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chososdiscordkitten · 21 days ago

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It's Complicated, Right?

Synopsis: Situationships w/ the JJK men x GN!reader

Includes: 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢, 𝐍𝐚𝐨𝐲𝐚, 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨, 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐫𝐦𝐚, 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢, 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨 Content: Situationships, unestablished relationships, a sprinkle of nsfw with feelings. Some plot. This is longer than I thought it would be, sowy. angst w porn (?) ill put specifics before any of em.

MDNI

Kento Nanami

(ghosting, hurt feelings, emotionally unavailable Nanami, confusing signs and signals, soft Nanami, fwb, desc of sex, was It casual?, right person, wrong time, ouch ouch.)

Situationships with Nanami were rare.

It's more about seeing it as a friendship rather than an entanglement. At first, it would start as dating. A couple of dates with flirty conversation between sips of wine.

Phone calls with his low voice rumbling into your ear- asking how your day was or if you were free tomorrow.

Texts reminding you to eat when you were at work- or telling you to be careful on your way out of your place in the mornings.

He got to know you. Slowly, yes. But he did.

Small things like what hour you'd get out of work, or what you'd order at the Chinese restaurant around the corner.

Sex wouldn't even be on the table for the first couple of months of what he deemed was “Courting”

Nanami always saw it as crude or even demeaning to only see someone for intercourse, so he made the effort to get to know you first.

But when he realized that he was: A. emotionally unavailable, B. just didn't feel any chemistry between you, or C. didn't want to pursue anything further with you because he didn't want you to feel pain if something ever happened to him on the job.

Dealers choice.

But, after that realization came, he would distance himself.

Phone calls would become increasingly infrequent. Texts became non-existent, and dates wouldn't be planned.

And to you, well, it just seemed like he was ghosting you. It seemed petty- and mean as though he couldn’t outright say why he didn’t want you anymore.

Only on one frustrated night, you called him.

Something about how you wanted to smooth things over- to not end on a bad note.

A shitty excuse for what you really wanted.

The hour was too late to actually do anything outside of what had been on your mind for a while.

And Kento? He was too pent up to actually refuse your offer to come over.

Even more so when he opened the door to see you- brimming with a specific kind of energy and with a look in your eyes that told him that you didn't come here to ask why he was ghosting you.

After that, the texts and phone calls resumed as they had before. Not primarily for sex, but because Nanami saw potential in what was happening with you again.

But he was too stubborn to quit his job, and you were still a little sore at how he discarded you before.

That's when the relationship turned from dating to sex with perks.

The perks were a warm bed to sleep in, something that Nanami didn't know he was missing till you were beside him.

Breakfast in the mornings and dinners in the evenings when you'd stay the night.

And what was probably the worst- warm kisses on your forehead before he would leave for work.

It was like playing house. All the physical things were there: two people, an apartment. Conversations about how your days were and what happened between your encounters.

Soft kisses in the shower when you'd take turns washing each other's backs.

Breakfasts in the morning that held little laughs between bites, and intercourse with a person that wasn't a stranger.

Only the feelings weren't all there. The attachment never grew past getting to know each other.

He never let it go further.

If you asked Kento, he saw it as a convenience. Knowing that your schedules aligned well enough and you seemingly never cared that it wouldn't be anything more.

Another perk.

Neither of you minded the emotionless relations.

Nanami saw it as a warm person to share his bed with.

But when the forehead kisses, the adoring squeezes his big hands made at your bottom when he would hug you.

The mornings when his hands found themselves between your thighs, slightly spreading them before giving you more of himself.

Reaching the pinnacle of an orgasm together, flushed with tired warmth mixed with the morning air.

Still holding onto you with kind kisses on your neck and shoulders when he finished.

Along with cozy nights spent in his big arms, kisses taking shape of smiles with laughs rumbling against your skin.

Far too intimate to call a casual friendship.

That's when it struck in your heart that it was never just casual.

And so, too frustrated to keep up this charade, and too scared to say something, you started applying pressure.

Taking a gentler hand when the tips of your fingers found their way to his hair, lips pressed together in desperation as his hips made sporadic movements against you.

Softly holding him after, his lips humming softly against your skin as he drifted to sleep.

Being able to translate for him, what was pooling in your heart with just your hands. No need for commitment filled words.

Showing up more and more, texting cheeky messages when you hadn't had anything planned with him that day.

Going as far as getting him a birthday present- hoping the casual relationship would go back to when he was actively trying to pursue you.

And all this didn't go unnoticed by Kento.

He saw it in your eyes whenever you were close- how your lip trembled and when your hands held him as you finished.

He heard it in the way you'd speak to him- no longer callously talking about the people you'd see once or twice on dating apps.

Somehow, more cautious and calculating in what you said. Scared that Nanami wouldn't feel the same as you did if he knew about the other people in your life.

Only, Nanami was still unsure if it was the greatest idea to push further.

For some reason, in his mind, the restaurants you would meet him at before ending up at his place, weren't enough reason to push onward.

The warm mornings when he would still be asleep, only to find you watching him with loving eyes once he woke up, were still casual.

That thin line that separated what you had with him from a real relationship was blurred too quickly. And now he couldn't even differentiate what was acceptable to do and what wasn't.

And when you asked him- “Do you think we would ever be something more?”

Kento didn't hear it as a proposition, and he didn't answer in the way you would've liked.

“I think,” putting on his PJ bottoms and looking at you in his bed. Freshly showered and far too comfortable in a bed that belonged to someone who was little more than a friend.

“We're in different places in life.” Sitting on his side of the bed with a soft exhale. “It would be too difficult. Don't you think?” Tossing the duvet over his legs as he settled into his pillows.

