cloudycappucino

[cloudycappucino]

20.9.19 Fri

Hi again, 

i realized that for the last month, my mood was constantly going up and down like a roller coaster,

monday morning i was feeling physically uncomfortable, which directly affected my mood, 

i read something, or something i read before just came up to my mind i don’t know - i understood that it was in my hands, it was up to me to feel good or bad, 

oh, i just remembered, it was something about our thoughts affecting our mind.

that evening, i had some problems with my roommate and the girl i rented my room from. Apparently my roommate badmouthed me to the other girl. I got out of the u-bahn station, i was super angry (maybe for the 2nd time since i landed i berlin) that i was squeezing my fists, i didn’t want to go home like that because i knew it would have terrible consequences when i saw my roommate, so i took a longer route and stopped at the super market to buy a few things.

on my way back, i changed my approach, i decided to write a calmer text to the girl i rented the room from and take the responsibility. i told her, i didn’t want her to worry or feel bad because she rented the room to me. and then we had a nice talk, it solved everything. 

i just needed to take a breath, think clearly and be more considerate of my possible actions. 

yesterday, i had a rough morning (lets just say that it involved crying at a f*cking mcdonals at 9.30 in the morning and then getting trapped in an empty train wagon with a homeless guy screaming at my face), so i can easily say -literally nothing went my way, 

maybe it just had to happen or i was so distracted that I didn’t watch my actions at all, I don’t know, its all good now.

[cloudycappucino]

change.

i don’t know what is causing this emotional change.

i cant figure out why this is happening.

for the last 2 weeks, literally every day - i am crying, and its because i am genuinely sad, not because i am making stuff up in my head or over-dramatizing a feeling, i am absolutely sad.

I cried because Pat was sad and she cried,  i cried because Bea has left and now we are only 4 left, i cried because AA was super tense and stressful and i wanted to help but there was nothing i could do about it, i cried because i love my room i love it’s view i love the neighborhood i am staying i love biking around and i don’t want to leave. 

i’ve never felt that way, there were certain trigger’s that made me cry but it wasn’t much and i was crying like a few times a year, not every day.

even when i was depressed, i wasn’t crying like this,  i don’t know what is happening.

either something is getting broken or something is getting fixed.

[cloudycappucino]

i feel something else instead.

this week i realized something,

i don’t remember what was the first moment but i remember the second one.

/ /

when i was back home, i was constantly feeling angry.

at other people, at situations, at the system, at school, at myself, etc.

since i have come here, i never felt that way, i never felt that ‘anger’. i felt upset and maybe frustrated a few times, but it passed. it didn’t take over me.

besides, even when i felt that way, i was able to take a step back and look at myself.

was i being too sensitive? yes, i was. when i told myself that i was probably worrying about nothing, it has passed.

\ \

i was talking about something that usually made me angry, the moment i said it, i felt.. weird. like it wasn’t true? maybe, not anymore?

/ /

and today i realized something different,

all that angry feelings i had? they are replaced with different ones. better ones.

i have other feelings felt more instead.

maybe i can’t name all of them, but i am aware that they are there and i am glad that i am feeling them.

* * *

written 31.08.2019 23:08, photo is from 4 years ago.

[cloudycappucino]

365days // 12.08.19

speaking to strangers

keeping in contact with family

keeping in contact with friends

cleaning my house

reading more

writing more

taking time for myself

smile more

say hi & smile more to strangers

managing my money

dressing myself nicely

taking care of my body & my skin

be careful of what i eat

drink more water

drink less coffee

doing my hair & my make up

being kind to everyone around me  'kind words cost nothing'

going to the doctors & dentist

eat variety of foods, fruits and vegetables

try out different recipes

try out different cuisines

accepting more invitations

joining friends on social activities

exercise more & be more phsically active

walk more

spend time in the nature

spend time outside

listen to music - while being mindful about it

practice mindful eating

practice meditation

practice yoga

wake up early

learn a new language

actually do the things you planned

hug more

appreciate those around you

make a gratitude journal & practice

keep your room tidy

make your bed & fold your clothes each morning

spend more time taking care of animals & plants

express yourself more

talk about your feelings with other people

take time to improve yourself

pay more attention to other people

listen more

be open to different experiences & ideas

i decided to do this long time ago, maybe i started a list but i don’t even remember now. last week, dottie posted another video and it reminded me of this list. i started another one, a better one.

i practiced it for a while, but things got in the way and i forgot. 

now, i grabbed a piece of paper and a black pen, wrote my list down and put it up on the wall. with one of my favorite quotes;

“happiness is small things done day by day”

*this project is highly inspired by dottie james.

[cloudycappucino]

Another weekend.

I didn’t take any pictures lately, so i don’t have anything special to put here.

The day before, while i was biking, i hurt my back pretty bad. Some guy with motorcycle, came towards me from the other direction and he wasn’t even looking at me, so i panicked and did a sudden move, i guess. Since then, my back hurts pretty bad. I didn’t go to work yesterday, i laid and rolled around like a panda instead - mainly because i can’t sit up or get up in traditional/normal ways, i have to roll over to my side. 

Yesterday afternoon, i gave up and went to apothecary. It didn’t help that i didn’t have any cash and my only debit card with a euro account did not work. I was afraid that i wasn’t gonna be able to buy it, but luckily my credit card worked. The lady was so nice and she spoke English, yay! She warned me that cream would burn a lot but after that it would relax my muscles. Last night, it worked but this morning i woke up with a even more terrible pain. It actually spread through my rib cage. I put the cream on in the morning, this time even wider and some on the left side of my stomach. 4 hours later it started burning up. An hour after that it was unbearable, i stood up went to the mirror and lift up my shirt - i was amazed - whole area that i put cream on was red! And even when i touched it gently it was burning like hell. 

I stopped everything and went into shower, hoping that it would help with the burning - I was wrong. Washing my hair was the hardest part because i couldn’t lift my arms up. After i soaped up, i switched the water a little bit hotter, the pain was unbearable, i have never experienced anything like that in my life. Even warm water was hurting me, i just rinsed with ice cold water and got out. It was still kinda red-ish. 

I got dressed, got my wallet and my bag. Went downstairs and tried riding my bike in the yard for a while. I was fine so i went out to Alexanderplatz. I love Berlin on the weekends, all of the roads are empty. Less cars, less bikes, less people. It is amazing. (if i get better, i am thinking of going biking around the city)

I went there, withdrew my money - i am still amazed that how fast you can withdraw money, it takes less then 20 seconds. 

I came back, bought some stuff from Rossman. Then went to Edeka to buy some fruit. It was only my second time there, and their isles are kind of complicated. I was standing in the middle looking around - only for a second - and an employee stopped and asked what i was looking for. I said ‘plant milks’, he didn’t understand, i said ‘milk’ two more times and he took me to the back of the store and showed the milk shelves. I am surprised again - people here are so nice!

I realized something yesterday, and today i saw that it was actually true. The thing is, i am living in the middle of Ostbahnhof and Karl-Marx-Allee. Both are only 3 min walk distance away, just in the opposite directions but i am amazed by how different people are in those areas. Around Ostbahnhof, people don’t usually talk or smile, nor speak English. On Karl-Marx-Allee, everyone is super nice and they all speak English. I am glad that even though they were at similar distance, i chose the apothecary on Karl-Marx-Allee. 

I am loving living here, in this area and i don’t want to leave. 

P.S. i can’t believe August is over!

31.08.2019 Saturday // Berlin

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26th of August, 2019.

I don’t know how to start. 

Well, i’ve been in berlin for over 5 weeks now, we’ve done a lot of amazing stuff. Since i came here, i was planning on writing everything but i just lost track of time. For the last to weeks, i’ve been trying to improve myself; next weeks focus will be on time-management and being more mindful throughout the week. 

\ \ \ 

10 days ago, i started going to work with bike! First couple of days, it was super hard, i was scared all the time, cars were going too close and i was mostly biking on roads without special bike roads. Around my 3rd or 4th days, i started gaining confidence. I found a perfect route for my way back, i’ve been loving so far. I took these pictures this week, on my way home. 

On my first day using Karl-Marx-Allee to go home, i smelled these amazing flowers. For two- three days i just thought ‘omg those smell amazing’. But then i decided to be more mindful about it; now throughout my ride from work to home, i enjoy everything around me. And when i come to the traffic lights before this park, i prepare myself for the amazing smell! Even if i ride slowly, it takes around 2-3 seconds but still, its good enough to make my day! 

and these are the traffic lights that i see before that park, its the cutest thing ever! there is heart for red, star for yellow and water drop for green <3

23rd of August 2019, 19:11. Karl-Marx Allee.

On this day, i decided to stop and take a picture of the flowers to share them with people i love. Then when i stopped, i looked back for a second, saw this view. Plane was the perfect coincidence. 

I saw this shop a few days back, it has the cutest shop window. In the original picture, my reflection was visible, but i have no idea where that went after editing. 

/ / / 

And this evening, i was coming back from Mauerpark, i had a moment of relief. 

I mean, we always see people taking long walks or going on world tours to cope with the problems they have -- I was always skeptical about this; how? what is it about taking a journey that it heals people? 

But this evening, i got it. I had that moment. And it was just three sentences.

He didn’t know any better. He is probably trying his best.  It’s not entirely his fault. And in that moment, i had to slow down and pull over. Because i felt so light that i couldn’t pedal anymore.  And in that exact moment, i made piece with it.

Even if i can’t do anything about other things - i can change myself, i can change my attitude, it’s in my hands, i can do it and i’ll do it.  I don’t even remember how i got there, i don’t know what remind me of him/them that i started thinking about this but i am glad that it happened.  * I am not angry anymore. 

photos are from 23rd of August, writing is from 26th of August. 

