chriswombat-blog

[chriswombat-blog]

This Fine Institution

g@uchicago.edu:

A WOMBAT TO THIS FINE INSTITUTION

for the visible gains in the relevance and accuracy of the WFFs given during yesterdays house meeting. Having accomplished so much in so little, time only tells how significant this program will be in the years and months to come.

We are more than happy to accept such high praise. But seriously. No more metawombats. 

[chriswombat-blog]

Because Chris made a big deal about someone using his old spice, someone started using my shampoo and conditioner instead of his stuff.

That's a Flombat, pure and simple. 

[chriswombat-blog]

In Light of the Recent Attack Against My Person

Yes hello, Not but one tumblr post ago, my name and good faith were ingloriously and unceremoniously attacked. The attackers accusations were manifold, and I present them before you to be brought down one by unfortunately-uttered one. Accusation the First) Entering of folds by the heretofore mentioned Scott Mendelssohn. I don't enter folds, or flaps even. They are thoroughly gross, and can get all sorts of icky bits lodged in them. And we are off...

Accusation the Second) I do not even come close to capturing the Wombat spirit. And we here have a brilliant example of why the institution was created in the first place. The idea of a Wombat is simply not understood by the plebeians of Wombat nation. Not only am I, Scott, ssohn of Mendel, such a wombat that my middle initial is often changed to "W" in honor of my wombataciousness, but futhermore, you even called me a wombat in your accusation of my failing to be one. You sir and/or madam, are befuddled thoroughly.

Accusation the Third) I do consider myself to be a Wombat. This was an easy accusation to upend.

Accusation the Fourth) While the air you sense is not my superiority, it certainly came from me (I apologize, but they were serving burritos at lunch today). That foul stench is in fact the smell mustered up by your dirty accusations against my righteous nature. I have hardly declared myself superior--merely declared you inferior in the understanding and appreciation of the wombat.

The Implied Accusation) While this accusation was not uttered, it was certainly implied, and it sent a wave of shock through the hearts of all those unfortunate enough to hear it. "What Right Does Scott Mendelssohn Have To Have This Glorious Wombat of an Institution Named After Him?" To this, mon ami, I reply "initiative". You see, Henderson and it's shining award were falling to pieces. With the diminishing presence of upper classmen in the dorms, there was no law, no order. The Wombat was given frivolously to all that didn't stub their toes waking from bed that morn. It was handed out to those accomplished souls that managed to not suck a whole lot. The Flasey and the Flombat fared no better, being inappropriately assigned to random misdemeanors, and often given to something it would be a misnomer to call a misdemeanor. This is why I, in my Wombat sense of pride, stood up to the Henderson house and delivered an email so profound, so earth-shattering, yet so very simple. The Wombat must be reclaimed for glory's sake, and for glory's sake, god damn it, it would be reclaimed. With the further initiative of a second Wombat, acting upon his own accord, this shining star among educational institutions (it's favored to be in the US News and World Reports Top 10 Liberal Arts Colleges) was birthed from a noble womb. And this, my friend is why the institution is named after me. The name is not unlike that of the city of Rome. For while the land itself was not made by Romulus, the idea by which it became glorious again was "his" (and part a suckling she-wolf's). I rest my case, and wish you the best in finding your way out of the labyrinth that is your unguided mind; for you certainly seem lost. 

[chriswombat-blog]

You should give her a Flasey. It's the only thing you can do. 

And you should give yourself a Flasey, for hitting the submit button instead of the ask button. This institute spent a lot of time and money on its intuitive web design. 

Flasey

Joe Schmoe: I have been bullied by Wendy many times, but i think its b/c she likes me. what should i do?

[chriswombat-blog]

Joe Schmoe: I have been bullied by Wendy many times, but i think its b/c she likes me. what should i do?

[chriswombat-blog]

I propose a ruling of utter Flase for this organization being named for a wombat that entered the fold years after the concepts were instituted. Futhermore, said wombat does not even come close to capturing the true essence of the wombat spirit. Does he even consider himself a wombat? I sense an air of false superiority that detracts from the meaning of what we stand for. Perhaps "Henderson Institute for Wombat Studies" would have been a more appropriate name? This name is kind of cult-like.

Mendelssohnian rhymes with Smithsonian. 

Oh no. So does Hendersonian. 

It is the considered verdict of the Institute that it doesn't know what to do. 

[chriswombat-blog]

So close

Chris - For using Old Spice shampoo, and expecting others not to be recklessly drawn to it.

[chriswombat-blog]

wombat, flombat, or flasey?

A Flasey to the Institute for misspelling Flasey. But in our defense, Flasey is a made up word. 

[chriswombat-blog]

Cold Weather Flombat

Bosi enjoys a naturally cold sleeping environment, so he leaves the window open at night. He awoke this morning to find the can of Coca-Cola Zero he left by his bed completely frozen. This is a Flombat because finding a can of anything frozen is awesome, but finding it frozen in your indoor living space is not awesome. Also, a Flombat to Bosi for choosing to drink a diet soda, as opposed to a regular soda, first thing in the morning. 

[chriswombat-blog]

Whatever happened to cultural learnings, does this have no place in Wombat Studies? I say flombat to both Scott and the founder of this here institute for such gross negligence.

First: We'd appreciate it if you would be clear with your WFF classification. Your sentiment seems far more appropriately expressed by a Flase than a Flombat. 

It is our understanding that the Cultural Learnings category was a provisional field of study, created for the unusually large influx of international students into Henderson House. While it was incredibly useful and important work last year as they were just joining America and all it entails, because internationals have either moved out of the dorm or become relatively accustomed to American culture and language, the joke isn't really funny anymore. 

[chriswombat-blog]

Is the establishment of this fine, academic institute a wombat? Or is it a flombat because its creation was needed in the first place?

The founding of the Institute may point to a Flase, but it does not incorporate a Flase itself. If all solutions to problems were Flombats, the fragile natural WFF balance would be upset. And furthermore, to doom the Institute to Flombatulence before it has even truly begun its research would be imprudent. Therefore, at this juncture, the Mendelssohnian Institute is itself a Wombat. But, as this is a crucial point of self-knowledge, expect further investigation. 

[chriswombat-blog]

Wombat to Scott for making this website

This might be a Flombat, because while Scott provided the inspiration and the name to this institute, he did not in fact create it. A Wombat to Scott for caring about Wombat Studies enough to challenge their demise! 

[chriswombat-blog]

This is a Flombat

[chriswombat-blog]

This is a Wombat