cmma-jordan-blog

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gdialex‌:

alex grit her teeth and glanced down at her hands in her laps. “no,” she muttered, though it pained to admit it, “i have no idea what the fuck she’s doing. she could be dead for all i care.” she scrubbed her hands down her face and shrugged her shoulders slightly, “i don’t know. maybe.” she sighed and brushed her fingers through her hair, “i’d be doing you a favor, though.” the corner of her mouth tugged into a small smirk, “you’d finally be rid of me.” 

The way that Alex spoke of her mother -- of both of her parents, really -- was shocking to Emma. There were times when she didn’t like her parents’ choices, when she disagreed with what they thought... but Alex? She seemed to have no respect for them at all. Though, given what Emma did know about Alex’s family, maybe she was right to think that way. “So let him find out. And worry about his money and his heartbreak and all of that once he makes some progress. But right now? You’re playing a ‘what if’ game that’s too much for anyone to handle.” Emma chuckled at Alex’s last words. “See, don’t tell anyone, but I like having you around. It reminds me how much worse my life could be.”

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gdialex‌:

“do you prefer devastatingly sexy,” he smirked at her and arched his brow, “or tall, dark, and handsome?” he shrugged his shoulders and set the nearly empty ketchup bottle on top of the table. “not if you eat ‘em fast enough,” logan hummed as he shoveled a large handful of fries into his mouth to prove his point. “but if my ketchup habits bother you that much, i’ll get you some of your own, princess.”       

“Actually, both sound wonderful, but sadly, neither one describes you,” she retorted, keeping the smile on her face. But it slowly faded away as she watched him eat his fries by the handful, like some sort of garbage demon. “You’re going to have to, because I am not going to eat those. It’s so messy! How do you not walk out of here covered in that stuff?”

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cadavcrs‌:

well, she wasn’t lying there. he was as attractive as they come, and the fact that professor jensen was confident about himself and his job – his attractiveness only skyrocketed. “no.”  lie. “and why would i? i mean, he’s not even all that.” another lie.  brad shrugged, preferring to change the topic entirely. “where are you off to, anyway?”

His immediate refusal to accept the truth -- that the professor was a dreamboat (which in and of itself was an understatement) -- made Emma pause. But she pushed forward, deciding to double down and tell Brad just how wrong he was. “What, does admitting that another man might be attractive threaten your masculinity or something? He’s hot. Get over it.” She flipped some hair over her shoulder. “I was going to get lunch. Want to join me?”

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ofprophetics‌:

ezra paused, thinking about her words and rubbing where his stubble had started to grow in already. “maybe our actions would be different, but would that figure know what we were thinking? is the god that the puritans believed in able to transcend into people’s motives and thoughts, or is he just based on actions? i wish i could go back in time and ask them so many questions. if i find a way, i’d like to take you with me,” he added, appreciating her thoughts on the subject. she had made him think about his previous words, made him expand on his theories, and that was always something for which he was grateful. smiling at emma’s own interpretation of what he had said, he nodded with her. “but in some way, don’t we tend to define ourselves based on our relations to other people? i’m the son of lucien and mary, the friend of emma and teddy and pan, the––” he stopped his sentence abruptly, almost ruining something that meant the world to him. “i suppose you don’t have to worry about what your other selves are doing, but to me it’s comforting to know that in some universe i’m doing what i wished i had done, or that in this one i’m doing the right thing and i’m happy.”

“See, but here’s the thing with that -- time travel messes with everything, theoretically, doesn’t it? If you went back in time and asked the puritans questions, you’d be changing the course of their lives, and in a way, the lives of everyone who came after them. Or maybe you wouldn’t, and it would’ve always been in the plans, in which case... I suppose we’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?” Her head was swimming. “Sure, but I’m more than that. Those relationships inform who I am, but they don’t make up everything I am. I have to be more than the sum of my parts, just like you were saying about the rest of the universe. And -- if we had made other choices, everything would change, and... I don’t know. I’m not always happy, but... I’d rather not be anywhere else or anyone else right now.”

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brdgtflores‌:

laughing as she imagined emma standing between them, such a small girl trying to stop them from insulting each other. “even when he breathes he annoys me. i’ll just walk the other way, for your sake. i don’t want you to get in the middle of anything.” she shrugged, “i dunno, i feel like he would’ve said something or at least told me to stop, but he just ignored all of it. maybe i’ll cool down, i mean i’m not doing too much. maybe he’s just… not attracted to me.” even as the words left her mouth, she didn’t believe them. there must have been something else, maybe something was holding him back, or maybe he really didn’t want to get with her. either way, she at least wanted to know instead of wasting all her energy on him.

