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Cousin

My birthday was recent and my cousin posted a happy birthday post. She thinks I hate her but I don't. I want to tell her that and let her know that I hope she's okay. I want to tell her I check her Facebook everyday to see if she posted or even shared something. Because if she did, then I'd know she's alive and well even to be on facebook. She's my weakness and I can't help it.

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Graduation

I graduated high school. I should be happy, but I'm not fazed by it. An old friend sat in front of me. We talked and had a good time. I started to remember all the times we had. All the laughs we shared. And how I fucked up the relationship. It's okay I guess. I still feel empty, and this cold is not helping.

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Death

I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to live. Everything seems to be good. I passed my first college class with a B+, I'm graduating this weekend. Life is good, but I still feel so empty. I don't want to kill myself at all. The last thing I want to do is take my life, but I also don't want to live. I have this pressure feeling and I'm sad. I'm happy, but dad. I want to die, but I don't want to take my own life. Help.

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I can't wait until I start work tomorrow at the Holiday Twin Drive-In. Tomorrow will be our best first day!

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Eviction

We're getting evicted, so I don't know what to do. I don't know where we're going, what to do. Things are going to shit. First cancer, now losing our job. Finally this. I don't know if I can handle anymore of this.

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Cocaine

We talked about cocaine today, and oh how I couldn't stop thinking about her. I remember when I gave her a second chance, but that white powder gave her more happiness than I did.