chimneyswept

[chimneyswept]

herbert alrfed: ahahaha! i have pulled one over on the great mary poppins!!!

mary, looking at the camera: sometimes i let him get away with things because it’s good for his self esteem.

[chimneyswept]

mary.

she heard the news from one the hufflepuffs in her charms class and spent the entire period worrying over all the ways he might be hurt. of course, cauldron explosions were something of a norm for bert, but that didn’t make her worry any less. she always told him that one of these days he could really hurt himself and hearing that he’s in the infirmary now certainly doesn’t help. 

as soon as the professor releases them for the afternoon, she makes a beeline for the hospital wing. study hall can wait, but making sure bert’s not on his deathbed can’t. ( logically, she knows he’s likely not on his deathbed, but also the way his housemates described the explosion,  she figures he has to be decently injured. or else he very well may be incredibly soon. )

his greeting is far too cheerful ––– to nonchalant for someone who might’ve died. ( why does he drive her absolutely mad sometimes?! ) 

“ you’re a right idiot, herbert alfred. you know that right?? ” 

she stops a few feet from the edge of his bed and just fumes. even from there he looks awful. boils everywhere. he should know better by now. it’s not all fun and games ––– he could hurt himself. he has hurt himself. 

“ honestly what if you get yourself killed, bert? what do you want us to say? that it was all worth it because you made a cauldron spit purple bubbles? ”

it takes a tremendous amount of effort to keep her arms from crossing in front of her chest and her foot from tapping. “ you were hurt, bert. you were hurt, that doesn’t mean that no one was hurt because you’re here in the hospital wing with boils all over your face!! ”

     Okay, well, he was expecting that reaction, to be fair. And it’s sweet, really -- he can never help but feel somewhat pleased when she fusses over him. Not that he intends to cause her any anxiety -- far from it -- but, even so, the reminder that she cares never hurts. Besides, given that she calls him an idiot half a dozen times a week, it doesn’t sting too much.

     Certainly not as much as the boils do. Bert’s convinced that Mary Poppin’s presence alone could cure pain at least as well as the matron’s awful-tasting elixirs can.

     His smile starts to slip, though, as Mary goes on, the warmth of knowing her concern over him taken over by a squirm of guilt. Merlin, she seems properly upset with him, not just Bert needs a talking-to upset but honestly quite put out. Well. He didn’t want to cause anything as bad as all that.

     “I’m fine, Mary, honest, the matron patched me right up, see--” He extends his arms to put the copious slathering of pasty ointment coating his skin on display, trying a disarming smile. “It doesn’t hurt, really...” Except that he winces a bit as the smile puts pressure on a spot near his chin, which sort of gives it all away. Mary continues to look unconvinced, and the smile fades entirely.

     “Look, Mary, I’m sorry.” He leans forward, expression earnest. “I didn’t mean to worry ya, I just got carried away a bit. But I really ain’t hurt bad, she says I’ll be out by dinner an’ all.” And then the smile returns; it can never seem to stay away for long, even when he’s trying to be serious. “I bet it’d ‘elp the process along if you kissed it better, though.”

[chimneyswept]

@pcppins || ask and u shall receive.

     It was well-known to all in the double Hufflepuff-Gryffindor potions class by now that it was wise to avoid sitting next to Bert Alfred when possible, as his potions, while invariably interesting, also had the unfortunate tendency to be rather -- er -- explosive.

     In a related note, Bert was becoming quite good friends with the school matron.

     “Thanks a bunch,” he called cheerfully as she bustled her way back into her office, having coated his skin liberally with a cooling ointment and ordered him not to leave the hospital wing till she checked to see if the boils were gone before dinner. It didn’t hurt much anymore now that she’d worked her healing magic, and he didn’t mind missing Transfiguration, really; he wasn’t very good at it anyhow.