“Okay, well, I can’t stop him from breathing... so that might be the best idea I’ve got. I don’t get why he gets on your nerves so much, though, when like... Teddy doesn’t.” Emma shrugged it off. “I’ve never heard you give up so easily on something. Plus, do you really think he isn’t attracted to you? Because that means he has some serious problems. Maybe he was just in a weird mood. There’s no way he saw you and didn’t immediately want you in his bed, though/”

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brdgtflores‌:

sighing, she resigned and decided it wasn’t too big of a deal. it was a party and she probably wouldn’t even see shiloh anyway. “if you say so. i trust you enough, biggie.” rolling her eyes, she clenched her jaw and thought about the short interaction she had had with sam. “true, i mean who doesn’t love a dilf?” she joked, although she did mean it. “he just… isn’t affected by it. i touched his chest, looked up and down his body, bit my lip, smiled at him, all the normal things. he just moved right on to his next question. it was like he didn’t even see me. i need to get to him, it’s killing me.” truthfully, she couldn’t handle someone simply ignoring her come ons. refusing them? denying them? saying no? that was fine, not a problem. but not even noticing them? well that was a different thing entirely.

“Good. Because I won’t let him bother you, and if he starts something, I’ll tell him he has to leave. Don’t stress. I’m looking out for you, still. I promise.” She could see the tension in Bridget’s face, could tell that she was annoyed, infuriated with the fact that this random boy wasn’t paying her enough attention. “Are you sure he’s... I don’t know how to say this nicely. But is he... okay? Or is he like... not straight? Because I don’t know how he could just... not react to you at all. If he’s ever around when I’m with you, point him out. I’ll find a way to set him straight. I’ll be your wingwoman.”

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gdialex‌:

what was the worst that could happen? alex was very good at this game. she spent an alarming amount of time thinking about the worst possible outcome of the most insignificant decision. it was why she never took risks or, in her brother’s words, did anything fun ever. “she’s a crackhead witch that scams him out of his savings,” alex muttered after a moment. she was being dramatic, and she knew it. her memories of her mother were relatively normal. she was distant, shutting herself in her pottery studio for days at time, but nothing that indicated to twelve-year-old alex she was about to take off and never look back. “i just…i don’t want him to get hurt,” she said quietly, brushing her hair behind her ear. “it’s my job to take care of him.” someone had to. she smiled slightly and shrugged her shoulders, “i guess organic chemistry doesn’t seem so important anymore.”   

“And you know that? For sure? That she’s a crackhead and her only reason for wanting to connect to her son is for enough money to get her next fix?” It seemed presumptive. And even though Emma didn’t know everything (or much at all) about Alex’s situation, it didn’t stop her from doubting Alex’s version of things. “But people get hurt. That’s life. It fucking sucks, but we can’t always stop it. Are you really willing to give up your spot at Hyland right now because your brother might find your mom?”

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gdialex‌:

“delusional, maybe,” logan looked down at her with a shit-eating grin, “but always cute as a button.” he reached for the ketchup and squirted a large pile on top of his fries. he had the luxury of a) being a dude and b) having a fast metabolism, so he was content to stuff his face with as much grease as he pleased. “you drive a hard bargain, emma jordan, but i suppose i’m in no position to decline a request from lady such as yourself.”    

“Sure, that’s one way to put it,” she smirked. Though... he wasn’t the ugliest person that she’d seen. Not by a long shot. She grimaced as he topped his plate of fries with ketchup. “So much for dipping them,” Emma noted as she sat down across the table from him. “Don’t the fries get soggy when you do that? And you don’t get an even ketchup to fry ratio. It’s all off.”

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ofprophetics‌:

“i mean, i guess sometimes it hurts, but more likely it gets frustrating because i want to talk to people at different times in history and know what they’re thinking. there’s only so much that diaries and texts can tell you, i guess. i just can’t help but think of how we change our behavior knowing that people are watching, but if the person watching is aware that our own awareness, how does that influence their interpretation of our actions?” he posed his question, not sure if emma would answer or not. he enjoyed talking to her, she seemed interested in what he said and he was fascinated by her take on things. “well we’re all on our own respective journeys, but doesn’t yours coincide with others’ sometimes?” he thought about the way his life had run into robbie’s, the way he had become friends with so many people over the years, the way he had started talking to teddy, how he had first met emma herself. “all these little instances when you meet new people, do they start you down a new path or do they bring you to an alternative one? do you think that there are different versions of you doing different things, like there’s one in new york city fulfilling your dreams, maybe there’s one in your hometown that took the loss on that one final and has to stay there forever, there’s one version that took a chance on someone you really wanted, maybe you’re not even the first one of yourself.”

“Okay, but... here’s the thing. If that person or thing that’s watching us is omnipotent, if they know everything, then would it matter if it changed our lives’ outcomes? Would it change the interpretations of our actions, or would they know what to think no matter what?” He was making her think about things in a way she wouldn’t have thought about them otherwise. She was both grateful and starting to confuse herself... an interesting combination. “Sure, but I can’t say that I’m fully living someone else’s story, because I’m not. I’m part of someone’s, but I’m not defined by my role in someone else’s life. And neither are you. Maybe there are multiple versions of me, but I can’t really worry myself about what else is out there. I only know what I know, and if I try too hard to find everything else that’s out there in the universe, I’ll end up losing what I have right now.”

