chescarrillo-blog

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Today is Nov. 15, 2020

I don’t know why I’m taking notes today, there’s nothing special happened. I just want to cry and write my heart out!! I wanna cry until hurts no more, I want to write until I’m lost for words.

I want to show you that I too can be happy without you, I can also delete photos of us in social media, I can also forget. But I know I’m just fooling myself, I just put it in archive, how can I forget you when all I see reminds me of you. I’ll just live by what they say “fake it till you make it”. I just hope that I’ll be able to make it! I hope that someday I will hurt no more when I see you happy and making time with them, i just hope that I will no longer pity myself for begging for your time and attention when we were still together.

I never thought that it will be this hard. I was that woman who is always independent and strong, I don’t need a man. That’s how I used to, but you change me, you made me soft, you made me so dependent on you that I forgot I have other friends too. But don’t get me wrong I do not regret anything, you made me happy. You made me so happy that I got addicted to the happiness that only you can provide that’s why when I see us falling apart little by little I just look away and act like nothing is happening. And here we are; apart. Looking at each other’s post from a far, we used to be part of each other’s story, I used to tell you every damn thing that happened in my day but now I can’t even say “I miss you”. How did we end up like this? Is there still a chance? I want to ask so that I can already go on with my life because to be honest I’m still hoping that us is the end game.

Another day I have wasted for crying over you, over our memories, by the way I saw that you were in Tagaytay multiple times after our break up. Did the place reminds you of me? I was just curious coz for me it is ours. It’s where you had your “YES” and that is also the place where we last spent our alone time, which I hope I cherished a little bit more. I didn’t know, I didn’t know that it was already our last. I just regret that I didn’t hug you tighter, tight enough that you’ll not be able to walk away.

I do not want to say goodbye because it is never good but I hope to see you and be with you again when we are whole and ready.

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My Home 💏

They say that your home is where your heart is, so now you're my home because you hold my heart so gently.

Looking back, I never thought that we would end up being together, for we both know that we are only acquaintances, sharing the same class room and going to the same school and just passing by each other's day. But nevertheless you already caught my attention because of your strong personality and your passion in whatever you do.

This is a secret that I am planning to hide forever but I'm going to tell you anyway. I made you my competition!! I told myself that I want to be like you, your leadership, your wit, your industriousness, your friendly personality, actually everything about you, I like it a lot that I want to possess those too, but you know what!? I did my bestest but I can't. I can't be as great as you are and until now I'm still in awe in how you do it. During those times you made me a better version of myself, and I realized that I can, I can be better.

And now the chasing part begins, our groupmates teases us for what you told them the others night. I already have a hint in what they are trying to convey and you were so shy and that's another clue. Actually I felt really weird about it at first because everything was so awkward yet everyone was so excited about our development. When your Seb (Sarah) already told me the whole story, I was so flattered for how I appeared in your eyes, and I never knew that someone can look at me as perfect as you did. Thank you!! But before the revelation I also told Sarah that I also like you but not the like that can put us to the next level, I just see you as every girls dream guy, smart, responsible, and has a plan for the future (your looks is just a bonus 😉). And just at the same moment I appreciate everything about you that you are really lovable and charming that's why you have your solid buddies who loves you so much and you treat each other as a family.

During the ligawan stage, You already have me at the 2nd month I think 🤔, but I refuse to give my "Yes" because I promised myself (I dont know if I already told you this one) that my first boyfriend will be my last. I wanted to make sure that you have the patience to wait for me and also if you'll stay if see all of my flaws and you succeed Congrats!! (to the both of us)

Now we're turning 1 year next month and I am loving you more everyday. Yes we have our petty fights, our tampuhan and jelousy about each other's past but I wanted to tell you that it was just part of the history that I'll always look back, not because I wanted it back but because I learned a lot from it, he's just a lesson love and he doesn't matter anymore because you are all that matters now. You always makes me look forward to the future with excitement and enthusiasm, the euphoria is also there when we're planning our future family. Imagining to build a home with you is my vitamin that keeps me going.

I know that you can read this and I wanted to tell you that you are my home, my fortress and my comfort. I love you Jeff with all of my being. And this is the bed time story that I will tell Chandler and Julliana, 🙈 how we fell in love and stay in love.

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Passenger

1/18/17 Today is the day I met Coco. Yehey!! 🎉 but that's not the highlight 😉 I was amused and surprised by your patience and perseverance just to have me. I never imagine anyone doing such thing for me, you woke up so early just to pick me from home, then waited for more than an hour for me to prepare and still you manage to smile and tell your beautiful stories so I won't be bored in a traffic jammed EDSA. Honestly I have no idea what is in me for you to do such things. I'm not the head turner, probably not the tall one, I'm not the smart girl, actually I'm the invisible girl, the best friend , the tropa that no one would notice, but you saw me ☺️ not just the flesh but also my old soul and I just want to thank you for loving every bits of it.

