cholangiocarcinoma

[cholangiocarcinoma]

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Comic by Beetlemoses.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

if you ever find yourself thinking “wow I scraped the bottom of the barrel with my energy with that and came out okay!” that’s the devil talking. you did not come out okay. you borrowed energy from the future. you will repay it if you don’t rest and replenish the borrowed energy first.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Where do you go when you need to complain about the people you want to complain to. Cuz I am so tired just seeing all the people pushing continuing to work and stuff while going thru treatment and it makes me so angry. No one with cancer should have to work when they are going thru treatment or have symptoms that disable them. Like. The amount of stress and exhaustion that comes with just living with cancer is so extreme and I just. My heart hurts when I consider needing to do things like take care of a child or go to work or school. I can’t do that.

Which then leads to feeling like I’m lazy cuz I haven’t even tried.

The last 5 days I’ve been in insane amounts of pain and could not function. I have to take a break while doing dishes. Standing in place for extended periods of time is miserable on my legs. I’m not lazy. I have cancer. I’m undergoing treatment. Hypermobility is degenerative so I likely only have so many clicks left in my knees.

I’m not sure where I was going with this

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[cholangiocarcinoma]

As a cancer patient this has all been mortifying to read

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Some of this was my own social blunder on the discord cuz I was in general instead of something for others who are stuck just. Doing treatment.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

My bf keeps sighing when I ask for stuff cuz I need more help today since I had chemo and it’s making me feel bad.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

This person assumed I’m new to treatment cuz I mentioned being worried my steroid would keep me up late and I accidentally shut them down hardcore when I was like oh I’ve been on chemo 3yrs this isn’t new to me

Like

My guy don’t fucking assume I’m new to treatment just cuz I’m new to the discord ffs

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Don’t fucking assume you know what my treatment is like. Don’t tell me what it’s going to be like. You don’t know anything about my diagnosis and I don’t want your fucking optimism that I’ll beat this.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

I don’t normally taste the meds I get thru my port other than saline flushes but today I can taste the meds and it’s nasty.

Also I feel like I’m committing a crime when I press the buttons on the pump but I’m only ever pressing “restart” cuz it’s stupid and thought there was air in the line or I silence it and use the call light to get the nurses’ attention.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

[cholangiocarcinoma]

SHAMELESS 5.10 — South Side Rules

[cholangiocarcinoma]

how do I go about contacting brands being like I have cancer give me free things

[cholangiocarcinoma]

I think I’m gonna stay part of the cancer discord. It’s nice to have somewhere to vent and bitch. Still considering other options though. Definitely having a nice time being part of the zyxxcord and just hanging out there.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

Joined a support group discord server and the mental health self care channel is entirely people worrying about their cancer coming back. Post after post of ppl like nightmares about the cancer being back or still getting anxiety about relapse. I didn’t expect that to be more of an issue than avoiding hearing from caregivers.

[cholangiocarcinoma]

I almost wonder if this is how weird it feels for some people to try online dating. Like I feel cheap for seeking a support group for young cancer patients and then getting more specific in those needs. Why you gotta be so choosey. Why is it not enough to talk to others who don’t know when their treatment will end. I hate how much I think about everything it’s so exhausting

I thought I wanted an online community to be part of but being part of the community of my favorite podcast isn’t cutting it. Seeing a counselor lady thru palliative isn’t helping as much as Matt did. It feels so rude to compare everything to Matt but he met needs I never would have guessed I would have and then also set the bar unreasonably high for someone with his level of mobility when we met, height be damned.

My family thinks they can relate and understand because they have been caregivers to cancer patients but it’s completely different, sorry. It really is. There isn’t a pain and suffering olympics but there is a significant difference between patient and caregiver okay. There are things that caregivers cannot relate to and also things we as patients can’t say to or around caregivers.