     After checking to be sure the matron’s door was closed, he leaned back against his pillows (wincing slightly; the angry, discolored patches of skin where his potion had splashed did still tinge) and picked up his wand, whispering “Orchideous” and grinning as purple flowers sprouted from the tip. He was getting better at that one. He’d like to be able to make them bigger, though, so he could--

     He looked up at the sound of the door opening, and his grin became decidedly more sheepish; he let the flowers vanish, petals drooping and fizzing away into thin air. “Oh, er. Hi, Mary. Fancy seeing you here. Have a good Charms class?” Oh, she didn’t look happy with him at all, did she? He flung his hands up before him as if to ward off that disapproving look, forgetting that one hand still held his wand, which shot a couple of sparks. “Listen, I know what you’re going to say -- but you should ‘ave been there, Mary!” His eyes lit up. “I made it blow purple bubbles, they just floated there above the cauldron, it was wicked! And then it - er - sort of exploded. But weren’t no one hurt, so s’all right, innit?”

[chimneyswept]

                        just a spoonful of sugar can help the medicine go down!!

                        independent mary poppins with influences from the musical                         & movie. as written by ally. established september 30, 2017.

                                               in a most DELIGHTFUL way !!

[chimneyswept]

                         though i spends me time in the ashes and smoke...

                             independent bert alfred of MARY POPPINS. movie &                              musical based.   private & selective.   written by rhys.                              sideblog to braverytaught.   promo credit.

                             ...in this whole wide world there’s no happier bloke!

[chimneyswept]

Tagged by: @pcppins

Tagging: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Repost and BOLD which habits your muse has:

nail biting | throat clearing | lying | interrupting | chewing the ends of pens | smoking | swearing | knuckle cracking | thumb sucking | muttering under their breath | talking to themselves | nose picking | binge drinking | oversleeping | snacking between meals | skipping meals | picking at skin | impulse buying | talking with their mouth full | humming/singing to themselves | chewing gum | leg jiggling | foot tapping | hair twirling | whistling | eye rolling | licking lips | sniffing | squinting | rubbing hands together | jaw clenching | gesturing while talking | putting feet up on tables | tucking hair behind ears | chewing lips | crossing arms over chest | putting hands on hips | rubbing the back or their neck | being late | procrastinating | doodling | shredding paper | peeling off bottle labels | forgetfulness | running hands through hair | overreacting | teeth grinding | nostril flaring | slouching | pacing | drumming fingers | fist clenching | pinching bridge of nose | rubbing temples | rolling shoulders

[chimneyswept]

leave it to me and rhys to think up this weird verse where mary and bert are these infinite beings that keep each other in balance and where mary only exists as a balance to euphemia, who was once much more like mary but who lost her jack of all trades and is now a force of cruelty. 

leave it to me and rhys to give specifically bert a higher purpose than just someone who is in mary poppins’ world, but not of it

leave it to us to work out something way fucking cool

[chimneyswept]

Dear Mary,

I had tea with Uncle Albert today. He’s doing well. Too well, you might say. He was very nearly floating at one point and I had to grab him to keep him down. Not that I don’t like some good old Uncle Albert-style laughter, but you know how I always catch it too, and I had an appointment later that I really couldn’t miss. Anyhow, he misses you something fierce. Speaks for the both of us there, he does. Hope those kids of yours aren’t giving you too much trouble.

Yours, Bert

Dear Mary,

There’s a girl lives nearby who’s a right terror. Nearly knocked over my chestnut stand as she was running away from her parents. I think her dad’s a banker, and you know how those are. She could use a firm hand. Or a spoonful of sugar. Just thought you’d like to know. 

Helpfully yours, Bert

Dear Mary,

The other day, a friend of mine had to go to the hospital. He told the doctor, “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.” So the doctor said, “Don’t go to those places.”

Dear Mary,

Where are you these days? I’m going to assume it’s somewhere warm, because it’d be just like you to be off somewhere tropical while I’m freezing my toes off here. This last snowstorm’s got the city half covered, it has. Oh, you’d give me a right scolding if you were here. Here, I’ll write it out so you don’t have to: Bert, what are you thinking! Larking about in the snow like that! You’ll catch your death! But you know, there’s a lot of chimneys what need sweeping with everyone’s fireplaces going day and night. And other jobs besides on account of nobody else being mad enough to go out and do them. A good financial opportunity, you might say. And don’t worry, I’m wearing my thick scarf and all. 

Enjoy the warmth, Mary. Take a nice stroll in the sun for me. 

