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[claresambaby]

WHY YOU SHOULD BUY MORE GENDER-NEUTRAL TOYS AND CLOTHING

This post title may seem like an anomaly on a blog about buying nothing new, “why you should buy more....”(!) but bear with me, it’s important.

I was interested in gender-neutral parenting from the get-go. From a purely financial perspective, it made sense to dress our child in unisex clothing that could then be handed down to future children. I believe that to separate our baby boys and girls to such a degree that they need different clothing, toys, towels, bedding, nappies and even crockery, is unnecessary! Surely as a society, we’re spending too much money. Accumulating too much stuff! It makes me wonder whether the marketing companies and other corporations might have something to do with it?

Not knowing the sex of our baby before its birth meant that we received plenty of ‘neutral’ baby clothing, which was perfect – I saw no reason why our baby son or daughter would be so different that they needed to be dressed or indeed treated differently from birth. Certainly their bodies were going to be the same, at least until puberty!

Strict gender segregation in clothing, toys, and activities, is a relatively new and Western phenomenon. Today, it has become quite difficult to buy clothing or toys for babies that hasn’t been rigidly labeled as designed for BOY or GIRL. You’d be excused for believing, therefore, that infant and children males are females are wired in such distinct ways that they need to be treated and dressed accordingly from the time they are born.

I have concerns with such distinctions being made between male and female at such an early age in a time where gender is understood to be a lot more fluid than the simple binary labels that are currently assigned to us at birth. Gender distinctions also makes sexuality presumptions that are just not so black and white. Just because your child has a Y chromosome does not mean that he will consider himself to be male, or straight, he may be intersex, transgendered, or gay. And therefore, it wouldn’t be right dressing him in a t-shirt bearing the label “LADIES’ MAN”.

Moreover, I have an issue more generally with the stereotyping from day one, even earlier, that can cause much deeper damage in the future.

I don’t mind if boys wear blue and play with trucks, or if girls wear dresses and play with dolls. However, I also don’t mind if boys choose to wear pink tutus, and little girls wear jeans and play with cars. Dressing a girl in pretty dresses can be sweet, but constantly complimenting them on how beautiful they look teaches them to place excessive value on their appearance.

Letting boys play rough and tumble is beneficial, but enshrining in them the importance of being strong and masculine can be dangerous. Similarly, girls should continue playing with dolls, but discouraging young boys from playing with them too may potentially discourage their nurturing instincts, which is worrying in a society where men and women are playing more equal child-rearing roles as women are more likely to remain in the work force after giving birth.

My midwife, at my final antenatal appointment when I asked her whether she thought I was having a girl or a boy, said: “it’s been such an easy pregnancy, I think it’s a girl.” Why? Because boys are inherently trouble-makers? Girls are more patient and kind? It’s this kind of stereotyping that leads, one day, to aggressive young boys being excused as “boys being boys” or emotional boys being teased for “crying like a girl”.

Experts say that boys and girls are just as active and lively as each other. For example, Dr Christina Spears Brown, professor of developmental psychological at the University of Kentucky has stated that male and female infants are equally lived, but boys become far more active as they grow older because parents encourage this sons to be “sporty” while girls are urged to be more, creative, quite and gentle.

Parents talk to their female babies more, and as a result girls’ vocabulary is normally more advanced than boys. Boys, whose parents trust their sons’ physical abilities more, are often crawling, walking and running earlier than their sisters.

Importantly, parents spend longer comforting their girls, where boys are told “Don’t cry”.

Action and construction toys, and technology, are generally marketed at boys. Creative, social role-play, arts and craft toys are then marketed at girls. Just go to your local department store and walk around the separate sections BOYS’ TOYS and GIRLS’ TOYS to believe this. I believe that all children miss out because of this.

Play is crucial to how children develop and learn about the world. In education, it’s recognised that children need access to a range of toys and play experiences.  Toys focused on action, construction and technology hone spatial skills, foster problem-solving and encourage children to be active.  Toys focused on role-play and small-scale theatre allow them to practice important social skills. Arts and crafts are good for fine motor skills and perseverance.

Why limit what your children play with? These skills are vital to your sons AND your daughters!

The same stereotypes present in toy marketing are then reflected in equalities in adult life. By late primary age, research by the Welsh organisation Chgarae Teg  shows that children already have very clear ideas about the jobs that are suitable for boys and  girls – ideas that are very hard to shake later on. In Australia there is a clear gender imbalance in political leadership, in senior positions at law firms, in tech firms, and a lack of female CEOs and women on boards. Women earn over 20 percent less per week in wages than the average full-time man.

On the flipside, mothers spend twice as long per week looking after children than fathers,  are 90 percent more likely to be the primary caregiver to children with disabilities, 70 percent more likely to care for elderly parents, and 50 percent more likely to care for their partners.

It’s so important to appreciate that from the youngest age, children are clever. They take ev-er-y-thing in. They are reading the messages about what boys and girls are supposed to like, loud and clear. They understand the gender rule: ‘This is for boys and that is for girls,’ in the same way as other sorts of social rules, like “Do not hit”. These rigid boundaries turn children away from their true preferences, confuses children who may think outside of these social segregations, and provide a fertile ground for bullying and depression.

