cielhunternorwood - Tumblr blog

[cielhunternorwood]

So, I ended up saying this on Twitter as something of a curiosity, then added on as a joke, and then I randomly found out VRoid was free. Then I discovered Blender was free, and I decided to screw around.

The end result is I actually did it. I made myself a pregnant VTuber model through a mix of VRoid and Blender changes. Whether I'm the first or not, I don't really care. I just wanted to do it.

Certainly, this is just a pittance compared to others due to the nature of VRoid and stuff, but I legit became interested in doing it after fumbling about wanting to do an animated gif for talking with the chibi. This works out a lot better in the long run for me, and I get to do something silly/gimmicky.

I won't officially consider myself a vtuber just because of this, but I can at least say I'm dipping into this kind of thing and seeing how far I can get with it. Blender is already confusing enough as is, so making the adjustments myself took some time to experiment (and there are still issues of clipping). However, for an amateur-level simple change, I think I'm pretty satisfied.

So, if you're in any way following the content I put out, then expect more of me like this in regular videos outside of "Average Player" stuff for Gray Raven or other similar content. Maybe, if one day I can escape being poor, I can actually commission someone to make a real, better model for me. Probably stay 3D.

[cielhunternorwood]

So I edited my first time playing Helldivers 2, minus the tutorial because my mic wasn't recording during that for some reason. Suffice to say I've played it A LOT more since this time, but I haven't really recorded much of it successfully.

Also this was a test of using the separated audio tracks, to allow for editing specific sources rather than having to make volume adjustments in OBS. I think it worked out pretty okay.

Anyways, enjoy.

[cielhunternorwood]

Time for another Average Player video, this time with Changyu against the new boss. It's been awhile for a few reasons, but here we are.

Rather than spend a lot of time practicing a boss that relies on the block gimmick of a new character, I decided to just do multiple runs, grab the best one, and then roll with it. Plus I feel like the gap between videos was too big, so I wanted to get something up now.

Anyways, enjoy.

[cielhunternorwood]

when the passport gets taken

Bruh

[cielhunternorwood]

Idk why is so funny but I found a sonic on the van of some cristal workers.

[cielhunternorwood]

Nice flowers.

[cielhunternorwood]

More Dark Souls clippage. This time it's one of the visually worst parts of the game, full of poison, bugs, and bad "lighting". I die at least once.

[cielhunternorwood]

i cant believe this shit the HECU assholes got to my kitchen. i just wanna make a sandwich how am i supposed to deal with this

[cielhunternorwood]

So, I finally decided to upload the chopped-up recordings of me playing Dark Souls. I was debating whether to add in subtitles for me talking, but it took so long to decide that these ended up on the shelf for months.

Rather than take any longer, I decided to just upload as is. Which might be a problem since the audio is scuffed in these early videos, but that's due to a mix of OBS issues and Windows 10 messing with sound settings in the background.

Anyways, enjoy the clip show, I guess?

[cielhunternorwood]

I've been finding chairs all over the place in WuWa, so I've been taking the opportunity to take pictures.

[cielhunternorwood]

My husband has been modding our Dreamcast all week and wanted to show me this.

[cielhunternorwood]

I would warn for spoilers, but like... Can you even understand what I'm saying?

I'll try to get the multiple audio tracks thing working on OBS, but the playbacks tend to be hard to confirm when I do.

[cielhunternorwood]

Obligatory Turtle Boss video.

And yes, I brought disco turtle just so I could style on big turtle.

I don't understand how Youtube confused "Clash on the Big Bridge" with something that is from FF7 Rebirth, but it flagged it as copyright. While I'd usually ignore it since no actions would have been taken, I don't like that it's being stupid in that way, so I re-uploaded with just the game audio.

I guess that's a good thing, since I forgot to turn off the game music in order to add in properly, but it still gets on my nerves. Either Youtube's copyright-bot is that vague (and can't tell between PSP-quality music and PS5-quality music) or the new FF7 for whatever reason uses the most iconic FF5 song potentially just ripped right from Dissidia.

