cocomegara-blog

[cocomegara-blog]

actively choosing love

when i say “choosing love”, it’s not in the way you think. that is, not in the romantic sense. i’ve set an intention, an almost promise to myself attached to sincere yearning to follow through, 6 months dedicated to healing myself.

i started last week. what will become a regular tuesday session with rebecca, my therapist. soon to be in tandem with “somatic experiencing” therapy, specifically to engage the mind & body to heal trauma. “even though you try to forget or don’t actively think about past trauma, the body remembers it”, remarks rebecca in response to my attempted verbalization of how i have been feeling claustrophobic, suffocated, agitated, with the sudden urge to cry, rip every extra layer of clothing off of my body, hot: armpits sweating, cheeks flushed, fingers cold and hands trembling, nerves in my upper thighs inflamed so i almost can’t stand, adrenaline pulsing through my veins, hearing fuzzy, eyes foggy, hard to inhale air into my lungs…..panic. turns out post traumatic stress disorder not only happens to the soldier bravely fighting overseas, defending our country, dodging hatred and heavy artillery. ptsd also happens to everyday people like me.

it’s been five weeks since i filed for a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend of 4 months. a very fiery and tumultuous relationship from the beginning. i did know deep down. of course that’s why i left him twice before. but this time the “goodbye” is permanent.

many times i’ve been accused of being too forgiving- i thought it was a good quality. i have the ability to see the best in people even when they are showing me their worst. i’m also easily swayed by the thoughts and opinions of others. somewhere along the way, i simply forgot that my intuition is best guidance i could ever have. i only need to listen to my gut. 

f i g h t………f l i g h t……….f r e e z e

when he screamed at me that night i froze. at 2:30am when he attacked me i fought back. strength came from deep within me, i couldn’t control my body- flinging my arms at him to remove his enraged fingers piercing my skin, or so it felt, holding me down. the memory remains in my head, his teeth clenched, furrowed brow, teal green eyes furious as a violent, stormy sea, waves pulling ships beneath it’s depths.

new trauma brings up old trauma. 12 year old me babysitting during the church service on easter sunday. 19 year old acolyte. he used to babysit for me and my brother when we were younger. he turned it into a game. sitting behind me, pulling me into him, his hands in my skirt and then my underwear, his fingers fondling my adolescent chest. telling the children to come help me. i froze.

25 year old me. just broke up with long term, long distant boyfriend. drowning my sorrows with a night out with my friend, roommate, promiscuous, party-girl. bad decision. a gin and tonic or 3 later? i only remember the first drink and i was sober then. i blacked out. emily said he (who she knew) flung me over his shoulder and carried me to his truck. apparently i had been flirting with him….but i don’t remember any of it. flight: an actual out of body experience. i’m floating up above, watching. a memory of this man sodomizing and raping me from behind. my face pressed against the bed, eyes closed, mouth dry, body numb. rebecca says this is common when the body experiences such a high level trauma, the brain escapes and many victims experience the out of body. in the morning he put me in the car. i couldn’t see clearly. he knew where i lived. i stumbled into my house where emily laughed at me. downstairs in my room, i collapsed into my bed and slept for hours. i woke in pain and bleeding. emily teased as she suggested inserting a tampon into my bleeding bottom. that was the end of our friendship.

i moved away. pretended none of these things ever happened. never spoke of them. probably because i felt it was my fault for making bad choices. i felt guilt. i blamed myself.

in only a 30 minute session i felt acknowledged. i gained clarity into why i was feeling, reacting, suffering internally………my body remembered the darkest secrets i’d tried to suppress.