 Later in life, men are becoming disproportionately lonely and depressed, as they strive to meet the masculine ideals of independence, strength and success.

 Women are subjected to a significant pay gap in the workforce because they are “too nice” to ask for a pay-rise (oh, and they are only going to be having babies soon anyway, and inevitably staying at home to raise them, as is their social duty).

Make ALL things available to ALL children. Let your daughters play with trucks and building blocks and your sons dress up dolls and bake mud pies. If your sons wants to wear dresses, who cares? And encourage your daughter’s Batman phase.

Importantly, give your sons the same amount of attention as your daughters when they are upset. Comfort them when they cry. Acknowledge their emotions. Counteract all the assumptions that boys are naturally stronger and braver. Hopefully we can raise a generation of men who are not too stoical to ask for help when they need it.

Men, who persistently account for the majority of suicides worldwide, can feel too proud to express emotions and asking for help can be very overwhelming for someone who has grown up to believe that to show emotions is a weakness. Teach them to display vulnerability without shame or embarrassment or anger or disappointment.  Teach them how to be vulnerable and to rely on family and friends to help make them stronger – and to comfort and encourage them through difficult times. Teach your boys, like we teach our girls, that there is nothing like a good cry – and offer them a shoulder, always, do to it on.

Recently, at funeral today of a young man who tragically took his own life,  the words of the Minister during the service struck me:

we are taught to be strong, independent, self-resilient, fearless. As an Aussie male in particular, he said, we are told to not cry, to keep our feelings to ourselves. He instructed everyone present that day to try to be a bit more vulnerable. To allow ourselves to express our emotions. To seek and find comfort in others…

It made me think about how we raise boys in society. And how I am going to raise my son.

[claresambaby]

The celebration of my first child turning one did not come wrapped in fancy packaging and tied up with a big beautiful now. It was magical all the same. Learn about how we celebrated a first birthday without buying any gifts!

[claresambaby]

Celebrating a First Birthday Without Buying Any Gifts

The celebration of my first child turning one last weekend did not come wrapped up in fancy packaging and tied up with a big beautiful bow. It was magical all the same.

He had the happiest day of his (little) life thus far, surrounded by love, presents and affection. None of this came with a price tag.

Giving makes us so happy - it is hard to deny - particularly to the littlest love of your life. Finding and even wrapping the perfect gifts for your (and another's) child can feel hugely rewarding: picturing the smile on their face as they rip open the paper and discover the new plaything inside, or how cute they will look in their new outfit.

Nevertheless, I had no intention of buying any gifts for my son his year. Nor did I intend on neglecting him and not celebrating the wondrous occasion that was the anniversary of him coming into our lives!

I knitted a warm hooded jacket, perfect for my late-autumn baby, just in time for the freezing winter which has suddenly sprung upon us. I sewed on four special colourful buttons which he adores.

I also knitted some lovely rompers, which for what they lack in their practicality, they make up for in their cuteness tenfold!

I found a secondhand copy of a book I read over and over as a child (my own copy, sadly, cannot be located!) full of beautiful poetry for children. I can’t wait to read and learn poems with Arlo for years to come.

I made a photo album, with accompanying words to tell the story of Arlo’s first orbit around the sun. I hope this will start a tradition of an annual memory book for my children.

I tore out colourful photos and pictures from the piles of old magazines we have at our house, and wrapped up Arlo’s presents with this paper, and tied them up with my scrap yarn and ribbons.  He didn’t need birthday cards.

I told my friends and family that no presents were wanted or needed. As is human nature, however, no one wanted to arrive empty handed! But my guests were so thoughtful.

My sister asked her friend to sew a special outfit for Arlo.

My friend made a video full of videos and photos of Arlo from his first year.

Another friend sourced some second hand waterproofs because she knew how much Arlo needed them to splash around outside this winter, but appreciates my reasons for not wanting to buy anything knew.

 Another friend made a “Ticket” for Arlo to spend a day at the Collingwood Children’s Farm. Such a wonderful idea – to gift a child a special experience, rather than a thing. One’s identity is much more connected to their experiences than what they own.  This is all the more the case if these experiences are made and shared with family and friends.

My aunt gave Arlo a rocking horse which belonged to her children (on loan until she gets her own grandchildren!).

He also received a number of books, including some hand-me-down books which had once belonged to me as a child, and had been much loved and read through a few childhoods already.

It was a wonderful celebration. All the material gifts were beautifully made, ethically and locally sourced. We received some wooden toys, and toys that were educational (building blocks, books puzzles). We did not receive:

toys made from plastic, wrapped in plastic - my child turning one did not have to contribute to greenhouse gas production, climate change, depletion of natural resources, and environmental pollution!

toys that will break and end up in a landfill

toy that make hideous noises!

toys that were to be placed, embarrassingly, straight into a dark cupboard and never used.

Everything was practical and well thought out. Wrapped in love and tied up with good intentions.

The best part was, though, the cuddles, the kisses, and the smiles in the room that day. Giving time and attention to celebrate the joy that is (or was!) our baby lead to such a beautiful experience and celebration for Arlo. My family and friends showering him in love continues to establish lasting, meaningful relationships between them all.

Presence really was the best present of all – no profit-driven enterprise will ever really admit to that!

[claresambaby]

10 DIY and Natural Alternatives to Baby Care Products

Being a minimalist baby-things-owner, I often find myself being creative with baby care products, in an attempt to keep avoiding that dreaded Baby Aisle at the Supermarket. I’ve found, so far, that you really do not need most of the baby-specific products that are marketed to us as parents, and you can make do with things from around the home to take care of so many of baby’s needs.

BABY DECONGESTANT 

A quick google search told me that Vicks Baby Basalm contains rosemary, lavender and eucalyptus. Bingo! I have all these things at home! I ran a steamy bath, put a few drops of eucalyptus and lavender oils in it along with some snippets of rosemary from the vegetable garden and voila! A beautifully aromatic and soothing treatment for baby.

It was also the perfect way to coax my little sniffly widling from the garden into the bath, by bringing a bit of nature inside with us!

2. BABY WIPES

Find my recipe for baby wipes made from natural and around-the-home ingredients here.

3. BABY LOTION

Babies do not need lotion: they have the softest skin ever! Lotions are invented to try to mimic babies’ beautifully soft and smooth skin. So, put simply, don’t bother!

However, coconut oil is a nice natural alternative for a relaxing baby massage. Also perfect to use if baby has a rash, sensitive skin, sunburn or just wants to feel mum’s gentle touch.Coconut oil, being antifungal, is also perfect to treat and prevent nappy rash, so use liberally!

Our midwife also suggested a dash of olive oil in the bath sometimes.

4. BABY TEETHING OINTMENTS

Teething in baby is often overdiagnosed.I was told for the first 6 months of baby’s life that he was “teething” every time he drooled, cried, chewed something, or didn’t chew something. It worried me, because it would be easy to presume teething was the problem and overmedicate your little one with panadol or other pain-relieving medication, which may cover up other reasons for your baby’s fussiness and fevers. It also ignores the fact that for babies, oral sensation is a wonder and they simply want to chew, chew, chew and cannot help but dribble!

Nevertheless, when teeth are cutting through the gum and bothering your baby, try letting them suck on a clean, wet face-washer or chew on a nice cold piece of cucumber! Cucumbers are a highly anti-inflammatory,  hydrating and of course, healthy.

5.  BREASTMILK REMEDIES

Mama’s milk - nature’s own superfood! Not only full of nutritional perfection for your baby, but it can be also be used for a great number of DIY and natural medicinal remedies around the home! Breastmilk contains antibacterial and other healing properties, so trying using a squirt or two to heal baby’s conjunctivits, nappy rash, eczema and cradle cap (not to mention, frequent breastfeeding may also double up as your natural birth control!)

* Pain Reducer- If your baby has a toothache or other pain, nurse your baby as the endorphins in your breastmilk can actually reduce the pain felt by your child!

* Immunity- Booster- The antibodies present in breastmilk can also help protect baby against infections, respitorary ailments, allergies,  colds, viruses, and can even reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

* Stings and Itch Reliever - As a natural antiseptic, breastmilk is good for itchy bites and stings, cuts and scrapes.

*Hydrator - helpful if your baby, like mine, thinks it’s funny to spit water down his front rather than swallow it!

* Sleep dust - The nucleotides in breastmilk help send your baby to sleep.

* Soaps & Lotions - Breastmilk, due to its essential proteins, amino acids and vitamin A nourishes the skin, while the lactic acid cleanses and softens.  Not wanting to ever tip leftover breastmilk down the sink, I often add a bottleful to baby’s bath for this very reason!  You can even find recipes to make your own breastmilk soap online these days.

 Making your own baby care products where you can not only saves money, but also protects your baby from being exposed to unnecessary chemicals which ar found in many commercial products (baby oil – petroleum oil, for example)

, so give it a go!

[claresambaby]

Baby led weaning 😂 We mostly let Arlo eat out of ceramics, drink from a glass, and use stainless steel spoons and forks to feed himself (no knives yet!!!). This not only means less "stuff" to buy - baby spoons, bowls, plates - but less plastic and toxins for the baby, and hopefully, one day, a proud, dexterous and careful child who feels confident and trusted !

[claresambaby]

10 baby products you don’t need (but companies will try to sell you anyway!)

 This “listicle” was inspired by my recent trip to a baby goods warehouse.

[DISCLOSURE: I had to buy a new valve for my breast-pump, without which my baby would not get any food while I was at work! An absolute necessity, in my opinion, although I ultimately ended up buying a second-hand one from Ebay]

 Fortunately, this was my first time in a baby goods shop and I hope it will be the last. I managed to avoid it throughout my pregnancy and the first 10 months of Arlo’s life, but it was certainly an eye opener.

What struck me most was the sheer amount of products being sold! Obviously, many items are indispensible – baby clothing, prams, bottles– but it was the additional accessories, the surplus stock, the extras to the essentials – which really got me thinking. As a new mum walking around this amusement park of baby goods, you could really be fooled into thinking you need a portable bottle warmer for your handbag; the baby food processor or the super sonic nursing chair.

 Here is my list of 10 baby products that you simply do not need:

 1.     Outfits

Expensive outfits, cute outfits, frilly outfits, tiny shoes….

Dressing a baby is one of a parent’s first challenges. “They should all have zips!!!” exclaimed my husband in the middle of one night, frustratingly trying to pop together the snaps on baby’s suit. I think the baby went to bed with his suit undone that night! As he now approaches his first birthday, he still hasn’t worn a pair of shoes, and one of the only times we tried to dress him up to take him to a wedding, he dipped his nice white sleeved fist into someone’s red wine glass and so very swiftly ruined that item! My advice is: Don’t bother with baby outfits -babies look just as cute naked or in plain white, hand-me-down onesies as they do in the cutest of all ensembles.

 2.     Nappy bag, Change Mat and Change Table

I have a wet bag, which has certainly been handy for dealing with wet cloth nappies while on the go, but really I just use my handbag. My handbag always has a couple of spare cloth nappies in it, a spare change of clothes (sometimes a spare top for me!) and a plastic bag to contain any messes!  If you want to invest in a “nappy bag”, why not treat yourself to a nice big and spacious handbag?

Similarly, our change mat has rarely been used. Mostly, it was just too cold in the wintry weather that Arlo was born into to place him on it. And if he weed on it, we found it just dripped off anyway! A towel was just as useful. Throw it into the wash with the rest of mountainous pile of dirty clothing you also have to deal with.

In terms a change table, we used a chest of drawers. Now we use the bed and the floor as well as multiple acrobatic, mid-air positions if we can’t get him to stay still for long enough!

 3.     Baby wipes

Babies only needed cotton wool and water for the early days. Baby wipes remove the natural oils from his skin and leave it dry and uncomfortable. Now we simply make our own. Better for our hip-pocket, for baby’s skin, and for the environment. (Baby wipes cause havoc to our sewerage system and are, alongside nappies, the third largest consumer item in landfills today, representing 30% of non-bidegradable waste!)

 4.     Baby bath

Our baby has been washed in all sorts of receptacles – the kitchen sink, the bath, the laundry tub, the washing up bucket while camping! But never a baby bath.

 5.     Bath thermometer

You can just use your elbow and a little bit of common sense. My motto when wondering whether a baby item is an essential or not is often: “What would Granny do?” (I understand that there has been a lot of research, experience and evolution over the past nine decades, and many things that Granny did then would not certainly be advised now, but you can save your money on a bath thermometer, I can tell you that much!).

 6.     Baby nail scissors

Too fiddly! I gave it a go once and I almost chopped my baby’s finger off, now I just use my trusty teeth.

 7.     Baby oil, shampoo, lotions, potions

Just wash your baby in water. Our midwife told us to put a dash of olive oil in the bath when he was a newborn, sometimes I will use coconut oil too. And always a drop of lavender, in the vain hope that he might one day associate it with a nice long sleep to follow. When’s he’s particularly muddy, I just use a dash of liquid castile soap, or our wn soap (which is natural and organic, anyway). This has made me appreciate what chemicals I am putting on my own skin!

 8.     Crib / bassinet / Moses Basket

They do look cute, but they will outgrow it quickly enough! You can save your pennies on this one.

 9.     Baby monitor

If you are looking to save money, then there is no real need to buy a baby monitor. SIDs recommends that babies sleep in their parents’ rooms until they turn one. But even for those times that you are apart (nap times are the times when you can actually get things done, right?), a parent develops such finely tuned hearing when it comes to their baby’s cry. A baby’s cry can measure up to 115 decibles – that’s louder than a truck - and is biologically designed specifically to get their Mum’s attention. I have never been oblivious to Arlo waking or crying in another room. I feel like I even know when he rolls over, or clenches his fist – I am normally there ready to take  a photo of the monumental event!

 10. Bath toys

My baby has one, a gift, and he does love it. But equally loves the plug, and the face washer most of all. And his own toes. And the tap. You can probably get away without any bath-toys for the first year.  Even then, just grab some plastic cups and bowls!

[claresambaby]

What to buy an expecting friend or a new mum?

A few friends have recently asked me what to buy for their expecting friend, or what to take to the house of a brand new mum. What does a mum of a newborn really need? What’s the best baby shower gift for a mum who doesn’t want more stuff?  How to avoid filling a new baby’s nursery with multiple stuffed bunny rabbits or cute baby outfits that will never be worn?

Here’s my list of (not-your-average) baby shower gifts:

Handmade gifts

It’s very special to make and gift something handmade. It will be one-of-a-kind and dearly loved, as long as it is practical!

I personally love knitting a small something for new babies I know coming along – and they don’t take long because they are so teeny-tiny!

My favourite knitted gifts for new babies are:

Booties – so sweet, and practical for little toes born into the wintertime. (No need to make matching mittens, as tempting as it may be, babies like to discover things with their fingers – let them!

Hat – again, so sweet, and an essential hospital bag item.

”Vertebrae” cardigan– Skin-to-skin between mother and baby is so important in the first few days. This little jacket (see photo below) covers baby’s back, but lets mum and baby cuddle skin-to-skin.

Blanket – use thick wool for a quick knit for your little snugglepot or cuddlepie. Blankets will be used, for wrapping up little’uns in the winter, and for laying under baby bottoms on the lawn in the summer.

