cheripepsii

[cheripepsii]

I weirdly feel like I’m in this constant state of getting worse. I know that this is probably due to an uprising hormones due to a “personal situation.” But I truly feel as if whenever I get up the world seems to find a way to knock me right back down.

As I’ve mentioned previously, I struggle with mental illness. But I don’t only struggle with one thing. Unfortunately, I struggle with several different mental disorders, and they affect my daily life so much that I’ve never truly felt like a normal person. I know that sounds really cringy, but when I say, “I don’t feel like a normal person”, I say it with the intention that I don’t feel proper empathy. Nor am I able to respond to stressful (and even happy) situations properly. I always end up pushing myself wayyy too far.

Lately I’ve been struggling with my mental health, especially bad. I had to miss a club practice today due to this. My social worker had set a boundary that I can’t come to the office as much (I do admit that my visits have been a bit excessive.) and my brain had viewed this as “rejection” and I broke down. Other things that happened as well, and I had pushed myself way too far. I even had to miss an activity with a college program im involved in.

It’s not that I don’t love my passions and my extracurriculars, I am just not mentally healthy enough in order to take on tasks that require me to be there both physically and mentally. And it sucks whenever you’re too sick to do things, but in the wise words as one of my favorite teachers had said when I was venting to him, I am at my “ tip of the iceberg moment.”

I believe with all the stress and anxiety I’ve been under, it would be better for me to take a day away from work and school and everything else. I believe that I need a moment to benefit myself for the sake of being able to be there mentally and physically in the future at my extracurriculars and school… and work.

So this is a reminder to everyone out there who is pushing themselves and holding all their emotions back. It’s not healthy and it will only make you burst and burn out like a dead star. You deserve to take a break, you deserve to take 100. Whether the only thing you did today was got up and swept the floor while struggling with depression, or you lost a loved one, you are doing the absolute best you can and you deserve a break.

[cheripepsii]

I would actually do anything for a burger with extra mayonnaise rn

[cheripepsii]

There’s this common occurrence I see nearly daily concerning the issue of “pick-me’s” in society.

While I do agree that there are some people out there that can be judgmental and extremely two-faced due to a need of validation, I also propose a cause of this social phenomenon.

I propose that the cause of “pick-me’s” are rooted in the fact that we as a society teach our youth that validation from the opposite gender is the ideal goal in life. We teach young girls that when a boy pulls their hair it’s a sign of affection, and crushing. We also teach young boys that when girls hit them, it’s a sign of teasing, and young love. We push the youth to strive after these affections, and do anything possible to acquire them. We even go as far as to give examples in movies of how one should act to acquire the validation of the opposite gender. By doing this, we are causing our own problems.

I believe that the existence of “pick me’s” is proof that we is a society, teach our youth to not value themselves, but to value the opinions of others. while I don’t think that this is something that society could fix overnight, and I doubt that this concept is going to magically disappear anytime soon, I hope that future generations are taught by society to value their own opinions and their own strength over what they can provide for the opposite gender. Whether that be romantic, sexual, or even platonic.

(if you can’t tell, I have an obsession with YouTube documentaries)

[cheripepsii]

Im not exactly sure how to blog, but this would probably be cheeper than therapy

I know that overhearing on the Internet is not only inappropriate, but also not a very smart idea. I don’t plan on oversharing completely, though. In fact, I plan on keeping my identity anonymous for as long as I possibly can, or until I get tired of doing this. So likely in a week.

I suppose I’m starting a blog due to the fact that my social worker said that journaling my emotions and personal progression would help me to keep track of my goals better.

While, I know that I stated before that I won’t overshare, and that I’m going to keep my identity anonymous (not that anyone really gives a fuck) I will share a few things about me so my blogs don’t seem confusing even if I only have a few viewers, or if I’m just talking to myself.

• I am queer and gender-non-conforming

• I struggle with mental illnesses

• I am a minor (17 going on 18)

I say this, not only to protect myself from weirdos, and explain my future blogs, but also chase off any unwanted viewers. (Transphobes, homophobes, just overall your basic dni criteria.)