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Day 10 : Your Best Friend

One of the reason i feel like this life is still worth living

They were all very fun, open minded and family person, mirroring me self and i feel like we’ve been friends also because we found a piece of ourself within each other

And i appreciate the mutual endeavor during the journey that keeps it stay for the long run and feels very easy

I learn a lot about my self and people personalities, also about self management being in the group of people in this friendship

The amount of connection and support we had for each other is great, at least for me. I say, we had chemistry.

And to at least had that in this imperfect life is a big luck.

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Day 9 : Write About Happiness

Happiness is still be able to live a comfortable life with a decent job, nice bed and nice people around you

Happiness is when you can share your happiness and achievements with the people you care about and got their full support regardless

Happiness is to be able to look up to the beautiful skies whether when its full of star and moon or when its color changes during sunset

Happiness is to be able to feel and breathe

Happiness is to share ups and down with your people wherever whenever possible

Happiness is to fell complete and enough even though we life in this big old bad imperfect world

Happiness is to be comfortable in your own body and walk the earth with confidence

Happiness is to be able to read good books every time we wish to

Happiness is to witness the success of people whom you love and the people who deserve it

Happiness is to see the smile of your favorite person

Happiness is when your people choose you, stay with you and spend their time with you on purpose

Happiness is when someone remembers you

Happiness is when you can travel the world without thinking

Happiness is to still be able to pray for yourself and for the people that you love

Happiness is.. when you live in the moment

Present

And finally let go of the past or anything that keeps you from moving forward

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Day 8 : The Power of Music

A platform to express emotions

Extremely important

A good music for me is something with nice sound and poetic lyrics, it could take you to another reality

Hence it is also a platform to escape reality for a few minutes

It can boost one spirit, also could bleed one heart

Music is powerful

[clementineesotsm]

Day 7: Favorite Movies

I am a big fan of movies, listed favorite movies will be a tortured but lets try

- Good Will Hunting

- Shawshank Redemption

- The Truman Show

- Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

- Before Sunrise Trilogy

- Jatuh Cinta Seperti Di Film Film

- Call Me By Your Name

- Flipped

- Little Women

- Barbie

- Howls Moving Castle

- Forest Gump

- Dead Poet Society

- Sound Of Music

- Bridge To Terrabithia

- A Man Called Otto

- Budi Pekerti

- Wizard Of Oz

- Nanny Mcphee

- Sweet November

- Harry Potter Series

- Soul

- Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

- The Others (with Nicole Kidman the Great!)

- Everything Everyone All At Once

- In The Mood For Love

- The Lion King

- Hercules

- Anastasia

- The Hunchback of The Notterdame

- Dune

- Pride and Prejudice

- Penyalin Cahaya

- The Proposal

- Spirited Away

- The Godfather

- The Medium

- Till We Meet Again

- Dear Zindhagi

- Klaus

- Nice View

- The Crazy Little Thing Called Love

- The White Tiger

- Canola

- Only Yesterday

- All The Bright Places

- The Half Of It

- Wicked

- One For The Road

- Crazy About Her

- Life Is Beautiful

- My Long Awaited Love Story

- Scent of A Woman

- Modus Anomali

- Pocahontas

- Jojo Rabbit

- TENET

- Ali and Ratu Ratu Queens

- Man In Love

- Hello, Love, Goodbye

- Midnight In Paris

- Eternals

- You Are The Apple Of My Eye

- Secret

- Ave Maryam

- Emma

- Blackphone

- Yuni

- Rectoverso

- Lighting Up The Stars

- Dr. Strange

- The Good Nurse

- Mencuri Raden Saleh

- Paulie

- Mammamia

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Day 6: Single and Happy

Single for years, I thought i would be lonely, but apparently its actually make me at peace

I could rebuild my life the way i am capable of, with the pace i can afford, and can try to heal slowly

I could travel near or far and see interesting things and got my freedom finally

I could work, writes, read books, sleep, eat, cry, laugh as i please, i love being alone at my room listening to music, watching movies or just be in total silence to listen to my own heartbeat, which i appreciate and as a reminder how i survive this far, i can also pray the whole night and have a heart full conversation with God and the universe, which make me feel at ease

I have never feel so comfortable about myself as i am right now, i guess thats what being happy means ? When you feel extremely content with everything that you have and just make peace with your faith and going on until the end

So yeah, i am Single and Happy, even though people call me picky and old all the time, but i never wanted to compromised, one day if i ever be committed it will be with someone that i know by heart is right for me for all the good and bad reason, and deserving of my love

[clementineesotsm]

Day 5: Your Parents

The sources of my happiness and the core of my trauma.