If you’re not a knitter, or don’t fancy yourself able to whip up something special on a sewing machine, how about putting together another DIY gift?

You could gift her a Baby Wipes “kit”:  a hamper of sorts containing compostable bamboo liners, a bottle of Dr Bronner’s liquid baby soap, a box of chamomile tea, olive oil, lavender essential oil, and some witch hazel, This should last her through many, many months of clean baby bottoms,  remembering that a newborn only needs cotton wool and water not wipes in the first few months.

How about make her a Labout Kit? Mine would include:

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea and medjool dates( to get things started!)

Coconut water (to keep her hyrdated, and her electrolytes replenished)

Bendy straws (try drinking from a glass of water while leaning over a fit ball having a contraction)

A nice and soft organic cotton face washer

A massage tool along with some sweet almond oil and some special essential oils, such as peppermint  (for pain relief) and lavender  (for relaxation)

Rescue Remedy drops (for stress, anxiety during labour!)

Magnesium Oil (for nausea and muscle spasms);

Panadine Forte (the strongest stuff you can get over the counter at a chemist!)

a USB full of good music – my playlist included everything from relaxing acoustic, to girl power punk rock, to Afrobeat with great rhythms to get my hips moving)

Lip balm

Buy an “experience”

Consider buying the mum-to-be an experience rather than a disposable thing, (although kids do serious love the plastic wrapping that “things” come in), or an item that will be quickly outgrown or spewed on. Experiences are much more intrinsically fulfilling and can be so much more useful to a new mum than stuff.

For example:

An Australian Breastfeeding Association membership. $70 well spent. She will get a free book (or should I say, breastfeeding “bible”) and advice-on-tap if she should every need it.  This would be a fantastic gift. I know that I personally stopped reading all of my baby books after the part where the baby was born. To me, I was so focused on the birth that I didn’t even care what happened afterwards! And even when I had been told how to breastfeed, there is no telling how it is all going to work until baby is actually born and crawling up your tummy.

A photographer: get her some special photos of her pregnant belly, her newborn or even her birth, if she’s game!

The best thing that you could possibly give a new baby is the time, attention and love  of her parents. Consider the following gifts  which can cost very little, or nothing at all, but will allow the new parents to spend more quality time bonding with their new baby.

A cleaner (to come before or after the birth, or both?)

Organic Fruit & Vegetable box delivery

Lactation Cookies – try my best ever recipe here.  These are delicious, increase milk supply, and despite the name, they don’t contain breastmilk, so it doesn’t matter if anyone else scoffs down a few – like my husband did!

A stash of home-cooked meals for the freezer – we ate so much vegetable lasagna and even sticky date pudding for breakfast in the first week of Arlo’s life, because this was what had been lovingly made for us and we didn’t have much energy/time/will to prepare anything else.

Snack packs - Healthy (and not so healthy) snack food for while you’re glued to the couch breastfeeding – banana bread, bliss balls, museli bars, nuts and seeds, raw chocolate, kale chips.  She will be hungry, tired, and constantly grazing without able to move for the first few days!

Or how about a “Voucher” for you to go to her house, hold the baby while she has the longest shower of her life (and washes her hair, for once!); to do a sinkful of dishes, put on a load of washing (and hang out another!) and fold away the rest. What about a “voucher” to come and vacuum every week, or a “Redeemable in Emergency – 2 hours of whatever you need and want!”. Trust me, a gift like this, as lame as you might feel writing it up, will be much more useful to your dear friend than a teddy bear!

If you feel compelled to give her something material, make it PRACTICAL

o   Cloth nappies – I’ve discussed in the past my love of cloth nappies, both practically, environmentally, and even aesthetically.  My cloth nappies - gifted by my girlfriends  - was the best present I received at my baby shower, and I’ve used them up to 12 times every day sine he was born!  

o   Clothes in larger sizes  - tiny newborn clothing can be irresistible for the well-wishing gift-buyer, but you should consider buying clothes in the next size up or even beyond the first year for the new mum to keep for later. It is likely that she will be inundated with newborn clothing from other friends and family, anyway. So it’s nice for a mum, in the midst of the haze and craze of first-year-motherhood, to find that thoughtfully gifted bag full of onesies, singlets, tshirts, jumpers and leggings to fit her one year old neatly tucked away for that day she suddenly realises her little one is not so little anymore!

o   Books – many mums, who have already organized their baby’s nurseries and purchased everything they need in anticipation of their new arrival, ask baby shower guests to bring their favourite childhood book with an inscription inside. These need not be just hardcover baby books, but poetry books, puzzle books, atlases and other educational books for when they’re older.

o   Musical instruments (or other material gifts that lead to experiences). Arlo has a set of wooden musical percussion instruments, a little guitar and a harmonica – gifts that will keep on giving well into the future!

With any material gift – talk to your friend first. She might already have the gift you are planning on getting her, or she may have no interest in it whatsoever - there’s nothing more inconvenient for a new mum to deal with than surplus stuff!

[claresambaby]

Easter-inspired Lactation Cookies!

What a mama of a newborn really needs from you: my Chocolate, Peanut and Salted Caramel Lactation Cookies! Full of flavour, and not breastmilk (as the name might suggest, much to the relief of my husband who just ate two).

