chlsy - Tumblr blog

[chlsy]

Dreamt I was in my bed talking with a couple girls I didn't know well about something inane when mega 64 showed up, at first as a yt thumbnail titled THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP US with them all looming against the backdrop of my room and the door with stone faced expressions. Then they were there with me and the girls silently disappeared. Rocco got on his hands and knees over me on the bed, looked me in the eyes with a somber mien, and the moment he opened his mouth to speak he started to throw up creamy chunky pale vomit all over me, my blanket and my sheets. By the time he was done I was sputtering, trying to dislodge the bits that had made their way into my own throat, retching over and over. I sat up and saw that among the others one had a camera, one a mic, and one a bucked presumably for vomit, though he didn't make to give it to me or anything. They all were silent as they waited for me to finish so they could try the scene again. I woke up retching.

[chlsy]

Dreamt e and I were living at some huge house with eight other queer people and were steadily getting to know everyone, even as people slowly rotated in and out of living there. What I remember best is fishing out a card with a santa pop socket on the back from another housemate that we'd gotten closer to one night, then being in bed with e and finding one of the others joining in after we were just about done to use the wand on both of us until we passed out, e then me. In the morning the card had extra notes in ballpoint pen from her which said something to the effect of I love you guys, let's do this again sometime. She'd worn this long flowy sundress in green and some blue.

[chlsy]

Dreamt I sold eminem nose candy out of the back of my car, then bought a motorcycle and spent the rest of the dream driving around hilly country roads

[chlsy]

At first I was cuddling e in a one story apt, then a small-medium party started and I went out to mingle but mostly wanted to go back to snoozing and snuggling. E wandered off and I found h with a group of people I didn't know but didn't feel anxious around. I made more conversation than I usually do in party dreams and at a couple points found myself topless suddenly, in a forgot-i-wasn't-wearing-a-top-under-this-jacket kinda way, to the tune of chill cheers and lighthearted jeers. Still I wanted to go back but when I did I found there was a yard out a side door with lots of lovely red wooden water features and decorations, but it was raining and the rain was starting to flood the yard and each yard around it, which also had similar red wooden decorations. E was with me again by then and we watched the water rise in our and other yards, then saw what looked like fish but turned out to be rats swimming in the tumult and leaping up to the tops of fences and roofs. One huge dark grey one with red eyes hissed at us. I don't remember the rest afterward so clearly but it was a mix of 1800s shinobi shenanigans and western locales, no doubt lifted from all the sekiro I've been playing and rdr2 I've been seeing. There was this one shinobi whose former comrade or brother or something came back as though from the dead, wrapped in black bandages over loose clothes, and started an endgame fight. Eventually the camera pulled out of first person and the dream became about a character trying to do right in chaotic and strange situations, and near the end as she's wrapping up loose ends with characters that appeared in that section, and a couple that I'd met near the tail end of the party, the town roads she was riding her horse into started to have modern cars around and she slipped into the traffic flow. Dirt was being torn up for sewage maintenance, buildings were being renovated and looking newer, and she realized time was just slipping past her like a river as she watched. She reached a kind of final acceptance and met up with a couple of friends she'd made in the latter half, then I woke up.

Later dreamed that I was in the audience of this huge costume party contest held in an auditorium of metal bleachers. It started with banners printed with the characters being cosplayed introducing the contestants, mostly venture bros side characters that don't exist and big name movie chars, then there was this giant guy and a tiny guy and the cosplayers were actually those sizes, like ten or twelve foot and three or four foot. The big guy lifted the little one up to the stage, then held him steady as he said in a reedy voice, "I can't believe this is happening to me!" It sounded like it could have been a line from whatever they were supposed to be from but for whatever reason I thought it meant he was about to get railed by the bigger guy on stage. That's when I woke up.

[chlsy]

Dreamt e was doing escort work and for reasons I don't remember I was along for the pre-sex ride. We were at a dinner and in a car or limo at different points and I was wearing a short dress and worried my hairy legs or deep voice would set off the three or four guys e was hired by, even though he shared those qualities. Part of me wondered if they'd ask me to join and I didn't know how I would feel about that. I was partially uncomfortable and partially chill about him being about to have sex with all these men while I was waiting in the wings but just reminded myself that after work he'd be coming home with me. The dream just kept in that stage though and while we kept shifting scenery and stages of conversation the situation never progressed to sex or had me leave or skipped to after.

Later I dreamt I had some kind of condition where I could turn into the hulk but I could only do it slowly and couldn't change back for hours. My transformation was either linked to or just coincided with my edibles habit and I got high before turning both times. The first time it was the middle of the night and I'd snuck out of my dad's house which was in its usual neighborhood but that neighborhood was in salem somehow. I started trying to leap long distances and was having trouble getting far at first but attributed it to my transformation being in progress still. Eventually I managed to not only cross state lines but country borders and made it to ontario, crushing pavement and yards and a couple buildings on my leapfrogging campaign. Somehow there was another salem in the ontario area which spurred me to my senses enough to finally turn around. When I got back and turned back and woke up the next morning my dad was watching the news segment on this unknown hulkster tearing through the area, with maps on screen showing my path of destruction and speculated starting points. For some reason I later snuck into an unmanned dispensary and stole edibles/weed and took one or both, then somehow ended up in the car with my dad and brother while I was in the subtler beginning stages of hulking out. I saw someone in the sky walking on air ten or twenty stories up and they both said oh that's cool like I'd said I saw a hawk. Around then I woke up.

