chillabuse

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emotionally retreating from everyone to focus on getting worse

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god said let’s make a girl who will be heart achingly lonely in her bones and always feel like a stranger in this world who doesn’t belong in any room she’s in and always has one foot out the door

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well i used to be more miserable and i lived

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i kno its not rly a popular statement and it sounds dismissive but you'll be miserable for as long as u deny ur own agency in ur own happiness

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Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth

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When Dostoevsky said, "Pain changes you, but it teaches. That is its mercy." but Kafka said, "Pain changes nothing. It just repeats itself until you forget who you were before it started."

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propaganda i am not falling for:

always moving on. some goodbyes need to rot a little. some griefs need to be held in the mouth like a stone.

beauty defined by algorithms. beauty exists in crow feet and smile lines

pretending to be chill. i’m not chill. i care deeply and inconveniently. i read into things. i write poems about eye contact

beige apartments with no soul. give me bookshelves and incense and loud art

sneaky links and unclear intentions. i want devotion. and also clarity

treating books as decor. read them. dog-ear them. argue with them in the margins

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don’t abandon joy because it is brief. don’t commit to solitude because happiness is fleeting. it’s okay that good things do not last forever. it’s okay to simply enjoy a thing for as long as you have it.

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even if you were a burden to bear i would gladly carry you. you are my friend

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A little tulip heart my dad planted for my mom in their garden :’)

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a lot of loving and being loved by people is recognizing when they're sincerely trying to help or comfort you even if their words are clunky and unhelpful at best and holding onto the sentiment that they are trying to reach for you at all. and a lot of the time that has to be enough because it's all you're going to get

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i feel so left out. like everyone around me knows how to be a human and i don’t.

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I AM WHAT I AM 'CAUSE YOU TRAINED ME

”I Would Leave Me If I Could. A Collection of Poetry” - Halsey/Cop Car - Mitski/unknown/unknown/"The Burning" - Venetta Octavia/@6aint/Bite the Hand - Boygenius/unknown/unknown/Bite the Hand - Boygenius/unknown/Places I’ve Taken my Body: Essays - Molly McCully Brown/unknown/Cop Car - Mitski/unknown/Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

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this blog is a museum of my heart