You gave a falsified chuckle, almost trying to pretend that it didn't hurt to hear him say so.

Rolling onto your side to face away from him, “Yeah, it would be.” hushed and murmured as you turned off the side lamp.

He realized his words sounded far harsher than he meant them, as though he was purposefully trying to hurt you.

Only Nanami just wanted to say what he honestly thought. To him, a relationship would be a lot of work and compromise. And the way his life looked right now, he didn't want it to change.

Thinking that a real relationship would be more added stress that he definitely didn't need.

But he knew it hurt you in some way, so he rolled over to you.

His chest pressed against your back with his arm finding it’s way onto your side. Nose brushing against your ear as he closed his eyes.

“But if I were to end up with anyone, I think it would be with you.”

Low voice reverberating against the shell of your ear as he held you close.

Thinking this proclamation would make you feel better about what he said.

But you heard it as a promise, almost. As though he was warming to the idea.

Nanami didn't mean to string you along. It wasn't his intention to keep you hanging on the idea that one day he would be yours.

But he did.

And it only hurt more when he said he never saw himself marrying or ending up with anyone in the near future.

Saying that the last thing he wanted was to leave someone in pain if something ever happened to him on the job.

But still within you, you harboured the hope that the longer you kept up the game of playing house, Kento would cave.

Naoya Zenin

(OUCH, rejection(?), mean naoya, desc of sex, does not gaf abt r!feelings, not even fwb atp, I can fix him mentality)

Out of all the JJK men, Naoya is the worst situationship. You cannot convince me otherwise.

What started as a convenient way to blow off steam. Somehow, you frequently found yourself half-dressed at your place with an all-too-eager Naoya pressed against you.

With an urge, he would rush the useless bits.

To Naoya, the ‘useless’ parts were foreplay.

The soft caresses his fingertips should make against your bare skin when undressing you.

The little laughs between heated make-out sessions on your couch, those things were always jettisoned aside.

And he would rush them- or avoid them entirely.

Along with how much he despised eye contact during sex.

It wasn’t because he didn’t like looking at you; that’s probably one of the few things he admitted to liking about you.

Your looks. Just as vain and shallow as you believed him to be.

Small comments like, "Well, your sense of humor isn’t why I’m here.” Whenever you make joking remarks about how he keeps coming back just to hear your horrible jokes.

Looking into each other’s eyes was almost like a soul bond in Naoya’s mind. A contract he didn't want to sign.

Thinking that he could literally see your heart fill with something that he didn’t feel for you.

And that’s why he didn’t like it- he could see that you liked him more. That you yearned for more than just a sexual relationship with him.

It felt like unnecessary pressure when you look at him like that during missionary. Almost like you were daring him to feel what you felt.

He felt it in the way your eyes wouldn’t leave his back when he would roll off of you.

How your lips would part whenever he would say he was leaving, almost like you wanted to ask him to stay.

Sure, Naoya wasn’t the greatest when it came to talking about mushy feelings, and his personality seemed like a garbage can lit on fire at times.

But something in your mind told you that there was something there. Something within him that you could explore and make better.

In shorter words, in your mind, you thought you could fix Naoya if he gave you the chance.

But the way he would callously pin your hand to the bed whenever you’d try to hold his face with genuine care during missionary. As though you were trying to ‘make love’ rather than just fuck.

After that, he wordlessly placed a ‘No missionary’ ban for a couple of weeks before he forgot about it.

The times when you’d tell him, “It’s late-” not even getting to the proposal of telling him he could stay if he wanted. Naoya would interrupt.

“Nah, it’s not late enough for me to stay,” with a smug smile. Dressing as fast as he could, not caring to even say goodbye to you before slamming your door shut and leaving.

Not seeing him until he would send a ‘u home? omw.’ text at the wee hours of the night.

And you never complained, knowing that if one wrong word was said. One misworded offer of having breakfast could lead to you never seeing him again.

And that’s one of the things you struggled with the most. Knowing that as easily as Naoya came into your life, he could easily leave again.

So you left it open to whatever interpretation Naoya thought of.

To him, you were a good lay that knew where you stood. Not even friends, just sleeping together to get off. Easily accessible, and you never tried to pry.

But there were a few times when he would give a little smile. That was full of genuine interest in the small talk you would make between rounds.

Not daring to ask how his day was or what activities he had planned for that week.

Bringing up how you read in the news that the best time to buy a timeshare would actually be the worst time in your life.

Leading to him giving an unfiltered laugh- not at what you said nor how you said it.

“In what world would you ever be able to buy a timeshare?” Not a question, but a jab at you and your living situation.

But the little glimmer in his eyes told you that he noticed more than you thought. Noticed enough to know that you'd never be able or want to buy one.

“I’d say the same- but I don’t know much about you.” A mindless prod at how he refused to get to know you or let you know him.

Only earning a scoff from him with his chest caving in annoyance- feeling poked and peered at. “Does it even matter.” not a question, with his lips pursed ever so slightly and mumbled as he looked away from you.

You couldn’t help how you felt; somehow, the idea of him coming over consistently gave you the notion that maybe, just maybe, this situation would advance into something more.

He was utterly inaccessible when it came to emotions, and entirely reliable when it came to having your physical needs met. So you never cut it off.

But Naoya was always quick to remind you that it wouldn’t be anything more. Cruel and as mean as he was sometimes, you still wanted to try.

Like when you called him to ask if he was busy later that evening;

A little giggle rumbled in your ear from your phone. ‘I just saw you yesterday-’ smug and almost like he was pleased to know that you wanted to fuck two nights in a row.

Loud chatter on the other line telling you that he was out.