Frozenly yours, Bert

Dear Mary,

I saw Jane Banks today. She was walking along with her mother. Starting to look quite grown up, that one. Must’ve grown a whole foot since you’ve seen her. I talked to her for a minute while her mum was chatting with Mrs. Lark. Seems to be doing right well. Asked if I was still drawing chalk picturess, so I told her to bring her brother and see me sometime. She’ll probably be too busy learning to be a lady to remember, but it’s a nice thought. Anyway, I thought you’d like to hear about how the Bankses are getting on. Since you asked me to keep an eye on them and all.

‘Course, you know there’s someone else I’d rather have my eye on. It’s been a little while now, hasn’t it? I hope it ain’t too impertinent of me to say that I hope you’ll come back soon. 

Yours, Bert

Dear Mary,

I heard a scarecrow won an award last month. He was outstanding in his field.

Dear Mary,

Do you remember that time when we was kids and I made you laugh so hard you sprayed juice from your nose? Just wanted to remind you, in case you’d forgotten.

Reminiscently yours, Bert

Dear Mary,

Things aren’t going too well here, you might say. Them Germans keep dropping bombs on us. There was another raid last night. Don’t think anyone rightly knows what to do about it. People are dying, Mary, good people what never seen a weapon in their lives. I think there might be a whole lot of children without parents by the time this is all over.

I don’t like to say it, but I’m scared. It’s not safe to go out on the rooftops so much anymore.

I’m not sure where you are. I hope you’re safe.

Yours, Bert

@effulgcntt and i talked once about mary and bert sending letters while she’s away. he writes them and tosses them into the fireplace, and she’s mary poppins, so she gets them. this is the result of my remembering that conversation.

[chimneyswept]

mary poppins.

“ who knows, ” she says, “ one day i might leave for who knows where and i’ll come back to london and the great herbert alfred won’t have any recollection of me. ” she knows it isn’t true. he’s known her too long ––– if he was going to forget her, it’d have happened long before this moment. 

she can sense his hesitation as his bare hand settles on top of her gloved one. they go through this dance time after time. a touch here, a look there. mary’s always wondered about it ––– about what these moments mean. part of her is scared to dive any deeper. she’s easily forgotten, after all. 

she allows his hand to rest on hers until the instant her eyes meet his and then she pulls away from his touch. “ and you’ll still be an incredible sap when you tell that story, won’t you?? you had me scared to death, herbert alfred!! what if you’d fallen ––– and on my watch too, i’d have never forgiven myself. you deserved every second of the scolding you got that day. ” 

her gaze falls back to her lap, “ you know exactly what to say, don’t you?? ”

     He frowns, just for a moment, at the picture she paints. It’s absurd, of course - impossible, he wants to think - but even so, the idea of him ever forgetting Mary is...not one he wants to contemplate. And, too, it comes a little too close to the fear he harbors, unlikely though it may be: that it may be she who forgets, one day, caught up in the wide world. She who forgets to come back. 

     And so he frowns, but only for a second. It passes across his face, the unhappiness, and is gone like a cloud passing in front of the son, and then he’s smiling again. “Never,” he insists, shaking his head. 

     She allows his hand, for a little while at least, and his smile becomes more genuine as he feels the warmth of her through her gloves. This is what he gets, this is what he has learned to treasure: little moments, little touches, appreciated to the fullest because he knows they’ll be over soon. A dance that lasts a minute; a hand snatched away; flirtations entertained one moment and rebuffed the next. Here until the wind changes and then gone away. It’s all right. It’s their dance, and anyway, so far she’s always come back to him.

     Even better than her hand is the way she springs to life at his words, Now his smile blooms, spreading wide across his face. There’s the Mary he knows - there’s that energy of hers, ready to put the world to order. Nothing to revive her like an excuse to tell him off; he thinks, amusedly, that she’s made quite a sport of it. “Oi, that was for a good cause!” he protests, holding up a finger. “That kite weren’t going to make it down by itself!” 

