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hi, guys ! i haven’t been on here in forever and i don’t know whether i will, again. the show has never been in my favourite & i picked it up for jess only, but i did lose all my interest in being here. it definitely helped me to get back to my ultimate favourite character & i went on and on until i found a blog i’m comfortable on and i won’t be returning here ? so if you want to unfollow me, that’d be cool, because i’m definitely not returning back on here. ty to everyone for all the threads and all & it was nice to meet you <3 i will be archiving this blog soon just because i have no desire to look back ! i won’t give my contacts away as i did move on, but i still think it’s important to let you guys know, so i don’t keep you waiting with our past threads and all. but yeah, this is a goodbye. <3

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hi i just hopped in to say i'm sorry that i became inactive? my muse went to a different one and i feel really guilty about that. on the top of that, school kicked back in, so i'll do my best.

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“I became good at pretending. I became so good that after a while the lines blurred between my truth and fiction. And sometimes, when I did a really good job of pretending, I even fooled myself.”

— Ruta Sepetys, Salt to the Sea

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“I wanted to forget the past, but it refused to forget me; it waited for sleep then cornered me.”

— Margaret Atwood

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   ❝   There’s not a time for being YOUNGER,   &&   all my friends are ENEMIES !!    &&  if i cried unto my mother … no, she wasn’t there for me.   ━━━ broken lines  across my MIRROR, show my face all red && bruised !!   ;   I screamed && i screamed━no one cam runnin’.  no i WASN’T saved, i wasn’t saved from YOU !!   ❞   

        ROSEGUIDED  :  PRIVATE, SELECTIVE, MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE MULT MUSE !!

━━  loved by zandie    /   TEMPLATE.

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»  CHARACTER  INTERVIEW !   /   repost. don’t reblog.

NAME:    jessica  davis NICKNAME:    jess AGE:    seventeen  in  canon SPECIES:    human 

PERSONAL !

MORALITY:     lawful   /   chaotic  /   good   /  neutral /   evil   /   true RELIGION:    most  likely  none SINS:     greed   /   gluttony   /   sloth  /   lust  /   pride  /  envy /   wrath VIRTUES:     chastity   /   charity  /   diligence   /   humility  /   kindness   /   patience   /  justice KNOWN LANGUAGES:   english  &  spanish  and  norwegian  as  classes  (  second  is  not  canon  ) SECRETS:  she  is  facinated  by  the  sea,  has  a  few  pictures  related  to  it in her room,  has a collection  of  sea  shells  and  has  the prettiest  one, in her opinion,  on  her  night  stand

PHYSICAL !

BUILD:     scrawny   /   bony   /   slender   /   fit   /   athletic /   curvy   /   herculean   /  pudgy  /  average  /    i  don’t  really  do  body  types? HEIGHT :  5′4 SCARS   /   BIRTHMARKS:   don’t  think  so?  maybe  scars  from  flu shots  or  smth  but  that’s it ABILITIES   /   POWERS:   she  gets  stronger  every  day,  count  that  as  a  power RESTRICTIONS:   her  disorders.  they  f  her  life  up daily

FAVOURITES !

FOOD:   she  prefer  snacks,  so  chips,  sweets  and  such  give  her  life DRINK:    it’s  no  secret  she  loves  alcohol,  but   she  also  still  hasn’t  ditched  hot  chocolate,  all  kinds  of  sodas PIZZA TOPPING:   anything,  won’t  care  at  this  point COLOUR:   grey,  salmon  pink  and  maybe  more   MUSIC GENRE:    pop,  because  of  her  two  favourite  singers  rihanna  and  sza BOOK GENRE:     adventure,  mystery  for  now  i’d  say,  but  before  it  was  fantasy.  her  parents,  especially  her  dad  used  to  read  her  books  before  sleep  when  she  was little  MOVIE GENRE:   i’d  say  action  and  adventure  movies,  before  might  seen  lots  of  scifi   when  she  went  to  the  cinema  with  alex,  she  was most  entertained  watching  them CURSE WORD:    shit,  fuck SCENTS:   as  if  favourite  scents  or?  yeah  i  don’t  know,  but  she  uses  lavender perfume,  which  is  also  her  favourite  scent 

FUN STUFF !

