choosingchaim

[choosingchaim]

[choosingchaim]

“There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from law school.”

— - an old Jewish comedian (via evthing)

[choosingchaim]

"But remember that an "angel" is anything that carries out a mission for God. This includes forces of nature. An angel doesn't have to be an intimidating, fiery being... Photosynthesis? That's an angel. Gravity? An angel. Magnetism? Angel. The Midrash in Bereishis Rabbah (chapter 1) says than an angel only performs one job. That job doesn't have to be destroying Sodom; it could be peristalsis, centripetal force or condensation."

- Rabbi Jack Abramowitz, The God Papers

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[choosingchaim]

asdfhjkashfdk i don't want to say too much as to not reveal my identity or the identity of my shul but sometimes i think back to when i had attended my first service at the shul and i was reading a book v popular amongst converts, and next to quotes from names like kushner and buber the head rabbi of my shul was quoted??? it was such a great quote too, one that really informed my own theology (i wish i could share it without revealing too much smh).

[choosingchaim]

We are all infatuated with the splendor of space, with the grandeur of things of space. Thing is a category that lies heavy on our minds, tyrannizing all our thoughts. Our imagination tends to mold all concepts in its image. In our daily lives we attend primarily to that which the senses are spelling out for us: to what the eyes perceive, to what the fingers touch. Reality to us is thinghood, consisting of substances that occupy space; even God is conceived by most of us as a thing.

Abraham Joshua Heschel, The Sabbath

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April 13th 2023

Just got back from conversion class and I don’t know when I’ll stop feeling socially exhausted from this. I feel so socially awkward, and I’m exhausted by always having to figure out who to talk to, both in class and after services on Shabbat. I feel like an incredibly awkward presence, just lingering and possibly not initiating enough. Maybe it’s just because I’m new, and maybe it’ll get easier. But this stuff has just never been easy for me. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I love the material and have so many thoughts, but the social setting is difficult, and allows me to not speak up properly - especially since these people are further in the course and have a more established Jewish identity than I have. However, one cannot be a Jew in isolation, and this is just something I have to learn. I hope it gets easier.

A girl who had her Beit Din today stopped by! She was glowing, really. She brought a list of questions she was asked, most of which scared me so much, one or two of which I felt proud about already sort of knowing - it really set in how long of a journey I have in front of me. I asked if she studied on her own as well, as some of the questions seemed ridiculously hard, but she said everything was covered in class. And some stuff she didn’t know, and still passed, so that’s reassuring. I’m still so incredibly impressed by her knowledge, and it feels so strange that I’ll hopefully become that knowledgable - it seriously feels like I’ll somehow be the one person who can’t learn everything lol.

Either way, with both of these things, I remember what my Israeli ex-bf turned best friend reminded me of the last time I was this overwhelmed:

עם הנצח לא מפחד מדרך ארוכה the eternal nation is not scared of a long road

He makes me feel so safe in exploring this journey.

[choosingchaim]

I am jewish - modern orthodox, not masorti. Mazel tov! If you don't mind answering, I am curious as to why you want to convert.

Thanks

Easy, I already have the epigenetic trauma.

Jk. Ultimately, it is one of those things that can’t be explained. If I do successfully convert, it’s because my soul is and always has been Jewish right? That sounds right to me, but how does one explain that in words? 

To me it’s always felt like home. I’ve been seriously interested in converting since I was 16, so around 7 years ago, but even up until then I always had a general interest in Judaism. I think it’s important to note that it’s not just feeling at home in Jewish theology (the many, many, conceptions of it) - but also in the Jewish nation itself. I’ve always felt myself gravitating towards Jewish communities. When I just turned 18 I decided to travel to Israel alone, not particularly to explore Judaism, but to just see what it was that attracted me. I come from a Scandinavian country with very few Jews, and I’m from a rural part of that country, so there were definitely no established Jewish communities around me. However, I did also grow up in London, so I didn’t have an upbringing that was sheltered from diversity - I was exposed to almost every culture and religion, but I still felt very drawn to Judaism. I fell in love with Israel, and I’ve been back three times since. 

My Jewish friend asked me right as I started this journey (in a very kind attempt to help me figure things out) “Are you sure you don’t just want to become Israeli?”. A very fair question, and although I do love Israel and feel at home there, it’s Judaism that makes Israel feel like home - and I want to practice it wherever I live. To me, the methods of practicing - Shabbat, Kosher, prayer and study - they make sense, for a multitude of theological and spiritual reasons which I won’t go into to bore you.

I’ve felt like my life was going to go this way for the longest time, and there have been a few recent catalysts that have led me to actually take the step, but I won’t go into them for brevity’s sake (lol maybe it's a bit too late for brevity). The story of Ruth really validates me and resonates with me. I know becoming Jewish is making my life objectively more difficult, especially coming from a country with widespread anti-Semitism and very few Jews. But taking on the peoplehood feels right, it feels like a calling. Somehow. Funnily enough, I was born was on the name day of Ruth (in some European countries every day has a name they celebrate). 

But ultimately, as I said at the start, it just feels like home. There’s no real rational explanation for it, even if I try. Thanks for asking (and sorry for the incredibly long answer!) :)

[choosingchaim]

[choosingchaim]

“if you have an idea of g-d it is not g-d g-d negates your idea.”

— Yaakov Moshe, “is: Heretical Jewish blessings and poems”

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The beauty of Shabbos is that G-d commands us to enter a headspace where all our work is done, doesn't matter how far behind you've fallen in your tasks, don't worry about it, just chill and enjoy some challah my friend.

[choosingchaim]

hello world

You’ve stumbled upon my blog! This is my personal space in which I am exploring Judaism, mostly in an effort to not bore everyone in my life with my seemingly endless reflections on this journey. This is also a space in which I collect ideas and topics that resonate with me (and some that don’t).

I’m 23, based in the uk, converting in a Masorti synagogue, and just started conversion classes this month (June of 2023). I’ve been wanting to convert for around seven years for whatever inexplicable reason, and the more i learn, the more it feels right.

Important note and disclaimer:

I’m new to this

I’m still so figuring so much out, and I may get things wrong at times (and that’s okay!). I don’t have a clear conception of divinity (and i probably never will), but this blog is very much part of the process in searching for little pieces in all the great Jewish thinkers who have come before me, to craft into my own personal conception of the divine, and of life.

Feel free to ask whatever you’d like. Literally whatever. Here’s to life.

“A Jew dare not live with absolute certainty, not only because certainty is the hallmark of the fanatic and Judaism abhors fanaticism, but also because doubt is good for the human soul.” - Rabbi Emanuel Rackman

[choosingchaim]