nose stroke your cheek affectionately. You screw your eyes shut.

"What— what are you doing here?" you ask meekly.

"Am I not welcome here?" he teases, tilting his head.

"You know you aren't supposed to be here, Jake," you chide, though it comes out as more of a plead. "I know for a fact you have early morning practices everyday, and you probably don't get off until late at night..."

You toy with the line of his hood. "The comeback is so soon. You should be at the dorm. Resting."

"When am I ever doing something I'm supposed to be doing?"

At your lack of amusement, Jake's bottom lip juts out into a pout, his arms squeezing your waist a little tighter. "It feels like it's been centuries since I've seen you, Y/N. I couldn't take it anymore," he whines softly.

"You can't tell me you haven't missed me too. I'll literally cry if you do."

A pause. "I have," you whisper. So much that you don't even know.

Jake immediately stops pouting, his eyes crinkling as a smile blooms on his face at your words. He begins to slowly rock the both of you side-to-side, body flush against yours.

"Well, what kind of a boyfriend would I be to let you miss me?" he says playfully, looking off to the side.

Raising your head for a moment, you observe his side profile. Your eyes slowly trail along the contours of his face. Drinking in each of his carefully sculpted features. A slight smile tugs at your lips.

You lean your head against his chest, exhaling when you feel him card his fingers through the locks of your hair.

"Besides," Jake begins, his voice now softer as he redirects his gaze to you. "I'm sick of living with a bunch of disgusting guys."

You scoff. "Don't lie. You love them."

He lets out a laugh, gazing at you with shining eyes. "But you're the only one I'm in love with. There's a difference, sweetheart."

Your chest constricts. You'd been so close to completely forgetting about the turmoil brewing inside of you, but Jake's admission immediately causes it to resurface, rising like bile in your throat.

This isn't what you wanted.

You know it's coming. The burning sensation in your nose is a mockery of your efforts to remain composed.

Jake's tone carries a sincerity that makes you come undone. His words carry so much weight despite flowing out of his mouth no struggle, and they cause a stronger emotion in you than any of the cruel things that have ever been thrown your way.

Maybe this is why it was so hard to not cry around Jake—because it's so easy for him to love.

Loving comes so naturally to him, and it breathes life back into you. When you don't have any to spare for yourself, he does it in your place.

Your gates had been one strike away from being beaten down completely, and Jake had done it, with love.

You hold your breath for a few seconds as a last-ditch effort to prevent your tears, but that doesn't stop the first one from falling.

And as the saying goes, "starting is the hardest part", because as soon as the first tear slips down your cheek, more rush to follow. Your vision starts to blur.

Feeling you tense in his hold, Jake's smile falters. "Hey—"

He leans back a little bit, head ducking to try and get a look at your face. "What's wrong? Y/N?"

When you refuse to make eye contact, only tucking your chin further into your chest, his being floods with concern. His hands leave your waist to cup your face, gently forcing you to look at him.

For weeks, Jake would leave the company building late at night with only the thought of seeing you again. But in those thoughts, you'd always been smiling; maybe even laughing at a funny video or a stupid joke he'd made.

Now, the sight of your tear-stricken face only has him pursing his lips together, his heart pounding against his ribcage.

Instinctually, Jake examines your face, checking to see if you're hurt anywhere. Once he deems you okay externally, he carefully brushes the skin underneath your eyes with his thumbs.

"Baby..." he whispers sadly. "What happened?"

You only shake your head, sharp breaths leaving your lips. Jake frowns, continuing to wipe away the tears that spilt from your eyes.

When you eventually raise your gaze, you're met with the sight of Jake's own eyes beginning to water. Despite your state, there's a ghost of a smile on your lips. He looks adorable.

"Why are you crying?" you breathe out weakly, letting out a soft laugh. "Don't cry~"

"Because you're crying!" he whines. His eyebrows furrow as he stares into your eyes, trying to find out what had gotten you to this point. "You can't just cry and then expect me not to!"

Pursing your lips, you look away shyly. "Jaeyun..."

Jake's eyes soften. Gently, he cups the back of your head and guides your face into the crook of his neck, stroking your back as you continue to shed tears.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," he whispers into your hair. "It kills me to see you like this."

"I hate crying," you whisper back, tone filled with regret. "I really didn't mean to."

"No, no, baby," Jake shushes, shaking his head vehemently. "That's not what I meant. Hey, look at me," he coaxes, bringing your face up to look him in the eyes.

"What I meant was I don't like to see you hurting. You can cry, baby. I'll be here to wipe every one of your tears," he says, chuckling.

A single tear travels down the length of his face. You bring a hand up to wipe it away. Jake doesn't move, watching you with a soft gaze.

"Let go. I'd rather you cry than bury it all inside." His hand comes up to stroke your hair. "I promise you that crying doesn't make you weak or make me love you any less than when you're smiling."

So for once, you cry. Dumping every one of your emotions out onto the fabric of his hoodie. He holds you securely as you do, hands rubbing circles on your hips.

"I'm so tired," you suddenly croak out.

For a second, fear freezes the blood in Jake's veins. His voice is shaky as he asks, "O-of what? Us?"

Your face flashes with horror. You frantically shake your head, pushing yourself back to look at him.

"No!" you blurt, cupping his face. "No— oh my god, never. You're— we're—"

You exhale shakily. "We're great. We are everything to me."

One of his hands comes up to cover yours. "What's going on, baby?"

"It just feels like I'm... broken."

Jake's breath hitches, another tear slipping down his cheek to his chin. He doesn't say anything, prompting you to keep going with a tap to your side.

You delicately wipe the tear away, leaning up to press a firm kiss on his cheek before continuing.

"I feel so— so incompetent. Like I'll never be good enough at my job, or for the people at my job, or really anyone around me, for that matter."

A pause. "No matter how much time and energy I dedicate to something, nothing ever goes right. And nothing ever will go right because there's something wrong with me."

Silence hangs over the two of you, your ragged breathing and his soft sniffles intertwining in a sorrowful melody. Jake's brain is moving at a million miles a minute, grasping to think of what to do—to make you see yourself the way he sees you.

"Sweetheart," he begins, picking each of his words deliberately. "Listen to me carefully, alright?"

"You are not incompetent. In fact, you're so much more than just competent at what you do, to the people around you... everything. I wish you had my brain instead of yours. Yours is so mean to you," he murmurs with a click of his tongue.

"If you had mine, you'd see how incredible you are at what you do, to the people around you, everything. Because that's what I see, Y/N. I see everything in you."

You groan, hands reaching up to cover your face as heat flushes your cheeks. "Oh my god..."

Laughing, Jake tries to pry at your hands. When he succeeds, he looks deep into your eyes, gaze never wavering. You think you'd have crumbled to the floor by now if he wasn't here to hold you up.

"Did you mean it?" he whispers, breath fanning against your skin.

"Hm?"

"When you said that nothing you dedicate your effort to ever goes right."

You grimace. "That's what it feels like..."

"Even us?"

Oh. "Jaeyun—"

"Shhh, I was kidding. I know that's not what you meant," Jake coos, the groan that leaves you making him smile. He gently brushes a strand of hair out of your face before tilting his head and softly capturing your lips in his. Your eyes flutter shut, melting into his hold.

"You're strong, okay?" He whispers against your lips when you break away. "You're stronger than anyone I know."

Jake doesn't make any move to let you go. He wants his reassurances to travel through every part of your body, until you become so familiar with them that they'd never be a subject of your questioning.

"You aren't broken. I won't let you be."

The feeling of his skin against yours grounds you. In the foyer of your quiet apartment at one in the morning, it makes you feel alive.

[chenfleur]

man now that we know sunghoon's side of the story i feel bad☹️ but at the same time my girl y/n is so strong like she really does care so much like i would just give up

i know 😭😭 especially since they're constantly in the same vicinity just because they have to be... if that was me i would be so exhausted

[chenfleur]

oh i totally get it actually but you're doing such a great job on it i really appreciate that it's such a relatable smau it makes me feel less alone bc i felt like no one ever understood how i felt when this happened to me and five years later someone else can relate to me and it brings me a bit a peace bc although it doesn't hurt me much anymore reading someone else feel that makes me hurt for THEM not so much hurting for myself anymore i never thought the day would come where i wouldn't feel gutted over a situation like this but I'm so glad i can think of that person and not feel anything anymore

i'm happy you've managed to make progress in healing and making peace with yourself 🫂

this smau is honestly kind of difficult for me to make in a literal sense, because it feels like i'm not. capturing the essence of the characters' emotions or state-of-minds that i've created for them in my head; i've been in the same position (mentally) as y/n's character, so it's easier for me to understand the emotions i'm working with when i'm making stuff from her pov, but it feels so difficult to articulate... (funny thing is it's also hard for me to do sunghoon's thought process as well LOL)

and i suppose i was just worried that the characters wouldn't come off the way i wanted them to, but hearing this is reassuring ;;

[chenfleur]

can we have a little update 😋☝🏻 (im so greedy for this smau)

like an UPDATE update or a spoiler....? bc as of rn i don't have an update update ready i'm sorry 🤕 but if there's anything u're curious abt regarding the storyline or the characters or anything like that i can try to answer that (o^^o)

[chenfleur]

i think because it's actually a very realistic situation in the smau it's easier to relate and really feel things like sadness and heartbreak

honestly the thing with this smau is that it’s based off of a lot of things that have happened in my personal life so it makes ME sad, i just wasn’t expecting it to make other people sad too,,

though, i really wanted to make something that felt realistic and would evoke emotion so it’s very rewarding to hear that it actually did that 😭 i didn’t think i’d be able to

[chenfleur]

hii!!! idk if you listen to ariana grande but i wish i hated you reminds me so much of broken strings the song and the smau together are a real big crying session

helloo!! i listen to a bit of ariana grande and you're so right about i wish i hated you !!! the lyrics fit rly well with y/n's dilemma 🤕🤕

[chenfleur]

I just want to say Y/n's friendship with her group makes me cry everytime 😭 they're all so patient and understanding :( . I feel like you just like to make me cry 🫠

Also I hope you take time to also take care of yourself since you said you'll be busy!!! Don't pressure yourself about uploading chapters!! 🩷🩷

writing the recent chapter was like . healing to me in a way ;; like that feels so cringe to say LOL but it really does feel like that in a way

[chenfleur]

BROKEN STRINGS

EIGHTEEN. jfc not this Buffoon again

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

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series masterlist

PAIRING. park sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY. Since the day you first picked up a racket, Park Sunghoon had been by your side. He had been your first badminton partner, first best friend, first love—and despite the two of you never having a label, it felt like only something cosmic could come between you. But, when the pandemic makes the world shut down, Sunghoon slowly disappears, leaving you in the dust with no explanation. Now, as you start your senior year and the world starts to re-open, you try to move on from him—right when he suddenly enters your life again.

A/N. ok i am out of Juice (i’ll be busy) so updates will be sparse from now on 😕

TAGLIST. @euncsace @mrchweeee @ariadores @jiaant11 @jiawji @jaeminri @en-happiness @eneiyri @run2min@nyfwyeonjun@nctislifue @velvtcherie @sungookie @oldjws @saranghaohoshi @leaderwon @who-tf-soddhi @jwnghyuns @koizekomi @haechansbbg

[chenfleur]

I'm not sure if we're in the same time zone but the other day you posted an update and it said the time was at 1:27 LMFAOOO i giggled at that

LMAOOODSJF WHAT CAN I SAY. it's the green in me

[chenfleur]

omg don't be sorry bb!! you're doing great and i love this smau so much! i just wanted to know so i can look forward to it 😈🙏🏻

THANK U FOR LOOKING FORWARD TO IT 😚😚 i'm so happy you're enjoying the series !!!

[chenfleur]

hii i just wanted to ask how many parts broken strings is gonna have 😈☝🏻

hellooo!! if i'm being dead honest . i have no idea

i have zero perception of the pacing of this series 😭 but based on where i am in my like. mental plan i'd say 35-40 parts? give or take?

[chenfleur]

BROKEN STRINGS

SEVENTEEN. did you just call me a hotpocket

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

previous / next

series masterlist

PAIRING. park sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY. Since the day you first picked up a racket, Park Sunghoon had been by your side. He had been your first badminton partner, first best friend, first love—and despite the two of you never having a label, it felt like only something cosmic could come between you. But, when the pandemic makes the world shut down, Sunghoon slowly disappears, leaving you in the dust with no explanation. Now, as you start your senior year and the world starts to re-open, you try to move on from him—right when he suddenly enters your life again.

