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Self help books will help in your pursuit of dating

Self help books. You may have already read some. There are a lot of different ones to choose from for different purposes. The self help books I’m going to recommend don’t specifically talk about the self help in the context of relationships and dating, but more in yourself. 

You can learn even more about the mental benefits you receive from reading here. It seems in the day and age of instant digital access, many of us neglect how important it is to pick up a physical book and indulge yourself in it. The impact of reading is one of those things that will never go away. Despite digital e-books, print reading isn’t likely to go away for a long, long, time. 

1. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. 

This book comes with a quiz you can take about yourself and which parts of Emotional Intelligence you need to work on. The beginning of the book mentions how we used to measure intelligence only by IQ. But now since EI (emotional intelligence) has been around we’re now understanding how intelligence is truly measured.

The book focuses on 4 areas. These are self awareness, self management, social awareness, and relationship management strategies. Something else that is also really cool with the book, is that you can take a quiz before you read the book to see where you’re at. Once you’ve read the book and had time to practice and improve where you’re lacking, take the quiz again to see your individual progress!

1. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

It is written on Covey's belief that the way we see the world is entirely based on our own perceptions. In order to change a given situation, we must change ourselves, and in order to change ourselves, we must be able to change our perceptions.

This book is incredible and has timeless principles on how to be effective in your life. The 7 habits come from the principles of independence, interdependence, and continual improvement. 

To give a little snippet, the first habit talked about is to be proactive. Many of us wander and live about our lives reacting to everything. Life happens to us, we don’t make life happen. This is a part of our perception that needs to change.

Start replacing reactive language with proactive language.

Reactive = "He makes me so mad." Proactive = "I control my own feelings."

This is a preview of one of the first habits, which is to be proactive. 

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What women are attracted to

Ever wonder what the secret sauce is? Do you watch your friends effortlessly “get the girl” while you watch, practically drooling? The answer is pretty simple, women are attracted to confidence. Attraction for women is physical too; but not nearly as strong on the physical side for a woman. It is mentally and emotionally (especially emotionally) where the attraction begins from the woman to a man. 

A quote 

I saw a quote about confidence that I really liked. Being confident doesn’t mean acting like a dick. Here is the quote: “Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.” You know you’re abilities and are secure and confident in yourself. Self confidence is powerful!

How should confidence be demonstrated?

What does confidence look like? Great question. Well, synchrony is important to start the chemistry. If you’re chasing after a confident woman who is used to be hit on almost every day, then your confidence should be more strong. There is such thing as coming on too strong, though. Don’t be creepy. Is the girl you’re chasing more shy, reserved? Then a more delicate approach would be necessary. You get the picture. 

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The First Date

OK, so you’ve done some scouting out and you know who you want to ask out on a date. You’re nervous to ask that special girl out, but you know you want to. Here are some tips on how to ask her out (you’re kinda shy, I get it) and ideas of what to do for a first date.

Before you dial her number

This is simple.

You’re asking this girl to spend some time with you so you can get to know each other more. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t complicate a first date more than that.

Don’t get your hopes up too much either when she says yes. Take it for what it is, which is her agreeing to spend some time with you, which is a good thing!

Now is the call. Be authentic, be you!

Your request could be as simple as saying, “I would love to take you out to dinner this Wednesday night. Are you free then?”

There is nothing wrong with asking a direct question like that. In fact, in my experience (no, I don’t know everything) this is the best approach.

Perhaps before you pop the question you ask how her day has been… yada yada. Only a short amount of small talk is necessary.

Once the mood on the phone call has set, she’s going to be wondering, “why is he calling me?” this, fellas; is when you pop the question. When she replies with “yes, I would like that” respond like you. Be yourself! Set the time you will pick her up, and BOOM it’s a date.

What should we do on the first date?

K.I.S.S buddy. The first date should be short and simple. An hour or less if you  can. You’re trying to find out if you have a basic connection with this woman or not, that’s it. Here are some great first date ideas.

Dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant. Somewhere like… Olive Garden. You get my drift? Nice, but not fancy. Don’t go to a steakhouse on the first date. Too intimidating for the girl, and that’s just weird.

Go for dessert. Short and simple, cheap too.

Cook a three course meal together. (Ok, this might break the one hour rule I just gave…. but) This is surprisingly fun. You will be required to communicate to each other and that could end up going really well or… maybe not so well.

Go bowling. Two rounds of bowling and dessert. Nice and simple. You get to interact together and be face to face talking at dessert.

See a comedy show. Many times these shows are an hour or less. Hopefully the show you see is funny, but even if it isn’t, you’ll have lots to talk about afterwards.

Be patient. She’s not your girlfriend yet. I know what you’re thinking, “she agreed to go out with me.” It isn’t bad that you have some really fun dates planned in your head for down the road, but focus on the present. Most likely those are dates you would go on when you two are an exclusive couple, not for a first date.

The first date is practically a formality which is even more reason why you gotta keep reading this. I know, I know, you mustered up the courage to ask her out. That is something to be proud of, good on you!