chillworldendingnerd - Tumblr blog

[chillworldendingnerd]

[chillworldendingnerd]

Humans are Space Orcs story where humans are known for our storytelling and acting abilities. While these talents are somewhat respected, there’s a major stigma against humans because we’re also the best liars.

“Humans don’t actually feel anything at all, they just mimic emotions to trick others into believing them”

“Never trust a human. They lie like the rest of us breath”

“Humans spend so much of their lives acting, it’s impossible to tell when they’re being truthful”

“In human culture, great respect is awarded to ‘actors’ who are able to mimic other persons and emotions with startling accuracy”

“Some ‘actors’ are able to ‘perform’ hundreds of unique characters”

“Acting is so ubiquitous in the human culture that many consider it polite to lie”

“Sarcasm is a common, casual game played between humans, where one human says something untrue and the other human must guess what truth they are thinking. Humans unable to perform this ritual are often ostracized by their peers”

“If you see a human crying, do not immediately assume they are hurt. Humans have been known to use their ‘acting’ abilities to trick unsuspecting travelers into giving up an unreasonable number of belongings”

“All interstellar travelers are required to read up on popular ‘scams’ or ‘cons’ performed by humans in the region they are traveling to”

[chillworldendingnerd]

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

[chillworldendingnerd]

The patron

The alien came to the library again, shortly before closing time, and quickly found a book.

"May this entity borrow The Complete History of Knitting?"

They always return the book they borrow after five minutes, but the ritual of checking it seems important to them. 

"Of course. Did you bring your card?"

I looked them up, after the first time I saw them for real. They first registered with us over ninety years ago. The senior librarian who first told me about them said I shouldn't stare, or pry.

"Whatever else they are, they are a patron, and should be treated as such," she said. "If they seek knowledge, it is our duty to help them find it."

There isn't an ancient and secret code of librarians, but that is definitely a core part of it. If such a code existed.

I scan the card and the book. "There you go," I say and hand them over. "Please return it within two weeks."

They tilt their head. "This entity will honour your terms."

"Oh! That reminds me, we have updated the terms since your last visit." I hand them the pamphlet we got from the printers last week. "It's mostly about internet usage, but I'll need you to read them and agree."

They study the pamphlet.

"These are terms this entity can abide by." They pause. "Is there no requirement to keep your existence secret?"

"Of course not," I say, "we always welcome new patrons."

They stand silent, long enough for me to realise the implications of what I have just said. 

"This entity had made an assumption, based on prior experiences on countless worlds, where knowledge is always closely guarded and costly to obtain" they say at last. "You will provide knowledge for free to all who seek it?"

In my mind, I weigh humanity's ignorance of those countless worlds of alien civilisations against the code.

"Yes," I say, "this is a library."

[chillworldendingnerd]

I see a lot of Humans pack-bonding with creatures they view as their own young, but I also wanna talk about how young humans pack-bonding with creatures older than them because they view them as a guardian.

Like, think some sort of human kiddo is wandering around a massive spaceship. No one knows who they belong to, nor where they came from. One of the resident aliens sees that there's a very young (read: age 9) human wandering around alone and without another human around. The kiddo probably got lost or something.

So, this alien tries to help find this kid's pack or their guardian, whatever, and well...the kid kinda just. attaches to them.

As like a This Is My Guardian Now scenario.

And now the alien has a little human to worry about because they won't go stay with anyone else. The kiddo pack-bonded with the alien. That's it. The kid won't leave, and they get really sad when the alien tries to give them to another human.

Imagine all the shenanigans with this big, fearsome alien...and the little human kiddo that attached themself to the alien.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Human: Dude I'm not so sure about this whole pack bonding thing you've been talking about humans don't even like each other

Alien: Well is it not true that your species collectively grieved over a non-sentient robot on the planet I believe you designate as "'Mars"?