     He laughs at the memory, himself up a tree madly trying to untangle the kite string from the branches, Mary calling up to him with her hands on her hips. He laughs, and by the time the laughter fades from the air something else has replaced it, something softer. Mary’s looking down at her lap, and Bert finds himself gazing at her in the way he generally does only when she isn’t looking, with frank tenderness.

     It’s difficult, in moments like this, to remember the steps to their dance. Soft, quiet moments that fill him up, fill him with the same overwhelming fondness that has been a part of him since the day they first met. He wants to put his arm around her and draw her close to him. He wants to stroke her hair and tell her that he’ll never forget her because she is a part of him, as vital to his being as his heart in his chest. He wouldn’t be Bert Alfred without Mary Poppins.

     But he doesn’t move to envelop her as he wants, though he does find that he has, somehow, shifted closer, leaned in just a little. “Well, ‘s the least I can do,” he says quietly, not a hint of flippancy in his voice. “I don’t like to see you unhappy, Mary.”

[chimneyswept]

REPOST ; DON’T REBLOG.

BOLD any which apply to your muse! Feel free to add to the list!

WHAT ARE YOUR MUSE’S AESTHETICS?

[ COLOURS ]       red. brown. orange. yellow. green. blue. purple. pink. black. white. teal. silver. gold. grey. lilac. metallic. matte. royal blue. strawberry red. charcoal grey. forest green. apple red. violet. navy blue. crimson. cream. mint green. bubblegum pink. sky blue. pale jade.

[ ELEMENTS ]           fire. ice. water. air. earth. rain. snow. wind. moon. stars. sun. heat. cold. steam. frost. lightning. sunlight. moonlight. dawn. dusk. twilight. midnight. sunrise. sunset. dewdrops. stone.

[ BODY ]           claws. long fingers. fangs. teeth. wings. tails. lips. bare feet. neck. shoulders. legs. freckles. bruises. canine. scars. scratches. wounds. burns. fingernails. spikes. feathers. webs. eyes. hands. sweat. tears. feline. chubby. curvy. short. tall. normal height. muscular. piercing. tattoos. athletic. hair. fur.

[ WEAPONS ]        fists. legs. sword. dagger. spear. bow & arrow. hammer. shield. poison. guns. axes. throwing axes. whips. knives. throwing knives. pepper sprays. tasers. machine guns. slingshots. katanas. maces. staffs. wands. powers. magical items. magic. rocks. mud balls. claws. teeth. stealth. strategy.

[ MATERIALS ]         gold. silver. copper. platinum. titanium. rose gold. diamonds. pearls. rubies. sapphires. emeralds. amethyst. metal. iron. rust. steel. glass. wood. porcelain. paper. wool. fur. lace. leather. silk. velvet. denim. linen. chiffon cotton. charcoal. clay. stone. asphalt. brick. marble. dust. glitter. blood. dirt. mud. smoke. ash. shadow. carbonate. rubber. synthetics. ribbon.

[ NATURE ]           grass. leaves. trees. bark. roses. daisies. sunflowers. tulips. lavender. petals. thorns. seeds. hay. sand. rocks. roots. flowers. fungi. ocean. river. frozen lake. meadow. valley. forest. desert. tundra. savanna. rain forest. caves. underwater. coral reef. beach. waves. space. clouds. mountains. snow. mist. pond.

[ ANIMALS ]        lions. wolves. foxes. eagles. owls. falcons. hawks. swans. snakes. turtles. ducks. bugs. spiders. birds. whales. dolphins. fish. sharks. horses. cats. dogs. bunnies. penguins. praying mantises. crows. ravens. mice. lizards. werewolves. unicorns. pegasus. dragons. snakes.

[ FOODS/DRINKS ]           sugar. salt. candy. bubblegum. wine. champagne. hard liquor. vodka. beer. coffee. tea. spices. herbs. apple. orange. lemon. cherry. strawberry. watermelon. vegetables. fruits. meat. fish. pies. desserts. chocolate. cream. caramel. berries. nuts. cinnamon. burgers. burritos. pizza. ambrosia. eggs. milk.

