cmnis - Tumblr blog

[cmnis]

i am so tired

[cmnis]

i am so tired

[cmnis]

send me "be honest..." with a question your muse has been dying to ask mine and they'll answer truthfully.

[cmnis]

my will to write has been so dead lately , someone send help ;-;

[cmnis]

three months of recovery and I'm finally going back to work . that's a pro , right ? I got a con too . I need another surgery in the next few months LMFAO my back is so bad and I am so .. tired

[cmnis]

For those of us who have multiple characters... the struggle is real.

[cmnis]

Send 💋 to give my muse a kiss

Add 'reverse' to have my muse kiss yours

[cmnis]

     I HAVE LOVED THE  STARS TOO FONDLY                                   TO BE FEARFUL OF THE NIGHT.    

         —– independent , selective , mutuals only , multi-muse rp blog . ft. muses          from MARVEL , STAR WARS , and others , as well as a few OCs . trigger          heavy and contains darker themes , ages eighteen and older interactions          only . est. november 2018 .  // penned  and cherished by Q

                                      ALL IN ONE DOC & MUSE LIST.    interest tracker . 

[cmnis]

SHIP REQUESTS!

Are you interested in a very specific ship, but you don't know how to ask?

send a specific number for...

a pre-established ship between our muses, where they're already together

our muses canonically together and i wanted to ask if you were interested in writing with me

our muses aren't considering eachother as partners, but i'd like a slow burn

my muse has a crush on yours

my muse has a crush on yours, and i'm interested in a slow burn

our muses are considering a relationship, but don't know how to start

a soft, first relationship

"will-they-won't-they"

on-again-off-again

our muses are exes in good terms

our muses are exes in bad terms

our muses are exes, but mine is still in love with yours

our muses are exes, but mine is still obsessed with yours

a mutually toxic relationship

my muse is obsessed with yours

my muse is interested in yours, but only sexually

friends with benefits

exes with benefits

enemies with benefits

our muses hate eachother, but there's still Tension

childhood friends to lovers

childhood crushes who meet again after a long time

friends to lovers

enemies to lovers

lovers to enemies

a strictly sexual relationship

a sexual relationship that might lead to love

a sexual relationship where my muse is already in love with yours

a codependent relationship

an arranged marriage

a loveless marriage

married :)

divorced </3

a forbidden love

a secret relationship

[cmnis]

Reblog if it's okay to invade your ask box

Always

[cmnis]

ugh . sorry for the disappearance , I had a massive streak of horrible luck just recently and was down and out for the count for a minute . but I will be making my way back here !

[cmnis]

EXTENSIVE SCAR RELATED PROMPTS 

GENERAL 

[ TOUCH ]  for sender to trace one of receiver’s scars 

[ TOUCHED ]  for receiver to trace one of sender’s scars

[ DISCOVER ]  for sender to see receiver’s scars for the first time 

[ DISCOVERED ]  for receiver to see sender’s scars for the first time 

[ CARESS ]  for sender to kiss one of receiver’s scars 

[ CARESSED ]  for receiver to kiss one of sender’s scars

[ SHOW ]  for sender to purposefully reveal their scars for receiver to see 

[ SHOWN ]  for receiver to purposefully reveal their scars for sender to see 

SCENARIOS

[ MEND ]  for sender to treat receiver’s wound which leads to them having to remove an article of clothing resulting in revealing scars hidden beneath

[ MENDED ]  for receiver to treat sender’s wound which leads to them having to remove an article of clothing resulting in revealing scars hidden beneath

[ BLUNDER ]  for sender to walk in on receiver in a state of undress thus seeing their scars for the first time

[ BLUNDERED ]  for receiver to walk in on sender in a state of undress thus seeing their scars for the first time 

[ KISS ]  our muses are having sex for the first time which then reveals sender’s scars to receiver 

[ KISSED ]  our muses are having sex for the first time which then reveals receiver’s scars to sender 

[ BATHE ]  our muses take a shower together and sender looks over receiver’s scars 

[ BATHED ]  our muses take a shower together and receiver looks over sender’s scars. 

WORDS

❝  your scars are nothing to be ashamed of.  ❞

❝  why do you hide your scars?  ❞

❝  i see every mark as something to be proud of,  proof of all i survived.  ❞

❝  can i ask what happened here—  how did you get this one?  ❞

❝  sometimes i get these phantom pains i guess you could say.  little aches and i find them oddly comforting.  because my soul still hurts even if my body is healed.  ❞

❝  i wish i could get rid of my scars.  they’re just reminders of everything i want to forget.  ❞

❝  is it alright if i touch this scar?  ❞

❝  it’s okay—  you can touch it if you want.  doesn’t hurt anymore.  ❞

❝  please don’t touch it.  ❞

❝  you don’t have to tell me how you got it.  i just wanted to see.  ❞

❝  looks worse than it was.  ❞

❝  i want to kill every person responsible for leaving you scarred. ❞

❝  i made sure the people who left marks on me wouldn’t get the chance to do it again.  ❞

❝  woah—  what the hell happened there? ❞

❝  you don’t have to hide them around me.  the scars are just part of who you are.  and i like all of what i see.  ❞