You scoffed, already dreading the question that you had considered asking, “There’s this restaurant that just opened up downtown and I-” your tone nervous but hopeful.

You heard a drawn out, interrupting groan from the other line- Naoya’s way of telling you he was bored of the conversation.

Only deciding to continue after a few seconds, even if you already knew what he would say.

“I was wondering if you would want to go.. With me?” bordering on a mumble and already regretting even asking him as your hand fiddled with the hem of your shirt in nerves.

A long sigh was what your ears heard first. ‘Don’t you think that if I wanted to go on a date with you, I already would’ve asked?’

Not half as playful, and more stern than anything. As though you had pissed him off with a question.

You closed your eyes, disappointed but not surprised, thinking about what to reply to his mean words.

“You weren’t my first choice, Naoya. I wanted to go and didn’t want to look weird going alone,” scoffed and cold. Some fake excuse to not seem overly attached.

Trying to sound as cold as his tone was.

Only Naoya’s tone wasn’t forced like yours.

He was just naturally mean and cruel.

And what seemed like the most malicious thing he would do, bordering on evil, is that he would always, always leave.

He never slept in your bed for longer than half an hour, only needing an energy boost before he would make his way out.

And those little naps post intercourse were probably your favorite, one of the few times he would actually hold you.

Not with lust or with an urge to finish, not with a craving or hunger falling from his fingertips onto your skin.

But with a gentle softness. Still brimming with the afterglow on his cheeks, with a light veil of sweat making his hair stick to his temple.

Bare bodied and covered by a thin sheet that didn’t do anything, but his arms kept you warm. Dozing off as he did, uncaring of the hour or what it meant to sleep beneath each other’s touch.

Somehow, despite all the times he would come over to have sex, this would feel more raw. Softer and tender.

And when your eyes would blink open, arms left empty of the cruel man you felt deeply for. Your eyes would watch as he got dressed. Not disappointed by his swift actions.

Not even surprised at how easily he would leave.

Just hurt that he would rather leave the warmth and tenderness that was there a few minutes ago, to go somewhere else.

Not even a kiss goodbye, not a word.

What was worse is that Naoya knew you had woken up. He knew you would watch him leave with sad eyes.

And it never made any difference to him.

Satoru Gojo

(toxic possessive gojo, he such a flake, casual sex w/ other people, hates commitment, desc of sex, empty promises, angst..? he's a pussy, jealous gojo)

Early into what was growing between you and Gojo, he made it clear that he wouldn’t fuck around with other people, and he asked the same of you.

At first, you thought it was his petition to start a real relationship.

Only after spending months in each other’s company in the evenings, something that resembles a relationship, formed.

But what brought you back to earth from the ‘Boyfriend Gojo’ cloud, was how easily he asked for rainchecks. Not even an apology or a real excuse.

Just a, ‘Can’t make it tonight, tomorrow’s better for me x’ text would show up on your phone. A mere 20 minutes before you were going to leave to go to his place.

Freshly showered and dressed, knowing he liked having dinner, and talking before ending up in his bed.

With Gojo, the real commitment was putting a title on what you two had.

The idea that this was something far more serious than just a friends with benefits thing would weigh his shoulders down and give him unnecessary pressure.

But somehow, dates, sleepovers- even bringing you to one or two ‘surprise’ work meetings.

Saying things like- “I swear I didn’t remember.” when he would take you with him.

Leading to you meeting a handful of his odd coworkers.

He never let you listen, though- something about “It’s too classified” for your ears. That and he said they’re boring anyway.

So you never knew what he did for a living- something else that seemed far too personal to share with you.

All of these things weren’t commitments to him. Just small things that happened that he couldn't control.

But Gojo would be lying if he said he didn't like showing you off.

Showing people that he wasn't some monster with big pointy teeth. That somehow, someone like you ended up with him.

It reminded him that he was human beneath it all. And he liked knowing that he seemed tender enough to be with you.

At first, it was sweet.

The small hold his hand would have on your back- almost guiding you when you were out with him.

And when he would forget that he was supposed to be on the other side of the country. On the same day that he wanted to see you;

He would call and tell you all about it- how distraught he was that he was being torn away from you.

And he would send flowers and make sure to bring you something back from his trip as an apology.

But when he would be gone for longer, and more often. Being away far more than he was home. You started pulling away.

Not just because he was busy, but because he made it a boundary that you couldn’t be with anyone else physically.

And unfortunately the relationship that started between you and him, had the base layer of sex.

So it seemed like something you'd need if you were to continue this- whatever this was, with him.

In the nights when you’d think about what was really happening, not some- “I just enjoy your company” bullshit, Gojo would tell you when you’d ask.

But really ponder what was happening.

That’s when the realization that it wasn’t a relationship, but you weren’t just friends either.

It was that weird grey space between those two.

Barely lovers but not even in love.

But it’s not like there weren’t feelings there. They were very prevalent.

You’d see his feelings when he would look at you, in the way he laughed, and how he’d open up about his youth.

Never revealing enough, though.

You’d have questions, and he wouldn’t answer them.

As though his life was some weird spectacle that ‘normal’ people, in his words. Couldn’t comprehend.

Only saying, “It’s complicated,” to end the conversation.

And when you presented this dilemma to Satoru-

Just got back into the city and beckoning you to come over. Saying that he missed your face and your smile-

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Interrupting the sweet tone that came through the phone.

To you, somehow, this conversation was less intimidating over the phone.

There was a pause. A pause that felt like hours to you because you could hear his thoughts running at a million miles trying to find a reason.

‘Are you busy or something..?’ less kind and more confused, as though he was in trouble for something he didn’t do.

And as you stood there, hearing the voice of the man you felt more than something for. But not enough to continue this charade. You felt bad for him in a way.

