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clonewarsfool · 6 months ago

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my kingdom for a kiss

Fives x F!Reader / Jedi!Reader

word count: 8.7k

description: yours and fives' friendship has never been easy for you to navigate, but after a particularly painful mission throws your faith into question, you need comforting more than ever

content warnings: NSFW 18+ angst, emotional hurt/comfort sorta, unestablished relationship, forbidden relationship, oral (f!recieving), pinv sex, talk of the jedi order, mutual pining, kinda dramatic admitting feelings, basically fives and reader being atrociously down bad for each other. the smut is kinda vague tbh

a/n: fives is a pathetic male yearner. that's my headcanon. hence why the title is a jeff buckley lyric lol. also i'm still not super confident writing smut so just don't perceive me okay? cool, thanks. this might be my favourite thing I've written???

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You had never been one to enjoy a battle as it was, but this one was really testing you.

A significant amount of your men had already been lost, and it was getting harder to push it from your mind. You stood your ground nonetheless, your lightsaber whirring in front of you, a blue shield that redirected the blaster bolts gunning for the men that still remained.

Your breath was heavy, ripping from you at a pace you could only beg the maker to allow you to keep. Your body was tired, but you kept your mind focused, tuned into your surroundings. You could only call on the force to aid you so much as you stayed resistant to you body’s pleas for rest, and so you pushed on, pursuing the enemy's left flank. A familiar shiver ran up your spine, and you whirled around, your eyes laying upon the unfolding scene that the force was warning you of.

“Captain, watch out!” you called, sprinting in his direction, praying that you could get to him before the incoming commando droid made its attack.

Right before you reached his position, another commando leapt at you, drawing your focus. You made short work of it, slicing the arm that reached towards you before cutting a clean line through their middle. However, when you turned around, the other commando had clearly marked you as the more immediate threat, and you received a strong blow to your nose.

You stumbled backwards from the impact, and though the pain wasn’t unbearable, tears filled your vision by way of simple biological response. The droid landed a forceful hit to your side before you realised that relying on your eyes was a hopeless pursuit. You instead placed your trust in the force, squeezing your eyes shut. You rolled forwards, the rough terrain biting into your robes, and turned back to face the droid, bringing the blade of your lightsaber up through the centre of it.

“Thank you General!” Rex shouted over the soundscape of the battle, “Are you alright?”

“I will be once—” you interrupted yourself with a sharp cough, “once we push these kriffing clankers—”

“General! Are you okay?”

Your vision was only just becoming clear again, but you didn’t need to see to recognise who was speaking to you.

“Yes Fives, I’m fine” you huffed as you blinked away your tears. Your eyes found the clone in question who looked visibly worried about you, his helmet clutched in his hand.

“Are you injured?” he asked hurriedly, ushering you behind some cover as a blaster bolt whizzed past, dangerously close to your cheek.

“No” you replied, the lie slipping from your tongue easily, “but this isn’t working. I think it might be time to start getting creative”

The corners of his lips lifted at that.

“Got it General” he gave you a small salute, slipping his helmet back over his head, “See you on the other side”

You watched him rush back into the battle, unable to contain the fond smile that broke out on your face. When you tried to re-join the battle yourself, the left side of your abdomen cried out, stopping you in your tracks. It didn’t feel like anything was broken, but the commando droid had dealt you a nasty blow, and it was certain to be a painful bruise at the very least.

You quieted your mind, bringing your focus back to what was important as you stepped out from the cover. The war, the battle, victory.

When did you begin to care about such things?

Stepping off the gunship and aboard the Resolute, you fought to keep a heaving sigh from escaping your lips. Your face was the picture of stoicism, your mouth set in a hard line for fear that your emotions could bubble up and pour out of you at any second. This mission had well and truly pushed you to the limit.

You were ushered into a mission debrief immediately, though you were far from engaged. Your frown was evident to everyone around you, a deep crease set in your brow that anyone else would have thought was a scowl. The clones of the 501st knew better. You lost a lot of good men today. It was hard not to see it as a personal failure when they were placed under your command, but either way, the loss weighed heavily on your mind.

You started making your way back to your quarters after the debrief, though quickly found yourself just ambling about the ship, little care for where you were going.

Your mind was a mess.

You couldn't help but feel disillusioned by the whole ordeal. Talking with the other generals about the battle you had just been in, about the clones you lost, as if it were a necessary price to pay. You believed the teachings of the jedi, you believed they meant to do good, but for too long you had been nothing more than a soldier, a pawn in a game with no end in sight, and a meaning which still eluded you.

You couldn't begin to imagine how the clones felt about it all. They were made for this purpose, unlike you, but that was certainly more horrifying to think about. You were closer with your men than some of the other generals, and it sometimes felt like they were the only people you could truly trust. They were loyal, almost to a fault, and you made sure they knew how you felt about their place in everything. It had been hard going trying to convince some of them that they were worth the risk of protecting on the battlefield.