Anyways, enjoy.

[cielhunternorwood]

I found the chair.

[cielhunternorwood]

The Scions learning the ways of Pictomancy

[cielhunternorwood]

Another Bit of Rambling

I feel like taking some time to write out some self-reflection and issues, given that I'm getting bogged down a lot lately by things that make writing a bit hard (though thankfully I can still crank out silly videos about Gray Raven).

So, a little bit of knowledge about me that I'm comfortable enough to share, I am the youngest of three children whose parents divorced very early in my life. Due to circumstances, custody of course ended up with our mother who is, to keep it brief, a manipulative self-centered bitch.

I've heard people say things about how the youngest is always treated the best in families, and I will say now that it is the furthest from the truth, at least for me. I was treated the worst, often given hand-me-downs, and always expected to measure up to my older siblings in terms of school performance.

The problem is exacerbated by the handling of education that I won't detail, but there was a time when I did meet those expectations. At the time, though, it still felt like I was disappointing the mother due to "not being perfect." Thus, I developed learned helplessness. Despite always doing my best and trying to be self-sufficient, it was never good enough for her. It even led to me having panic attack dreams: bringing in a perfect, straight-A report card but still being yelled at for seemingly no reason.

Let me reinforce this a little. Learned helplessness is EXTREMELY difficult to overcome, especially if it's something from early in life. It is doubly so when you're constantly trapped in situations or occupations where you're overlooked in spite of the incredible amount of effort put into whatever work is your responsibility.

This has led to more than just problems maintaining good work ethic but also taking physical care of myself. That kind of lack of attention has caught up a lot in the last few years, and it's caused its share of issues. I accepted a lot of this due to a huge lack of self-worth caused by these issues.

Nowadays, I definitely have a much better work ethic and try better to take care of myself, but the heavy anxiety that comes from all of that is still there. It has a habit of resurfacing thanks to issues at the current job where I'm being discriminated against by the store manager for reasons I still don't understand.

The combination of anxiety and physical stresses due to lack of care takes its toll and makes the problems at work so much more impactful because there's just too much going wrong in my life and around me. Naturally, this sometimes leads to me just potato-ing into video games and not doing anything actually productive with my off time.

Thankfully, the Average Player videos are actually doing okay, so it feels like there's some actual feedback on things I've made, even if they're just silly short videos with music slapped over them. It's bringing in some more motivation to work on things, but the problems and anxieties are always there.

Again, this is probably one of the hardest psychological issues to overcome, and with a past of dealing with some shady psychiatrists who misdiagnosed me with depression and what-not, it's something I'm slowly overcoming by just making whatever I can and throwing it out to the world.

I'll always appreciate when I worked on the October's Run comic, despite being very spotty on later uploads for it, because it felt like an actual accomplishment. That's also why I don't want to completely abandon it, instead remaking it into something different and in its own universe.

Slowly, I'm taking the "it will never be good enough," that I learned as a child and turning it into "It's good, and I'll get better over time." It's been a very long process, with a lot of giving up in the past, but I've reached a point in my life where I'm tired of giving up, where I know I'm worth far more than that self-centered bitch made me feel.

Even if the results of my own neglect, self-inflicted or otherwise, are catching up more, I'm just glad to finally be in a position where I'm able to push myself to make something and receive some recognition, no matter how small it is.

As of right now, my writing is focused on something outside of but related to OR, because I have a rather ambitious idea to combine it with a much older writing idea that I had to put on hold for several reasons. I might make a post talking a bit about it, but right now I'm doing a lot of character work before doing anymore actual writing. As with any story, the most important aspect is the characters, so I need to make sure they're solid first.

I haven't given up on any of it. It just might be delayed by life hitting me really hard lately. I hate to say I'm used to it, but I'm learning how to punch back. Here's hoping I land a winning punch sometime soon.

[cielhunternorwood]