chrome-mage

[chrome-mage]

i'm so good at pulling these moves

[chrome-mage]

Kill Credit card Companies

[chrome-mage]

[chrome-mage]

I'm having a weird moment wrt sex and sexual encounters. I keep having way more fun talking to people about sex than actually having it, and Im finding it a lot more fun to do things other than sex when the opportunity arises.

I had a hookup tonight, and while we did some finger and hand stuff, I found that watching a movie was way more pleasant and fun than actually engaging in sexual activities.

I dont know if that means I'm asexual or not. I like the idea of sex, but it might just be a misplaced desire for intimacy and sex is just the most obvious and socially normal form of intimate action to be had with someone.

It also really throws a cog in the gears of how I've styled my interests for the past decade of my life. I know that kink and kinky things can 100% be separated from actual sex, it's still a present thing.

[chrome-mage]

There are times one must expel a vile sludge from their body

[chrome-mage]

[chrome-mage]

Brain, the middle of a work shift is NOT the time to think about flaws in my personality that lead people to being into me online before losing all interest in person.

[chrome-mage]

Just a vent thing, rambly

I hate that I have problems taking risks and being daring.

It takes so much energy and so much momentum and will to get started with something I'm even a little unsure of, or that may take a while to see results.

I want to exercise to lose my stomach, so that I can feel better about dressing in ways I want to. (No, I dont NEED to exercise to start dressing that way, but I dont want a major insecurity to be the only thing people see.) However, it always feels like I cant bring myself to do it for one reason or another, so it just gets put off.

I want to cut my hair; my hairline has run for the hills and left me with a severe widow's peak and massive forehead, so I generally look better (imo) with a shaved head. But it takes so long to do and just reminds me of the fact that I do, in fact, have to shave my head to feel okay about it. So I put it off.

I'm interested in transitioning. I am friends mostly with trans people and I consider myself nonbinary (even if I dont present that way very often). But I'm so terrified of a) cis people suddenly disliking me and b) trans people saying I'm not doing enough to "be" trans. I understand that its all in my head, but that's where the rest of me is, so it still sucks.

[chrome-mage]

my body is a machine that will hold and comfort you.

[chrome-mage]

Man I wish I had folks to talk to about Gender Thoughts without it being either a joke or a Whole Thing.

Like, I feel like a creep thinking "id have an easier time making friends and feeling better about myself esthetically if I transitioned," and I dont really have anyone who I feel comfortable to talk to about that

[chrome-mage]

me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

[chrome-mage]

Is it so much to ask to get a date with someone with a job

[chrome-mage]

i should be getting flirted with and teased for how flustered I get, and yet, here I am with only a tummy ache to show for it. homophobic

[chrome-mage]

[chrome-mage]

I wish kinky sex ed wasn't so stigmatized even among left-leaning "sex positive" circles. Everyone's all "uwu I'm a sub I'll do anything you ask" okay mommy wants you to read The New Bottoming Book so you learn how to sub without hurting yourself since your sex ed up to this point is porn and your ex boyfriend Jared who liked to choke you incorrectly

[chrome-mage]

While making dinner tonight, I very very fleetingly, but very seriously and legitimately thought “I should watch Goncharov tonight”

And then I Remembered.

[chrome-mage]

Can someone just send me $10,000