BOTTOM OR TOP:  not  doing  this,  but  keeping  it  here  just  in  case  someone  else  does SINGS IN THE SHOWER:  never.  lately,  she  just  wants  to  get out  of  there  asap,  so  no  delaying.  don’t  think  she  ever  did  tbh LIKES PUNS:   sober  jess  is  not  a  fan,  drunk  jess  probs  laughs  tho  it  depends?  she’s  not  obsessed,  so  i  imagine  that  sometimes  she  doesn’t  even  get  them

TAGGED:     @zcmbiehater    (  thank  youuu!  )

TAGGING: @cinephiliac,  @spokesunshine,  @wolfblccd,  @galaxaies,  @afroktty,  @lovedunne  and  if  anyone  else  that  wants  to,  i’m  tagging  you!  feel  free  to  ignore  if  you  don’t  feel  like  doing  this.  (:

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“She was brave and strong and broken all at once.”

— Anna Funder, Stasiland

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one  of  my  favourite  things  about  jessica's  character  development  with  hannah  is  her  opinion  on  her  /  approach  about  her.

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  zcmbiehater    ╱ clay.

“     —  what’s  wrong  with  juice ? Juice  is  delicious .   ”

Clay  hadn’t  come  out  tonight  to  chase  away  the  monotony  with  alcohol  and  questionable  decisions . He  wasn’t  deluded  into  thinking  he  was like the  other  kids  here , or  that  any  of  them  cared about  whether  he’d  come  or  not  -  but  he  was  done  being  ashamed . He’d  come  for  Jessica ,  because  he’d  meant  it  when  he  said  they  had  to  be  better . Try  harder .  So  here  he  was , trying , even  though  parties  still  made  him  nervous ,  and  his  polite  smiles  all  felt  strained  and  insincere .

He  grabbed  a  Coke  from  the  fridge  and  cracked  it  open . He  wasn’t  thirsty , but  it  gave  him  something  to  hold   so  he  didn’t  feel  so fidgety . He’d  expected  more  of  a  expostulation  from  Jessica , but  one  quip  was  all  she  gave  before  relenting . She  was  cooler  than  he'd  known ,  and  funnier . He’d  been  so  bewildered  that  night  Hannah  told  him  she’d  once  been  friends  with  this  girl  (  this  popular girl )  but  it  made  sense  to  him  now . There  was  more  to  her  than  he’d  seen  at  Liberty ,  more  than  he’d  gotten  to  know  through  the  tapes  &  the  trial . Maybe , after  everything , she  was  still  the  girl  who  kept  a  collection  of pet  rocks .

He’d  have  been  happy  to  stay  with  her  there  in  the  kitchen ,  but  the  party  was  outside ,  and  apparently  that  meant  they  should  be  too . “ I  mean ,  sure .  Yeah . Lead  the  way.   ”

she  remembers  the  night  she’s  sworn  she’d  never  organize  another  party  in  her  life,     but  she  wouldn’t  let  her  fear  achieve  something  she  once  lived  up  to.     it  was  distraction,      feeling  unrestricted  for  a  night and  having  a  blast.      now  that  bryce  was  out     (  but  not  really  )      and  she  had  a  friend  by  her  side  that  understood  more  than  anyone  else,     to  mutually  watch  her  back,     she  agreed to  having  fun  once  more.      there  were  no  apposite  words  to  delineate  how  annihilated  and disappointed,      hell  even  frightened  she  felt  when  someone  like  him,      the  name  that  was  now  forbidden  by  her  own  promise  to  utter  or  even  think  out  loud,      a  name  of  someone  that  made   her  feel  sick  to  her  stomach,     has  gotten  3  months.     3  fucking  months  for  devastating  a  teenage’s  girl  life  and  her  perspective  on  other  boys  in  her  surveillance,      for  a never  ending  nightmare  that  will  forever  stay  with  her  and  still  keeps  on  experiencing.