INGREDIENTS 1.5 tablespoons Brewers Yeast 1 tablespoon of Flaxseed meal 2 tablespoons of water 300g oats 125g butter 60g smooth peanut butter 125g caster sugar 125g brown sugar 1 egg 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 teaspoon cardamom ½ teaspoon mixed spice 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons honey 125g wholewheat flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 250g caramel chocolate Easter eggs (or just use regular chocolate) 185g roasted salted peanuts

METHOD Mix flaxseed and water and set aside.

Whizz oats in processor to a floury consistency.

Beat together butter, peanut butter and sugars; before adding the flaxeed mix and an egg. Add spiced, vanilla, salt and honey. Next, stir through your oat “flour”, flour and baking powder. And finally, mix in your chocolate eggs and peanuts.

Put in a 180c oven for 13 minutes, and voila! You have Lactation Cookies!

They are every bit as delicious as they sound, with the added bonus that they can help boost a mum’s milk supply. Just what a new mama needs.

[claresambaby]

Alternative gift giving guide for weddings! (No you can't have my baby!)

[claresambaby]

ALTERNATIVE GIFT GIVING GUIDE

This morning, I posted a little Thank You card with some cash for dear newlywed friends. It had me considering the joy of giving experiences rather than things.

 It’s of course becoming common for newlyweds to request financial contributions to their honeymoons or even houses, and I think it’s a great idea. These days, we live in small apartments, we co-habit for years before we marry, and I think it’s fair to say we just don’t need more baggage to carry into our married lives!

 Giving makes us happy, that is true. Finding, wrapping and giving the perfect present can certainly be hugely satisfactory. Who doesn’t love that look on a person’s face when they receive an awesome gift from you?

 However, undertaking of gift-giving, while undoubtedly well-intentioned, can lead to more stress for both the giver and the receiver. Choosing the perfect gift can be difficult, particularly when a significant sum of money involved. And buyers should aware that - at least according to Joel Waldfogel, a professor of applied economics - presents are valued at an average of 20 percent less than what was actually paid!

 On top of that comes the stress - to the gift receivers - of storage; or of creatively using or displaying (or taking set-up photos of you enjoying) the new gift for the purposes of pleasing the giver.  And, as that unwanted or not-needed chopping board, or tagine, gets re-gifted over and over, or stored in a cupboard unused due to the guilt of giving away a wedding gift from a loved one, it only becomes less valuable. With regret, these gifts can often end up in an second-hand shop or worse, the landfill. Globally, failed gift-giving can amount to almost $30 million flushed away on what Waldfogel calls “vapourised satisfaction.”

 Despite the overabundance of useless gifts, we are still consumed by consuming. And the simple fact of the matter is: we now just have too much stuff. Clutter is overwhelming us, and the burden of cleaning, and organising is significant. The NY Times states that and there are over 50,000 storage facilities in the United States, and one in ten Americans have a storage unit to store their excess stuff.  I couldn’t find the equivalent statistics in Australia, but if I could make a prediction, it would be to buy shares in storage facilities in Australia!

 For my own wedding a couple of years ago, in an attempt to limit the amount of stuff we owned, we requested ‘No Gifts’.  We asked some of our friends to instead help out with our wedding celebrations – cooking food, taking photos, making music, arranging flowers. We also asked for people to make donations to the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre in lieu of other gifts. We still received some material gifts, however, and I totally understand why: it’s a beautiful thing to give someone a gift, to show them that you have thought of them, and that you care, and to provide them with something that they will use and think of them every time. But I believe that these days there can often be more appropriate “gifts” to give that don’t have to be “stuff”.

 Wedding gifts don’t just have to be cash (although I beg you to find a newlywed couple, paying off a wedding, and looking forward to a honeymoon, who wouldn’t appreciate some extra money in their pockets!). They might also include gifting “experiences”: for example, why not buy the newlyweds  an annual subscription to the ballet or opera or Gold Class cinema– a year’s worth of date nights? Or tickets to a gig, a night at a hotel, or a fabulous meal somewhere special? My husband would argue some of the best wedding gifts we received were the alcoholic ones, which led to some very enjoyable evenings spent together at home.

 The important thing to remember with non-material gifts is to spend – rather than money – your  time and attention. Attention is a valuable resource that, once given, leads to perfect presents and enriching experiences. Be thoughtful, and your presents will never disappoint!

[claresambaby]

Week Eight - February Wrap and March intentions

There’s something about being on the cusp of a new season which makes you feel excited, determined and energised. Even if you haven’t slept in 9 months. Moving into March seems like the prime opportunity to reflect on my resolution and reset my intentions for the future.

I must disclose – I bought a dress off Ebay for a wedding I attended last weekend. Admittedly, it was second-hand, pre-loved, and faulty, but I did still feel a little guilty about it. I couldn’t feel comfortable in any of my old dresses, which either didn’t fit or would be impossible to breastfeed in. I unsuccessfully asked around to try to borrow something, and upon reflection, the last minute Ebay purchase probably could and should have been avoided.  Had I more time and more gumption, I could have altered some old clothing; I could have found something to wear.