Hands fiddling with the sleeve of your hoodie and looking at the skyline. Wondering where he was right now.

“No-” you inhaled, almost gutted that you were going to say what was on your mind. Not angry or upset. “I just don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Your voice, tired. Like you ran through hundreds of ways you could say this to him without sounding hurt.

That’s when the realization that this game he was playing hurt you, clicked for Gojo. Not at all what he intended, but it still did.

Somehow, he found you- a few hours after this rumbling phone call where he practically dared you to tell him why.

And what was supposed to be some frustration-filled declaration of his feelings came out far more deceptive than he meant.

It wasn’t a promise that Gojo made you. Not a proclamation of feelings like he thought it would be.

It was just a half-baked apology that came with a whisper of a promise.

A promise that he could possibly, one day, maybe be ready to take that next step with you.

He didn't say it, though. But he made sure you felt it.

And Gojo being himself. That night ended up like most nights did with him.

Tangled in sheets- nude and kissing you like it was his destiny.

Somehow, the sex felt more like a promise than his half-thought words. As though that was the first time he actually fucked you with his heart involved. Not just his cock.

And then it started happening again.

Less phone calls, fewer apologies. Not even a promise to see you tomorrow when he rescheduled.

When he would call to tell you he wouldn’t be able to make it, he would spout lame excuses before you interrupted him.

“It’s complicated. Right?”

And he’d say you were perfect for understanding before hanging up.

That’s when it clicked for you that Gojo didn’t have the nerve to call this what it was.

And to think, out of the two of you, you thought you were the coward for not saying how you felt.

You slowly detached yourself. Knowing that it wasn’t healthy to wait around for him to come to terms with his feelings and yours.

So when you started screwing around with other people- not caring half as much as you should if he found out.

Making small comments about how you had to find other ways to fill the time when he was gone.

“Aw, I bet you still miss me though-” giggly tone indicating that he didn’t fully grasp what you were throwing at him.

Rolling onto your stomach with your hands beneath your chin on his bed. Watching him get ready to sleep with malicious intentions slathering your words.

You gave a half laugh, “Not as much as you’d think.” you mumbled, annoyed that he didn’t care as much as you thought he would. And Gojo honestly thought you were playfully bantering.

A little foreplay, even.

But when you gave more detail on how the person’s apartment you woke up at a few days ago was on the complete other side of the city. Making you late for work, that’s when he realized you were trying to make him jealous.

And he didn't like that it worked.

Gojo was good at making you say things- words that you never considered speaking to him. Knowing his ego was inflated enough, he didn’t need any more praise.

Like a snake charmer- he always found the weakest spot to exploit just to hear the words he wanted.

And when he had you on all fours, not even asking you- telling you, daring you to say that anyone else was as good as he is.

A firm grip on your arm as he mercilessly hammered into you. Jealousy was soaking his words as he kept demanding an answer.

“Who fucks you better than me-” through clenched teeth, barely legible and inbetween grunts.

Demeaning and colder than how he usually was.

He let up when you spoke the truth, through choked moans, that it was only he who made you feel that way.

Even if he would never admit it- he really was jealous.

Envious enough to need to hear you say it. To hear how much you liked him.

After that, he became possessive, uncaring of what mission he missed- just to know that you weren’t with anyone else.

Sure, it didn’t count as cheating if you had. But it was something that hurt him deeply.

And that left you in the same square you were in before- unsure if it was a relationship, but not wanting to cross a boundary and ask for more.

Along with an overly possessive Gojo that would show up unannounced when his ‘partner- but not really a partner’ senses would go off.

The feelings were there. All too prevalent and overbearing to ignore.

But Satoru was too much of a pussy to admit he actually harboured strong, obtrusive feelings.

Leaving you to wait for the day he actually allowed himself to admit that what you had with him, wasn't just a friendship.

Hiromi Higuruma

(unestablished relationship, both don't wanna label it, exclusive ish?, desc of sex, soffttt hiromi, fwb with feelings)

Relationships were always a sore topic for Hiromi, knowing that the last one he had didn’t end in the most terrific way.

From what you gathered, the cause was his incessant need to put his work first.

And Hiromi was the kind of man who saw dating as a segway to marriage.

With his mind entirely made up with the idea that he didn’t want to throw himself into another relationship with someone who would leave as the last person did.

So when you popped up into his life- he knew that what was going on, whatever it was, couldn’t go further than sex.

A high-stress job combined with a man who didn’t deal with stress in the best way, made the sex feel more like an outlet rather than a way to pass time.

Sure, the sex was fun. Something to take his mind off his painfully long day. And the conversation you would offer after would only add to it.

He wasn’t the kind of person to make you leave-

At once, he actually said that he liked talking with you after- something along the lines of him not being a caveman.

Higuruma liked knowing the person he shared his bed and his body with had something to offer to the conversation.

And at the end of the day, who doesn’t like the warm touch of another human being?

Tangled in a mix of sheets and limbs as you looked at him- basking in the afterglow; “Did I tell you I saw a preview for yet another alien movie-” With a small laugh as you watched his eyes blink shut.

His cheeks were slightly pink, skin still vibrating as he came down from the act.

Hiromi’s usually kept hair now tousled and messy. His hairline still damp as you admired the beautiful curve of his nose.

A little smile on his lips, amused at your disappointed tone at how they keep making the same fucking movies.

A small laugh taking form in your words, “It really made me wonder-” Scooching closer to him and feeling a lazy arm rest on your back. His heart beating against your ear as he rubbed circles against your spine with a light hand.

“Why would they keep making them?” continued, being able to feel the laugh rumble from his bare chest.

That’s what Hiromi liked about you, that you made him laugh without even meaning to.