[ HOBBIES ]           music. art. watercolors. gardening. smithing. sculpting. painting. sketching. fighting. writing. composing. cooking. baking. sewing. training. dancing. acting. singing. martial arts. self-defense. war tactics. electronics. technology. cameras. video cameras. video games. computer. phone. movies. theater. libraries. books. magazines. cds. records. vinyls. cassettes. piano. strings. violin. guitar. electronic guitar. bass guitar. harmonica. harp. woodwinds. brass. flute. bells. exploring. playing cards. poker chips. chess. dice. motorcycle riding. eating. sleeping. climbing. running. jogging. parkour. studying.

[ STYLE ]           lingerie. armor. cape. dress. tunic. vest. shirt. boots. ankle boots. heels. leggings. trousers. jeans. skirt. jewellery. earrings. necklace. bracelet. ring. pendant. hat. beanie hat. crown. circlet. helmet. scarf. brocade. cloaks. corsets. doublet. chest plate. gorget. bracers. belt. sash. coat. jacket. hood. gloves. socks. masks. mittens. cowls. braces. watches. glasses. sun glasses. straw hat. visor. eye contacts. makeup. ribbons. hoodie. sweater. converses. tennis shoes. boxers. briefs. boxer briefs. shorts. cargo. cropped pants. crop top. cuffed pants.

[ MISC ]           balloons. bubbles. cityscape. light. dark. candles. growth. decay. war. peace. money. power. percussion. clocks. photos. mirrors. pets. diary. journal. fairy lights. madness. sanity. sadness. happiness. optimism. pessimism. loneliness. family. friends. clan. assistants. co-workers. enemies. loyalty. smoking. drugs. kindness. love. hugs. kisses. spring. summer. autumn. winter. farmland. countryside. suburban. village.

tagged by: stole from one of my other blogs lmao tagging: @effulgcntt for mary!! and anyone else who’d like to!

[chimneyswept]

hel.

There was something comforting about being out in London when she was like this - cold stone buildings and sidewalks and the almost relentlessly dreary and grey sky made it a little more comfortable. Like the world around her was being sad with her. 

Hel looked over at the other man for a moment, giving him a slightly suspicious look. She knew in this realm the glamoured appearance she used could be considered attractive by some, but that didn’t change the fact that among her people, slim, less muscular builds, dark hair and pale skin was not considered overly beautiful. Neither was half rotten faces (or blue ridged skin and red eyes for that matter, but that side of her so rarely ever showed up it wasn’t much concern). 

Still, it was nice of him to say, even if she couldn’t quite believe it. 

She didn’t know where this man had gotten so much wisdom from, but she was thankful for it. There was a tight feeling in her chest as he kept talking, trying to tell her how wonderful she was even though he didn’t know her at all. He didn’t have to, her sorrow wasn’t his to bear, and she’d carried it long enough to be able to shoulder the weight with ease. And yet here he was, doing what he could to make her feel better about herself. “Thank you,” she murmured, hating the way her voice cracked at the end. 

     Bert regarded the girl from under his cap, a faint crease between his eyebrows. He couldn’t say, really - he didn’t know her - but he’d seen a lot of people in his life, and he’d made a point of noticing the sort of people others tended to overlook. And from the looks of it, the way she hunched inward a little while she listened to him, he suspected she’d been alone for much too long. She thanked him, but she wasn’t any happier, not really; he’d brought her emotions bubbling up to the surface, maybe, but she didn’t feel better yet.

     Well. Time to change tactics, then.

     Oh, he knew he didn’t have to. He could wish her luck and continue on his way and she’d probably still think he’d done more than his share. But Bert was involved, now, and he didn’t like to leave a job half done. (He smiled to himself as he thought that; the phrase smacked of practical perfection. Mary would be pleased.) He’d find a way to cheer this girl up somehow.

     With that in mind, he made a decision, hopping suddenly to his feet in a spurt of motion. One hand crossed primly behind his back, he held the other out to the girl, an offer to help her to her feet. Above them, the sun was beginning to set, throwing shadows across the streets. The lamplighters would be out soon. “Now, I realize that runnin’ off with a strange man may not be on your agenda for the evenin’,” he said, “but if you ‘aven’t got anywhere else to be, I’ve got somethin’ I’d like to show ya.”