Though you tried to instil in all of them a sense of self worth, there were still those you were closer to than others. You were most familiar with Rex, given that he was your Captain, and you had spent a lot of downtime with Tup and Dogma as well.

And then there was Fives.

Something about your relationship with Fives had always felt different. From the first meeting, it had felt like there was something pulling you towards him, something you didn't want to acknowledge. You were eternally fascinated by his mind, his benevolence, and he had an irresistible charm to him that manifested in everything he did. Internally, you fought tooth and nail to let your mind be still around him, tune out the feelings he gave you, but it never seemed to quite work.

You knew you shouldn't be harbouring such feelings as a jedi, but you figured that maybe it wouldn't be a problem at all if you just ignored them. Safe to say, it didn't work.

It was a fool's errand really, there was no point in indulging in how you felt about him, but you did anyway. He made it difficult not to. The way he looked at you set your insides alive in a way that just hadn't happened with anyone else before. You couldn't help but dwell on what it would be like to forget all about your vows to the jedi order, and satiate your apparent need for him.

Though, you could at least have him to thank for keeping you in check at the very least. He refused to call you by your name, your rank being the more preferable nickname, and he was courteous to an almost ridiculous level. He walked the line between dutiful trooper and good friend masterfully, and you had to applaud his professionalism.

You didn't fully realise where your feet had taken you until you were standing in the doorway of the barracks, the clones inside turning to look at you.

“General” Jesse grinned up at you, “Come and join the game!”

You smiled weakly at him as you stepped into the room, “not really in the mood Jesse”

“Come on” he dragged out the syllables in a mockingly whiny tone, “we all know you're the best at Sabacc”

You huffed a short laugh, “I still maintain that you're all just really bad”

“Well then feast your eyes” he spread his arms, knocking Hardcase from his seat in the process.

You shook your head with a chuckle as the pair began playfully arguing, casting a glance around the room. You realised even before you'd taken a proper look that the one you really wanted to talk to wasn't there, the usual pull not drawing your attention.

“Dogma” you placed your hand on his shoulder, the only clone that wasn't partaking in the game of Sabacc in some manner, “where are Tup and Fives?”

Dogma looked up at you, brows drawn together slightly as if in confusion. “Fives was injured, Tup took him to the medbay when we got back” he informed you, noting your growing stress immediately, “I'm sorry General, I thought you knew”

“Don't be sorry Dogma, thank you for letting me know”

You sped out of the barracks before you could even hear the clone's reply, walking with haste in the direction of the injured trooper.

You tried to keep your worries at bay, but the growing sense of dread was gnawing at you. From the back of your mind, a guilt started to creep in. It was hard enough losing the amount of men that you had today, but losing Fives too would be a pain you couldn't return from. You couldn't let that happen, not on your watch.

The door to the medbay swung open as you barged your way in, heads turning in your direction at the intrusion. Your eyes quickly found Fives’, sat on a cot at the back of the room and talking to Tup. You made a beeline for him instantly.

“What happened? Where are you hurt?” you asked, eyes scanning over his form as you drew your brows into a deep frown. His armour was still intact, only his helmet taken off and resting beside him.

“General…?” Fives addressed you with a worried look, and it was then that you realised how heavily you were breathing. You had clearly been walking faster than you realised.

“I'm sorry” you took a moment to catch your breath, a light blush dusting your cheeks, “Dogma said you were hurt, I—”

You then noticed the graze on his cheekbone. From the looks of it, it seemed that a blaster bolt had narrowly missed its mark, instead only scorching across the skin of his cheek.

“Is this it?” you asked, stepping forwards and gently tracing your fingers across the underside of the burn.

Fives didn't respond right away, and you felt his body go rigid under your touch.

“Um, it—” he cleared his throat, and you noticed his cheeks flush red, “yeah, Tup made me come in, it's just a scratch, nothing major”

“Good” you said softly, almost a whisper.

You gaze lingered on him as you took your hand away, noting the way his brows scrunched upwards, his eyes seemingly searching yours for some kind of explanation as to your suddenly affectionate actions.

Tup cleared his throat, snapping you both from your trance, and Fives shifted in his seat. It was only by his leg grazing yours that you realised that you'd wound up standing between his legs, and you stepped backwards quickly, trying to act unphased despite the blush you could feel creeping up the back of your neck.

“Did you need me for anything, General?” Fives spoke awkwardly, using his hands all too much for how much he was saying.

“No, yeah, just wanted to— I mean, yea— No” you stuttered out, and heard Tup fail to suppress a laugh.

You scolded yourself internally for being so affected by him, to the point where you were acting completely strange in front of your men. You really shouldn't give in so easily. You had done so much training in keeping your mind from seeking selfish desires, but those parts of your mind seemed to shut down around Fives.

It occurred to you then that you'd never so much as touched him before, and his alarmed reaction suddenly made a whole lot of sense. It also made you realise that he'd never touched you either, and you felt your face heat even more at your foolishness.