for  feeling  like  her  body  is  no  longer  hers  to  own,      for  feeling  like  her  room  is  no  longer  a  safe  place  to  hide  in,  for  being  forever  afraid  to  get  close  to  somebody.     she  tried,      she  thought  she  was  ready  so  many  times,     but  will  anyone  ever  be  ready  for  something  like  this?      do  people  even  get  ready  for  loving  somebody,     getting  close  to  somebody?      there  were  so  many  questions  and  one would  wonder,  how  she  functions  if  her  brain  is  constantly  in  the  process of  trying  to  understand  something, that  no  one  has  the  right  response  for.      he  didn’t  even  concede  what  he’s  done  was wrong,      so  indescribably  wrong  that  words  just  weren’t   enough  fitting.     that’s  what  hurt  about  it  most  of  all.     he  left  her  out  there,     making  her  body  no  longer  hers,       how  her  skin  now felt  foreign.     is  this  how  she’s  supposed  to  be  from  now  on?      afraid?    is  it  entitled to  go  away?

she  opens  the  back  door,      entering  the  crowded  backyard.     this  party  was  supposed  to  be  exclusive,      a  few  people  so  they  would  keep  a  track  of  everything  happening  around  them,      but  if  one  spreads  a  word,      exclusivity  becomes  an  open  invitation  and  suddenly,      you  can’t  even  keep  on  the  count.     she  wasn’t  going  to  cause  a  scene,      throw  people  away,      she’s  just  gonna  focus  on  the  people  she  wanted  to  have  around  as  a  company  in  the  first  place,      the  ones  she  invited.     clay  counted  as  one.     ‘      this  was  supposed  to  be   a  small  party,     it  kinda  went  out  of  our  control.      ’     she  admits,      looking  at  him  shortly,     then  around.    she  finds  her  way  to  the  deckchairs  and  sits  down  on  one,      suggesting  clay  to  do  the  same.      she  streches  to  reach  for  the  can  of  beer she  has  placed  under,    before  she  left  the  place.      ‘     thanks  for  coming,    i  didn’t  actually  expect  you  to  do  so,      you  didn’t   seem  so   convinced  when  i  texted  you  at  first.      ’      meaningless  grin  appears,      taking  a  sip  from   the  can.

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hope.

noun

1.a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.“he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information.

INDIE . MULTI MUSE . CANON AND ORIGINAL . PENNED BY RILEY.

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————          WE        DIDN'T        COME       TO        COMPETE,        THIS        IS        A       DEMONSTRATION.        EVEN       THE       YOUNG       ONES       BECOME       IRRELEVANT,        THEY        ALWAYS      BRING       UP       HOW       YOU'VE       CHANGED,       NEVER       THE         SAME       PERSON        WHEN       I        GO       TO         SLEEP,        AS         WHEN        I        WAKE       UP.         jessica  davis  from  netlifx’s  13  reasons  why  adapted  by  trio.

