chiyana

[chiyana]

Fuck it I'm bored so here's a ranking of different Peter Parkers by how Jewish they are

Dead last, obviously, is MCU!Peter Parker. This version of Peter is the farthest from comic canon to the point of being almost unrecognizable at times. Also, Tom Holland answered the question "is peter parker Jewish" in a Wired Autocomplete Interview a while back with a very baffled "no", cementing him forever as my sworn enemy. So he's actually the only peter parker who, at least by word of God, is canonically NOT Jewish. -1000000/10

Next up is Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker. I think this Peter is... fine, at least he's much closer to comic canon than MCU!Peter, but honestly that's not saying much considering how far the MCU strayed from comic canon or even the spirit of comic canon. But like overall, Sam Raimi's movies just aren't particularly interested in presenting Peter as Jewish, so, eh. 1/10

By far the most Jewish of live action Peters is TASM!Peter, also by far the most comic accurate of live action Peters. I'd be remiss not to mention the fact that Andrew Garfield is Jewish, and he understands the character so fucking well. He stated on record that he played Peter as Jewish and that he sees Spider-Man as an inherently Jewish character:

However, the Webb movies still do not textually define him as Jewish, and the best parts of Andrew's Peter's Jewish subtext are better when viewed in light of the comics. Overall, 6.5/10

Next up is the original, our beloved comic book Peter, pictured here saying Happy Hanukkah in a panel from Matt Fraction's Hawkeye. Comic Peter is one of the most heavily Jewish coded comics characters of all time, which is saying something considering how Jewish comic books are as a medium. Obviously he was created and often written and drawn by Jewish writers and artists, but beyond that his driving ethos and values are incredibly Jewish, and as a bonus he's constantly sprinkling Yiddish and Jewish phrases into his speech, alongside things like the above panel where he outright acknowledges Jewish culture in a scene where everyone else is saying merry Christmas. However, despite the extremely heavy coding, Marvel Comics are fucking cowards, and he has yet to be confirmed Jewish, so I must give him a measly 8/10.

Finally, the cream of the crop, the most Jewish of all Peter Parkers, Into the Spider-Verse's Peter B. Parker my beloved!!! Peter B. is voiced by Jake Johnson, himself a Jewish actor, and is a phenomenally accurate representation of comic book canon - but he also has the unique quality of being canonically, textually, in the actual movie Jewish! It's a bit of a blink and you'll miss it scene, but when we get introduced to Peter B. in his "one more time" segment, we see his wedding to MJ, where he steps on a glass. This is a Jewish minhag - custom - meant to represent the destruction of our Temple and Jerusalem, as well as remind us that sorrow and joy come intertwined, and is one of my personal favorite Jewish customs. It's a phenomenal moment in the best Spider-Man movie, and while this version of Peter would have been my favorite film version regardless, his Jewishness absolutely pushes him even further up. 13/10, no complaints

[chiyana]

I was joking about Kojima doing something freaky with Heartman in Death Stranding 2 but never in my wildest imagination could I have come up with this.

Spoilers below the cut.

This right here has some insane implications for Heartman’s future love life.

Deadman and Sam are this game’s version of Hal and Snake from Metal Gear Solid. In their first game together Hal will ride off into the sunset with Snake if Meryl, the female love interest, dies and in subsequent games Snake and Hal have moved in together and raised a daughter though Snake still has flings with women here and there. Even though they’re never a confirmed couple it’s strongly implied by them living as a family and they get a lot of callbacks to other confirmed couples, including confirmed same-sex couples.

Sam and Deadman aren’t far off. Once they start suspecting that they can’t trust the president Deadman joins Sam in the shower partly to drown out their conversation but he also press Sam up against the wall so it’ll look like they’re having sex. That way no one will wonder why they’re always sneaking off together. But later on they get a much more emotional connection and in a heartfelt scene Deadman puts his hand on baby Lou’s pod as if it was a pregnant belly and basically asks Sam “The three of us, we’re a family, aren’t we?” and by the end they hold Lou together looking exactly like a couple of loving dads. Before they part ways they hold each other tight in a way Sam hasn’t done with anyone else. In the second game Deadman even tells Fragile he knows Sam’s body better than anyone, which is even less subtle than “I know the major better than anyone” from Metal Gear which is considered one of the most explicit confirmations of a gay couple in the franchise.

So Sam is devastated when he learns Deadman died in Death Stranding 2. Deadman plays a cruel joke on Sam by letting him think he can hug him only for Sam to tumble through the holographic message. In Deadman’s defence he didn’t know he’d be dead by then and probably assumed they’d be able to hold each other for real eventually.

He still found a way to return to Sam though. He donated his heart to Heartman who had abused his own heart to the point breaking it completely. With Deadman and Heartman’s newfound connection Deadman is now able to possess Heartman’s body in the three minutes Heartman dies every 21 minutes and later on they seem to come to an agreement where Deadman can take over Heartman’s body whenever he wants.

Deadman in Heartman’s body lures Sam to a hidden corner where he explains the situation and Sam eagerly throws himself into Deadman’s arms…just in time for Heartman to wake up. Everything about both Sam and Heartman’s reactions tells us this wasn’t an innocent hug. Heartman clearly feels confused and violated so Dollman asks Sam to leave so he can explain the situation to Heartman.