“i begin my day with love. i surrender it all. releasing anger from the past sets me free in the present. when i feel blocked, emotionally distressed, or overwhelmed, i turn to my breath.in the midst of a meltdown, i breathe through the discomfort and come out on the other side. i am ready to receive love. I AM NOT THE VICTIM; I AM THE LIGHTHOUSE. my presence is my power.i choose to reinterpret my fears with a more loving perspective. when i move my body, i bust through all that blocks me from my true health and vitality. happiness is a choice i make. i welcome abundance, and i will pay attention to the guidance i receive. to truly flourish is to release all the tension that holds me back from letting love pour through me. if i want to feel supported, i must support myself. i can release ancient pain simply by feeling it. i can find peace in every breath. i share my light with the world. i can think my way out of fear. by spreading loving energy, i attract more love. when i shine bright, i give others permission to shine with me. PEACE IS IN MY PULSE.” miracles now cards, gabby bernstein

back to my intention for healing. in addition to therapy (x2), i’ve embarked on a journey to complete gabby bernstein’s “may cause miracles; a 40-day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical charge and unlimited happiness.” so far i’ve gotten to day 4 successfully, ie. completing the morning meditation/affirmation, evening reflection and writing prompts. i’ve also been sitting in meditation (mostly evenings, but will start mornings too soon) to 20 minute narrated meditations by deepak chopra and oprah. i sit on my pillow with my legs crossed and my palms open- each filled with chakra healing crystals and stones, resting on my thighs. i silently repeat the sanskrit mantra while i envision hiking to the top of a white light mountain peak. there i can finally breathe.

i learned in nutrition school that a simple breath reorganized the neuro pathways in the brain. i’m learning to focus on breath. during this 6 month intention towards healing, i want to incorporate yoga: gentle, healing and restorative. i want to fill my body with greens juices and smoothies and break free from my “disordered eating”- as rebecca says. it is my intention to love and support my body and mind through these ways as well as incorporating extreme self care, reducing stress, soaking baths, the occasional massage and pedicure. it’s time to commit to healing.

I AM NOT THE VICTIM; I AM THE LIGHTHOUSE.

[cocomegara-blog]

Your blog is perfect! You have a new follower:)

Thanks so much Abby! I’m enjoying your blog too :)

[cocomegara-blog]

Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before

dear lovelies, i apologize for the gap in time since my last posting and today. exciting things are happening in my life! the winter was bleak and the cabin fever forced me to come to terms with issues in my past i was running from. to all you women out there who have been sexually abused in any way, my heart goes out to you. my own experience has been difficult to cope with, but i’ve found that my community of friends has made it easier to be honest and forgiving towards myself and this experience. there’s something about a nasty break-up, feeling the rejection of love lost, the lingering thought that he doesn’t love me enough to make it though, that brings up this negative ego mindset that continually tells you that you are not enough. but also, being in a relationship after you’ve been a victim of sexual abuse can make you feel safe and secure. when the relationship is over, that sense of security is gone too. lots of times i’ve thought i’m not worthy of real or lasting love because i’m damaged. i don’t really think of myself as damaged now, but there is a deep, dark hole that swallow me up if i let it. in my experience as a rape victim, i walk a fine line of wanting to express myself sexually, sometimes ashamed of my desires, carefully choosing my clothing so i don’t give off the impression “she’s asking for it” when my higher self actually loves my body, longs for human interaction and ravishing, wholesome love and romance. it’s difficult. i have a close guy friend who i was talking to about this one night in my backyard over a couple beers and a roaring fire and he was telling me that if someone doesn’t want to be with you for who you are then they are not worth it. it’s better to be honest. our conversation led to another topic though….and forgive me those of you who are more conservative….but we talked about how my friend is experimental in bed and some thing he enjoys with a female partner is anal play. i felt immediately triggered, but because i was in a safe place with a safe person i could ask him, what about women who have been sodomized and can’t partake in that activity with him. that could be a game changer. there are so many factors to consider when entering into a new relationship. which is ultimately what i’m getting to….i met someone special. when i saw him walking toward me on our first date, i noticed how he carried himself, i felt the warmth in his smile and his gentle demeanor and i knew in that moment that he would be significant. the last few dates had been a disaster, which left me lying to these men that i couldn’t see them because i wasn’t over my ex yet…all so i wouldn’t hurt their feelings. i cry each time. but this time was different. we’ve been honest in getting to know each other and it feels so good. i want badly to let myself fall deeply and madly in love but part of me is very afraid that he could decide that i’m too damaged and not not worth being with. So, I wrote that last section a couple days ago. since then there have been some developments. are there any other old fashioned ladies out there that only date one person at a time and expect that in return? I hope I’m not the only one! So, I’m dating this very nice man. It’s been 3 very romantic dates and much has transpired within that time frame. he’s going through a transition at work and is considering me for his near future plans of moving across the US or across the world…, and also leans on me for support around his difficult transition, wants to come to my brother’s wedding as my date, and he slept in my bed with me and we held each other all night. I thought we would have sex but he stopped me, while I was half naked on top of him. He said, he wants me too but he doesn’t want to rush things and wants to cherish every moment with me. Could this be the real thing?