“I’ll just see you later” you mumbled out, realising you had just been staring at him for a moment too long.

Fives watched you leave the medical bay with a furrowed brow, though Tup, on the other hand, was smirking broadly.

In the dead of night, when everyone else was most likely in the deepest part of their sleep, your mind was still active, working overtime, and keeping you as awake as you had been during the battle. Everything you believed in was being thrown into question, it was hard not to. Then, at the centre of it all, was Fives. Fives, who was always on your mind. Fives, who always reminded you why you felt like this, just when you thought you'd gotten over it. Fives, who was respectful and affable and professional in a way that made you crazy.

You became distracted from your thoughts when you heard something outside your room. A shadow appeared beneath the door to the corridor, waited for a moment, and then disappeared again. It happened a few times before your curiosity overwhelmed you, and you quietly lifted yourself from your cot to walk over.

You let the person walk away once more, waiting to see what they would do, and this time it seemed like they wouldn't come back. Though, after a short while, the shadow returned, and you opened up your door.

Much to your surprise, your eyes met those of the man that plagued your thoughts, and he was clearly just as surprised that you had opened the door.

“General! I'm so sorry, I’ll jus—”

“Fives, relax”

You put your hand on his shoulder, and as he was not adorned by his usual armour, he looked as if your touch had burnt into him, wincing.

“What brings you here? Is everything alright?” you asked, noting his somewhat distressed visage.

“Everything is fine General, I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep” he spoke quickly, starting to walk away.

“Fives” you grabbed his arm to stop him leaving, “I wasn't asleep. Tell me what's troubling you”

There were more emotions than you could name flitting through his eyes, and it worried you. You had never seen him like this. His eyes flicked down your figure, no doubt noticing how you hadn't yet changed from your robes and armour, and you realised that your face was most likely still smeared with dirt.

“Would you like to come in?” you asked softly when he didn’t reply.

Fives looked startled, “I— I shouldn't”

You sighed, frowning a little, “I'm not really concerned with what you should or shouldn't do. If it would ease your mind, I'd like you to come in”

His distressed expression relented enough to see that your words had hit home for him. You stepped to the side, inviting him inside and he waited for another second before entering. You closed the door behind you and went back over to your cot, though Fives was still standing awkwardly by the door.

“Would you like to sit down?” you asked, patting your hand on the cot next to you.

Fives did as you said, as if it were a command, and you wished for just one moment that he would stop seeing you as nothing more than his commanding officer. He was wringing his hands as he took his seat, and you only became more worried.

“Now, tell me what's on your mind”

He looked up to you and paused, before looking away again, “I couldn't sleep”

You nodded, encouraging him to go on, “why not?”

“I—” his eyes found yours again, a vulnerability shining in them that you had only seen a few times, “I was worried about you General”

“About me?” your brow furrowed on instinct, “why?”

“I don't mean this rudely, but… you were acting kind of weird earlier, I only wanted to make sure you were alright”

Your frown softened at his words, a small smile appearing, and you placed a hand on his arm, “thank you Fives, that's very considerate, but you don't have to worry about me”

Fives gave you a funny sort of look, as if you'd just said something preposterous, “I'll always worry about you General, It's our job— my job to look after you”

You couldn't help but smile at how sweet he was, but it was tinged with a sadness of remembering the power imbalance between you. You had always tried to minimise it — you saw your life as the same value as the clones — but you knew that they didn't see it that way, and neither did anyone else.

You sighed, moving your gaze to the floor in front of you as you pulled your knees to your chest, “today was just… difficult”

Fives nodded in understanding, watching as your carefully constructed noble exterior began to crumble away.

“It's hard not to feel like everything is pointless, for nought. We lost so many men today, men that I—” you paused before you could get too choked up, “it's hard to tell people that their life has value when it's not treated as such”

Fives breathed out a long breath, “myself and my brothers are prepared to die for you, General, as much as you—”

“Well I don't want that” you almost snapped at him, your frown showing how you disapproved of the comment, “I didn't ask for this, for—”

You knew you shouldn't go on. Fives didn't need to know that you were questioning the order and your place in the war. It wasn't for him to bear the burden of.

“Today was tough” he agreed in a soft voice, and your eyes flicked to the now almost healed burn across his cheek, “it didn't feel like a win, at the end of the day”

You hummed in agreement. No victory could make up for the loss you felt.

“It makes me…angry, and I shouldn't be” you admitted quietly, and you could feel the weight of his gaze as you forced your eyes away from him.

You wanted to confide in Fives. He made it so easy, made you feel so safe. Safe enough to tell him your darkest secrets and deepest desires, but you knew no good could come of it. What point was there in telling a soldier under your command that you didn't believe in what he was specifically created to do?

“General” Fives called gently, if a little insistently, and you realised that you had completely zoned out.

“Sorry, what?” you looked up at him, blinking a few times and lifting your chin from where it rested on your knees.