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In a world that's constantly changing have the strength to be consistent.

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Just recently I fell in love with a guy Exciting yet afraid, that's what I feel Falling in love never felt this right Feelings are mutual, there's nothing to worry about Ordinary is not who you are Rare, that's what you are to me Talking to you just made my days extra special I never knew, it will be you Zesty is what I describe you. Ps: You can read his name on the 1st letter of every line 😍 This is not my best tho.

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Love is a Chaos

Love is a confusing territory for me, I haven’t experienced one. I just know love through the books that I read, the movies I watched and the through the experiences of my friends. I am certain that love is not always butterflies and rainbows, happy and fun memories. To know love you must also feel pain, you should also sacrifice and learn to compromise.

That’s why I am scared. Sacred of taking risk. Scared of giving chances. Because I don’t want someone to give me too much pain, I don’t want to sacrifice my being for someone that will just leave me one day and I am not used to compromising because all my life I live a single and happy life.

But one day, you came and told me how beautiful, smart and kind hearted I am. I wasn’t aware that I can be that kind of person to someone I just recently met. You told me how you fell for my optimism, how you love my laugh and how you admire my courage. I was too blind to see this characteristic of mine because you’re the only person who choses to look beyond my flaws.

I am so Happy to know that a person can just look at me and tell all those. Thank you! For making me feel like I am one of a kind, special and most of all for telling me that I am worth it. It’s my first time to feel so confused of this so called ‘love’. As much as I want to protect my heart but my mind telling to at least try but still I’m in doubt. I’m still afraid to give you my trust and scared to fall in love, but I don’t want to let you go, I didn’t want to see you with someone else someday how selfish of me to think all those. Indeed love is a chaos.

Can I ask you a favor? Can you wait for me? Until the time that I became ready and sure of myself and my feelings. And I will promise you that it will be worth the wait.

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Love takes time, it's not easy as ABC and 123

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Ate leeeeeng! Please kung gagawin man syang movie don't let the director change the story line/ concept and wag na wag sana ma compromise yung characters. Sana di sya matulad sa sdtg 😭😭 sobrang sakit sa puso nun 💔

Out of all your stories, ano yung gusto mong maisa-pelikula or teleserye, if given the chance and why??

Hmm.. honestly? If I Fall. Sinulat ko siya in a structure na parang katulad siya ng Gimik or ngayon na Luv U. Gusto ko kasi talagang magsulat for TV! Kaya if given a chance, If I Fall talaga :)

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Why shouldn't we fall for the nice guy? =)))

Dahil dito sa post na ‘to. Sagad sa buto ang pagkatama ko rito.

At dahil alam kong tamad ang ilan sa inyo na magclick ng link, eto ‘yon. Copied from Sadness and Agony Facebook page:

Don’t fall for the nice guy because when he breaks your heart, it will hurt and it will hurt really bad. You won’t see it coming because of course, he’s the nice guy and nice guys don’t go around breaking hearts like bad boys do. This is what makes the pain seemingly unbearable, and you wish you fell for the bad boy instead because at least with him, you know what you’re getting yourself into.

When you meet the nice guy, you will feel as if you don’t deserve him and so you try to be better. You’ll thank God for having met this boy who inspires you to be good and to do good. You’ll feel sorry for the other girls who have had their hearts torn into pieces because with the nice guy, you somehow have this sense of assurance that your heart will remain intact. You’ll try to justify every unanswered call and all the unreplied messages because you believe in him too much. You’ll see the red flags but you’ll see right through them because things are supposed to go extra well when you’ve gotten yourself a nice guy. You’ll refuse to save yourself from the sinking ship because you are hoping that the nice guy will be the one to save you. You’ll wait and wait until you find yourself drowning because he never came.

The heartbreak will make you question everything you believe in. But more importantly, it will make you question yourself. You’ll tire yourself from going in circles trying to figure out what you did wrong because it couldn’t be him. It simply can’t be.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. You’ll endlessly recount all the movies and young adult fiction because there was not a single warning about falling for the nice guy. They only spoke of the bad boy and how you should avoid them at all cost. That was the rule. Or at least, you thought so. It turns out they were wrong - you were wrong.

So don’t fall for the nice guy like I did because he’ll end up ruining you. And girl trust me, it won’t be pretty. I guess everybody got so busy reminding me not to hurt him that nobody was left to remind him not to break me. And so he did.