[chimneyswept]

i can’t believe i was up till almost 5am last night talking to @effulgcntt about mary/bert

[chimneyswept]

1000 Picspams Challenge | #332 Modern Disney | Mary Poppins

[chimneyswept]

mary poppins.

¡¡ @chimneyswept​ liked for a ( mary poppins ) starter !!

“ it seems as though everyone forgets me eventually. ” 

an incredibly pessimistic thought ––– one that’s a far cry from being practically perfect. but she never once ever claimed to be anything near true perfection, did she?? 

it’s an honest thought. an admission. something meant only for the one person she felt she could say anything to: herbert alfred. her closest, dearest friend. 

“ thank you for remembering me, bert… ”

     “As if I could ever forget you.” He sounds bemused, almost affronted, at the very idea. As if Mary Poppins, blazing proud and sharp as anything, could ever be considered forgettable.

     He doesn’t know how it happens, what sort of magic pulls those kids’ eyes shut and makes them think Mary Poppins was some sort of dream, but it sounds like an incredibly lonely thing, pouring all your love and care into someone and then them just - forgetting. By now he supposes she knows it’ll happen, and she carries on doing it anyway. Her strength awes him.

     Gently, tentatively, his weathered and calloused hand settles over one of hers, squeezing ever so slightly. She might pull away, and that’s all right, but Bert likes to think that there’s nothing like a bit of human contact to remind you that you’re not yet alone in the world.

     “Just you wait,” he says, and pauses long enough to compel her to look up at him, so he can meet her eyes, smiling crookedly. “I’ll live to be a hundred, won’t even remember how to tie me own shoelaces, an’ I’ll still be tellin’ stories of ‘ow when we was kids Mary Poppins had to call the constable because I got meself stuck up in a tree.”

[chimneyswept]

hel.

@chimneyswept || continued from x

Hel looked up when he came to sit next to her, but the earnest look on his face was too much for her to handle and she couldn’t meet his eye for more than a moment before looking away. Staring down at her hands, she shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know,” she whispered, her voice sounding slightly hollow. “Maybe… maybe because I’m ugly, and irritable, and hard to deal with…” and a hundred other things she could list off, starting with the fact that she was going to start a genocidal war with her people. 

“I’m sorry to bother you with all of this.”

     This girl wasn’t the first Bert had seen, despondent and alone. The London streets were a haven for the downtrodden, it seemed, the cold stone a counterpart to their own sadness. Bert understood - but stone didn’t keep you alive for very long. Spend too long around it without drinking in some good old human comfort and you started to feel like stone yourself. 

     “Ugly?” he repeated incredulously, rocking back on his heels. “You? Now, where’d you get an idea like that? Why, the moon ‘erself couldn’t beat you in a contest o’ looks, if you ask me.” Privately, he wondered how old she was, this girl who sat alone and sad in the middle of the city. Not old enough, he guessed, for burdens like hers. 

     At her apology, he shook his head, brandishing a hand. “Aw, none of that! You aren’t botherin’ me by ‘alf.” He leaned forward again, his voice lowering. “Now, maybe s’not my place to say, but I think that anyone what says you’re ‘ard to deal with cant’ve tried very hard. You know, there’s some folk what are so busy with their own ideas of what’s good and bad, they forget to make room for anyone else. Then you go around bein’ your own person, and they don’t know what to do about it! But that’s their loss, innit? ‘Cause they’re missin’ a star bein’ born.”

[chimneyswept]

effulgcntt replied to your post “so i just explained to someone the plot of mary poppins (the movie) in...”

this was beautiful. a Ride from start to finish. if disney were to make a ride for this movie in their parks they should use this for the script

if i ever decide my calling is to be a screenwriter for disney, my application is just going to be this retelling