My Dad was a funny guy, kind, playful and fun. I just thought that he is not suitable to be married, for he is free spirited. Emotionally immature for all the understandable reasons. There were a lot of life lessons that i learned from him, one that i always remember was he told me not to think too much of the appearance but work on being smart, being good on the inside. And i always appreciate him for always love to gather family together and never forgetting the people that helps him in life. He was just sometimes have tendencies to putting his energy on the wrong person or thing. He was taken away by Covid before we had the chances to make his life comfortable. May his soul rest in peace.

My Mom, a strong woman. I always respect her for staying with the 4 children and trying so hard to give them a normal life while sacrificing her own when our dad has quit for another woman. She used to have passion, dream and fire in her eyes, all got lost to hard life. I always feel sorry for her, for that reason i always tolerate every bad things she done or said to me. She is struggled emotionally but never realize it, impossible to discuss things with and over controlling. She is not a bad person, she just unfortunately had a very harsh life.

They got divorce when i was 5, my memory of them were them arguing, fighting, struggling. I respected them for always trying their best to provide the family of 4 children, there were a lot of obstacles and i don’t get to live comfortable but i think the life provided was quite decent. It was never the love i look for or the perfect family i wish for, but it’s not too bad. What we had was something special which i never wanted to trade to another better one.

Even so, being with emotionally immature grown up were somehow had bad impact on you. Now that i get older i just realized what it did to me. I was shy, unconfident, struggling in making relationships works, i don’t trust my self, i think i always made bad choices and not deserving of love. I feel like if my parents abandoned me, imagine other people? Strangers? They will hate me for sure. That is very much how i see myself. Unworthy. I am on a forever journey to heal this, i think I’m halfway, i’ll get to distance somehow. Just need to be patience to oneself.

And as for my parents, i always pray for them to have a good life and happiness. I will not take their behavior lightly anymore, but i need to protect myself too. I know their life was like hell, i hope they also understand that my life was hell too.

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Day 4: Places I Want To Visit

Covid times definitely changing how i see things. I always had this idea that if covid ever ends, i will wanted to travel to a place i never been without hesitation. And also i wish to go to places where my good friends are. Revisiting them one by one.

After Covid so far i have visited Finland, Estonia, Japan, Australia, USA, Morocco, South Korea, the place i wish to revisit next will be Japan, Penang, Malaysia, Thailand, Germany, Singapore

Place i never visited but i wish to is Vietnam. I heard it’s pretty there too. And also China, i was curious on how extravagant the country is, and London, i really wanted to go to Harry Potter World and watching Premier League. And New Zealand for its beautiful nature i heard of

Good God, please give me time, health and wealth to do so 😌

[clementineesotsm]

Day 3: A Memory

Back in 2016 i read announcement regarding Coldplay concert in Singapore, i was excited and plan to go right away, the concert will be on March 2017, got my concert ticket and already planned for the trip, then suddenly around January 2017, the company that i worked at was bankrupt, leaving me with no money, i have no saving and with a difficult family condition tag along. I cannot go to the concert and with tears on my eyes i need to sell the tickets since i need money more than i go abroad. That was the worst day of my life for i have been their fans my whole life, and i already imagining going to see them live singing fix you. I remember i cried every night for months, until i can let go. It was a memory which i feel deeply in pain for i was out of choices, no one understands the pain, not a will to help, i just don’t have any option but to let go. What worse is, there were rumors that said 2017 would be Coldplay last concert 💔

But the universe has a funny way to mend the broken heart, on the same year i got accepted in a new company where my job is to travel around for events. And i got the chance to visit Germany for 3 days for a company events. I got to see the beauty of Augsburg and Munich, and the joy that i feel was beyond compare. All colleagues were having a good time and this memories created was priceless, great experience.

