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codependentkillers · 4 months

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dumping old writing here. this is really dog awful so any cancer received from reading it is a you problem. its written in a RP way due to the fact its one of the ones i had to get out of my head. carson death scene. Carson's titan is struck in the chest by an enemy titan’s spear midflight. He falls from the sky, just like Icarus once did. characters in story: Carson Moss and Ren Kurosawa.

note: he does get himself out of the titan before this scene i just never wrote it?i don't even know how you are supposed to write a dying person in a normal way. clips of this is already on this blog i am dumping the whole.

Ren on her knees in front of the tree Carson had propped himself on: I need to call someone. A distress signal. you can not die here. you have come too far to just die here in this fucking forest.

Carson reaches out to Ren. He had already removed his helmet when dragging himself out of his Titan: Ren. Ren. Please. listen to me. I just fell from around 600 feet in the air. I know you are scared but i-

Ren throwing her hands in the air: Stop talking! You are going to die here if we do not do anything! We have a daughter to get home to!

Hayden over coms: Maiko, what's going on there? Should we send back up? Icarus and you are reading as stagnant.

Carson: Ren. please.

Carson’s eyes were pleading to her. Blue as the sky he fell from, tears welling in them. It was almost as if this was supposed to happen... Or if he knew. He knew he would die here.

Ren sits on the ground next to Carson. Leaning her back against the tree herself. Ren can see him struggle to breathe as he speaks. The only thing keeping him going was pure adrenal power. His hands were shaking. His whole body was shaking.

Carson, grabbing onto Ren or trying: Ren, please. look at me. please.

Ren looks at Carson and just holds his hand: I have cancer in my brain. I am going to die anyway. Doesn’t matter if it's here or in the hospital. I am going to die.

Ren squeezes his hand hard.: Okay. just... What about Kaine? Mira? Jack and Elissa? Hayden? Amelie? Your Nan?

Carson gestures to Icarus, downed among broken trees in front of them, wrecked to all hell, his helmet lying in front of the wreckage... A trail of blood leads to where they sit. His free hand shakes as he gestures. Carson takes a shaky breath as he speaks: I went here to this fight with Kaine knowing I might not come back. We already prepared everything. Funeral. Will. The tremors have been bad. They think it’s from the Titan. It’s eating my brain. that shitty hunk of metal is killing me. It will kill all of you too... Just like Mom, Bianca, and Carmelo.

Carson chuckles as he speaks. He winces in pain as he does: The tumor is just a surprise unrelated thing. it’s not funny. Yet, it is.

Carson looks at Ren, tears begin to run down his face: Ren, I am not scared of death. if anything, death is scared of me. It only just now has come for me… and listen

Carson, before coughing up blood: Jack.. Nana... They will be okay. Rick and Amelie ca-

She could feel the anger build in her. He wasn’t allowed to just give up. Carson was so strong. He could just... Give up. After all this time? He’s just giving up. What about her? She needed him. She needed Him.

Ren cuts him off: WHAT ABOUT ME?

Carson smiles weakly, gripping her hand with all his remaining strength. His breathing was becoming more shallow. His rambling had just made it worse. He never learned to shut up. Carson was always talking. Doesn’t matter what. He always found something to ramble about. He tries to turn on his side to face her. His guts were hanging from the hole in his stomach, they were severed and had been pulled with the removal of the spear. Attempting to reach to put his hand on Ren’s cheek. Carson: You will be fine. You are my girl. You always will be my gi-

Carson coughs up blood which splatters on his chest and dribbles on his chin. His hand falls limp. Ren panics, turning him on his back. She wants to vomit. This can’t be real. No. No. No...

Diana over comms: Maiko?

Ren whispers into com in her ear: We don't need backup. We are fine—Titan repair is required in the field. Will be back in the air momentarily but may take a while.

Carson lightly squeezes her hand: Thank you.

Ren: now for once in your life. Stop talking. Just. shut up. Ren takes off the helmet of her NLS. Sitting it next to her. She couldn’t stomach listening to others speak while she watched this.