I don’t believe I have deterred from my resolution in doing so, however. I am still changing the way I think and consume. I am not aimlessly keeping up with trends (that’s for sure!), there’s no more flash-purchasing on a whim, I am not splurging on something ‘special’ to be worn once to a fancy event.  

Yes, I bought one secondhand piece of clothing, but I sold three more in the process. My Great Search for something to wear saw me empty my wardrobe on a couple of occasions and has, for the better, forced me to clear out everything inside it. I keep so many sentimental pieces of clothing. I have a shelf dedicated to ‘gym and sleepwear’ – and for someone who rarely gets an opportunity to exercise, my overhaul forced me to appreciate that this was simply a place to hoard my clothing that I would otherwise never wear (too stretched, too stained, too unstylish) but loathe to throw out.

I have kept so many things with the hope that I would one -day again fit into it, or look good in it, or magically want to wear again.

So while my wardrobe remains scattered over my floor but I am excited to set my Minimalist and Mindful March intentions as such:

Overhaul my wardrobe (when will have a chance to put it back together again?). This will require ruthlessness and honesty. Hoard memories, not clothes. Learn to let go!

Overhaul Arlo’s wardrobe. He has been growing lately, my little 10th percentile babe. And it’s due time I replace his baby clothes with little kid clothes!

I’ve separating clothes that don’t make the cut into the following:

1.     Clothes to SELL;

2.     Clothes to DONATE;

3.     Clothes to FIX, UPCYLCE and REPURPOSE (clothes that need buttons, need holes repaired; or great fabrics that I envisage turning into children’s clothing one day)

4.     Lastly, clothes to DISCARD.

I want my wardrobe by the end of March to consist only of clothes that I love and wear often. Things that might remain there for another decade.  A good pair of well-fitting jeans are a must. Some comfortable boots. A little black (or red!) dress that you look fabulous in. A warm winter jacket (mine is 10 years old. It’s had its buttons replaced on a number of occasions, each time giving it new life and a new look. Each winter I find a new hold to darn, but I still prefer it to anything new). Perhaps I’ll knit myself a special spring cardigan. Or a winter scarf. These are things you only need one of and should be good quality to last you for a long time.  Not something you buy three of but need to throw away after a year’s use.

For those of you playing at home, even if you think you are not quite up to a month of buying nothing, perhaps you can join me on my Minimalist and Mindful March quest to happily live with less?  As yourselves:

How many white t-shirts do you own?

How many do you need?

How long has it been since you’ve worn that dress?

How many kilos do you have to lose to fit into those jeans again?

How long do you plan to hand onto those shoes that you were wearing that night you met your husband?

I urge you to not buy anything new for the autumn. Set yourself a challenge! And if you must, find local, ethical brands to fill your beautifully empty wardrobe in the future, or find good quality second-hand clothes that will last a long time. Or, even better - hand-make yourself the perfect piece of clothing to your specifications!

[claresambaby]

Let Them Eat Dirt!

[claresambaby]

Week Seven

Let them eat dirt! Consciously choosing to not buy toys and surround ourselves with stuff sees us spend a lot of our time outside. Rain, hail or shine! One result of which is having a constantly grubby child (another reason for not buying ourselves new clothes!). Sometimes it seems that Arlo was born digging. Even at 4 weeks of age we couldn't understand how such a fresh clean baby could have so much dirt under his fingernails! These days, I relish the photos of father and son doing the gardening while I'm at work. I remember the first time Arlo ate a handful of sand, I worried. Particularly when we found rocks in his nappy the next day! But I've come to relax around Arlo when it comes to eating bits of earth (especially the lovely organic earth his father lovingly tends in our backyard). It turns out all our outside time is filling us with more goodness than just vitamin D. Dirt is so good for the immune system (this is my daily mantra when I yet again don't get a chance to wash my floors!) Research has even shown that introducing our young ones to those microorganisms that naturally occur in soil will help build stronger, more disease-resistant children. Children these days are raised in such over-hygienic, disinfected, anti-bacterial and sterile environments. Without adequate exposure to germs and dirt, it's no wonder that allergies and autoimmune problems are on the up and up! Letting a child explore the garden (with his fingers and his taste buds!) is not only good for his mind, but allows his immune response to also explore its environment (at least, according to Mary Ruebush, a microbiology and immunology instructor, in her book, Why Dirt Is Good). The other awesome thing about babies eating dirt - particularly mine, the tiny, breastfed, vegetarian baby - is that soil is high in iron! After 6 months earthside, a baby's need for iron and other nutrients increases beyond what's available in breastmilk. This is why WHO suggests solids are to be introduced at this time. Arlo's been slow to catch on to the whole "eating food" thing and certainly wasn't getting any iron-rich meat in our house so I was getting a little concerned. However, fortunately, at 7 months, Arlo started crawling and with this, began spending his days on his hands on knees on my dirty kitchen floor, in the garden and at the beach. Hopefully this extra time interacting with dirt and eating sand has allowed our babe to get a good dose of iron and other important minerals! While I certainly appreciate all that modern hygiene and sanitation has done for our health and the lives of our babies, I am grateful for my leaf-chewing, veggie-picking, dirt-swallowing, sand-tasting babe. And will forgive myself indefinitely for every time I turned a blind eye to him shovelling soil into his toothless mouth! I also hereby advise all my lovely mama-friends to take a day off mopping the floors this week and rejoice in the joys of filth!