Human: Okay look, that's different, Opportunity's last words just broke our hearts okay

Alien: But... it did not send a last message of words. It was merely the last data recorded by the non-sentient robot. The data showed scientists low power and also indicated the skies on the planet were dark to the point where no sunlight was visible at the time of the last data transfer, nothing more. x

Human: Exactly

Alien: So why does your species grieve over basic data?

Human: Well you just said it "My battery is low and its getting dark"

Alien: That is a poetic translation of basic data

Human: Are you trying to dishonor Opportunity's work?

Alien: N-no I jus- - -

Human: Opportunity was a good boy who did his best. End of story *huffs out and goes to grab some soda*

Alien: *watches human walk away without any farewell words* ?!?!? *jots down in notes* [ Humans can be very protective of their own even when challenged with basic facts, proceed with caution when discussing pack mates of any type, including all non-sentient pack mates. ]

[chillworldendingnerd]

thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.

And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.

And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.

And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?

Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.

Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Human crewmate: smells like rain

Alien crewmate: you can SMELL that???

Human:. ... yes? Some humans can feel it in their bones, especially where bones have been broken and healed or have decayed. Most of us get it with age.

Alien crewmate, aside to another alien crewmate: what the fuck

[chillworldendingnerd]

Humans are average at everything

And that makes other species crazy

"You swim well for your limb configuration but you will never be as fast in water as a Majoriranji."

Mo agreed with a nod. "They have fins, it's an unfair contest really."

"Nacbaqurs climb cliffs better than humans."

"Longer limbs, more fingers, that's no surprise. I know some elite climbers who could keep up but mostly ture enough."

"Chexits run much faster."

"Ah," Mo raised a finger. "They run on four legs, different configuration, unfair comparison. "

"My point is still valid. And you don't fly either."

"Mmm, no," Mo stopped to consider that one. "I don't think we have a winged ancestor. I have been sky diving, though, so I'm sure we missed out there."

"Sky diving? No, I have no wish to know. My question is this, why are you so feared? You cannot swim like a Majoriranji, or climb like a Nacbaqur, or run like a Chexit. Can you do anything special? Why should anyone be scared of humans?"

"Is that why you captured us? That's what you want to know?" Mo smiled as he leaned back in his chair. He had been afraid. Now he was amused.

He knew rescue was on the way. Just before the invaders managed to grab him and the other researchers, they were able to send a distress call. The Earth Alliance took attacks on their people seriously, they knew swift responses discouraged casual piracy.

"Okay, you'll probably be dead soon anyway so I'll give you a freebie. We're not the fastest swimmers, but most of us can swim and dive, and we can all hold our breath. We're not the fastest climbers, but our ancestors lived in trees, tall canopy plants, we can all climb. We're not the fastest runners, but we're not bad in a sprint, and we'll still be going hours after your fancy fast runners have collapsed and died of exhaustion. We don't have to be the best at one thing when we can be pretty good at just about everything."

[chillworldendingnerd]

May your Christmas be merry! Might I request some space mermaids/sirens?

They think it’s a ship at first, it’s so large.

It’s only when it twirls around them and two brilliant violet eyes fill their view screen do they realize it’s a creature. The bridge is silent as the creature pokes and prods, and then finally decides their ship means no harm and flies away.

Except maybe fly is the wrong word, because the top half of the creature is humanoid, long white hair and skin so black it nearly blends into the emptiness of space.

But the bottom half is a glittering white tail, and the way the creature moves is less like flying, and more like she’s pushing herself through space, like she’s - swimming through it.

There are a couple humans on the ship, and after their shift ends they find each other to grab hands and jump up and down all while screaming “SPACE MERMAIDS!”

The non-human members of the crew consider this rather tame behavior, all things considered, and leave them to it.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Human: *crying, in pain, experiencing minor neurological symptoms* This is delicious, what's in it? Alien: ...our strongest, deadliest poison. Human: How much for a bottle to send home? My mom would absolutely love it. Alien: If you let a team of our finest scientists deliver it and study her reaction, it's free. Human: Sweet, I'm sure she'd be up for that, let me give her a call--

[chillworldendingnerd]

I don't know if anyone said this before, but, I think the one thing that would put the fear of an alien god into an alien would be just how territorial humans are.