His eyes closed, with his exhaustion eating away at him, “Someone should really tell them to stop,” he mumbled softly before drifting off to sleep.

I can’t see him as the kind of guy who would make you leave. Somehow, the warmth of being held or holding a person made this stress relief even more impactful.

Only, he would be ready and dressed in the morning, leaving you on his bed, bare, cold, and alone with him padding out of the bedroom.

Courteous enough not to wake you.

You would get up with a blanket wrapped around you, stepping out of his bedroom to watch as he drank the first cup of coffee of the day.

The mornings were when the arrangement of just being sexual partners felt like it would turn into something more.

A muttered, “Good Morning,” in a low morning voice, he would aim at you. Low eyes snapped to you and back to the pages in his hand.

A genuine smile on his lips, earnest and honest.

You would sit across from him as he read the case files he left on the counter last night.

“No work today?” he would ask, looking at his watch, knowing you would leave a little earlier than he would.

You would give a playful smile, enjoying that he memorized your routine. “Nope. I’m all yours today.” earning a slight hum from him in response.

Eyes looking at the mug in his hand- one of the only two that he had. Something about how he only needed one of everything before you came along.

That was the worst thing about this arrangement.

You had a drawer at his place, with PJ’s that often went unused, knowing that Higuruma preferred sleeping stripped and bare when you would stay the night.

Your own mug that he bought for you.

A toothbrush and the crucial things you use when getting ready for work. Your own washcloth and body wash.

A spare set of work clothes, knowing that sometimes you wouldn’t have time to swing by your place beforehand.

So comfortable in his apartment that you would shamelessly steal his clean socks, and he wouldn’t complain.

If you asked anyone else, it was an established relationship, probably on the steps to one of you moving in with the other.

But to Hiromi? It was just a convenience.

He didn’t like that the first few times you slept over, you would complain about not having the essentials.

So, instead of telling you, ‘just don’t sleep over’;

He told you to bring a bag- or something so you wouldn’t have to struggle. At first, just the essentials: toothbrush, small bottle of lotion, hairbrush.

But slowly, your things started appearing more and more in his apartment.

“I can’t keep using your deodorant, I smell like you.” The bag of your essentials stayed on his bathroom counter rather than going with you when you left.

Complaining to him in the shower about his choice in soap, “3 in 1 bath soap? Please be serious.”

“You expect me to sleep naked all the time?” when you brought your set of PJs over.

He whispered in your ear with his hands on your waist- “That doesn't sound like a bad idea.” with a kiss against your neck.

And Higuruma never complained. He never told you not to, and he never said you couldn’t.

The line that’s supposed to separate a relationship from just fuck buddies was never even drawn, so how could it be blurred?

But he refused to call it what it was becoming. He was an avid believer in “Once you’ve been burned.”

So he never made the move to turn it into something more. And you never asked him to.

What hurt most was how he would act like a boyfriend, kiss the top of your head when he would see you.

Hug you like he hadn’t held you for ages.

Caress your cheek when he would be rolling his hips against you- kissing you like he was already yours in the most intimate moments.

His hands held a touch that was made to be given to a partner. Soft, loving, and kind. It seemed like he was actively trying to show you his feelings. Like he cared.

But Hiromi never admitted that it was more. He even mentioned the times when his coworkers tried setting him up with someone they thought was ‘perfect’ for him.

Sitting on his couch with a rerun of a show he watched a while ago, you on one end and he on the other.

“And what? You tell him you were happily in an entanglement?” you would laugh, his hands taking a soft touch to your shins.

Higuruma gave a shy laugh, “No I-” smiling as he looked at your expression, your eyes fixed on your phone. “I told him the truth.”

You peered up from your phone, expecting some kind of heartfelt confession or a proposition. Hoping he would say what you wanted to hear.

“That I’m not ready to date.”

Squinty eyes greeted him, “...anyone.” His tone was quieter and awkward. As though he acknowledged that what was happening here was still a ‘sex only’ relationship.

Even as you were in his apartment for the third night in a row, even if you were there more often than you were at your own place.

Even if his hands told you that he wanted more, his eyes filled with a sprinkle of devotion as he looked at you, flush-faced and staring deep into his eyes during sex.

Even if.

That was a big thing with the man. Even if he felt the way he did.

He vowed to not date unless marriage was on the table early on.

And that fun topic of conversation never came up between you. There were always more important things to talk about- like what was for dinner that evening.

I think, he wouldn’t want to ruin what was entangling between you two by saying anything untoward.

He would relish the peace in knowing that there weren’t any labels involved.

Not having to worry about the things that he would get in trouble for if he were in a real relationship.

Like the handful of first dates he would go on, practically shoved onto his lap by his male coworkers who would say he was too old and too lonely.

Only to get them off his back.

But on these dates, with people he didn’t want to be with, he never connected with any of them.

Mindlessly comparing them to you. And how you’d make him laugh without even being in the mood to.

And when he would tell you about how they would order the most expensive thing on the menu just because he was paying, or how they would drink too much, or spill their guts to him.

You wouldn’t get upset.

You’d give an astounded laugh, wondering what horrible people his colleagues were setting him up with. Following up with you telling him about the recent dates you’ve been on and how difficult it is to find some decent company.

Both of you blissfully unaware that the decent company was there all along.

One of you just has to apply pressure to see the other fold.

Suguru Geto

(its a relationship without the label, casual sex, cheating on other people w/ each other :O, desc of sex, awe they love each other)

When it comes to Geto, what you have with him is everything a relationship should be.

You talked to him like he was your friend- he would make you laugh with subtle, mean comments he'd make whenever you accidentally burned breakfast.

Being with him was like a warm summer morning- like watering a dried plant.

There was always something new, something refreshing going on.

And Suguru has told you how much he liked you.

How he didn't think he would ever feel like this ever again until now.

But relationships are hard.

It's hard to slap the label of a relationship onto something that could be so casual.

With Geto, there weren't any serious commitments.

He would fuck around with other people, and so would you.

You'd kiss and tell with him. Telling him all about a rendezvous you had with a guy who was only in the city for a few days, that you met through work.

And he would tell you about how this chick he was with a few nights ago demanded that he bring her coffee at work the next morning.

No jealousy or pettiness.

Crazy instances that would happen between the times when you'd see him.

You'd date other people and try to find that connection that you had with him.

More like it was a friendship with perks.

Suguru would have partners that would last a few weeks.

Only at the end of the day- he would end up at yours.

Sleep in the same bed and hold each other after doing what you did best.

Sweaty and not even daring to get up, knowing he'd only apply more pressure to his hold if you tried.

Even if you somehow found a way to date someone for a few months, the screwing around behind their back seemed… wrong. So you'd tell Suguru that you were with someone.

And he'd only tell you it's okay. That he’ll be there whenever the guy screws up.

Not in a petty way. It was just the truth.

Because when those strained half relationships would end- no matter who it was or how long you were with them.

You always found yourself at his door.

With welling tears in your eyes at times, holding your 'spend a night' bag in your hand.

And Geto never minded.

On one occasion, he even kicked out a woman he had met that very evening- lying to her as he ushered her out.

“My domestic partner is here- you need to leave,” with a feigned smile as he gathered the woman's clothes from the floorand practically pushed her out.

He washed the sheets, and you stayed.

Suguru always made sure that you knew you were welcome to stay for as long as you needed.

Even if other people were part of the equation for you- in the end, you'd always find yourself in his bed.

And when he found someone who stuck around for longer and longer. You remained friends, no hard feelings or anything hostile.

You'd somehow find him at a restaurant with this person. And you never felt shamed or like an ex. So you'd go say hi.

Ask him how he's been and have him present his partner to you.

Within a few weeks, he darkened your doorstep- rain dripping onto your floor with a side smile on his lips.

You looked at him with soft eyes and watched him shrug his shoulders slightly. As though he knew he didn't need a reason to show up.

He didn't have anywhere else to go. The person he was with never came close to making him feel like you did. And he just couldn't muster the strength to stay away from you.

It was only later in the evening that Geto told you why he was there.

Freshly out of the shower- needing to wash the sweat and post-makeup sex off of him.

“She didn't like how casually you said hi to me.” smiling at you as he dried off his beautifully toned torso.

His black hair dripping water onto his shoulders. You looked at him- astounded. Mainly because you greeted him as a friend.

Sure you hugged him with enthusiasm- only because it had been so long since you saw him. But it wasn't sexual or starved- it was warm when you held him.

Nothing more.

You raised your eyebrows, asking him to say more.

A small laugh left his throat- “Something about how your energy told her you were trouble.” he smiled, knowing how crazy it sounded that energy was enough to make someone so jealous.

You laughed at his words. Not knowing that your ‘energy’ could be so threatening.

“On the way back to her place, she asked me a million questions about you.” smug in knowing that answering those questions wouldn't be able to make the other woman see who you really were,

And you laughed- “Lemme guess- you told her that you were madly in love with me.” Watching from the bed as he slipped on his PJ bottoms before walking over to you.

A small smile with a cheesing laugh left Suguru’s lips, “That and how you're practically my favorite person in the whole world.” Softly- almost whispered as his hand found its way to your cheek.

And he did love you- in his own ‘unromantic’ feelings. He chalked it up to loving someone like a really good friend.

It wasn't an offer to actually start dating. But it was enough.

Enough for you to keep up the feigned relationship that would stop whenever the other found someone else.

When he did find someone- so soon after the last. Another person to start a real relationship with, a mere few weeks after he ended the last one.

You hoped you had more time with him. A few months of keeping up this beneficial friendship with him.

But when he came over- you were expecting him to kiss you. To end up tangled in his limbs with your bottoms hanging off one leg.

Only he told you that he had started up again with someone from a few years ago. An ex that called him up when they found out he was technically single again.

“It just doesn't feel right to fuck around without them knowing, y’know?”

Geto had a smile on his lips as he said it, his eyebrows soft with tender eyes beneath them.

As though this was such a common occurrence, that this isn't a serious conversation, and you'd smile. You'd nod your head and say the same thing he'd say whenever you'd find someone else.

“Let me know when it's over so I can go see you.” smug, and knowing he always does.

Even if he had said that it wasn't right- he still ended up in your bed.

The proclamation of you looking at him with crossed arms- a little sigh leaving your lips. “Now I gotta think of all the people I can have sex with.” joking as he laughed with you.

But it sounded like a challenge to him, as though he wasn't enough physically, and you wouldn't miss him.

And as his hands found their way to your bottoms- mumbling mere centimetres from your lips. “That many, huh?” as the tips of his fingers slipped past the band of your PJs.

Scattered clothing leading up to the doorframe of your bedroom- a couple of things shoved away from clumsy and eager movements.

And finally landing onto your bed- small giggles in between kisses from how eager you both were. Knowing the other didn't get those sweet laughs with anyone else.

His hands holding your face with his tongue slotting against yours. Talented hips grinding against you as your hands found their way to his biceps.

Making sure not to leave any noticeable marks so he wouldn't get in trouble with the other woman.

Some sort of a last hurrah before you went weeks without seeing him.

A part of you knew that the little ache you felt whenever he would say that he had someone else, was something that shouldn't be there.