[chimneyswept]

so i just explained to someone the plot of mary poppins (the movie) in a fair amount of detail

here is my inspired retelling, for your viewing pleasure:

okay so. it centers on the banks family. mr. banks is a banker (lol) who’s kinda pompous and wants everything his way and doesn’t have time for his children. mrs. banks is a flighty suffragette who’s always away at rallies and things. and jane and michael banks keep driving off their nannies by playing pranks and running away

so mr. banks is like “fine I’LL handle the nanny-hiring this time bc WOMEN can’t do anything right grumble grumble,” writes up an ad for the paper, but then jane and michael come in like “we wrote our own ad, wanna hear it?” and it’s all about wanting a pretty nanny who gives sweets and doesn’t make them drink castor oil or w/e

and george (mr. banks, i don’t wanna have to keep typing it out lol) is like “well that’s stupid” and rips it up and throws it in the fire. only BC SHE’S MAGIC mary poppins totally gets a hold of the kids’ ad anyway

so when the nannies come to be interviewed she QUITE LITERALLY blows them all away, shows up, gets herself hired. then she goes and has the iconic spoonful of sugar scene where she gets the kids to clean up their own nursery and also reveals that she’s Totally Magic

and then they go on to have various adventures, like chilling in a chalk painting (with bert) and having tea with mary’s floating uncle (with bert)

but then george is like “you’re taking my children on WEIRD OUTINGS and it’s NOT PROPER” and mary poppins is like “you’re totally right, so just as you suggest they’ll be going to the bank with you tomorrow” and george is like “i suggested that???” and mary poppins is like “um yeah” and he’s like “well okay i guess i gotta do it then”

so he takes them to the bank the next day. but FIRST the night before mary poppins sings them this song about how there’s this bird woman outside st. paul’s who asks for tuppence to feed the birds. and when they go to the bank in the morning they see her and michael is like “dad holy FUCK i wanna feed some BIRDS”

and george is like “fuck the birds, those tuppence are for the bank” and doesn’t let him

so they go to the bank and all the bankers sing about how awesome banking is, and they try to get michael to invest his tuppence, but michael still REALLY WANTS TO FEED THE BIRDS, so he doesn’t let them have it, so they grab it from him and he FREAKS THE FUCK OUT and he and jane start shouting for them to give him his money back

which literally causes a RUN ON THE BANK

EVERYONE’S PANICKING TRYNA GET THEIR MOENY FROM THE BANK

and in the midst of all this chaos jane and michael escape, and they just fucking run across the worst parts of london until they run into bert, who takes them home and sings about how chimney sweeps are lucky

and they get home and winifred (mrs. banks) is all “thank god you found them! you can totally look after them for me while i go sing about women’s rights, right?” and bert’s like “well um i’m supposed to sweep the mayor’s chimney” and she’s like “GREAT THANKS BYE” and gets tf out of there

so he shows them how to sweep a chimney, obviously, only michael gets SUCKED UP THE CHIMNEY BY A DRAFT

and jane follows him and mary poppins gets there just in time to see that her children are now UP A CHIMNEY and is like WELP GUESS WE GOTTA GO AFTER THEM

so the four of them go onto the rooftops and end up having a gay old time hanging out with all the chimney sweeps, which is the long and wonderful step in time sequence

except all is not actually wonderful, bc george is in huge trouble at the bank now for causing a literal panic, so after they all get back to the house he sends them to bed and then has to take the Walk of Shame to the bank

that is where the feed the birds music is reprised orchestrally and i cry every time

so he goes to the bank and they fuck him up??? like. not only do they fire him, but they snip his pocket-rose in half and totally destroy his hat and turn his umbrella inside out

fucking savage

but george has realized the Importance of Family, thanks to a nice lil talk he had with bert, so he says the disney equivalent of “fuck you,” which is “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” and then tells them a funny joke about a wooden leg named smith, and then leaves

cut to the next morning, nobody’s seen george since he left for the bank, winifred’s called the constable, ellen the servant is suggesting they check a part of the thames that’s “popular with jumpers,” and then george comes in with a kite and is like KIDS EVERYTHING’S OKAY LET’S GO FLY KITES TOGETHER BC WE NOW KNOW THE MEANING OF FAMILY

so they do and the glorious let’s go fly a kite plays, which also makes me cry

and they happen to run into the bank partners also flying kites, and one of them reveals that after george banks told them that funny joke, the chairman actually DIED laughing, so now they have an opening and he’s back on the team!! yay!!!

and meanwhile mary poppins is like “well they don’t need me anymore, they’re a happy family, time to peace out,” and floats away on her umbrella

the end