Another funny things about the universe, it usually will gave you what you want when you are ready and more prepared. On 2023, suddenly Coldplay back to do concert and Asia was on the list. Initially i wish to watch it at home, but did not get the ticket. Instead i got the ticket to see it in Tokyo! One of my fav city ever! Long story short, i finally saw Coldplay live at Tokyo Dome on November 2023, a long time dream come true just when you don’t expect it. I love everything about this experience, the city, the venue, the artist, the people that went there with me, the atmosphere, the circumstances, i cried hard that day, extremely hard i cant believe i am able to see it with my own eyes ✨

Day 3: A Memory

2020 was a hard year for us, with covid spreading, it feels like whatever it is that you build suddenly crumbles, your perfect plan, your limited time, all gone. In the blink of an eye.

2020 was extremely heart broken because i lose my grandmother which i spend years living with and taken care of. My grandmother is an important figure in my life, for i learn how to love they way she love, i learn how to be a person the way she is, she always show me the peace in praying so i follow her, she encourages me to read the Quran for a way of life and a peace of mind, and i did, i glad i did. She is so warm and kind, i feel loved whenever she hugs me, she always greet me so happily every time I visited, she making my fav food, always see me out before going to school and greet me every time i came back from school, all of a sudden that person is gone, never comeback.

Then on the same year, without being able to ready for it, covid took my dad away. He was only on his 50’s, our live is getting better, we planned a lot of things to do together, but covid took him away just in a second. I always so distant from my dad for my parents were divorced since i was a child, i never know how it feels like to have a father at home, i thought losing this distant figures will not gonna hurt me, but i was wrong. I was deeply wounded, i cant speak, i am choking every time i hear his name, or every time i think about our time together or every time i pass by his fav bread shop, i feel like crying. I was grieving hard for that loss, i cant understand why this was happening to me, i cant understand how is this happening? I don’t think i ever recover from this loss

Because the next year, my close aunty and uncle were taken away by covid too. This time i am sure, this pain that i feel, the grief, will always there, i just need to find a way to make peace with in and moving on. Im on my way there.

[clementineesotsm]

Day 2: Things That Makes You Happy

Meeting and talking to my people, good books, poems, good movies (all kind), music, warm meal, cooked meal, connecting with people who as passionate as me, payday (i mean?!), quite place, the sound of the ocean, cloudy day, writing, the satisfaction feeling after finishing something hard (mostly at work), my naughty nephew 🥹, Jim Carey, certain someone smiling face, traveling, being on the road, meeting old friend, when my flower blooms, a good sleep, being respected, being treated gently, sleeping on the couch after work, my room ❤️, the smell of fresh sheet, hot water after a long day, cold water in the morning, cuddles, moms banana cake, the sound of the rain….

I can go on forever.. 😊

I’ll came back if anything else shows up

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Took a long vacation

No makeup, just Jay-Z

You were balls deep, now we beefin'

Had me butt-naked at the MGM

So wasted screamin', "Fuck that"

Love me now, but I'm anythin'

Hurry now, baby, stick it in

'Fore the memories get to kickin' in

It's too late

I don't wanna lose what's left of you

How am I supposed to tell ya?

I don't wanna see you with anyone but me

Nobody gets me like you

How am I supposed to let you go?

Only like myself when I'm with you

Nobody gets me, you do (do)

You do

Nobody gets me, you do (do)

You do

Nobody gets me, you do

You do

Nobody gets me, you do

Took me out to the ballet

You proposed, I went on the road

You was feelin' empty, so you left me

Now I'm stuck dealin' with a deadbeat

If I'm real, I deserve less

If I was you, I wouldn't take me back

I pretend when I'm with a man, it's you

And I know that it's too late

I don't wanna lose what's left of you

How am I supposed to tell ya?

I don't wanna see you with anyone but me

Nobody gets me like you

How am I supposed to let you go?

Only like myself when I'm with you

Nobody gets me, you do (do)

You do

Nobody gets me, you do (do)

You do

Nobody gets me, you do (do, ooh)

You do

Nobody gets me, you do (do, ooh)

Nobody gets me, you do

[clementineesotsm]

30 Days Writing Challenge

Day 1: Describe Your Personality

I never know why i found it so hard to describe myself, i feel like I know who and what i am but never really able to describe it.

