chexmix420

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Entry 3, 9-12-19

its been a while since ive written , ive been getting things situated and taking care of my mental state. i had 3 long time friends walk out on me beacuse they decided that i had a drug abuse problem which is a crock of shit. it breaks my heart to have to try and explain myself to you guys or believe me when i tell you im fine. ive apologized for past recent behaviors and it wasnt enough. i agreed to therapy and it wasnt enough. im hurt but im also holding up a lot better than i would have if this had happend in the past. i have grown so much by experiencing my break up in the start of 2018 and wheni actually was in a rut and bad spot in my life. as for you, i miss you as always but ive also been adapting to everyday life without you. i want us to be together so badly but not if you dont want it just as much. i still need to go through therapy and heal myself from past traumas. im still healing from shady backstabbiung fake friends who shall not be named, i am healing from friends who walk away when you may need them the most. you cant hardly be around and then all of a sudden decide you know whats best for me. people who wanna be in my life can be there, if you dont, there is the door. ill miss everyone who leaves my life but no longer will i beg anyone to stay.

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Entry 2 ,8-28-19

it has been a few days since we had the argument where you msde me sink into a depresson. you said it would do us good for some space and time apart which i agree but i know youre going to miss me and i know im going to get that 3am phone call. i alwyas say yes but i want to say no. i want to say no bcause i want you to know what it feels like , the way you tell me no unless its when you want. i know i may overwelm you with wnating to be arounf you or wanting to know what youre doing. its not to havew control of your life, ive never wanted that. i know im not good enough for you and maybe i never was but all i know is im working on myself everyday and if you truley loved me , youd stick it out to the end and you didnt. come what may, right? - sam

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Entry 1. 8-21-19

the way you make me feel today is unimportant and forgotten. ive expressed certain feelings towards you and you dont even say anything to them. i told myself that id be forgetting you now and not expect a text or even want one from you. you said no more sleeping over and no more seeing or talking to each other often. by=ut then you stayed over the other night and slept with me. i know those dont mean anything but why go back on what you say if youre just gonna keep coming back? why tell you that if you leace, not to come back unless its to work together. i know once i back off, stop checking on you, stop caring, stop loving you, you'll text me, you'll ask to stay over. you say you no longer desire to be around me until im not around, and then its ok to be arounf you until i do something that bugs you like getting upset when you dont wanna spend time with me or when youll do anything but date me. i know this should of started the minute you left me but things take time. i know now that ill be backing off a bit, but i know i wont be my happy same self and maybe , if you leave me alone long enough for me to foget you, maybe you'll come back , and by that time i really hope it isnt too late, beacause i love you so much, but if youre gonna make me wait until im exactly how you want me to be, i might find someone who loves me for all of me and not just the pick and choose parts. - Sam.

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— 2x16 | 6x13

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The Umbrella Academy (2019- ) 1.03 - Extra Ordinary

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The Umbrella Academy (2019- ) 1.03 - Extra Ordinary

[chexmix420]

The Umbrella Academy (2019- ) 1.03 - Extra Ordinary

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“Toddlers are difficult even when you’re a cat.”

(Source)