“I asked why you were still wearing your armour… and your robes”

“Oh” you looked down at yourself, “I… I don't know. I was distracted, I suppose”

Fives sighed a little, giving you a somewhat unimpressed look.

“What?” you asked, almost a chuckle.

“I think I was right to be worried about you, General” his unimpressed expression invaded his words, and you let out a breathy laugh.

“I'm fine, Fives — really. I just need to… wash the day off, probably”

“Yeah, you certainly do” he mumbled out, a small smirk lifting his lips.

You scoffed at him as you stood from your cot, “you're lucky I like you Fives. Any other commanding officer would send you to the brig for telling them they stink”

He chuckled and ducked his head slightly, “I didn't just mean it like that. You've got…” he gestured to his cheek, and you caught your reflection as you turned on the refresher light, taking his meaning.

“Maker, I can't believe I looked this awful the whole time and you didn't say anything” you laughed quietly, taking in your certainly battle-worn appearance.

There was dirt crusted onto your face and into your hair, and the eyebags that weighed down the skin under your eyes were more prominent than you'd seen in a long time. The war was clearly stretching you thin, and you sighed at how dull and lifeless you looked overall.

“I'll have a shower” you gave Fives a weak smile as you crossed the room to your chest of drawers, pulling out a fresh set of sleep clothes.

Fives shifted uncomfortably on the bed, “uh— do you want me to leave?”

“Oh” you spoke a little disappointedly, “if you would like to. It is late after all, and I don’t wish it keep you from your sleep”

“No, I—” he cleared his throat, “I just— I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable, General”

You smiled at him warmly, your hand coming to rest on your hip, “you're not making me uncomfortable. In fact, it's nice to have you here”

His throat constricted as he swallowed, “thank you, General”

You rolled you eyes at the formality as you stepped back into the refresher once more.

“One of these days I'll get you to stop calling me that” you grumbled, and heard a huffed laugh coming from your room.

“Probably not”

You rested against the doorframe for a moment to look at the ARC trooper who was sat on your cot with a playful squint of your eyes, “that's not very dutiful of you, trooper”

“I didn't hear any orders” he shrugged, failing to suppress a smirk.

“Mm” you hummed thoughtfully, pushing off the doorframe, “don't tempt me”

You closed the door to the refresher and let out a long breath.

It felt oddly domestic, Fives sat on your cot as you threw teases his way before you went in the shower. Something inside you ached at the realisation that it would be something you'd never get to do under any normal circumstances. You longed to see a day when it would be acceptable in the eyes of those around you, but you knew you'd never see it. You felt hollow as you stepped into the shower.

You let the water wash over you, clearing dirt and grime with every droplet. Before long, you found yourself curled up and sat under stream of water, letting the weight of it hit your back as you cradled your head. Everything felt so crushing in that moment. The war, the day's losses, your duty as a jedi, a duty that you weren't sure you even understood anymore.

You didn’t realise how long you'd been sat there until you heard a gentle rapping against the door.

“General, are you okay?”

You sniffled, and only realised then that you had been crying. Perhaps Fives had heard you.

“I'm fine” you called weakly, “I'll be out soon”

You finished cleaning yourself mindlessly, fingers tangling in your hair as you worked the dirt out of it and letting the heat of the steam envelop you, almost making you feel feint. You welcomed it, a strange state of delirium that pushed your mind to a stillness. You slid on your clean clothes, a soft vest and shorts, beginning to dry your hair as you reopened the door to your room.

Fives still sat on the cot, and you gave him a gentle smile as you switched off the light. His eyes trailed the length of your body quickly before settling on your face, giving you a soft smile in return.

“Feel better?” he asked.

You nodded, reaching up to continue drying your hair with your towel, “yeah, I—”

“General!” Fives’ eyes went wide and he jumped up from his seat, rushing over to you.

You stepped back as he approached, confused by his sudden outburst. His hand retracted from where it reached out towards you and his eyes found yours once more, a look of something desperate in his eyes.

“I didn't know you were injured. Why didn't you get Kix to look at it?”

“What?” you frowned, looking down at your body.

You top had obviously rode up a little as you had stretched, and the bottom of a very dark, and very large, bruise poked out the bottom. You peeled up the top gently, conscious not to show too much, but equally revelling in how it just seemed to grow ever larger the more you revealed. Your hip and the left side of your ribcage were a mix of unpleasant purples, blues, and yellows.

“I— I forgot” you breathed out, remembering exactly when you would have sustained the injury. As expected, the commando droid had left a mark.

“You forgot?” Fives asked, incredulous.

You pulled your vest down, covering the offending mark.

“You need to get it checked out” Fives insisted.

“I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt” you replied, waving him off as you took your seat on your cot once more, against the headboard so that you faced the clone who stood across the room.