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😂

did you know that “friends” stands for:

feebee

rachel

it’s joey

everyone is friends

nonica

dross

shandler

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1. The friends you have at the beginning of the year can completely change by the end of it. People change, and if they aren’t improving your life in some way, it’s okay to drop them. 2. Take many pictures. Don’t let it take over your life, though. You don’t want to look back and see that you only captured your memories with your camera lens and not within your mind and heart. 3. Find your safe place. Whether it be in the arms of a certain person or on the balcony of Barnes and Nobles with a cup of soup, find it and don’t let it go. You can have more than one safe place. 4. Be nice to everyone. You honestly don’t know what skeletons people are hiding in their closets. Everyone has their skeleton. Every person on this earth has something in their life or past worth collapsing on the ground in uncontrollable sobs over. 5. Reading is so important. Highlight the things that you read that you find intriguing. Read a lot, it can only do good things for you. 6. Writing always helps. 7. The girl with anxiety has the deepest thoughts. The autistic boy has the kindest heart, and the schizophrenic has the ability to put a smile on your face in seconds. Do not judge character based on a mental illness. 8. Music has an indescribable ability to connect and heal. Let it do its thing. 9. Her prettiness doesn’t make your prettiness any less pretty. 10. Getting close and letting someone in is scary as hell. You know what else it is? Worth it. 11. The minute you feel your happiness being dictated by someone else, take a break from them. 12. Adventuring is a must. Sunsets always help the soul, showing that endings can be as beautiful as beginnings. 13. Spend more time with your parents doing things they enjoy. Later in life, you’ll be wishing you’d spent more time with them than on your Netflix account. 14. Home is not always a place, but whatever you love with your whole heart. I have many homes, and it’s okay if one home doesn’t feel like home anymore. 15. Making someone smile and feel genuinely happy has the ability to warm your heart from the inside out. No matter how much pain someone is going through, you made them forget about it for a few seconds. Isn’t that something? 16. Feel everything and let it hurt, but don’t go back to what broke you. 17. Don’t let fear hold you back from what you want. The view from the other side is spectacular. 18. Tell people how you feel. Even if you’re scared it’ll burn your life to the ground. You say it loud. 19. You find the most extraordinary things in the most ordinary places. 20. Swollen lips and sweaty “I want you’s” can make you feel again, but I don’t want to feel anything if it means having to sit there feeling like the wind is constantly being knocked out of me when he stops calling back. 21. Sometimes the way you think of someone isn’t the way they actually are. 22. Never underestimate the amount of joy the holiday season can bring you. Try and find ways to feel that way all year long. 23. Timing is never going to be perfect; if you care about something enough, you’ll make the time. It’s all about priorities. 24. If women used their words to build each other up instead of tearing each other down, our world would change drastically. 25. Recovery can take 2 weeks or 5 years. You aren’t any less of a person if it takes you longer to find a way to let go of what’s hurting your heart. 26. You only need yourself, but having people by your side trying to understand means a lot more than you might think. 27. You find your truest friends in your darkest hours. 28. You can feel the whole world in a month and nothing after 2 years. Time does not define love. 29. Always say yes to dessert. 30. Concerts make life worth living. So does yelling your favorite song along with your best friend in the car with your best friend with hands intertwined. These are things that show you that you don’t need to be on drugs to feel invincible. 31. So does kissing.

emmuuhhhhh, 31 Things I’ve Learned Coming Into 2016 (via lengwritesstuff)