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she  nods  and  leans  back  into  the  couch,      as  she  could  have  now  noticed  the  disinterest  about  the  topic  reflect  in  his  eyes,       she  can't  but  regret  her  question.      first  it  seemed  as  it  could  have   pushed  him  to  say  more,     but  now  seemed  like  a  great  way  to  end  the  conversation.      she  couldn't  but  clap  to  herself  in  her  mind,     thinking  he  might  use  this  as  a  reason  to  leave,     before  she  asks  any  further.      maybe  he  didn't  want  to  talk  about  it,     (  she  knew  that  boys  like  bryce  were  jerks  at  school,     she  wasn't  ignoring,     but  neither  admiting  it.  )      from  all  the  people,      she  should've  guessed.      she  hung  out  with  justin,      he  was  always  around  bryce.      it  was  like  a  chain,      his  friends  became  her  friends,     or  whatever  you  call  people  you  hang  out  with  on  parties.     not  now,      she  wasn't  a  puppy  to  revolve  around  them,      it  was  her  choice  and  to  be  honest,      she'd  rather  sit  through  this  whole  thing  than  go  and  join  them,     by  the  description  he  just  gave  her,     about  what  they  might  be  up  to,     she  wanted  to  straight  off  say  no  thanks  to  it,      but  let  the  note  slip  and  instead,      she  decided  to  carry  on  with  their  discussion.      the  word  care  got  stuck  in  her  head,      especially  if  he  used  it  don't  in  front  of  it.      maybe  he  was  sick  and  tired  of  them,     just  as  much  as  she  was  sometimes.     ‘      i'm  sorry  if  i  assumed  your  interest  in  them,     it's  not  like  i  actually  give  a  shit  or  two.      ’      but  she  did,     only  because  of  justin.     she  wasn't  his  keeper,      maybe  she  should  stop  caring  so  much,      stop  looking  after  him,      at  least  for  a  minute.     she  was  already  one  step  ahead  with  that,  after  all,      she  was  sitting  here  and  not  keeping  up.      ‘      maybe  we  should  go  somewhere  else,    grab  a  dinner  or  something,      i  don't  know.     this  place  seems  pretty  tragic  to  me.    ’      yet  she  was  so  fond  of  it,     like  a  minute  or  two  back.     not  anymore,     she  would've  head  out  even  if  she  just  got  rejected.     ‘      yours  is  a  choice,     mine  is  a  must.      i'm  going  either  way.      ’     she  let  him  know,     already  standing  up.      she  wasn't  so  sober,     but  she  could've  sworn  that  she  was  gonna  remember  this  night,    so  she  couldn't  be  fully  out  of  her  senses.

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the  corners  of  her  bottom  lips  aim  down,      a  bewildered  kind  of  expression  now  seemed  to  occupate  her  face  after  the  rejection  of  offering  the  alcohol.      (  or  maybe  he  had  his  own,      you  know?  but  you  were  too  blunt  to  notice  right  now.  )      she  gives  up  on  it  this  time,      placing  it  down  for  the  last  time.      she  came  here  to  get  drunk,      so  she  did,      yet  there  were  still  signs  of  soberness  and  she  could  feel  it,      couldn’t  care  less  at  this  point.      this  time  was  different,      she  wasn’t  winding  around  justin,     trying  to  keep  up  with him  and  whatever  the  hell  he  and  the  others were doing.     she  never  minded  it  though,     it  was  always  something  entertaining.      (  or  maybe  it  wasn’t,  but  you  were  too  drunk  to  care.  )       he   was  probably  somewhere  with  bryce,       she  wouldn’t  know,       losing  the  track  of  him  as  soon  as  she  flopped  onto  the  couch.        zach  surprised  her  by  not  keeping  up  with  bryce  for  a  change,      he  seemed  to  always  be  in  his  presence.      not  now,       now  he  was  here,      sitting  next  to  her,       for  one  reason  or  another.       probably  felt  even  more  bored  than  her,      if  he  seeked  company      ——       no  strings  attached,      she  didn’t  mind  it,      he  seemed  to  be  a  cool  guy,      but  fun  as  in  parties,      probably  wasn’t  his  religion,      or  so  that’s  what  she  was  thinking  and  currently  judging.      ‘     where’s  your  squad?      i  thought  you’d  be  hanging  out  with  them.    ’

your  squad  .  that  was  somehow  comical   ,  it  wasn’t  his  it  was  bryce’s  .  he  hand  picks  who  he  wants  around  him  .  some  would  be  envious  ,  but  zach  is  far  from  that  .  they  all  put  up  a  facade  .  even  her  ,  he  could  tell  just  looking  into  her  eyes  .  zach  wasn’t  fond  of  bryce  ,  but  he  couldn’t  help  and  try  to  fit  in  .  they  were  his  friends  but  weren’t  if  that  even  made  sense  .  without  them  he  would  be  lonely  and  yet  he  already  is  so  .  his  friends  think  he  is  stupid  ,  yet  far  from  it  .  the  true  zach  dempsey  was  someone  no  one  knew  .  .  .  except  his  sister  who  he  adored  dearly  .  suddenly  thinking  about  bryce  and  the  other  guys  makes  him  want  too  drink  .  picking  up  the  cup  and  chugging  the  contents  he  looks  at  the  girl  and  gives  a  soft  shrug  .     ❛   don’t  know  .  don’t  care  .  probably  playing  beer  pong  ,  with  girls  who  knows  .     ❜