“General, please”

He retook his spot on the cot, giving his best pleading look. You didn't reply, and couldn't, for fear of the undignified squeak that would come out if you did. His eyes flicked between yours, searching for whatever it was that was going on behind them. You couldn't help the way your eyes began to water, and the distress on Fives’ face was clear as day.

“General” he spoke softly as he shifted closer to you, as if the rank was an affectionate nickname more than anything, “what's the matter?”

You fiddled with your fingers as you brought your knees to your chest once more, a comforting gesture as you showed far more vulnerability than you were usually comfortable with.

“Things aren't how they should be, Fives” you muttered, almost a whisper.

“What things?” he asked, innocently enough, though the way his body tensed told you how the words worried him.

“I— I'm really beginning to question some of the decisions of the council”

Fives looked alarmed, his voice betraying him further, “you're not going to leave, are you?”

You chuckled a little at his reaction, “probably not, no”

“Then…” he paused, not wishing to overstep any boundaries, “what decisions are you questioning?”

You sighed deeply, looking away in search of answers. What were you really questioning? Was it just the way that they conducted themselves in the war? Or did your suspicion run deeper? Was it the members of the council themselves? Was it what they believed? Or was it how the jedi were perceived by the galaxy?

“I don't know” you answered truthfully, “there are things I’ve always had qualms with — I’ve never understood some things such as… I feel that attachment is a natural part of the human condition, so I’ve always struggled with letting go, but… with the war, I worry that the purpose of the jedi is changing”

“Changing how?” Fives asked.

“The war means we have different priorities” you replied simply, turning you gaze back to him, “we’re no longer keepers of the peace. We can’t be, not while we’re leading a war”

Fives nodded and kept quiet for a moment. It was clear that his mind was working overtime, his eyes flitting across your face and around the room as his brows drew together and he subtly chewed on the inside of his cheek.

“You struggle with letting go?” he questioned in a quiet voice, his eyes locking with yours. There was something in his gaze, like he was searching for a specific answer.

You tried to quell your sudden nerves with a gulp, “yes”

“In what way?”

“Um, well I—” you spoke ever so eloquently, “I suppose I haven’t always succeeded in remaining… disconnected, from other people”

Fives couldn’t help but raise a questioning brow, and you almost scoffed.

“I— you— it’s hard” you grumbled, a frustrated huff escaping you, “you and the other clones are all under my command, how am I supposed to just not care about you?”

Fives shrugged, a small smile spreading across his lips, “some of the other Generals seem to manage”

“Whatever” you rolled your eyes a little, “I don’t want to be indifferent. You’re important to me, and I don’t care what the council would have to say about that”

Fives’ smile tightened almost imperceptibly at your words, but you still caught the way it became false as he turned to look at the ground.

“Is there… something else troubling you?” you asked, tilting your head so that you entered his field of view.

“It’s nothing, General” he flashed the hollow smile your way as he stood from the cot, “I should really be going—”

“Fives” you grabbed his wrist gently, stopping him from going any further, “what’s the matter?”

The way he looked down at you was almost pained, like he’d been wounded and was trying his best to hide the discomfort. Your stomach lurched at the sight, and a worried crease formed in your brow.

“There are some things I can’t say to you General” he spoke sadly, and the combination of his words with that tone made your heart ache.

“You can tell me anything, you know that” you replied, your voice more desperate than you had intended.

Fives just shook his head slowly, continuing to look at you with some form of anguish swimming in his amber eyes.

“Fives, talk to me. What is it?” you urged, standing up so that you were almost chest to chest with him.

“I want to tell you… everything” he paused, stepping away from you so your hand fell from his wrist, “but I can’t”

You shifted closer to him again, “why not?”

“It’s… inappropriate, frowned upon”

You dropped your head to the side, looking at him with a little suspicion, “are you in some kind of trouble?”

“In a way” he chuckled, though it was strained.

“Fives” you said his voice in a serious tone, akin to one you might use when commanding your men, “what is this about?”

He blew out a long breath, his eyes focused on anything but yours, “it’s… you”

“Me?” your eyebrows raised, “what about me?”

“Everything about you” he said softly in a wistful sigh.

“I don’t understand. Have I upset you?” you asked, trying to catch his gaze.

“No, no. You couldn’t”

You hesitated for a moment, then gently took his hands in yours, earning a sharp intake of breath, “please help me to understand”

“I—” his breath stuttered as he tried to find the right words to use, “you make me feel things that I’m not supposed to, General”

Your eyes widened slightly, your own breath quickening as his words sunk in.