Humans generally have small territories tightly packed against others, sometimes even on top of each other. They are social creatures, after all, and seem to enjoy inviting each other to their territories that might even contain other species!

So, you would think they would welcome other visitors, right?

Wrong. Humans are wildly territorial to the point even something as harmless as a fruit fly is murdered on sight. Then, surely they must allow other predators that repel such creatures, right? Wrong again, even 'useful' ones likes spiders are shown no mercy.

Alien: I apologize but I'm struggling to grasp this concept. You said you killed that arachnid as there was a possibility it could come in contact with your sleeping quarters. Doesn't your feline companion frequent there? I'm sure it couldn't do more damage than an apex predator?

Human: Uhh, okay let me rephrase that; it isn't about coming in contact with my stuff. It's about me allowing it. Mr. Pickle Jar is allowed to be here and touch my things, that spider isn't. So, it needs to die.

Alien, writing DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE in big bold letters in the notepad: Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Wait, what was the other thing you did?

Human: So we got some dinosaur DNA samples and remade them, but the result kinda sucked.

Alien: How so? And how'd you do that?

H: Some guy invented time travel, so we went and got some of their blood and eggs, and man are they actually lame.

A: Wait, time travel?

H: Most of the dinosaurs are fat! FAT! They lumber around like they own the place, and the feather coloration is just so dumb.

A: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIME TRAVEL!

H: Doesn't matter, the dinosaurs aren't even rainbow colored! Turns out their eyes did a weird mutation way back and saw a slightly different spectrum from what we have today, so what we get is just a bunch of random garbage.

A: WHAT DO YOU MEAN TIME TRAVEL!!!

H: Forget it, it's not worth it. The past sucks anyway, can't change things, just creates a parallel universe and ours stays the same. What even is the point of these mostly green-scale dinosaurs! It's not even a good shade of green.

A: Time. Travel. Explain. Now!

H: Ugh, look, I'm not in the mood. I wanted dinosaurs and all we got were... bleh. I don't even want to think about it. Let's go watch robots beat each other up instead!

[chillworldendingnerd]

I’m so emotional about dinosaur stuffed animals,,, there are these creatures, extinct long before any of us were alive, but we found their bones and their eggs and their footprints. And we made drawings and models of what they could’ve looked like. And we made them into stuffed animals so we could hold them. We made them soft so we could love them. I’m sobbing

[chillworldendingnerd]

Day 5

I successfully made contact with the human today. As per usual, I completed my cyclic meal intake, but did not come across the human. When I arrived at my work station, the human was already present. She turned around to me and once again, her face warped into a horrifying grimace similar to the one on the second day, baring her teeth and raising the corners of her mouth in a rather threatening manner. I recoiled, although fortunately, the grimace was gone as soon as it had appeared. The human did not seem to notice my discomfort, and simply turned back to her work station.

After a moment, I felt secure enough to approach my own work station. As we worked in silence, I pondered if this was perhaps not a sign of aggression, but rather a way of greeting among humans. Although this thesis could not be supported by any real evidence, as baring ones teeth was a universal sign of aggression among most species.

The human, suddenly, seemingly without any indicator, spoke up: "Y‘know, I just realized that I never asked your name. That must‘ve seemed terribly rude of me." "I was not upset by your behaviour", I decided on after a moment.

"So what is your name?" "My species does not participate in the gifting of individual names.", I explained. "We simply address each other by their titles or their profession. I am addressed as 'mechanic'." 

"But that‘s…boring and sad." My front pliers uttered a rattling sound. "I have never known anything else." Her vocal cords vibrated, producing a barely detectable humming sound. 

The silence did not last long. "Can I ask you a kind of personal question? You don‘t have to answer, obviously…I was just wondering: Do…all of your species look like you? Kind of like, insect-looking, six legs, pliers, compound eyes type?"