[chyrleader-a-blog]

‘      if  wine  drunk  is  what  you  just  described,     then  this  is  the  wrong  party  for  it.      trust  me,      no  one  watches  movies  here.      ’      she  laughs  at  the  image  that  occupied her  mind  as  soon  as  she  imagined  how  it  would  look  like  here,      if  that's  how  they  would  have  fun.      to  be  honest,      it  didn't  sound  half bad.      ‘      i've  been  wine  drunk,     well,      not  your  wine  drunk,     but  you  know,      you  have  my  number  if  you  ever  want  to  make  that  kind  of  party  happen.      ’      she  smiles  at  the  other,      taking  a  sip  from  her  own  cup  that  was  placed  behind  her,      on  the  counter.        she  then  observes  a  few  random  people  around,     realizing  how  messed  up  this  place  will  look  after  everyone  leaves,      (  guess  who's  gonna  have  to  clean  it  up.  )      or  more  like  hopefully  this  time  everyone  will  leave,        because  not  everyone  makes  it  back  home  through  the  front  door.     ‘      brought  anyone  with  you?      you  don't  have  to,       but  you're  probably  the  first  person  i've  seen  that  walked  in  alone.      ’      a  natural  lie.      of  course  people  walked  in  alone,      not  everyone  crashes  parties  with  friends.      usually,  they  meet  someone  they  recognize  here  and  won't  end  up  the  whole  evening  alone.     or,    someone  comes  for  the  alcohol  only  and    doesn't  need  others  to  help  them  get  drunk.

chyrleader·

another  party  was  happening  in  the  fun  house,      the  consequence  of  her  parents  always  leaving  for  a  few  days,      trusting  their  daughter  to  take  a  good  care  of  the  house,      and  she  did.      she  kept  it alive  and  in  a  spirit.      there  was  always  so  much  happening  around,      one  couldn’t  process  or  pay  attention  to  it  all.      she  was  currently  talking  to  one  the  people  she  has  met  just  recently,      as  she  decided  that  this  time  around,      she’d  invite  more  acquaintances  that  were  new  in  her  life.      the  conversation  didn’t  last  long  and the  other  left,       leaving  her.      she  now  took  her  time  to  prepare  more  red  cups  on  the  kitchen  counter  for  people  who  arrive  to  grab.      her  eyes  lift  up  once  they  spot  a  girl,      she  remembered  meeting  her  during  their  cheerleading  practise  and  they  both  kind  of  clicked,      learning  they  both  had  appetite  for  alcohol  and  parties.      it  wasn’t  a  surprise  eva  was  from  now  on  invited.       ‘     heyyy       ——       i  gotta  disagree  with  that,       but  i’m  sure  someone  else  will  praise  you  for  it.     ’       in  the  end,      she  was  pleased  about  the  alcohol  as  much  as  the  mentioned  someone,       so  why  did  she  even  speak.       ‘     i’m  glad  you  came,      got  someone  here  drunk  yet?     ’

her  mom  was  gone  a  lot  .  her  dad  wasn’t  in  the  picture  so  eva  spent  a  lot  of  her  time  at  home  .  .  .  alone  .  butterflies  floated  within  her  stomach  as  she  arrived  ,  hoping  it  would  go  by  smoothly  .  it  was  her  first  outing  in  awhile  and  she  just  wants  it  to  go  as  smooth  as  possible  .  bringing  a  party  gift  she  hopes  the  other  girl  likes  it  ,  she  has  the  need  for  the  other  too  like  her  .  they  clicked  instantly  at  cheerleading  practice  so  it  muse  mean  they  are  going  to  hit  it  off  .  smiling  she  grabs  a  cup  and  immediately  opens  the  wine  knowing  it  will  ease  the  nerves  .    ❛    have  you  ever  been  wine  drunk  ??  it’s  best  when  you’re  with  your  friends  .  watching  movies  and  gossiping  .    ❜    there’s  a  wicked  smirk  on  her  features  as  she  fills  the  cup  and  takes  a  generous  sip  and  leans  against  the  counter  top  as  she  looks  at  her  .    ❛    nope  .  just  got  here  ,  not  worried  about  getting  someone  else  drunk  ,  more  worried  about  getting  myself  drunk  .    ❜