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Don’t demand me to define what is the significance to love someone. Perhaps, I hurl the word love away like they were the keys in the love lock bridges, abundant as it seems, but no one throws them back. Love is a feeling I have always fathomed as something that is ubiquitous. Not once did I believe in money making the world go round, but I believed it was love that keep us all to keep moving forward, keep the world dancing in cumbersome circles. We love the sun so much we swivel around it. It loves us back enough to embrace us with the gravity it has and keep us from gyrating into the deep fissure of space, from clashing with other heavenly bodies. I think the Earth fell in love with the fickle moon a long time ago that I refused to let it go. Their mutual love for each other keeps the tides rolling, making the oceans snivel when time comes when the moon has to vanish for a moment. Once upon a time, the sun fell in love with the moon that day after day he chases after her, knowing he will never be able to catch her. Love is why, in beauteous and evocative synchronization with the Earth, we crane our necks in tandem with the ground beneath our feet in order to drink in the sparkling stars, the languorous nebulae, endless skies. For years, there has been a struggle to find this elusive marine mollusk, this champion’s prize of life. This is my lost treasure, the faded blue heart-shaped seashell. I gave my all, I did my very best to find it and keep it in my hands but love is a glutinous creature that bites and scrapes, fickle and changes its mind. It grows prostrate and weary, the firefly that flickers in and out of light. The expedition towards it is persecuted with dangers: false prophets dressed with shining armor or extravagant dresses that guide you in vicious misdirection, the twisted forms of nefarious that will give you things to take just like being given by an apple in the middle of the forest by weird hag, the broken hearts that’s scattered around the place and the miles of distance you have to walk until your tired feet bring you to where you and he will meet. Please, do not ask me to define love. I’m the type who does not know what it is because I recognize it all too well and fall in love three times when I see the sun rises and five when I read poetry. I fall in love with the silence of that space between sleeping and waking, the moment that blurs on the border between the darkest hour of night and the first light of dawn. I fall in love with the way people walks to the streets, wearing the best of their best and walk without noticing other people’s business. I fall in love with the green spirit of mother nature in the garden of Ms. Ainsworth two blocks away from home, the city lights that looks beautiful but cold, I fall in love with ugly urban cities— love it for all it’s derelict, citified decay. I love it’s unhurried atavism. I happen to be in awe of people, too. I love the old man who bought her little kid a new toy by the department store. I love the boy in the corner of the rooftop when I see him closing his eyes, surrendering to the melody he is making. I love the mother when she calls her child that nickname only they share. I love it when people are kind and loving, and sweet and caring. I love it when I see their faces when they realize that they are important piece of a big big puzzle, a cog in the machine that is secretly named the world. I love it when someone sad or hurt felt home or comfortable by my company or by just a simple embrace; just a reminder that the pain they are experiencing will sooner be gone. I love them when they need a little bit of a reprieve from the hopelessness that pervades the very air we breath. I love seeing people at their worst because I can tell that they are holding their guard down and they finally letting me in and I want to hug their soul and make them feel that there’s a lot of things to be happy about and that they are not alone on what they are experiencing. I love them at their best and at their worst for people are just melancholic souls, fidgety feet and mawkish hearts that beat in unison with the first heartbeat of the new born baby, the choir that sang to the bottom of their hearts and the air that lets us breathe every single second. There’s a lot of question that boggled the mind of some people. Is that not what love is? Is love supposed to be kind? Is love supposed to go above and beyond the ordinary, the boring and go borderline insane? It should be infuriated with the right amount of lust and zeal, fueled by hope and everlasting passion. Lovers should understand that love is never constant but that lovers should, like monkeys in the trees that are interlaced, holding fast and have an impending and decisive fear of losing and letting go. Don’t ask me to define what is the significance to love someone. Do not ask me what is love because I know its different faces, forms, hues and tragedies. Do not ask me about love because each one is different, and each one is uniquely yours.

soulfulreverie (via wnq-writers)

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Yaaaaah! Sa sobrang nakakakilig nakakaiyak na 💕❤️❤️ they are my OTP Sethrang since the world began ❤️❤️😂

The feels!! Ako lang ba to or sobrang nakaka-iyak nung exchange ng pictures nila Seth at Barbs! Huhuhu I’m so happy for them!!! Finally they are free!!!!

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I am so excited to read that one..... I hope its soon! 😊

tsib 45 will be the death of me

(( baka ganun din para sa inyo guys. i’m so sorry ))

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Pera

Kanina habang nasa byahe ako papasok ng school, tinignan ko yung dalawang 5pesos na hawak ko, yung isa was made and released year 2014 and the other one was 2005. 

 Biglang pumasok sa isip ko wow 11 years na tong perang to ilang tao na kaya ang nakahawak at nag may ari nito? Ilang beses na kayang napa sa kamay ko to? Nahawakan na kaya ito ng soulmate ko? Asan na kaya sya? Masaya kaya sya sa buhay nya? Kilala ko na ba sya? Naging kaklase ko kaya sya? Pano kaya kami mag kakakilala? O kundi man, pano kaya kami muling magkikita?

 Ang layo mula sa pera ng tinakbo ng isisp ko diba? Pero pano kaya kung may feelings ang pera? May sense of attachment din kaya to sa mga taong humahawak sa kanila? Oo ang tao may attachments sa pera nila. Pero ano kayang pakiramdam ng baryang ito pag pinag pasa-pasahan na sya ng mga tao sa jeep? Ano kaya ang pakiramdam ng mga pera whenever nilelet go sila ng mga nag may ari sa kanila? Sanay na ba sila sa ganung mga pakiramadam? 

Haaays! Buti nalang at wala silang feelings. Kasi kung mag kakaroon sila ng feelings, sa tingin ko di nila makakayanan yung sakit na binibigay sa kanila ng mundong to. Madadagdagan ang lungkot ng mundo at dadami nanaman ang nadimpi at naaping damdamin. 

 01•08•16

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Maybe I’m writing into oblivion but I’m hoping someone can hear the words I haven’t said out loud.

can you hear me? (306 out of 365)