"The anatomy of my species does not wary greatly. We all look quite similar, yes." "Oh, cool"

I tried to word my own following question as polite as possible: "What…about your species? Do your individuals vary greatly from each other in terms of physique?" 

"Well…kind of. I mean, we all have, like, the same 'ground structure', I guess you‘d call it? Like, anatomy-wise? But we like, can vary in, for example skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, height, weight, so shape, basically. Uuh yeah, that‘s what‘s coming into my head right now." She had started 'counting' with her fingers while she spoke, taking one finger for every thing she listed.

"That is quite astounding, compared to my species.", I informed her. "Yeah, I guess you could say so…", she opened and closed her mouth, producing a clicking sound as her teeth clashed together. Seemingly, she had wanted to say another thing, but decided against it.

Before I was able to strike up another conversation, Wrin walked, or rather, stumbled into the main control room, a bottle in their gloved hand. They informed me that, apparently, there was another leak in one of the machinery rooms that they wanted me to have a look at. Although I doubted their words, I followed them nonetheless, even if it was solely to reassure them. 

As it transpired, there was an actual leak, which I had to spend the rest of the cycle repairing and checking that there was further damage or similar leaks, since there had been two in a row in a rather short matter of cycles.

When I eventually finished the task at hand, the cycle had almost come to an end and the human had left the premises to indulge in her (now dark) recharging time session.

As I stated in the report prior to this one, I do not draw conclusions, but I have a slight presentiment that the human may like me.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Every alien species has a different opinion of Earth and therefore humans.

Some say it’s a crazy planet, a boring planet. A planet of gross creatures. Humans bathe too much, too little. They all look the same, they all look so different. Earth is beautiful, earth is horrifying. But they can all agree on one thing. It’s definitely weird.

But then one or two of them come to live on Earth. They learn an earth spoken language if their throats can handle it, a sign language if they can’t. And they go to school, get a job, get a roommate. And the longer they stay they notice something.

Earth is mostly unremarkable. Like any other planet there’s a spacefaring species, beautiful and ugly nature, different cultures. The humans aren’t that genetically different from each other but they’re not exactly the same either.

So really, why does this place have such a reputation.

So someday they go to their friend, boss, teacher, whatever human they trust, and they tell them. You know, I don’t know why everyone thinks you guys are so weird.

And the human laughs. In a good-natured way, they think. It’s sometimes hard to understand the body language of other species.

Then the human sighs. “We always assumed we would be the weird ones in the galaxy, and then we weren’t. But if there’s one thing that humans probably have more than anyone else I’ve ever heard of, it’s commitment to the bit.”

“To the bit?”

The human might shake their head here or elbow the alien in the ribs if they have any. Or maybe just smile.

“There’s not a lot of things that humans are united on, but we do all think it’s very funny to exaggerate just enough that the alien rumor mill will do the rest of the work for us.”

“So you all just wanted to be weird so badly that you started lying?”

“Not lying. Just dropping the right facts on the right people. If you find out that a species generally bathes three times a day, casually mentioning that some humans only shower a couple times a week will eventually lead that entire species to think that humans just don’t bathe. If you tell someone from an ice planet about the Sahara desert they flip out and in a year or two everyone on that planet thinks that humans make their homes in the center of volcanoes.”

Here the alien smiles or shows some other subtle sign that they’re amused. Yeah, now that they think about it, none of the rumors they heard before they came here had turned out to be true.

And that does sound like humans, doesn’t it? Committing as a species to spread rumors about themselves because they find it to be hilarious.

[chillworldendingnerd]

Do you like the color of the Sun?

Get ready to be dazzled by the true spectrum of solar beauty. From fiery reds to cool blues, explore the vibrant hues of the Sun in a mesmerizing color order. These images were taken in a wavelength of extreme ultraviolet light to clearly see any activity on the surface of the Sun — giving scientists a wealth of data for solar studies.