❝  i don’t really like letting people see them.  ❞

❝  it’s okay—  honestly i forget they’re there most of the time.  ❞

[cmnis]

honestly .. Steve is fairly certain that if he ever tells Bucky what he did – how he had eagerly volunteered for an experiment – that Bucky would be extremely upset with him . he knows eventually he’ll have to tell him , especially about the good doctor , and how he fights on for good . not just to fight , but to fight for a justice that so few get . god , he still wants to gets his hands on more HYDRA agents thanks to what they did to the doc . slowly but surely , he’s been working on that . taking down the bunker had only been one step in a long line he would walk .

for a moment , Steve looks haunted , his vision curling at the edges at what had happened . he’d never seen war , until they’d brought it to him . it’s truly awful , and it needs to be stopped . taking down HYDRA and .. well , every single one of the nazis . he just needs to work on it , that’s all . finding Bucky had been the priority , and now that he has him back and some people willing to fight with him ? it’s all the better .

a swallow is given , and Steve drags himself back into reality , pushing down the rest of what he’s seen . “ yeah , you were . but that didn’t mean I was just gonna sit at home . y’know me , Buck . I couldn’t stand just sitting around doing nothing . ” he murmurs his response without thinking , only to cast a glance over Bucky’s features , taking in every little detail . it could have been an answer to the first bit of what Bucky had said , or the second . either way , it was relevant ; he’d gotten so wound up staying at home , knowing he couldn’t do a damn thing at all .

slowly , Steve pulls back from the tree a little more , bringing Bucky with him by turning his arm slightly so he can grasp the other’s hand in his own . there’s a smile on his lips , soft and slow , as he chuckles slightly at the look on Buck’s face . “ didn’t know you had it in ya to blush . you’re always such a charmer , ” he hums , teasing just a little bit . it warms him to see the other smiling , enough to spread a heat through his chest , chasing away his worries temporarily . another breath , another flicker of relief , and he leads Buck back toward the camp . even as far as they are , he can hear roucous cheering , the loud voices drifting from fires that are scattered about , and clearing the trees , he can see all the figures huddled around them . some are wrapped in blankets , others just their undershirts and pants as they talk , trading horror stories he’s sure . he draws his gaze away , and Steve pulls the canvas open at the door , bringing Bucky in with him before letting the canvas drop and close them in . it’s warmer than outside , what with a small furnace on the far side , venting out the top . “ they spoiled me , I guess . ” he huffs a soft laugh , turning to look at the other . “ we gotta rest . tomorrow is … well . it’s gonna be long . ” it’s time to start planning their attacks , and he would love to have Bucky there as a right hand .

bucky wonders but doesn't voice it. what changed steve? what made him so different but still so the same? he heard whispers that first night they made it out of the bunker. military experiment. some sorta science project. he couldn't string everything together that night. his mind was too far lost. too sunk into the scenery they just escaped for him to hold onto what they were saying long enough to truly let what they meant sink in. bits and pieces that he kept in his consciousness are all that he has. and he hasn't asked steve directly.

not yet. he doesn't know if he wants to know just yet. doesn't know if he can handle it. that steve did this all alone. that he made these choices because...war was what he wanted. being near him was what steve wanted. at the cost...of...who fucking knows? he said there's no going back. not that he knows of.

that can be said about the both of them.

his mouth flinches, cheekbone cinching up with it. the corner of his eye squints. another rush of cold through his veins. the hairs on the back of his neck stand on edge. breathing in, he can smell the ghost of the bunker. dirt and grime and blood. metallic smells. electricity. then, all at once, the smell of pinecones and forest and steve so damn close that it all goes away as soon as it started. blink and you'd miss it.

war. what steve wanted. is now in their laps. both of theirs. "i was supposed to come home to you... you were supposed to be safe," he murmurs not realizing he said it out loud before he's nodding and clearing his throat trying to continue on seamlessly as if nothing was mentioned. "you were keeping the stupid for me while i was gone. who knows? looks like ya mighta pulled it off," he manages a weak smile that doesn't quiet meet his eyes. the back of his sleeves brushes against the tip of his nose. his issued shirts are still a little too big for him. he lost weight, quickly, in captivity while so many of the others in the cages away from where he was held seemed to nearly stay the same. malnutrition and dehydration in their numbers aside.

bottom lip curls between his front teeth, pinched as he pulls it through listening to why steve wants to go back. another bow of his head in a nod. he'd follow him anywhere. the idea of them together, though? where he can just feel steve next to him? that's beyond anything he could ask for. but the mention of their lips greeting one another again? pushes a little noise and a flush of heat over his cheeks and nose.

he gives into the attempt to distract him from his thoughts and falls into the banter instead. nudging steve back with a growing, wobbly at first but growing, grin. "tree wasn't so bad. wasn't expecting you kissing me for the first time against a tree in the middle a war but...kinda fond of this tree now." fingers reach back, give the tree a pat but then sway out gesturing back to camp. "let's go... s'cold out here anyway. and, yeah. i miss being next to you.. one of the things i missed the worst right away."

[cmnis]

IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING 

❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞

❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞

❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞

❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞

❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞

❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞

❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞

❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞

❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞

❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞

❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 

❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞

❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞

❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞

❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞

❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞

❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞

❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞

❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞

❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞

❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞

❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞

❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞

❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞

❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞

❝  i would do anything for you.  all my lines and rules.  they mean nothing when it comes to you.  it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy.  ❞

[cmnis]

#BSE: Bearded Steve Energy.

[cmnis]

— Richard Siken

[cmnis]

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?