That the casual relationship would be ruined if you'd told him you had a minor issue with how easily he’d see other people.

So you didn't. You stayed quiet and took whatever time Suguru gave you.

Knowing that, however long you'd go without seeing him- without kissing him. Without feeling him inside of you- the day would come when he'd be back.

Knowing how reliable the other was when it came to coming back to each other.

It was impossible to stay away from each other at times.

Even if you were both in semi-committed relationships- if you missed him just enough, you'd call him.

And Suguru, who missed you more than he ever has, would answer.

It wasn't right to cheat on your partners- you both knew it.

So the small- “Let's get dinner tonight. Just to catch up.” would be planned with no ulterior motives.

But like two people who connect in a way that they've never connected with anyone else.

You'd wake up in his bed. Being held by him.

Barely feeling something resembling guilt as he kissed your face.

Like magnets in entirely different places, you always found your way to him.

And he, without fail, always came back to you.

Choso Kamo

(right person wrong time x2, secret situationship, sex w feelings, blindly in love, angst, REJECTION, waiting for the other 2 b ready)

With Choso, I found it rather hard to picture a situation where he wouldn't be down for a real relationship.

What I see for him is the difficulty in finding the right time to fully establish a relationship.

What started as a friendship, enjoying each other's company and conversation- soon developed into a more physical friendship.

Unscheduled and whenever you could, you'd find time to see him. Knowing the time slot would be rushed, and you'd have to go back to pretending that you were just friends.

Almost like a secret.

The feelings were there.

They were all there.

You'd have conversations of his fears of not living a human life, scared that he wouldn't be able to adapt to the way the world was.

He felt guilty about how everything turned out in the end.

Real life shit that you wouldn't hear from just a friend, nor from a guy you had sex with.

Another weird middle ground that didn't fit the social norms of a relationship. Nor did it conform to what a friendship was supposed to be.

And the sex?

Arguably, the worst part.

Not the act itself- Choso always made sure you were left satisfied and smiling by the end of it.

But what sex entailed with him- that's what was the worst.

Mindless proclamations of half confessions would be whispered into your ear mid-thrust.

“I want you-” breathed into your ear with warmth filling the words.

Kisses to your neck, “I need you.”

“You're so beautiful,” as he watched you finish.

Along with the dreaded L word daring to leave his lips as he got caught up in the moment.

As though you could feel the warmth and affection radiate from his chest onto yours.

It wasn't just sex.

It would border on a soul tie the way he would try engulf you.

As though he wanted to thoroughly combine himself with you- lips mushed together and barely moving against each other.

Only his hips would move- and your hands would trail on his skin as though you were tracing the very base of his soul.

That's what was the most horrendous part.

He would make you feel loved- wanted. All without making you feel lusted over.

Choso’s hands would make movements onto your hips that wouldn't feel craved or starved.

They'd feel fond and tender. Passionate. Almost praised you without words as he continued.

And after?

After he would hold you if he could. If he had the time to.

On the occasions when there was more than enough time to be present in the moment with you after.

Even when time would tick against him, he would always make sure to kiss you after- some affirmation that he wasn't just there for your body.

That he liked what was in your head, too.

But a real relationship?

Sure, Choso wanted it. He knew he wanted to form something serious with you. Something that wasn't just late nights and random days where he would see you in the mid-day for a few hours.

But the timing was horrible.

If he could barely find time to see you now- in between the sporadic jobs they'd send him out on. Imagine how difficult it would be to maintain a relationship.

But difficulty with Choso was never a real factor- what kept him from pushing any further was how unfair it would be to you.

He saw the disappointment in your eyes when he would say- “I have to go-” early in the morning when you’d wake up.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, dressed in the clothes he wore yesterday.

Watching you sleep peacefully, unknowing that he would have to go.

And the hope would leave your eyes when you heard him. Hope that he would stay. That he would sleep in and have a lazy morning with you, just once.

And that killed him, seeing that look form on your face, when all he wanted was to stay.

But his duty and honor came before his feelings when it came to relationships.

So Choso would caress your face before kissing you goodbye.

And he would leave.

When the time came, in his words- “It's over.” Not about your beneficial relationship- but something else.

You didn't know what he meant or what he was referring to.

But it sounded like good news given the tone he used.

And with the coming days, you knew he was applying pressure.

Seeing if you'd catch on to what he would want without actually saying it.

You grasped it. Catching onto his offers to stay the weekend with you- even asking if you'd like to go to dinner with him.

Some way of getting to know more about you without it being a post sex conversation.

He didn't want to ask you after- enthralled in sheets and bare. As though that was the start of a relationship when he knew that was not what he wanted.

Choso wanted to ask you somewhere that couldn't lead to confused, passion-filled sex.

Only you didn't take the bait.

You had feelings for him- enough to be disappointed when he would leave in the mornings.

But your impatience grew tired from waiting.

So you put those feelings in a little box and locked them away. Not wanting to be hurt if the day came when he would leave in the morning- only for you to never see him again.

Back when the times you saw him were random and rare- you thought you could make it work.

You enjoyed seeing him- talking to him, being with him. So much so that you didn't care if it was rare when you saw him.

You didn't mind his obligation to his family first- you found it endearing even.

But when you saw his hesitation to take it further- how he would politely decline your offers of a late breakfast.

Not because he didn't want to, but because he was already late and couldn't risk being any later to an obligation.

And his refusal hurt him far more than it did you, or so he thought.

Or when he would go days without calling or texting- not that he had any obligation to. But when he could, Choso would call. Just to hear your voice. To listen to you.

But his hesitation gave you doubts. As to whether or not to wait for him to be ready. Or to just abandon the idea that this would be anything more than what it is.

