choosingwhatmatters

[choosingwhatmatters]

hey, so i'm kickstarting the pilot to a musical audio drama about a struggling indie rock band that tours the country resolving monster-related problems through song—

and we've reached 10% of the goal amount in the first day, which is great, but my understanding is that momentum is vitally important in the beginning of a crowdfunding campaign, so if we can get to 20% by the end of tomorrow, i'll write 250 words of whatever pairing/fandom/situation the first person asks for.

The Kickstarter campaign lives here!

[choosingwhatmatters]

put three f/f ships you like in the tags. doesnt matter how obscure or embarrassing the media, go for it. and no, your m/m ship doesnt count as women

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Pluto (2024) / Us (2025) / Whale Store XOXO (2025)

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“But you have to be sure she has a thing for you. - How do I tell if she does?”

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When Rak confesses to her mom that it's exhausting living alone with no support and that she's "worn out" and she's about to cry from the impact of her own words, that really fucked me up.

But it also made me appreciate even more how brave she was to leave her home. I didn't really think about how unprepared she was for the real world and how sheltered she was in her bubble as a teen girl from a rich home. She grew up never thinking about money. Her parents had her path laid out for her so neatly. They didn't prepare her for rent, bills, and a full-time job. She must've been so overwhelmed and scared, but she still left.

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the implications of this episode titled ‘home sweet home’ / dokrak going to her family house and being kicked out / pam saying ‘let’s go home’ / pam and dokrak staying together

khem’s strict rules about eating / pam and dokrak feeding each other on the kitchen counter

dokrak’s family house (cold interior) / dokrak’s home (warm interior)

dokrak left her old house to create a home for herself. home isn’t just a place, it’s where you feel the most safe with the people you love. it’s a place where you belong, where you’re free to be yourself. dokrak’s home is wherever pam is.

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Rak, I love you, but PLEASE tune the g string of your guitar!

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i think deciding to love someone continually is like reading the same book again, but each time finding a different line that hits deep and makes you think about something you didn't realize before. and you decide to read it again and again, knowing you'll never get enough of it, knowing you'll always find something new about them to love.

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May: "I couldn't see at the time, so I didn't know how you looked at me. With pity or with disdain."

Ai looking at May.

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GIF REQUEST: May's dimpled smiles

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Anything You Want

Pam is holding Dokrak’s face, her fingers keeping the hair back and away from their mouths.  Rak’s eyes are closed, her lips moving against Pam’s, and Pam is reminded of that time when it was raining, when she dreamed of kissing Rak.

But this is real, this is Dokrak soft against her, one hand on her shoulder and the other one at her waist.  Dokrak pulls close to her, skin against skin, and Pam is the one who moans.  Dokrak’s tongue slides out, runs along Pam's.  Dokrak nips at Pam’s chin, kisses down the line of her neck.

And Pam feels like they fit together, like they were made for each other.  Because everything she said was true.  She does love Rak.  Despite the past, or Nene, or Kawi.  None of that matters.  The only thing that matters is this, right now, Dokrak pressing into her half undressed, the two of them trembling, tears threatening so much that their eyes are closed.

Pam lets out a ragged breath, pants into Dokrak's ear, and Rak shudders against her.  “P’Pam,” she whispers, and the hairs on Pam's neck all stand at attention.  “I love you,” Rak continues, “can we stay like this forever?”

Continued below the cut, or on AO3.

It's Pam's turn to shiver.  She looks down at Rak, but Rak’s eyes are still closed.  Rak is beautiful in the afternoon light, the shadows cast by strands of hair catching the nub of her nose just so, her lips parted and breathless.  “As long as you want,” Pam answers.

Dokrak's eyes open then, innocent and teary.  She looks at Pam, and Pam doesn't know why she ever doubted.  Because Dokrak looks at her like she always has, with pure unfettered adoration.  Dokrak has always looked at her this way, and nothing has changed.  When Dokrak looks at her, there is nothing else in the world except the two of them, and time stands still.

“I like how you feel against me,” Rak says.