“It’s hard not to. You…” he continued, tightening his grip on your hands and bringing them to his chest, “You're the epitome of grace, but also strength. You're… soft, gentle, and caring beyond measure, but also tough, fierce and ruthless to a degree I've never seen. You're level-headed, but foolish when it comes to that which you care about, and it's that display of humanity that—” he gulped, his gaze softening at just the idea of it, “it makes my heart ache for you. I know that I’m just a soldier to you but I— I'd give myself to you, over and over, even if every time it ended in tragedy, because there is no life I could live where you’re not a part of it, even if that’s just as my General. I'd do anything you asked, I'd die by your hand if you willed it, but I know that you'd never ask anything like that of me, and that's why I'm… in pain. Because I'd give everything to you, and you'd never take it”

It was hard to believe what you were hearing. You couldn't help the way tears gathered in your waterline at the affectionate words he was saying, observations about you that you had no idea he had been making. You had never realised that he cared so much, so deeply, in the same way that you cared for him. But the one thing that truly stumped you, was that Fives was genuinely convinced that you held no affections for him, that you just saw him in the same way you saw the rest of your men.

“Oh Fives” you spoke no louder than a whisper, releasing your hand from his to trail your fingers along his jaw and gently hold his face. His eyes fluttered shut, and an uneasy breath escaped him as he leaned into your palm with a pained expression. “You're right, I wouldn't ask anything of you”

The hurt was so clear in the depths of his eyes when they opened again. He tried to pull away but your other hand found his face, keeping his gaze locked on you.

“But… that doesn't mean that I don't want to”

His eyes widened at your words, but he stayed silent, as if waiting for you to continue. His gaze flicked to your lips momentarily, but it was clear that he wouldn't let himself indulge in his thoughts, that it had to be on your terms. You didn't know whether you agreed.

You took the lead nonetheless, guiding his head down to touch your forehead to his. Closing your eyes and focusing your energy on where your bodies connected, you reached out through the force. You tried to communicate to Fives all of the feelings that swirled within you, a cacophony of everything good and pure, manifested in a blending of colours and sensations, with a palette only holding the most pleasant colours. Deep blues waged war with vivid reds, a careful dance of remorse and desire, but atop all of it, a sense of calm.

You opened your eyes and met Fives’ gaze, a tenderness woven into the amber hues. That same calm feeling washed over you. You had always felt safe with him, and it went far beyond him being a more than capable soldier.

His mouth hung open fractionally, and you couldn't help but let your eyes wander across his face, taking in every freckle and scar en route to his lips. You tilted your face upwards tentatively, and Fives let out a shuddering breath. You could feel it on your lips, and it took everything within you not to shiver.

“Wait” his voice was quiet, but you heard the word clearly.

You pulled backwards, looking up at him expectantly, and watched his throat bob as he swallowed.

“If you start this, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop”

You let a small smile lift the corners of your mouth, dropping your head to the side a little, “isn't that kind of the point?”

Fives let out a short exasperated laugh, “I mean it, General. Please… don't give me something without giving me everything, because I can't—”

“Fives” you called firmly, rubbing your thumb across his cheek to gain his full attention, “I need you to hear me, loud and clear”

His expression was still hesitant, but he nodded for you to continue.

“I do not say this lightly. You have made it very hard for me to follow the very ideals I am supposed to uphold from the moment you walked into my life. Though, it is not your fault, it’s mine. I could have made myself scarce, I could have tried to stay away, to let my feelings die out, but instead, I chose to nurture them. It would be easy to say that I don’t know why I did, to pretend it’s all some plot against me, but I do. It’s because…” you took a deep breath, “even though it will undoubtedly end in tragedy, I too cannot see my life without you in it, and I would give myself to you, I will give myself to you, because I am finally being honest with myself. I can finally admit that I care for you more than ideals that I would not chose for myself if my life was any different”

Fives’ eyes widened with each word you spoke, though ended up with a look of guilt plastered on his face.

“General, I can’t allow you abandon your beliefs, not for me. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No Fives, it’s me that should apologise” you sighed, “I didn’t want to put you in this position, but I will not choose this for you. You have been afforded so little choice in your life, and I will not take away this one when it would have far more severe repercussions for you than for me”

Fives just stared at you with a plain expression, “you would have me? If I wanted that?”

“I want whatever you want”

“I want you” he replied breathlessly, bringing his forehead down to yours once more.

You smiled, “then you have me”

Fives immediately brought his lips to yours, all the hurriedness of the action melting away as he got his first taste of you. His mouth was heavy against yours, reaching inside you and stealing all of the breath from your lungs in a slow rhythm.

The way his lips tangled with yours was sending your mind into overdrive, though his hands remained firmly planted at his sides. Your own hands were on him; on his chest, in his hair, pulling him closer, and it was as if his brain was short circuiting. As if he'd spent so long trying not to touch you that he didn't even know what to do with himself.

“Fives” you mumbled against his lips, “you can touch me”

He breathed out heavily as he pulled away momentarily, “are you sure? I-”

“Please” you said desperately

Without need to be told again, he was groaning into your mouth, pulling you closer by your waist, fingers gripping onto your hips tightly and bringing you into his lap as he fell back on the cot. His hands began to map your body, covering every inch of skin he could find. For all that it felt like he had been restraining himself from touching you before, it seemed that now that he had got his hands on you, he wasn’t going to let go.