Carson just smiles. Ren puts her free hand on his chest. His breathing was slow and shallow He held her hand as he lay on his side to face her. He doesn’t have much strength left. If any. Ren scoots herself down onto the ground of the forest. The pine needles were rough under her but that didn’t matter. She lays on her side facing him. His hand holds her against his chest. Feeling every breath becoming so… so close. The tremors are worsening. His hand shook as it rested under her hand.

Why did he give up now? Why now? Carson was a fighter. Ren knew every surgery he had gone through to every small detail. All of it. He lived through it… Now they are lying here as he dies Suddenly the shaking worsens…. It doesn’t stop. She’s afraid to move. It’s almost like she’s watching him have a seizure. She’s only ever seen one tonic-clonic seizure. It wasn’t this. The tremors and convulsions brought on by being a Titan pilot were comparable but not the same. He still had ahold of her hand despite his body trembling…. Then it just stops.

Ren: Ray? Ray? Carson? Carson??

She shakes him lightly with her free hand. Her other still holding onto Carson’s hand. He didn’t respond. The convulsing had stopped as quickly as it started. She shakes him again. No movement. Nothing. Nothing...

Ren picks up his hand, kisses it, and prays to herself. This wasn’t real. There was a light attempt at a squeeze from him. It wasn’t enough. It had to be her imagination.

His eyes were rolling back in his head as they tried to look at her. His hands were becoming limp in hers. Ren could feel his breathing finally stop. Relief was almost washing over him. He looked like he was smiling.

Ren takes a deep breath. Taking her hand out from his lifeless grip as she sits up. She puts her hands on his shoulders and flips him onto his back. It felt wrong to move a dead body. Yet, she had to make it look like she didn’t just.. Watch him die... She turns to pick up the helmet that sits next to her. She puts it on, leaning her head against the tree. Light banging the back of the helmet against the solid wood. The internal navi and system screen in the helmet visor lights up.

Ren, putting her hand to the side of the helmet to speak to the AI: victory. Request.

The AI beeps in response. Asking for the request.

Ren: Run a vitals scan on the current subject. The subject is registered in the system. Squad member Carson Moss. The pilot of Titan, Icarus

The AI runs a laser over Carson. Up and down. Calculating his vitals in front of her in the visor. Medical monitors often were less accurate than this. O2, Pulse, and even blood pressure. No need for cuffs. She puts her right hand on his wrist, leaving her left against her helmet to instruct victory once it finishes the scan... Just to check before the readings were finished. Nothing. No breathing.

The scan stops. The sound of a flat line played in her ears. Every number that should be read as any other number than zero… Was zero... Victory informs her of the distress signal being sent to the squad… asking if she would like a specific class member, the nearest member of the squad, or the whole squad. Asking for a response in 30 seconds before a default distress would be sent.

Ren: Mercy Class Member

Victory responds. Asking if she would like to send a signal to Mercy Class Member, Jean Saab. The pilot of Titan, code name Blackfish or Mercy Class Member, Amelie Moss. The pilot of Tian, codename Wonderland.

Ren looks at Carson’s face. Blood was still dripping from his lips. His eyes were barely open. She should close them. She couldn’t bear to touch his face at this point... The baby blue eyes of her best friend were... Lightless. The one person she trusted the most. The person who she carried a baby for. Her first love. Her... Person. His freckles were becoming more prominent. He had gone too quickly. There was no way they could have helped him anyhow.

Victory informs her of needing a response in 5 seconds or that a general distress signal will be sent to all squad members. She cuts off the AI.

Ren: Send a distress signal to Blackfish. Mercy class. Pilot Jean Saab.

The AI pulls up a phone call-like screen in the visor.

Jean: Maiko, I received your distress signal. I am about a mile out from your location. Icarus is with you. You have been in stag for over 10 minutes. What’s going on? I have us in one on one.

Ren froze. This was his brother’s best friend. She could tell him… If anyone could break the news to Hayden, it was Jean. No one else would be calm enough to make her panic less. Her cousins would lose it. Hayden or Amelie was out of the question. Diana, Quinn, and Sebastion.. who knows. The only one who could be calm would be Jean or Max. Max would bring Hayden so it had to be Jean. Jean: What is Icarus’ status, