Have a mental break down everytime you post something on the internet that is very personal or means a lot to you and fighting the urge to delete it...and often losing the battle.
Getting a video that reaches more than 10k views and a crazy amount of interaction is not fun. I hate being so perceived. also reading so many comments that ether relate to my experience as disabled, can be emotionally draining to know how many are unable to make it in this world. or getting comments from abled body people being so demeaning and disrespectful, is so ill inducing.
I told my cat yesterday that he was the first being I ever truly fought for to keep in my life because I couldn't bare the idea of being separated. I am very glad I did. Fighting for anything I truly want is struggle because deep down I always ether don't feel like I deserve it, or if I do succeed in getting what I want, I will accidentally misuse what I desire or won't want it anymore.
This is one reason it's hard to motivate me to push learning how to drive. If I end up capable of driving, than I will have to pay for a car I can't afford or worse, I will crash the car because I ended up dissociating and forgetting the rules of the road.
It's hard to fight for anything when you simply don't trust yourself.
Me in my 20s: how can people just cut someone off and just be emotionaly okay afterwards? How do I function anymore? I can't eat or sleep...I can't handle this pain!!!
Me in my 30s: .... Well, that connection was pretty toxic and I can't afford that shit anymore...glad that's over. Me sleeping better than I have in months.
I don't care if your intentions were pure, Your intentions is not what earns my trust in you...to be honest it makes me trust you less if all you have is good intentions.
Can you hold accountability for hurting someone despite your intentions? Do you have integrity? Do you follow through with what you say? Do you have self discipline? What do you invest in and how do you truly treat other people?
Throw you intentions in the bin, I don't care about them.