Lets start this with resilient, active, hard worker, talkative (to certain people), naive, nice (sometimes too nice i dont know how to stop), quite good fashion sense, independent, bubbly, deep thinker but easy going, dependable, peoples people, girls girl, supportive, but also stubborn, overthinker, coward, loser (when it comes for my own happiness), procrastinator, secretive, despises a lot of people to be honest, unwise financially, having high standard, and many more

How do i describe myself? Im a dreamer. I love books and arts, to make sense of this world and of how deep is my feeling. I crave a deep love story or mystery, and passion for i am a very passionate person. I long for creativity and fun. Of course life will be difficult but we will able to survive it if we are passionate about what comes next. I know hope is called one of very dangerous emotion, but im hopeful anyway. I believe in things will get better and sunshine after the rain while living under a broken home, poverty and sickness. I am a person who clearly trying to heal from certain trauma from life, sometimes i gracefully handle it, sometimes I failed miserably, but what i know of myself is i am still going to wake up the next day hoping its going to be another day, whether its going to be good or bad, i am still ready and get through it. I am such a loser in love for i am afraid of it, i afraid that it will bring more misery than happiness as i imagined it or read it or watch it. And also coming from oneself experience, love is never exist in the house, especially not for me. I lack of confidence that someone will ever love me, because i have been shown so all these years. It was my prison, the most hard one to break out of all that needs to be healed. But even so, i am hopeful, one day i will be able to conquer all that and be, just like, normal people.

So, what is exactly my personality? I dont know, i guess its just. Me.

See you tomorrow

[clementineesotsm]

BRIDGERTON (2020 - ) | SEASON 3 PART 2 + Bridgerton Family

[clementineesotsm]

I hit a milestone, i think. Today i am 35. I made it out alive so far, so, yay! I hope to be more mature and wise towards life, hope to be able to find peace that i always seek, and the security i dream of. Work on actually. I kinda love my mentality i am now, i wish to have and keep it for a very long time. I wish i can spend a long time with my sisters, and family in general, for they are my source of power to live, and also they always show me how loved i am. And i never felt some sort of loneliness because of them. I hope this age will bring me more power to be my true dorky, quirky, deep self, and brings many possibilities and chances to share it with someone that could see the value in it as i see it. Perhaps with someone with dazzling eyes and calm personality :)

This is my day, and before its over, Happy Birthday To Me !

[clementineesotsm]

My roman empire 🫣

Dune: Part Two (2024) dir. Denis Villeneuve

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Little Women was an important piece of art. I havent read the book, but many people said it describe the book quite well?

The importance of this life changing dialogue between Jo and Marmie was out of this world, it feels like someone just sums up your thoughts in the most accurate way about being a woman. How the society creates this mold to women and makes us feels trapped if we try to be something else.

And i love how marmie calls out Jo’s mixed up feeling about loneliness and love. And thank God, the universe forbid Jo to be that kind of person by making Laurie marry Amy.

It will be horrible to wanted to be with someone out of loneliness when that person was actually love you sincerely. That is evil, not fair.

Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

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Masterpiece in 2020

Beautiful story that people were not ready for

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One of the most heartbreaking lines in a movie

Doctor Strange Multiverse of Madness was a great movie where all the characters matters, have development, well written and well made. Still follow Marvel formula and few bits fan service, but overall nicely done. I extremely love Wanda Vision and thrilled to see Scarlet Witch in this movie and happy with what they've done with the character. Great villain need great hero, Doctor Strange. From his profile to his personality was amazing. I really thankful that the writers did not make his character stupid with bad jokes or cheesy punchline. Everything was just right. Benedict and Elizabeth ate!

I lowkey thinks that this movie was made so that Stephen could say this to Christine

What a sad confession, i cried . . So embarrassing

She is the star of the movie, fight me!

Elizabeth was and is crazy good, always delivering such right emotion

Dynamic duo, another reason to watch this one

I love their friendship, seriously!

Anyone saw this coming?

1 second and he dead. . My lovely professor X, i was so happy to see him, nearly screaming actually

Anyhow, from what we saw at the end of this movie and the post credit, third movie will be complicated and cool. I expected to see Loki actually because i think they will get connected in some way. And i also wanted to know whether America will be useful ? And god damn we will see Charlize Theron?! I'm so excited for that. I really love the concept of multiverse so next phase of Marvel will be easily my favorite :)

Honorable mention. Finally moving on