[chlsy]

I was at some shopping center-cum-stadium thing around dusk with my mom and brother and we went up a set of rickety and progressively deteriorating stairs to the top of some bleachers to watch a tournament that was supposed to be some kind of battle of the bands meets dbd thing but in practice turned out to be watching a jumbotron in the dark with a mostly black screen and vague indicators of where the competitors were. My shirt was in my bag for some reason and I was nervous about it but no one looked twice or commented on my toplessness. My brother slipped out of the dream around there and some little kid was messing with me to the point of real pain so I used my sharp nailed hand (first time it's been in my dreams? Part of my self image now) and the kid clambered out from under the chair, looking more satisfied than hurt. He ran off. Mom and I left the stadium seating and the gaps in the stairs were huge now, empty air underneath. We were later in a hallway/lobby thing and she was dressed fancily and looking like she did before she had me. We watched sopranos scenes about non-existent side chars on her phone. A guy in the scenes was trying to make up with his girl by telling her he knew what he wanted now and how much he was ready to appreciate the things in life that mattered and a jovial straight couple in their thirties stopped to watch over her shoulder as she told me that men may think they mean it when they say all that but rarely do.

[chlsy]

Dreamt someone I haven't felt close to in a while asked me directly how things are for me and felt so relieved, then woke up and wanted to cry. Then went back to sleep and dreamt I fucked things up for my brother

[chlsy]

I was at my dad's house for a couple days and my room was all but barren but still somehow needed cleaning. On my way to visit n and d I went to a gas station to grab some oj and ended up stuck in a class in the store for a while for something I already knew. When I got back the house looked extra extravagant and had new blue tiling and roofing with a black iron walkway atop the central point. I got inside and saw a hundred dollar bill on the dresser attached to a piece of paper with tape. I tore a corner a little trying to get it off and then I got a long memory-vision of my dad as a little kid playing soccer and eventually winning the game and tata giving him that same hundred and I felt like trash for trying to take it. My brother and/or dad pointed out that it was attached to a certificate identifying it as somehow historic and worth at least a thousand and I started beating my head and legs in shame. Dad tried to tell me it was almost definitely still worth ~90% of that and I only felt more guilty for taking 100 worth of the value from a treasured memory.

Earlier in the night I was walking to a grocery store while h and e were at a pool and the two of them showed up just before I got there and walked in ahead of me. Inside it was like an 1800s salon or parlor with a lot of stuffy old ladies who were scandalized by their poolside attire and vacated the couches in haste. I headed down a set of spiral stairs that immediately ended in a blank wall. There were no groceries inside.

[chlsy]

I was at home and the three of us were building lego sets here and there but I couldn't find the ones I wanted to build anywhere and everyone else was busy in conversation. Eventually there were four or five of us, initially with past versions of e and h, then just e, and then the past e eventually morphed into o and it took me a while to realize, but when I did she just stopped what she was doing and stared at my eyes with a stony still expression. They started watching music videos for some reason and what had been an 80s pop romp quickly turned into silent hill 2 late game imagery and environment lit like turn around bright eyes. While we were watching what had been the singer compressed into a box frame stretched with skin angela ran up, panic-crazed and screaming wordlessly, and stabbed me in the left hand just before the pinky. I barely felt it through daze and shock and waved off concern but quickly realized I was feeling numb and strange in that hand and that she had probably done serious damage, and that I may lose functionality. When I woke up e had his hand out a little like he might be checking to see if I was up and wanted to hold it for a bit before he went back to sleep, but I felt very far away from my body and self and didn't take it even though I knew I probably could have. I'm tired of these sweat-through-sheets dreams.

[chlsy]

I went to some guy's house for some reason and he got me in his garage talking about mental health stuff and I don't think I even went very in-depth but he soon stopped me and said it all sounded very concerning and that he might need to keep me there for observation. He set a couple latches and locks as he said it and my worldview narrowed. I tried to reason, then beg, then fight him on it but he was obstinate and I knew whatever he wanted from me he was not willing to negotiate for it or give up what he felt he had with me trapped there. He left me in there alone and I figured he wanted me to stew or weaken without sustenance or something before he did whatever he was gonna do. I realized I didn't even know where I was or what I would tell anyone if I got them on the phone. I tried all the locks and exits and banged on doors until someone else in the house came in. He didn't seem to believe me at all but I slowly convinced him to let me into the rest of the house long enough to grab my things and make it out the door. Then I was in a parking lot where a dying queer in their early 20s eulogized themself and passed me an empty bong. I made it back home but no one had time to talk or would ask why I was so bedraggled, and that went on a while until I woke up.