“I can’t believe this is happening” He breathed out as your lips travelled along his jaw.

You smirked at his aporetic tone, “And why's that?”

“I just didn't think—” his breath hitched as you found a sensitive spot behind his ear, “didn’t think you saw me this way”

“Hope you're not still thinking that” you mumbled against his skin.

“It's a little hard when you're—” you rolled your hips forwards, earning an uneasy groan from the man whose lap you were on, “—doing that”

“A little hard, huh?” you teased.

“General…” he growled in your ear and your lips curled into a satisfied smirk.

“What?” you spoke into his ear, in a voice as sweet and innocent as you could muster.

“You're playing a dangerous game”

“Am I?” You tangled your fingers in his hair, lightly pulling down as you found that spot behind his ear once more.

He let out a breathy groan, “fuck. General, you can’t—”

“Can’t what?” you interrupted, repeating the action.

“Alright, that’s it”

His hands gripped your hips tightly as he flipped the two of you over. He pressed his body into yours, taking your hands in his and intertwining your fingers as he pinned them to the cot. His kisses became even more heated, lips devouring yours and resting his weight into you. The intensity drew a small moan from the back of your throat, and Fives seized the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, drawing him even closer.

“Fuck” he hissed, “have you done this before?”

”Kind of”

He laughed, a breath huffed onto your lips, “kind of?”

“I might have—” your breath stuttered, his lips on your neck stopping your words, “—fooled around with someone a bit, before I took my vows”

Fives tutted, and you could feel him smirking against your skin as he dragged his lips across your pulse point, “and I thought you were a good jedi”

“Looks like any hopes of that have been lost now” you replied breathlessly, your head dropping against the mattress to allow him better access.

Fives chuckled, his thumbs rubbing circles against your palms, “looks that way”

His voice rumbled through your body, the reverberations sending waves of heat through your limbs. Your hand broke free from his hold as he danced his fingers across your thigh, and you took the opportunity to slide it underneath his blacks, feeling the warmth of his skin.

As if your actions were a command, Fives pulled away from you, just long enough to reach for his neck and slip off his top, never once taking his eyes from you. You ran your hands along his bare abdomen as he sat back, and he watched you take in his exposed form.

You were met by tanned skin, marked by the horrors of war; scars that wouldn't heal and surely cut deeper than the flesh. You outlined the more prominent marks with your first finger, before resting your hand against his chest, your gaze lifting to his face once more.

“Stars, Fives. You’re gorgeous”

He smirked a little, tracing his fingers over your waist, “nothing compared to you”

“I mean it, I— Maker, I’ve wanted you for so long”

You could see the way his eyes lit up at the comment, and he gripped onto your hip once more, “That’s high praise indeed, coming from you”

You rolled your eyes playfully, “Just let me compliment you”

His smirk dissolved into a beaming grin as he trapped your head between his forearms. “No” he said simply, and any protests died on your lips as he captured them between his own.

Kissing Fives, being intimate with him in this way, just felt right. It felt as if it had always been this way, as if it wasn't something new. The way he touched you like he knew your body like the back of his hand, the way his force signature melded with yours as if they were one, it all felt so familiar.

When he slid his hands under your vest, and you peeled it from your body, somewhere in your mind you thought you should be nervous. No one else had ever seen you so exposed, but Fives’ adoring gaze, the way he was drinking in your body, his featherlight touches as he ran his fingers up your sides, you couldn't help but feel safe.

“You’re so beautiful”

He said it like it was a sinful confession, his words dripping with such devotional adoration that you couldn't help the blush that arose across your cheeks. He kissed down the valley of your breasts, mumbling fragments of acclamatory phrases as if he didn't have the breath to finish them. Your blood heated at his words. It sounded as if he were drunk, whispering secrets he wouldn't otherwise confess to.

“So pretty for me” you heard him say against your skin, and it drew a forceful shudder from you.

His hands were all over you as he continued to kiss down your body. Kneading your hips, caressing your breasts, stroking along your thighs. Every touch sent desire coursing through your veins. He knelt at your feet as he met the edge of the bed, pulling you towards him.

“General, can I—”

“Are you seriously calling me that right now?” you looked down at him in disbelief. He was in between your legs, asking to take down your nightwear and still calling you by your rank.

He let out a short self deprecating laugh.

“What would you like me to call you?” he asked, playing with the hem of your sleep shorts.

“I do have a name, you know” you informed him.

“I do know that” he chuckled with a fond smile, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts, “is that what you’d prefer?”

You raised an eyebrow at him, coming to rest on your elbows, “you have another idea?”

“I have a few” he smirked, beginning to slowly pull down your shorts. “Beautiful, gorgeous, pretty…” he trailed off as he helped you detangle your legs from the nightwear.

You were now laid out completely bare to him and he had to take a deep breath, letting out a low whistle before he could start talking again.