[cocomegara-blog]

“let food be thy medicine and medicine by thy food”                     -hippocrates

my friend’s son has crohn’s disease and he’s only 21. for the last two days he’s been in the hospital- prior to that he’d spent a couple long afternoon in the er the week before. he was diagnosed a year ago and i’ve watched him go through an array of treatments only to find that the medical route has failed him. my friend tells me that every gastroenterologist they see says the same thing- this disease has nothing to do with what you eat. how could what you put directly into your body not directly affect your body? my friend has a degree in nutrition (this is going back about 25 years though when we didn’t know as much as we do now) and she said to me the other day that she and her husband are on the same page about trying to heal him homeopathic-ally, holistically and nutritionally despite the resistance of her son. she was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of contradictory information on the internet when she searched for a diet to heal crohn’s. 

crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis are (almost) one in the same; inflammatory autoimmune diseases, in my opinion, caused by a diet high in inflammatory foods- gluten, dairy, eggs, sugar, alcohol, anything processed, and stress. i believe in order to heal these diseases the immune system must be repaired. how can you repair an immune system? remove the common inflammatory foods listed above is a start to build immunity by cooking meals at home with organic ingredients, make green juices, take supplements like: medicinal mushrooms, olive leaf extract, oregano oil, etc. it can be hard to avoid stress but some ways we can help to soothe our bodies is by tapping into our spirituality, meditating, sleeping well, relaxing and listening to our bodies’ needs. exercise and sunshine help too. this is not a cure-all, but it’s a damn good practice to achieve living a healthy and happy life. 

longevity is in my friends and nothing is sexier than being healthy. 

my mom has colitis and there was a time when i was 13 that she was so ill she was hospitalized for several weeks. i remember visiting her and being shocked at how her body had withered. she lost almost 40 pounds and was on morphine for the pain so she didn’t know who was. a few years earlier, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. she had a malignant tumor removed, opted out of chemo and turned to juicing to heal her body. 

i was always a sick kid. i probably got every single cold and virus going around in school. my dad was always very health conscious but my mom wasn’t as aware, so because she did most of the grocery shopping we didn’t eat very healthy. i’ve struggled with irritable bowel syndrome throughout my twenties, which i believe was all because of my very poor diet, being a smoker and the boatloads of stress i endured. ibs is tricky. it’s the gateway illness to the very scary diseases i’ve just talked about with my mom and now my friend’s son. it took me many years to sort out what worked to help me get better. i worked with a couple homeopathic doctors, regular doctors who said nothing was wrong with me (then why do i have a crippling stomach ache and diarrhea every day?!) when i decided to take it on myself, i eliminated the major inflammatory foods and went to the juicer. i found out that roughage was a major trigger for me. all those salads that i brought for lunch each day were really hard on my body to digest. so i started cooking my veggies and noticed a huge difference. i also started researching superfoods and supplements that could boost immunity and therefor, help my body work to it’s fullest potential. 

when i was at the institute for integrative nutritional i learned the key concept of “bio-individuality”- meaning that each body is unique and what ails or heals one may not be the same for the other. what i want to put across today is that i urge you to be your own health advocate. take an interest in your health and if you need help then reach out. one of my favorite quotes is “if you don’t take care of your body, where else will you live”?

so please drink your greens :)

healing green juice

5 stalks of organic celery

1/2 an english cucumber (organic)

1/2 organic lemon

4 large kale leaves (any variety of organic kale is perfect)

1/2 an organic apple

live long and thrive my lovelies.

[cocomegara-blog]

hard dog night

hello lovelies, 

so my pup had pancreatitis this past week and is still recuperating. the clean up was a challenge- the vomit in every room of my house and all over my sofa at 2 am but the hardest part was seeing her feeling her worst, unable to move from the pain. hopefully we won’t ever have to go through that again. 

it’s been a crazy couple of weeks at work and home. i’ve been trying to get up the motivation to do the things i looked forward to doing when i thought about being single. something hit me last night. it was the first night that i actually felt alone and really missed that human interaction. i’m not sure exactly what triggered it but then my head started spinning. i kept thinking about the path i wanted to pave for myself and second guessing my decisions because this rain cloud of fear over my head showering doubt on all of the things i’d been dreaming about for so long and the shrill voice of my ego in my ear telling me that it would never happen, that i’m not good enough, that i waited too long and i don’t have the stamina to see it through, not enough work ethic, it’s just too hard for me...........i tried to combat this with turning to my guru and reading some gabby bernstein, but i lie awake most of the night pondering the heart wrenching ‘what if’s’. 

sometimes i think it’s just my personality that makes me sway back and forth from confident & courageous to cowardice and confused. i realize that it’s in these times when i really need to take a step back and meditate. so this morning, i forgave myself for allowing the self-defeatist mentality for overcoming me and i forgave myself for being too hard on myself. and i wrapped my arms around myself and promised that i will support myself in climbing higher to reach those dreams of mine way up in the clouds. i have faith and know that the universe has my back.

it’s clearer now. i’ve written a list of things i want to do daily for me so i can establish a pattern. 21 days is all it takes right? 

i have this pal called joe who has chain stores across the usa. some call him the trader and other’s call him the traitor...tonight i’m enjoying his pizza imported from italy. every now and then it’s ok to take the night off. i’m working on some new recipes and will post again soon!

[cocomegara-blog]

a tired dog is a happy dog

it was take your fur-baby to work with you today. even though it was my day off i had to be there for a delivery at the house i’m working on. then we visited my newly married bestie and her dogs and they ran around like crazy getting all their ya-yas out. did you ever watch cesar milan? he teaches that dogs are a reflection of your energy. coco and i eat well....fr the most part, minus the time after the break-up in transition, and by well i mean as organic and least processed as possible. coco is a reflection of me. we both have bouts of digestive distress and anxiety and that’s when i try my hardest to get back to center because i know if i release it in me than she’ll feel that too. 

in my early 20′s especially i struggled with severe anxiety an depression and with that came a plethora of other health issues....a lowered immune system, irritable bowel syndrome, severe food allergies and low thyroid function. so i got involved in my own healing by going to nutrition school at the institute for integrative nutrition. what i learned from that program was invaluable. it was like therapy for my body and at the same time i saw a therapist regularly for my mind. each of these things healed me in different way, though maybe not right away. it wasn’t until a few years ago when i discovered gabby bernstein, my guru, of a course in miracles, and from her i learned how to truly be calm and connected to my being an my higher self. i’ve found that a combination of nutrition and mindfulness can heal you. i’m in a much higher place than i was those many years ago. 

last winter i took a professional plant based cooking course through rouxbe, a school founded by chef chad sarno who co-authored the crazy sexy kitchen by kris carr. the program was enlightening to say the least and i’d found that i was super passionate about food and cooking. in my spare time, i obsess over pinterest finding recipes that i like and transforming them into nutritious delicious-ness that i can feel good about putting into my body. once i changed my eating habits and learned how to ‘zen out’ as i like to say, these lingering symptoms from the past fell away and i was feeling good all the time. so this time, when a wrench was thrown into the works of my life, i knew how to cope, but to feel at the same time. i knew that i could reach for a higher thought and that it was this or something better. when i received a bitter and hateful email note from my ex a few days ago, my ego took over into a self-hating spiral, but i bounced back. an hour with gabby to take me back to that peaceful place got me back on track and feeling strong again. it helped me release the hurt i felt and the anger driving me to write back to him in the most hurtful way. instead, i forgave him. i forgave myself and i carried on. i won’t be single forever and i’m very thankful for this time to spend getting back to me and bringing coco into my life was the best thing i ever did. a dog is the embodiment of love and joy.

