clandestinker

[clandestinker]

I feel like I'm mentally abused right now that I'm drained physically too. Today makes me feel like I'm in a shithole and I chose to stay here when (in my mind) I know how hard I paddled my way to be out of here for years already but I'm still stucked. I can't help but question myself if it's really my fault. If I did lack that much. I am not always firm but I rarely fight myself. I am my ally. Because I don't really see who would aside from myself. But it really is making me tremble, when I falter. When I doubt myself like this. I hate it. I hate it so much. But blaming something or someone doesn't gonna help, even if I know it's not entirely my fault, but it is. What the fcking heck. I don't like myself right now. I want to fight but I'm losing the battle to fight for. It feels like fighting doesn't gonna ease whatever I'm feeling. Rather, it'll make it worse. I am getting stronger but my life does not get easier. I am usually cold as steel but my heart aches so much right now that no one ever bothers to ask me if I'm okay. I feel so alone. I feel so suffocated. I feel so fake. These tears ain't gonna take me anywhere...

[clandestinker]

This is an appreciation post no one may ever read but I want to express how thankful I am to people I met today. I closed myself for too many people, for how many times, for too long, and I can't even pinpoint what is so different now that I let myself to be part of theirs and them be part of my circle. For so long, I don't really see this life worth living but it is starting to be. (?) I know I love myself before but I can't explain how I didn't realize I can love myself more like now. Ever since I lost a very important person in my life, I always thought that loving too many people will leave too many heartaches. I kept on drifting away. I guess God is teaching me an obvious lesson I tried so hard to run away from.

Belonging. I still don't fully understand. You know, living. I realize it's not about age. But maybe it's about right timing. 🫶🏻

TYL 😇 and TY EFA 🧚

2025-04-09

[clandestinker]

I think I will be satisfied to any kind of ending they will give this series. If they end up in hell together, I will be satisfied. If one sacrifices for the other and won't be together in the end, I will be satisfied. If they will both become humans, I will be satisfied. Or if they will stay the same, I still will be satisfied. I just love the story so much that any kind of ending will do for me.

Bit Na's going to die because of her feelings for Da On. Da On's gonna follow her to hell.

We'll get our power couple in hell punishing sinners together

[clandestinker]

[clandestinker]

[clandestinker]

The ache of pouring everything by saying but no one cared. No one listened. Then you will hide away from the world. Because why would you want to be part of a world that doesn't want you. Then realizing you are better off without all of them. You won't be hurt by them. It's peaceful. Just lonely. Which is bearable for me but not for most of them. And that's okay.

Elton Glaser, from a poem titled “And In The Afternoons I Botanized,” featured in Parnassus

[clandestinker]

💔

[clandestinker]

Dang 💔

Anne de Marcken, from It Lasts Forever and Then It's Over [ID'd]

[clandestinker]

“How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien

[clandestinker]

Gatekeepinggggg

FALLING INTO YOUR SMILE 你微笑时很美 (2021) ⌊ ep.20 | dir. qiu zhong wei ⌉  

[clandestinker]

How can u say noooo 😅

I don't mind this way of proposing

[clandestinker]

“Where is the world?”

“The world is behind you, in your past.”

[clandestinker]

LIGHTER & PRINCESS (2022) dir. Liu Jun Jie

[clandestinker]

AGREE!!!

I'm having so much fun watching Li Xun trying to drive Zhu Yun away by being mean to her while he's simultaneously amused, annoyed, and admiring of her professional competence and her efforts to corral him into behaving. Emotionally, he's being pulled in six different directions. Meanwhile, she's like a javelin.

[clandestinker]

Love and technology indeed <3

This is incredibly hilarious, he's convalescing but is still glued to his laptop and the way he hides it under a blanket like a kid when she comes to visit ahahaha. But she knows him.

She knows him REALLY well! He hid two omg!

He complains, but you can tell he loves being bossed and cossetted and being allowed to act spoiled. (If you think about it, he never got much of a childhood.)

Their chemistry is INSANE (and those shots of his face through her hair!) but what I really love is that they always have laughter present.

[clandestinker]

L&P

I just finished Lighter & Princess yesterday and it became so special to me. Here are some thoughts.

At first, I was really curious about the title because it kinda sounds weird and absurd to me. But I already heard from others that this is a good drama. It's just that my expectation based on the title is so low. NOW I REALIZED. So Li Xun's L&P company, I believe, is originally Lucky & Power because I doubt Li Xun can really think Lighter & Princess based on his firm and transparent character. This title became special because of Zhu Yun who brought it up, like she is always the one who is like Li Xun's thread keeping him tied to the ground. Li Xun is always this oddly special one but Zhu Yun is what makes him more human. Li Xun is this perfect black and white portrait but Zhu Yun is the paint. She brings the best out of Li Xun and vice versa. They compliment each other very well, bringing out the undeniable chemistry we all adore.

I also like Li Xun's definition of a 'Princess'. If I remember it right, it's having clear, lofty eyes. Being innocent and fragile. And if she takes on an adventure with her all, the better. Because it perfectly describes Zhu Yun's princess personality.

Now, the characters! I like how they wrote Li Xun's character. It's not really that uncommon but what's special about it is the writer has faith to what he wrote. Li Xun's core personality never changed. He has a firm heading, knows what he wants and does it with how he wants it. It's not really the perfect character for a dream man or partner but that's just what makes it real. He is just one headstrong person who does not give up (I believe a very successful programmer should be like this) and has a one-track mind. That is why he appreciates Zhu Yun very much. She has the traits he lacks but never needed for himself. But when added to his life, it surprisingly makes him stronger.

I also like how they complimented Zhu Yun's character to him. I like how she is not a complicated woman who wants to complicate things. She says what she wants clearly, a very good communicator, which is very opposite to Li Xun. She grew up really well and knows how to stand up for herself and others. She is simple, kind, straightforward and honest. What's special about her is her love for everyone around her is simply mature.

This is the first 30+ episode Cdrama I watched that is not dragging at all. The storytelling is just right for 36 episodes. The events are not that hard to follow. A story with a clear plot, goal and conclusion. Highly recommended!

[clandestinker]

Lighter and Princess is special in my heart nowwww

What am I responsible for? You're responsible for worrying and I'm responsible for getting everything done.