At that, Pam squeezes closer, rubbing up against Dokrak.  Their noses touch, then their lips.  Rak's eyes close again as they kiss, and this time Pam calls her on it.  “You can look at me.  I like the way you look at me.”

Rak's eyes dart to the side before coming back, but now that Pam is paying attention, it's the same mix of desperate hunger and almost embarrassment that Pam has always craved.  Maybe it's the same thing Pam has been feeling about Dokrak, the thing that's kept Pam looking and listening.  But Rak says, “I'm afraid if I open my eyes, this will be a dream and that will be the end of it.”

So Pam kisses her again, yearns to convince Dokrak that this is real.  Her hands slide down to Rak’s shoulders and flirt with the straps of her bra.  Dokrak becomes bold then, pushing Pam back so they both fall onto the bed.

Dokrak is insistent and shy all at that same time.  Her hair cascades around their faces, her eyelids fluttering as their legs tangle together.  The wet sounds of their kissing seem so loud in the apartment, and Pam grips tight on the skin at Rak's waist.

One of them whimpers, Pam isn't even sure who, but the sound makes her lurch, makes her hook one of Rak's legs with her own and turn so they are lying on their sides facing each other.  Rak is staring at her, wide-eyed and truly looking.  Their breaths come in short gasps, every piece of skin contact feeling like electricity.

The light from the window frames Rak's face, and Pam can't help but think how beautiful Dokrak is, how Dokrak deserves everything good, how much Pam would give to make Dokrak happy.   Pam doesn't think about her parents in that moment, she doesn't think of Nene, she doesn't think of Rak's family.  In that instant, there is only Pam and Dokrak, eyes locked.  “Tell me what you want,” Pam says, even though it feels like Rak is the one seeing right through her.

“I want to stay here with you forever.”

And Pam forces herself to slow down and breathe.  It's like last night in that tent, but a hundred times more intense.  There's no blanket over them, no risk of Natcha showing up, no darkness to hide behind, far less clothes in the way.  And Pam tries not to think about how much that excites her.  Dokrak's bare legs alongside hers, the shorts riding up to expose the length of her thigh, Dokrak's hands at her shoulder blades.

“You're allowed to want things.” Pam says, and she’s not sure if the words are for Rak or for herself.  She smoothes one hand on Rak's belly, smiles at the intake of breath that makes it move underneath her fingers.

Dokrak kisses her again, melting against Pam.  Muscles tense when fingernails dance around Rak's belly button. “P’Pam,” she gasps, her voice high.

“Anything you want,” Pam assures her.

So Rak pushes Pam's hand down inside her shorts.  Pam acquiesces, cups the mound between Rak's legs, feels the dampness there through the thin fabric of her underwear.  And Rak groans, low and throaty.

“Anything you want,” Pam repeats, because Pam wants too.  Pam wants to hold Dokrak, keep her safe, shield her from the machinations of her father and all the sadness in the world.  Pam wants Dokrak to be happy, more than anything else, and even revenge seems less meaningful now.

See, Pam knows this isn’t happiness, not in the grand scheme of things.  But at least for a little while, it’s just the two of them, clinging to each other for dear life, with nothing but acceptance and understanding between them — short breaths and teary-eyed kisses, shaking hips and ardent fingers — until Rak grunts, quakes and exhales.  Pam shivers when Rak’s eyes close, when Rak goes slack and collapses against her, when Rak mumbles something that sounds an awful lot like “I love you”.

And even if Pam isn’t sure that she herself deserves this, she knows that Dokrak does.  In the fading light of day, she hugs Rak as she calms, kisses the top of Rak’s head, and Pam says it aloud clearly.  “I love you.”

[choosingwhatmatters]

This scene is everything.

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Emi's voice, though ... Am I the only one?

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The use of music in this scene is superb! First, we have Nene's signature "you're in danger" tune. Then, there's silence. And when she talks about her pain, there's this wistful, reverberant paino tune. She is being sincere. Vulnerable. What a scene.

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Ai, let me show the proper response to someone asking you to hug them:

That is how it's done. (/Final Fantasy X voice)

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I get it, Pam.

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I get it, Rak.