coco eats acana dry food and they even make freeze dried duck treats- her favorite! she also gets a 4 scoops of party animal coco-licious wet food in various flavors every day. she goes to a great daycare close to my work and gets to play with friends all day. she even gets to come to work with mom on the weekends. she sleeps in bed with me....or i should say i sleep in bed with her, since she takes up most of the bed! but she’s like my kid and it’s important to me that she have the best life possible. 

ciao & besos from the border collie and me. 

[cocomegara-blog]

“i love living in a place where you earn your seasons”

and then, like the flip of a switch the air begins to turn, from the heavy humidity and heat of the previous weeks and chilled straight in towards fall. these are my favorite moments, when the fire from the pit outside blows it’s ashen fragrance through the open windows of the house. these are the hot days that transition into cool evenings that i wear my summer night gown with my ll bean shearling slippers and a big cozy sweatshirt. the early mornings when i sit outside on the back porch with a freshly brewed cup of coffee when i can just begin to see my breath through the chill. the leaves have only just begun to turn their shades of fiery orange and red and soon the apples will be ready to pick. 

the last few weeks have been a challenge. lots of emotions coming through me. my little sister and the truest love of my life headed out on the highway of life towards the pacific northwest- to portland, oregon. i remember years ago spending some time there and coming away with ‘she would love it here’. and of course she did.....because i’m usually right.....so after helping her pack and watching her drive away i began to wander between nostalgia and loneliness. it was always so important to me to tell her to follow her dreams, no matter what. there were years and years of my life that i watched slip away because of my poor decisions in men. for some reason i just wanted to nest at 17 and didn’t really get it out of my system until my late 20′s....unfortunately. i urged her not to get tied down with a guy. i’m just so incredibly proud of her for fucking doing it. anyway, when the cool breeze came through the other night i felt a sense of relief, appreciative of my space and my own time to my own self, this gorgeous puppy who i love so dearly and the realization that i still have time. i still have time to make my life what i want. 

focusing on extreme self care (to me this doesn’t mean getting manicures and massages, even though i would if it was offered), i made a list of things i’d like to be doing daily and then taking a look at the big picture and what i’d like to be doing long term. i’m currently ready “living forward” by michael hyatt and it came at the perfect time. full of really thought provoking questions which when you answer in the right way for you, beckons you to be assertive towards living the way that you wrote. 

roasted brussels sprouts: 

grab a bag of organic brussels (yes there is an s on the end) sprouts- trust me, you can eat the whole thing. preheat oven to 425 degrees and line large cookie sheet with parchment paper. remove outer leaves of sprouts, chop off ends and cut into halves. warm  1 1/2 tbsps of org. raw coconut oil in a large bowl with a 1/4 tsp of sea salt and pinch of pepper. you can add some garlic and onion powder too if you’d like. toss brussels into bowl with oil and seasoning and toss with fingers. make sure sprout halves are evenly and completely coated. place sprouts cut side down on the parchment paper, one at a time and at an equal distance from each other. cook in oven for 4 minutes- before flipping sprouts over onto other side, look for browning on the side down. when you see the carmelization, go ahead and flip all over and cook the other side another 4 minutes. the goal is to keep the crunch, no one actually like soggy, over cooked brussels sprouts. but when you have achieved the proper carmelization and while maintaining the green color and crunch, you’ve really done it. brussels sprouts are the perfect segue into fall. enjoy my lovelies. 