“Then there’s always darling” he continued, pressing a kiss to your knee, his eyes finding yours again. “Sweetheart” he trailed kisses up your inner thigh and your breath became increasingly short, “or even… mesh'la, cyar'ika”

He placed his final kiss at the very top of your thighs, right beside where you ached for him the most, and the feeling of his hot breath against your core made your head drop back and your eyes flutter shut.

“Kriff, I don’t care. Call me whatever you want” you heard yourself say.

Fives’ eyes darkened as he softly chuckled, “Alright jetii'ika, be a good girl and lay back for me”

You obliged with a heavied sigh, and Fives’ grin only widened. Without much warning, his tongue found its place at the apex of your thighs, and all processing in your brain cut out.

The sound, let alone the sensation of him lapping at you was enough to twist your stomach with pleasure. His tongue worked with expert precision, the same precision you saw from his work on the battlefield, and suddenly you no longer scolded yourself for getting turned on by how good of a soldier he was.

He gripped your thighs as he brought you closer to him, his mouth consuming you and taking every ounce of pleasure with it. It was as if pulling this pleasure from you was second nature, as if it were his true duty to you. He was no longer a soldier of the GAR, he was the lone trooper in the invasion of your psyche, and he knew every trick to wind his way in.

You couldn't help the lewd sounds you were making. You had envisioned this situation far too often, but anything that Fives did was far exceeding your expectations. With every stroke of his tongue, every light graze of his teeth against your sensitive bundle of nerves, you drew closer to the edge, your insides constricting in pleasure and red hot desire.

Between swift motions of his tongue and lips, Fives let out his own pleasured noises, deep groans that reverberated against you and only sent you tumbling further towards release. He spoke honeyed words of praise against you, telling you how much he'd wanted this, how long he'd waited to taste you.

White hot bliss ran through your veins as Fives worked you through your high, taking every last drop of what you gave him. His large hands gripped your thighs and forced them open, not relenting until you had come down from the intensity of your release.

Your chest heaved as he pulled away, coming to rest his weight against your side. Your mouth hung open to collect your breath as he took your face in his hand, running his thumb along your cheekbone with the most adoring look plastered on his face.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“Yeah” you breathed out, a little chuckle following, “great”

He grinned, obviously proud of his handiwork, “you reckon you can give me another?”

Your eyes widened a little as your mouth curled into its own grin, and he pressed his body into yours, making you have to bite down on your bottom lip to supress a moan quite unsuccessfully.

“Can I take that as a yes?” he smirked at your reaction.

A laugh escaped you, “you can”

He was then kissing you again, this time more unhurried, and you could taste yourself on his tongue. The intimacy of it made your head spin, which was only intensified when he lifted himself from you and removed his remaining pieces of clothing.

Watching him kneel between your legs in all his glory, even before he entered you, you thought that you could probably die happy now. There was no better feeling than that which you felt around Fives, and now, with his bare skin on yours, limbs slotting and tangling together, you felt complete.

Your bodies melded together, becoming one, and all you could see and feel was him, as if he was all that existed in the cruel galaxy you both inhabited. His eyes pierced yours as his face hovered above you, watching how he affected you. You placed your hand on his face, drawing his forehead to yours once more, and he turned his head to place a sweet kiss against your palm, even in the intense passion of the moment.

There was something so deeply arousing about how you were usually the one in control of everything, a legion of troopers at your command, but here, right now, Fives was the one in control of you. It was a welcome reprieve, but you wouldn't take it from anyone else. That much was obvious to Fives, the way you were writhing beneath him told him so.

With every action he took, he made time to worship every inch of your body, kissing your skin with a such a reverence that you had never received from anyone else in such a way. By the time your second release was washing over you, you were begging for him to follow you over the edge, and him being a obedient trooper, doing anything for his General, he accommodated your unholy pleas.

You remained joined as you both caught your breath once more, basking in the sweet ecstasy of your mutual fulfilment. You had never felt such euphoria.

Fives gulped at he looked into your eyes, a reservation about him.

“What is it?” you prompted, taking his face if your hands.

He sighed, a delighted sound that made your heart sing, “what happens now?”

You didn't necessarily want to think about it. All of the problems that you had described to Fives would still stand when your left the comfort of his embrace, but equally, something felt as if it had shifted. Fives was yours, and you were his. That was significant to you, and something about it made you feel invincible in that moment.

“I don't know” you admitted, wishing you could give a better answer, “but I'm not letting you out of my sights now, that’s for sure”

He grinned down at you as he tightened his hold, “You stole my line”

You laughed blithely, your head thrown back on the mattress as you revelled in the feeling of him against you for a long as you could.

“Well, I'm glad you feel the same” you conceded, your voice portraying a teasing edge, though your amiable smile gave away the sincerity of the comment.

“Oh jetii'ika, I don't even have the words to describe how I truly feel” he spoke earnestly, an affectionate smile lifting his lips as he brushed some hair away from your forehead and planted a kiss on the unveiled skin.

taglist: @darthnihila @cdblake1565

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