[claresambaby]

How long do you think we can trick Arlo into believing that this is his 'television'?!

[claresambaby]

WEEK SIX

My quest to consume less stuff has got me thinking about something else I consume a lot of – information!

While watching a film last night, Arlo woke up and I wearily opted for The Darjeeling Limited over resettling him (parent of the year!)  We let him play around in the living room and laughed as he crawled right up to the TV, stood up by it, and put up his face and hands to the screen, and swayed about, absolutely mesmerised.

 It really got me thinking about babies and screen-time, and the consumption of technology and information. Apparently, an average American spends over 11 hours a day on their various electronic gadgets.  And I guess that the more prevalent screens are becoming in our lives, the more difficult it is going to be to try to limit your child’s screen-time.

 Arlo has rarely seen a TV, hence why he was entranced last night by the display of fireworks and music in his very own living room. While we’ve managed to avoid the television, however, Arlo still Skypes his grandparents every other day, watches us work from home on our laptops, and smiles for the million and one photos I take of him on my iPhone daily.

It seems he’s already drawn to all things electronic. You could give him any toy in the world, and nothing would compare to playing with your smartphone or the television remote. I even know my friends are buying their babies toy-phones and toy-television remotes for this very reason!  Screens and gadgets are fascinating stuff.

 I am desperate to delay television and computers and tablets for as long as possible, I read that the over-exposure of screens on babies can impact attention span, concentration and even appetite control in our little ones. Screen-time encourages a sedentary lifestyle and offers a distraction from the real world around us. It might be nice as an adult to put your feet up and let your mind wander with Nigella, but babies are so full of wonder and creativity and energy – I couldn’t fathom suppressing it with a screen!

 I want to encourage my babe to explore the world, to touch and feel and experience things in real life. To follow a flock of birds flying overhead with eyes and ears and awe. To discover the beach on all fours, and to taste the sea and sand, as awful as that might be! To be active, crawl and climb, even if he does get a few bumps along the way. And to interact: with us, with his baby friends, with the cheeky dog down the street, the porcelain pelican statute outside, and the old man pulling faces at him on the train.

 I should note here that I am not holier than thou.  We watch a film almost every night while the baby is in bed. And while I chastise myself for scrolling through Facebook during breastfeeds, I do still allow myself sometime to spend “online” during these otherwise intimate moments. Who knows, it might be the only time I get that day to check my emails, respond to that text message from last week, and get a glimpse of the news around the world. As a habit, I make sure I put my phone down and connect with Arlo whenever he looks at me, but if he’s sleep-drinking, or mucking around or starting into space, I don’t allow myself to feel guilty about playing on my phone.

 As he grows, I know I will have to teach him about technology, and I look forward to giving him important digital skills and allowing him the opportunity to experience electronic entertainment. I am positive he will be capable of Skyping his grandparents on his own before he is two, and I will probably put him in charge of our family’s online banking and financial affairs thereafter. And while I loathe the thought of his mind being one day warped by television and commercials, I appreciate that the consumption of television, computers and other gadgets is also about being able to access information at your fingertips learn about the sensation of the internet, modern-day technology and the wider world.

But for now, I am happy to postpone this consumption for as long as possible!

[claresambaby]

Arlo's not too sure about his mama's new creations.

[claresambaby]

Week Five

Week 5 has merged into Week 6, as smoothly as my days are blurring to nights, and my baby is transforming into a real, human child,

We’ve had a busy week up in the city, supplanted from our home by the sea to a home on the banks of the Yarra River. The pink-noise of the rushing water through the night, alongside the big city birdsong, and the wind blowing the leaves of the trees all around us as ever has reminded me of the joys that nature can bring to a child.

We travelled up to the city to house-sit for some friends, and as is typical of my family, the transition was not without a last-minute rush leaving behind a trail of mess. I didn’t  bring any toys for the babe. I couldn’t fathom packing a pram (we are new to the world of strollers, having picked Arlo’s up from the side of the road when he was 7 months old). Nor did I contemplate bringing a bed, food, or anything else really, other than a backpack full of cloth nappies, Arlo’s hat and a t-shirt or two.

How did we survive!?

Plenty of walks. Ever entertaining, super stimulating, and delightfully full of vitamin D. I carry the baby in a sling, and we both love him being in my arms: Arlo feels safe and loved, and I get all my mummy-cuddles in before heading back to work and missing him dearly.

He hasn’t missed his plastic toys. He has enjoyed, this week, watching the cat, shaking a jar of coriander seeds, beating a saucepan with a wooden spoon, and of course, playing games with us over many a gabbling intellectual conversation!

It’s been nice that our incidental stuff-free baby-rearing philosophy has made the past few days possible. Breastfeeding and sharing our own food with the baby, carrying the baby close, having him sleep by our side, and letting the world be his playground, have made impromptu adventures - whether to the city for a long weekend, to the beach for an afternoon swim, or on a long hike - carefree and delightful.

My hope for the future is that Arlo will continue to enjoy these experiences, and not grieve  for his childhood  lived without things.