[cocomegara-blog]

as sure as the rain that will fall

i used to be a really good grocery shopper. i knew where i could get nearly everything. so not the case now. even though i spent practically my entire life in the land of subaru’s, it feels like everything has changed. and so my fridge remains bare. my cabinets are full though of every non-perishable item and condiment for many worldly dish i could want to create. let’s get creative meg! 

but first, a walk with ms. cocolita. i feel like comfort food and remember that i have a cashew bechamel sauce in the freezer. finally the rain has let up. my back yard was flooded. the heat lingers and the moisture makes the air feel heavy- but it actually feels like relief compared to the weather the past week. ha!

some of the things i want to make myself are: 

kombucha, yogurt, mayo, cheese and gin....yes i said gin. i have a lot of food allergies so try to avoid foods like dairy, gluten and eggs to name the big 3. i’ve found alternative foods but they still contain some unsightly ingredients. frankly, i’d spend way less money if i made my own kombucha since i drink so much of it and it’s like $4 a bottle. but nut milk yogurt and goat cheese/nut milk cheeses are high on my list. and making them tasty is the challenge. must be friend approved!

once i figure out where to get all the necessary goods in an affordable way, i’ll start on these culinary endeavors and keep you posted. but tonight’s dinner is quinoa pasta non-dairy alfredo. 

to make the cashew bechamel:

soak 2 cups organic cashews in 4-6 cups water overnight. strain and rinse the cashews. heat a pan to low/medium heat. add 2 tbsp olive oil. sweat 1 cup of diced onions for 5-8 minutes or until translucent. be careful not to brown the onions. then add 2 cloves of minced garlic to the onions a sweat a few more minutes. again, do not brown the garlic. transfer the onion and garlic mixture into the blender along with the soaked cashews, 1 1/2 cups of veg stock, 1/2 cup of dry white wine, 2 1/2 tbsp of nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp onion powder, pinch of freshly grated nutmeg, pinch of white pepper and 1 tsp of sea salt. blend until smooth and heat over stove prior to serving. you may need to add more veg stock when heating, add 1/4 cup at a time and whisk in slowly. 

i used a quinoa ziti pasta because i like the added protein the quinoa brings and i like the texture, it’s not mushy at all. i tossed in some english peas to the pasta water to blanch them. combine the pasta and peas with bechamel sauce and garnish with some italian flat leaf parsley! yum!

[cocomegara-blog]

blind dates.....getting back in the saddle.

a friend wants to set me up with this really, really attractive guy her husband works with. i know he’s super hot because we’ve facebook stalked him. it’s been over two months since the split- am i ready? he’s similar in age and divorced with 2 small children, but also he’s rooted in the area. i’m the opposite of rooted here, so it would be unfair to get involved. but also, i’m looking forward to spending time with me- walking more with my dog, taking pictures, writing, reading, meditating, yoga-ing, and cooking....maybe even some singing. my personality is such- and i’m very aware of my pattern and trying to correct- i get so wrapped up in taking care of my partner that i lose myself. so i’m trying to figure out my needs, discover how i like to live, do what i enjoy and then add a partner in the mix who has at least a few similar interests. this opposites attract thing clearly isn’t working for me. for now, i’ll skip the blind date but at least i can get back in the saddle, curtesy of my old friend N. he reminds me of joe manganiello’s character in the movie “tumbledown”- known him for a long time, he’s really good looking, great in bed but that’s all. whateva, etcetera. 

i’m obsessed with that movie. it feels like me and damien jurado is usually my background music anyway. a year from now i plan to be living on the coast of maine. i’m an east coast kind of girl. this current town is a little close for comfort and even though i love the apartment, i’m starting to regret my decision to move here. if only i went further north. last night my 2 closest girlfriends came over and together we consumed 2 large pitchers of sangria. the vino kept me from sleeping through the night and i woke up with a massive headache and nausea. i managed to send an email to my ex before i turned off the lights. one pitiful sentence of “we could’ve had a great life together”- why do we, when we drink, try to convince ourselves that we made a mistake in leaving that person? we remember only the good moments in the intoxication and then the stupid smart phones are so easy to help us get our drunken pleas across while auto correcting our slurred type. 