And when Choso saw your denial of what he offered.

Not a partnership- nor an offer for a relationship.

But something he explained as;

“Being together.”

His eyes were soft- warm, and inviting as he sat in front of you. Nervous hands, knowing this conversation was long overdue.

You wished you could say yes. That you would be okay with the fact that you'd be abandoning your resilience and cave at his offer.

Even if all the bones and vessels in your body were screaming yes;

Your eyes said no.

Not being able to move past the relationship he denied you months earlier.

And Choso had the same thought you did before.

Maybe soon, the day will come when you'd be ready to accept his feelings along with yours.

He hoped that day would come fast, that you'd forgive him for the error he made thinking you would wait.

Only Choso had more patience than you- he would wait as long as you let him before you said yes.

Toji Zenin

(Jealous toji, transactional relationship w barely any feelings, only in it for the sex, other sexual partners mentioned, casual sex)

With Toji, commitment was always something he struggled with. The titles and the admittance that he actually felt something other than lust for you were far more complicated than any job he was paid to do.

Somehow, he found a way to you. Curiosity about the possibility of you being someone he could shack up with for a couple of months before moving on, or if it’s just what he thought.

A couple of fun nights of winding down by taking out his frustrations on the body you offered.

He wasn’t a man who liked talking about feelings or what it meant for him to stay the night at your place.

Never pried about your personal life or how your day was.

I think for Toji, it’s purely transactional. He never saw any need to actively get to know you unless it disrupted the sex.

A way to be rid of stress, to have some fun with someone who knew what he liked. Rare were the times when he had the energy to actively go out to find a random screw.

Which is why he ended up at yours most nights.

And you never complained. In your mind, it wasn’t even a situationship or an entanglement. Not friends with benefits nor a path to an actual relationship.

That was until you gave a mindless comment about how he must have a million girls at his disposal.

Only he gave a semi-offended scoff, muttering something about how he was far too busy to juggle multiple women when he could barely keep up with you.

Affection wasn’t relevant- I know it’s hard to believe, but sex with Toji rarely started with kisses. Let alone a warm hug or a goodbye in the mornings before he would leave.

But when he would listen to you talk before dozing off, a couple of minutes after he rolled off of you and turned away to sleep.

Sometimes it felt like you were speaking to a brick wall, as though he was using your voice as white noise to fall asleep faster.

Only he wouldn’t. Sure, he would stay quiet, not responding to the philosophical questions you’d ask to no one but the ceiling. But he would listen.

It’s not like you’d give him any other choice; you didn’t know, but Toji couldn’t go to sleep unless it was in complete silence. Besides, what would separate him from an animal if it wasn’t your talking drawing the line?

He would listen to your whispered mutters about how your landlord charged you more rent that month, or how you ran out of shampoo and didn’t notice before you started showering.

But when you would whisper a meaningless, ‘Goodnight’ into the air. Not for Toji in specific but for whatever entity was listening.

Toji would say it back, but only in his head.

You never noticed how he would tense up whenever you’d bring up how you spent the night at another man’s house a few days ago. Nor could you see the slight grimace on his face when you did.

And Toji never made note of how it bothered him to hear you shared a bed with another man.

Not until, between rounds, you brought it up- half joking and meaning it as a compliment.

“No matter how much I try, I can't seem to find a man that comes close to you,” soft and almost blissful as you rested your head on the pillows.

Side eyeing Toji’s figure as he rolled his shoulders, standing bare as he took steps to the bathroom.

Usually, he would give a cocky comment. Half expecting him to say, “Nor will you.” before stepping out.

Only this time, he peered back at you over his shoulder. A serious look in his eyes with a slight furrow to his brow.

“I don’t wanna hear about you and other men.” gruff and cold. As though it came straight from his throat as a scolding.

And you took his callout as a joke.

Looking at the lit entrance of your bathroom, “Awe-” sitting up with a sheet wrapped around you, “Don’t tell me you’re jealous?” mocking and condescending as you heard the sink start running.

You heard him suck his teeth in irritation, the sink turning off, and watching him walk back into the bedroom with a cocky smile.

“What's there to be jealous of?” knowing you always invited him over regardless of who you were involved with.

Before ending the conversation, his hands found their way to your hips. Turning you onto all fours and showing you with actions rather than words why you can’t find men like him.

Because there isn’t, nor will there be any man that can hold a candle to what he did to you.

I think, Toji was smart enough to not involve feelings or words like ‘I feel’ into conversations when it came to what you had with him.

And you were sensible enough to know that a relationship with a man like Toji- standoffish and closed off. wouldn't lead to anything good or healthy.

You didn’t even know what he does for a living, where he lives- or his last name.

A relationship that was anything more than physical would be a horrible choice.

You weren’t patient enough to unwrap him with slow hands.

And he didn’t have the patience to go through a real relationship again.

Knowing that the sex would never have a gentle hand or a slow pace when it came to Toji.

His hands never held a warm touch or soft caresses. They were rough, calloused, and damaged. He never thought twice when they would apply pressure to your hips to hold you still.

When it came to him, you never asked him to just fuck you- because that's what he usually did. Most men would only want to make love, and avoid hurting you.

Made you feel like they were wasting you away.

But not with him. Toji knew how to screw, how to finish you both off without the need to look in your eyes or the want to hold you after.

You saw it, and so did he. So the awkward conversations of ‘what are we’ never arose.

It wasn’t toxic, and it wasn’t healthy either.

But if he meets your physical urges, is there really any need to pursue anything more?

Was there any real reason to end it either?

(a.n) be nice to me this the first time I post my writing after a year and a half. THIS WAS SO LONG. I hope y'all like it.... I'll write more but imma go have a biggie first :D

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