Heartman seems to have come to terms with this because one morning Sam wakes up in Heartman’s lab just as Heartman is coming back to life, suggesting Deadman had a hand in setting the situation up. Heartman sits down uncomfortably close to Sam as if he’s trying to tell him something. They talk about the state of the world for a bit before Heartman tells Sam that he too is in love with a woman, The Hydrologist, who lives in his lab and who has build a hotspring for Heartman, comparing the hotspring to love and making love. He then tells Sam that he can use the hotspring whenever he wants. No prices for guessing what he means.

We don’t know if Sam takes him up on the offer but Heartman basically told him “I’m okay with the three of you sharing my body” The Hydrologist even calls Heartman “our shared friend” whenever she talks to Sam. Just wild Kojima.

[chiyana]

silly seals from outer space

[chiyana]

okay now I'm curious and I dunno if this is really such an archaic foreign thing to young people today or if I'm just out of touch

Please reblog, I'd love to see a lot of responses!

[chiyana]

tbh my take on the whole “should batman kill the joker” thing is that batman is a volunteer gig, and bruce is allowed to have boundaries

should *someone* kill the joker? maybe, idk. that’s above my pay grade. but just bc bruce wayne is willing to shoulder the weight of the world (whether anyone actually wants him to or not) doesn’t mean we should all just accept that it belongs to him. he chooses to help in what ways he is able, the ways he can live with, and if killing is the one line he won’t cross no matter what, well, it could be worse. but he has no actual moral obligation to do any of what he’s doing, actually, and if having this one boundary firmly in place is what keeps him from having a mental breakdown and becoming the thing he swore to stop, then i say more power to him and we could honestly all stand to learn from his example

[chiyana]

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again but it is absolutely an example of civilizational inadequacy that only deaf people know ASL

“oh we shouldn’t teach children this language, it will only come in handy if they [checks notes] ever have to talk in a situation where it’s noisy or they need to be quiet”

[chiyana]

Full version on [poipiku]

Happy Yuri Day! Here's my contribution of girl versions of Alex and Ferdie having a good morning.

[chiyana]

i assumed the 'what sin do you relish most' image set was just your typical dadaist "its funny when a long diatribe about something stupid/broadly-disagreed-with is imposed on an image set of unrelated characters" type of joke image but op of that post IS an actual tradcath and DID post it unironically. which im not sure if it makes the whole situation funnier, stupider, worse, or all 3

[chiyana]

[chiyana]

An alligator friend..

[chiyana]

HAPPY PRIDE

[chiyana]

“imagine caring so much about fiction” imagine being so lame that you scoff at the timeless human practice of falling in love with art and stories

[chiyana]

I need to introduce yall to Bob Normal.

ok

so

Bob Normal is a character I came up with while talking abt the idea of Tim having a collection of houses practically everywhere. The idea was that Tim, you know, has a collection of houses everywhere, with extra identities to match. While giving an example for how this might work, I made up this scenario:

someone non-yj98: "Oh no! The world is going to end unless we retrieve [insert macguffin here] from [insert place here]! Unfortunately we have no connections in this area!"

tim: "Don't worry. I have an identity there."

non-yj98 person: "..huh?"

tim: "Bob Normal has lived in [insert place here] for five years. He moved after a messy divorce."

From there, the lore expanded. Bob Normal is one of Tim's identities /and/ a YJ pet project.

Bob Normal lived a normal life with his wife, Sarah Normal, and they had two kids- Tom Normal and Jerry Normal. Bob's cousin, Jim Jimson, lived nearby. A perfectly happy life.

Until, one day, Bob found Sarah cheating on him with Jim. The shock! The horror! Bob was appalled. This led to a drawn-out months long messy divorce in which every single important party was played by a YJ member.

Bob was Tim, obviously. Sarah was also Tim.

Tom and Jerry are Kon and Bart, respectively.

Jimothy Jimm Jimson (the third) was Cassie.

The judge for the case was Anita- "Judge Judgerson." Cissie, whose name was constantly changing, was Sarah's lawyer.

Greta served as the jury. Several cardboard cutouts of her were placed around the stands, each wearing a different obnoxious hat. They all had a different opinion. One cardboard cutout of Slobo is glued to the wall and treated as a god figure.

Tim's lawyer was a cardboard cutout of himself wearing a blonde wig and holding a briefcase. She was voiced by one of those obnoxiously female AI voices (idk how else to describe them tbh) and her name is Janine Lawyer. She is now a recurring figure and can be found at the YJ base at any time.

The custody battle between Bob and Sarah was only decided once Janine Lawyer dug up Sarah's ~scandalous~ mob connections.

So to recap:

Bob Normal, aka Tim Drake.

Sarah Normal, aka Tim Drake.

Tom Normal, aka Kon-el.

Jerry Normal, aka Bart Allen.

Jimothy Jimm Jimson the Third, aka Cassie Sandsmark.

Judge Judgerson, aka Anita Fite.

[name was constantly changing], aka Cissie King-Jones.

Jury, aka Greta Hayes.

God-like Figure, aka Cardboard Cutout of Slobo.

Janine Lawyer, aka Cardboard Cutout of Tim.

At some point I'm going to write a fic detailling all the court proceedings.

[chiyana]

Cotton candy alien

[chiyana]

Stolen from reddit where it wasn't being properly appreciated