[chlsy]

We were at a house that was a blend of dad's and the s house and d had a friend over for dinner who brought his daughter that the group all loved. The friend kept misgendering me aggressively and cracking jokes about how masculine and aggressive I was no matter how quiet or collected I stayed, and no one challenged him or even seemed phased so at the dinner table I blurted 'i am not a man!' And walk-ran into the empty garage to be alone for a while, pacing and seething. When I came back h had arrived and the friend was nowhere to be seen but no one would talk to me or acknowledge what had happened except to give me a dismissive, pitying glance. Later in what used to be my room at dad's many of us converged and the friend turned out to still be there, cracked another joke at me and then raised a rousing cheer for his daughter. E clapped by smacking his ass cheek, which was silly enough for me to pull back and say wait wait wait, what's going on. The group seemed half real by then and e said he'd slipped some shrüms into my tea at dinner. Then I woke up. Took a bit to really piece together that it was a dream.

[chlsy]

I was in some kind of fusion of multiplayer video game character cloak and dagger thing and repeated workplace team-building exercise. I was doing well at parts and poorly at others, but between rounds there was downtime and chat and my friends were talking about a party or event that they were all going to but would clam up about when I was around, clearly pretending they were gonna tell me about it later but not intending to and expecting and wanting me to leave before talking about it again. Not an unusual theme in my dreams but it still stung pretty bad. Eventually they had all gotten ready or gone home to get ready for it and I was still in the corporate display area by 10-11 pm. Somehow they were still bringing tours of tech folk or investors or whatever to check it all out, calling it dbd or the next step after it. The second time it happened I slipped into and out of the building with that crowd. The perspective shifted and I was watching some scott pilgrim type dude return to his rinky dink one room apartment with a mattress on the floor, dim lighting and a mattress with a sheet but no blankets or pillows. There was a girl there, or one showed up, and started running game on him pretty obviously. He seemed to know what was up but played along anyway, and when she got a bank account detail, shut off emotionally and tried to access the cash he revealed it as a honeypot and traced what she had accessed the false account with instead. She left or disappeared after that and it was just him in the same apartment until he heard something from what was suddenly another room through a doorway with a matching mattress and what turned out to be her phone sitting on it with the screen off. It kept saying quietly, then louder: this is really happening. This is really happening. This is really happening. And it was shot like the spill your beans scene in the lighthouse. He picked up the phone and turned it on and then I woke up sweating.

[chlsy]

E n I were wandering around what I think was seattle a while until he said he had plans w h, so I caught a ride from duf senior, after a long sequence of dropping others off at mansions and huge houses, and got back to what turned out to be dad's house, where h and o were hanging out and flirting and watching tv and touching, with h in the reclining seat and o at their feet, sometimes curled up and being pet, sometimes on her hands and knees like human furniture. I left the room and realized I didn't know where e was, then woke.

[chlsy]

E n h n I were at a diner or cafeteria w charlie day and someone i barely know. I don't remember a lot of the dream but near the end I'd done something outside the timeline of the dream to make e pretty upset or frustrated with me and the person I barely know was at one point replaced with my ex and he was cuddling into her and talking and smiling only to her with me right next to both of them. He would pointedly ignore anything I said or did, often rolling his eyes or frowning for a moment before smiling and talking to/nuzzling her again, and o was either barely registering my existence or pretending to and enjoying shutting me out of their conversation. At the end everyone had to get up and get out and in the commotion someone tried to steal my bag off the table and quietly slip away with it. I fought him tooth and nail and tried to raise a commotion about it but none of my friends or charlie day seemed to notice or care and the guy was stronger and bigger than me, with active backup. Then I woke up

[chlsy]

h n e and i had tickets to ride this big steam train somewhere in a grassy field and I couldn't get my ticket info or some form of id and was stuck waiting in this combination pub inn restaurant, train station, and waiting room, connected to one another in that order. i walked back and forth around the place for the whole dream trying to avoid the crowds and possible covid/social contact but people kept finding reasons to talk to me or sit near me and either sexually proposition me or chastise me for a perceived slight. at one point i was walking through the restaurant inn pub area considering leaving but dropped my phone and fucked up the socket again, only where in the last dream i'd scuffed the yin yang to featureless grey, this time the yang fell off like a separate piece and i struggled to slot it back on and keep it from falling out again.

[chlsy]

just finished dissolving prog, fell asleep for 50 min and dreamt i was in a huge, expensive house i didn't understand or belong in, there were a bunch of people around that didn't think much of me, i broke or fumbled everything in my possession, and i was so horny, isolated and broken down i wanted to implode. at one point i told d about what i went through just to get him off my back. woke up thinking it'd been four hours at least. nope. not feeling good. what the fuck

[chlsy]

Dreamt vividly but the narratives largely escape me but e and h were there for most of it. Main things I remember are driving around in grassy fields that turned muddy but were still flat and open enough that we didn't crash into anything even when I started hydroplaning. H was driving alone at one point and got hit by somebody, flipped end over end, just about totaled their car but was fine other than the shakes of adrenaline and a pinch of back pain. Then I was breaking into empty houses and looking for underground hideaways or tunnels for some reason