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brdgtflores‌:

bridget laughed, sure that emma wouldn’t hook up with a freshman unless her life depended on it. “ugh, fine. i just won’t talk to him. i don’t know why everyone’s friends with him though, he’s a dick.” she said, matter of factly. sensing a piqued interest, she raised her eyebrows, “he was in one of my health classes, i swear he looks like he’s 30 but in the sexiest way. i could have sworn i’ve seen him before, but it must have just been in that class. either way, he’s not phased by anything i say and it’s driving me crazy. i mean, i’m not really used to people not wanting me.” she thought about the way sam seemed to ignore her flirting, or at least look entirely past it. all she wanted was to prove that she could get him, as difficult as it was proving to be.

“He’s a dick, sure, but he’s my dick. He’s gotten me through more than I could imagine... even if he can be a real asshole sometimes. I don’t know, I don’t like everything he says or does, but... this past year has been hard for him just as much as it has been for us. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.” As the conversation turned to the attractive man that Bridget had met, Emma was happy to leave defending Shiloh behind. “Maybe he’s a six-year senior. He wouldn’t be the first or the last at Hyland. -- but what do you mean, he’s not phased by anything you say? Like... he doesn’t care? Or he isn’t shocked? Because if he doesn’t care about you, he must be deaf, blind, and dumb.”

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gdialex‌:

alex blinked and glanced at her for a moment, “i don’t think you’re stupid.” it was a fair assumption, she supposed, after the whole tutoring debacle. but, being bad at math, was a far cry from not being bright. after all, alex was bad at just about everything but math. she snickered at the mention of dominique, but quickly sobered when she realized she had to answered emma’s question. “my mom,” she said quickly with a shrug of her shoulders. “she left when he was seven, and he took it…really hard. apparently, he forgot because he wants to find her, and my dad is just letting him because he doesn’t want to deal with it.” scrubbing her hands down her face, alex chewed on her lip, “i should be home. this wouldn’t be happening if i were home.”     

The confession came as a shock to Emma; she’d assumed that Alex found her to be infuriatingly dull, someone who wasn’t worth the extra time and energy. She’d thought that Alex’s offer for tutoring was insincere, an ingenuine tete a tete based on the assumption that Emma needed someone else to do her work for her. “Your... mom. Right.” She decided not to address the first part of what Alex had said. She didn’t want to turn this into some kind of love-fest. “So what’s the worst that could happen if he does find her? He finds out that she still doesn’t want to be a part of your family? He gets hurt? Don’t you think it’s better he knows that now than to have him build up an idea of her in his mind and find out years later that she never loved him at all? And what good would it be, you going home? Then you really wouldn’t do well in that organic chemistry class of yours.”

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sams-secrets‌:

Sam was bored during the lecture, he had already known what the teacher was talking about but still tried to take notes and focus to keep his cover up. He was very good at his job at blending in, this wasn’t his first time going undercover pretending to be younger than he actually was. He knew that Emma was a huge part of Morgan’s “murder.” they were in the same Sorority and they must of been friends… or not. He had started to realize that not everybody was best friends with her, most didn’t really like her. It was making his job somewhat harder. But getting in with a group of friends is exactly what he needed. He knew that Emma was “popular” and knew a lot of people. Sam knew that she must have a lot on her mind by the way she was standing and her body language. “You seem very stressed out, sorry i didn’t mean to take up part of your time. I’m a transfer student and i understand having a busy schedule.” Do you know of any students that would have notes i could bum off of them.

She’d worked hard throughout the first few weeks of the semester to make sure that her grades were up to snuff. She took notes meticulously, by hand, trying to make sure that she had as much information as possible, regardless of whether she actually needed that amount of detail. Simply giving those notes away to this guy, who she didn’t even know, seemed like giving him an easy way out. “I’m not stressed -- I just work for my grades. I take my own notes. I mean, if you want to do well, my first tip would be to start doing the work on your own. -- Caroline might be able to help you, though. She’s far more generous than I am.”

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gdialex‌:

“we can’t have that,” alex hummed and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, “i mean, your true one purpose in life is to remind me that i’m the worst.” she almost preferred the bickering, but she was high on lack of sleep and a particularly volatile conversation with her dad, so she was having difficulty keeping her mouth shut. “fifteen,” she muttered quietly, extending her legs and then crossing them on top of the bench they were sitting on, “but i was there the first time, and he was was a mess––and i’m sure she turned out to be some crackhead asshole. if she wanted to see him, she would’ve called.” them, alex thought to herself as she closed her eyes, if she wanted to see them, she would’ve called.  

At least she understood their dynamic and hadn’t completely lost her mind. Emma wanted nothing more than to get up and walk away. And yet... Alex needed her. Or, rather, needed someone to talk to. Seeing as the girl apparently had nobody else in her life who was willing to help, Emma stayed, almost out of instinct. “Okay. So, I know you think I’m not the brightest or whatever, but... who are we talking about, exactly? Because I thought we were talking about your brother having a girlfriend... but right now it seems like you’re talking about someone else. -- Unless your brother was dating Dominique, in which case, you have every right to be concerned.”