maybe it was because i went over the edge yesterday. i ran into an old friend who told me she’d just seen my ex. when she asked him how i was, he responded by shaking his head. in defense, i told her that it turned out he was a giant doushe-bag and she assured me that i deserved so much more.  the almost worst thing in the world to me is running into people from my past. i just don’t want to be surprised by anyone who knew me way back when and be forcibly subjected to the 20 questions, “how are you? what do you do? are you married?”. i want to be as far away from that as possible. so today while walking my dog around town i skipped down a side street to avoid another ex’s landscaping truck. haha! but what bothered me even more yesterday than running into this old friend who had muttered my ex’s name to me (which shook me to my core) was that i bad mouthed him. most times when people end relationships, when confronted with the break-up, most people automatically assume blame to their ex and badmouth them. i assume responsibility for my wrongs in the relationship and just because we hurt each other doesn’t make us bad people- just not the right people for each other. 

love is hard. except my love for kale. the high temperatures and humidity this week have been through the roof and this salad was the perfect dinner for one of those hot nights. something magical happens with you massage kale.....i could be making inappropriate comments about hot steamy summer nights....something about massaging....something else about my buddy N- but i’ll just stick with deets on the salad. Take 1/2 an avocado and the juice of 1/2 a lemon, combine with your fingers and massage into the kale. because kale has such a sturdy leaf (here i go again into the gutter) the acid from the lemon and oil/fats from the avo soften the kale- but it never sogs out like salad that’s been dresses far too early. Add some beautiful small crystals of sea sale and fresh cracked pepper into your massaged kale. I used a mandoline to finely slice the radishes and cuke. Assemble and eat!

#hailtothekale, #kaleyeah, #raddish, #avocado, #plantbased, #summer #sexysalad

[cocomegara-blog]

#plantbased #farmersmarket #newengland #organic #foodie #singleladystyle

[cocomegara-blog]

how to start...

i’m just getting home (my new home) from work on a saturday evening in late july. thru the living room window of my antique farmhouse, circa early 1800′s, i see an elderly man clothed in homemade cutoff overalls and a short sleeve button down shirt. he’s parked his out-of-state car across the street at the convenience shop and is stumbling along the sidewalk with his arms raised, hands clutching his vintage cellular phone anticipating a signal. a signal that won’t come. the nearest cell tower is 6 miles away. something i probably should have asked about prior to renting this place. teenagers across the street with ice cream cones and skateboards seem to find him amusing also, as they grin and giggle as he stammers around muttering aloud in frustration of being unreachable.

my new place certainly has charm. and character in the form of current small furry tenants who leave poop on my immaculate counter tops in my kitchen. for the most part it is quiet and peaceful, which is exactly what i was after following my break up and moving away from the suburbs of albany, ny. i stayed with a friend for a couple months while i searched for the “right” place- not sure where i wanted to go. did i want to stay at my job longer or take the opportunity to move where i really wanted to go- a place we had planned on moving together. but it was too overwhelming to look for work and a new home within a pretty tight time frame. enter the farmhouse. the pictures were small online and it looked cute. it wasn’t where i wanted to be and it was too close to where i grew up- like way too close. i almost didn’t go. but then i came inside and it just felt good. like a place i could be comfortable in and hang my hat while i prepared for my next adventure. so here we are, my dog coco and me. 

so cooking for more than 1 person is soooo easy. usually the other person helps out and both are looking forward to the meal. when you live alone dinner doesn’t seem that exciting or even necessary. you have no su chef or conversation while you prepare this meal. for the past 3 years i’ve prepared 90% organic, healthy and delicious for myself and boyfriend at the time. left overs became lunch or even dinner the next night. so for the few weeks that i’ve been here, living the single life, it’s been really easy for me to fall into a pattern of picking up not even slightly healthy dinner-on-the-go, less than delicious items or ignoring my night time hunger until right before bed and then eating a bowl of cereal. if i being honest with all of you out there in the ethernet abyss, my strict, healthful eating and life practices have totally fallen by the wayside. transition is just tough, but i feel like i can’t use that as an excuse anymore. so i plan to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. 

and so, without further ado, i’d like to serve up some nightly recipes (though i con’t promise i will post every single night, i’ll certainly do my best to be as active as possible) along with photos of my small new england town with no cell service and the musings of my everyday life as i try to come back to center, to who i really am. thank you for reading and certainly feel free to comment should you feel compelled.