[chyrleader-a-blog]

the  process  of  forgiving  was  difficult,      no  one  said  it  would  be  easy and it didn’t come with a manual.      she  acknowledged  that  better  than  anyone.      she  was  in  the middle  of  learning  how  to  do  it,     how  to  forgive  someone  thanks  to  whom,      her  whole  life  has  turned  upside  down.       someone,      who  has  been  trusted  by  her  for  a  long  time,      yet  he  was  the  one,       lying  straight  to  her  face  about  something  that  he  knew,       would  change  her  whole  life  and  perspective  of  how  she  sees  thing s and  most  certainly,      other  people.      but  he  was  there,       back  on  his  feet,      caring  more  than  ever  and  taking  responsibility  for  things,     actually  doing  everything  and  anything  he  could  for  her.      she  might  have  been  selfish  in  the  past,      but  she  always  cared,      she  was  always  there.      jusitn  had  his  own  problems  that  needed  healing,     to  be  put  in  an  order.      he  was  trusted  by  her  in  a  way   she  hasn’t  trusted  anybody  before,      so  she  found  that  bizarre,      because  out  of  all  the  people  that  were  there  for  her,      she  was  coming  back  to  his  arms  and  seeking  his  presence.       ‘      yeah,      i  could   really  use  some  ditching.      ’      she  nodded  of  approval,      smile  resting  upon  one  of  her  lip  corners.      she  was  considering  ditching  since  she  walked  into  the  building,      could  someone  really  blame  her?     in  a  place  like   this,      it  was   overwhelming every  day,     especially   if  she  felt  like  she  was  judged  for  even  breathing.   ‘      do  you,      really?      wanna  ditch,      i  mean.       i  don’t  wanna  mess  up  your  attendance.      ’

‘ today , i ache for somewhere to hide ’

POETRY STARTERS

Accepting // @chyrleader

The words could’ve easily been missed in the crowded hall. But Justin was always so hyperfocused on Jessica. He was doing his best to be self-aware && not be hovering or smothering or overbearing. Yet he couldn’t help but feel this fierce protectiveness. After their reconciliation, it was decided that being platonic friends was best. Jessica would always hold a special place in his heart. But Justin didn’t have it in him to give romantic love to anyone when he was just barely starting to put himself back together. He wasn’t sure if / when he’d ever date again. It was the furthest thing from his mind when there was so much else that was important– such as learning how to be a solid emotional support for their inner circle, staying clean && graduating. 

They were lingering at a corner around the lockers. Still a few more minutes before the final bell rang. Justin stared at Jessica with openness. He knew that she wouldn’t say something like that unless today was…really hard. A whole lot fucking harder than every other day. ❝ We can skip class. Or the rest of school. Go somewhere private && take a breather. ❞ 

Ever since Justin’s been adopted by the Jensens, he’s been trying his hardest to be ‘ perfect. ‘ Perfect son, perfect brother, perfect student. The boy wanted to make his new family proud. This included regular attendance instead of his past behavior of being ambivalent about showing up or not. Justin couldn’t live that way anymore. ( Not when he was always terrified in the back of his mind that he’d fuck up with the Jensens && they would realize he was too much of a mess && throw him away. ) But for Jessica– he’d walk through fucking fire. So, there was no hesitation about skipping a class or few.

Justin was about to say something else, then paused. He thought about how Mom ( his new mom, Lainie ) did this thing where she asked Justin what he wanted / needed instead of telling Justin what to do. ❝ Actually– ❞ He breathed in deep. ❝ –what do you need, Jess ?? How can I help ?? ❞ Even if he had good intentions, Justin shouldn’t be assuming he knew what Jessica needed. Only she could answer that.