2019, Berlin. 

[cloudycappucino]

Breaking Bad

I broke really bad last night. Everything seems to be crushing down. Not like depressed or anything, i just feel like i cant take any of this stress and work load anymore. I just want to spend all day doing the stuff i actually like improving myself, i expanding my knowledge, doing yoga or learning another language. 

If i had a free week-day, i suppose it would all be better but i dont. Last semester i had thurdays free, i think i am used to it. On thursday i would do all the housework, i would spend friday nights chill watching Friends and i would go to farmers market on saturdays. I had sundays all to myself, i did whatever i wanted. 

But now? I spent all week away, i spent nights at my friends house so i did nothing on those days not even yoga. All week, i told to myself that i would finish my seminar’s draft (at least) and i would have one thing less to worry about. 

Its sunday noon, i came to my favorite coffeeshop - sitting at my favorite spot. I’ll eat my toast and drink my soy misto while watching HIMYM. Then i’ll write blogposts for out student community’s blog and later i’ll start working on my seminar.

I thought of another business idea. I shared it with my possible-business partner. It seems fun! I hope we can make it live!

Anyway, thats all for now!

[cloudycappucino]

Even though i havent seen any snow this year, i think i can do a throw back to 2015 winter in Kastamonu.

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We get it almost every night When that moon is big and bright It's a supernatural delight Everybody's dancing in the moonlight

Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader 

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my winter colour palette is enclosed. 

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Got the wings of heaven on my shoes I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose You know it's alright, it's okay I'll live to see another day

Stayin' Alive by Bee Gees

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Totally forgot about this blog, sorry!

Fall somestr has ended ten days ago. I’ve been in Bodrum ever since. We came here with my classmate who is originally from Bodrum. 

Mostly we spend the day rolling around like baby pandas. They dont have wi-fi connection in the house. So we have been out 4 times, 3 times just for Starbucks internet.

I am currently reading Hayata Yolculuk (journey to life) by Hasan Söylemez who is actually cycling across Africa now. THis book is about his cycling journey around Turkey. He cycled 10.000 km in 8 months all around Turkey. 

Anyway, we’ll visit a local organic food shop today. My friend knows the owner.

[cloudycappucino]

#festival #vibes

probably one of my best photos ever!

[cloudycappucino]

Fun saturdaying

yesterday, it was the best day i had in a long time. I still have lots of stuff to do but i spared some time to myself. I woke up around 9 am, had my breakfast around 10. I am watching Supernatural season 12 nowadays. It has been 13 years but its still fun to watch. 

After that i had a cup of coffee, realized i had to go grocery shopping. It was saturday so i had to the farmers market. It really amazes me that people there are really nice and kind. I bought vegetables, some greens and fruits. Hard to be a vegetarian when you dont go to the farmers market very often. Its really cheap.

People always ask me how i dont get bored  when i do stuff by myself. I literally dont, i actually prefer this. Its so much more fun because you get to do whatever youwant whenever you want.

When i got back, i had another coffee as a preworkout drink. I did an upper body workout - which was awesome-

I spent the night reading a book about intestinal health. 

I think i did all the stuff i like in one day, except starbucksing though. //

I dont have any plans for sunday, i just have to write a 5-day 2-meal menu for the diet kitchen but nothing else. I might do a lower body workout in the afternoon.

[cloudycappucino]

this is me giving world the finger // probably like 7 years ago

[cloudycappucino]

I am back!

Hellö! I am back to tumblr after 8 years! I had a photo-reblog kinda blog back when i was at high school, and even though photoreblogs wasnt truly ‘blog’ i actually thought that i was a ‘blogger’, lol. Now that i’ve been using wordpress for the past 3 years, i feel like a -true blogger-. (It might not be something #real for some people, but who cares?)

Yesterday i saw a tweet from a university account, they were looking for dietitian students who could write the research progress. The moment i read that, i realized that i had to imrove my English writing skills. I thought i could write some blog posts in English, maybe like a diary? I had this cloudy cappuccino domain for 3 years, i really like the name but i had no idea what to do with it. Writing in Turkish and having an English domain, is kind of irritating and i never thought about blogging in English before.

Anyway, this is the reason why i am writing these write now. 

A little bit about me \\

A little bit about me \\

I’m Şeyma, a 24 y/o university student who lives in İzmir. I major in Nutrition & Dietetics at Ege University. Its my senior year so i have been doing an internship four days a week and taking some classes on thursdays since the beginning of the semester. I also have a thesis to write and a seminar to prepare.

My posts here will mostly be about my daily life as an intern nutritionist. I’ll also put some photos i take during my internships. 

This is it for now. I’ll see you guys later!

P.S.: if you want to check out my main blog, its: www.mutlulugunpesinde.com