A/N. hmmm initially i split this conversation into two parts bc i didn’t want one part to be too long but it being split is a bit awkward…… the next part is also long so i dont know if i should split it or not………….

TAGLIST. @euncsace @mrchweeee @ariadores @jiaant11 @jiawji @jaeminri @en-happiness @eneiyri @run2min @nyfwyeonjun @nctislifue @velvtcherie @sungookie @oldjws @saranghaohoshi @leaderwon @who-tf-soddhi @jwnghyuns @koizekomi @haechansbbg

[chenfleur]

stop STOP WHAT THE HELL??? YOURE THE AUTHOR OF “OPEN THE GATES LET ME IN” AND I DIDNT KNOW IT?&@.&/9/ that jeno fic holds a piece of my heart PLEASEEEEE

i just saw you followed me some days ago and after stalking you a little i literally went. gasped shook LIKE ?????? are u insane (in the best way possible) … i love your style of writing YOU’RE AMAZING !!!!! i love you.

HAHAHAH HIIIIII yes i am 😁 i honestly really like that fic so u have no idea how much it means to me to know that you like it too ☹️☹️ thank u thank u thank u for the compliments i love you too 🫂🫂

my favourite of yours is the lakes !! it's so so PRETTY 😭 i love royal/regency aus so bad i wish there were more.....

[chenfleur]

BROKEN STRINGS

SIXTEEN. just sneezed. who's talking shit

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

previous / next

series masterlist

PAIRING. park sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY. Since the day you first picked up a racket, Park Sunghoon had been by your side. He had been your first badminton partner, first best friend, first love—and despite the two of you never having a label, it felt like only something cosmic could come between you. But, when the pandemic makes the world shut down, Sunghoon slowly disappears, leaving you in the dust with no explanation. Now, as you start your senior year and the world starts to re-open, you try to move on from him—right when he suddenly enters your life again.

TAGLIST. @euncsace @mrchweeee @ariadores @jiaant11 @jiawji @jaeminri @en-happiness @eneiyri @run2min @nyfwyeonjun @nctislifue @velvtcherie @sungookie @oldjws @saranghaohoshi @leaderwon @who-tf-soddhi @jwnghyuns @koizekomi @haechansbbg

[chenfleur]

i love u i love u i love uuuuu this smau brings me so much joy i could kiss u

ilym ☹️☹️ i'm so happy that ure enjoying the series mwah 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[chenfleur]

BROKEN STRINGS

FIFTEEN. satan 3

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

previous / next

series masterlist

PAIRING. park sunghoon x reader

SUMMARY. Since the day you first picked up a racket, Park Sunghoon had been by your side. He had been your first badminton partner, first best friend, first love—and despite the two of you never having a label, it felt like only something cosmic could come between you. But, when the pandemic makes the world shut down, Sunghoon slowly disappears, leaving you in the dust with no explanation. Now, as you start your senior year and the world starts to re-open, you try to move on from him—right when he suddenly enters your life again.

A/N. i wish Jake Sim was a real person

TAGLIST. @euncsace @mrchweeee @ariadores @jiaant11 @jiawji @jaeminri @en-happiness @eneiyri @run2min @nyfwyeonjun @nctislifue @velvtcherie @sungookie @oldjws @saranghaohoshi @leaderwon @who-tf-soddhi @jwnghyuns @koizekomi @haechansbbg

[chenfleur]

atp i'd just date jungwon 😐 like sunghoon needs to stay 3m away from me ✋🏻

NO SERIOUSLY like seeing sunghoon from my pov is just so like. oh god what the fuck is this guy doing 😭 meanwhile jake and jungwon are so 💓💖💞💝💘 like im personally looking at sunghoon's character like 😐😐😐 but for y/n it's way harder because she's like. in love with him 😞

i think what i intended for y/n is that she's been trying to force herself to get over sunghoon which is 1) impossible because they're constantly within proximity of each other and 2) EVEN MORE impossible since they have so much history with each other, and since forcing herself to not think of him is exhausting, it's why she's less mad and more hurt in the second time they talk; moreover it's just like. y/n is subconsciously trying to find reasons to give him a chance (because trying to pretend someone doesn't affect you is ridiculously hard like which higher being decided that making it that hard was a good idea i need them GONE) because more than anything she just misses him 😭

like he can screw off for all i care but y/n cares so much more than i do 💔💔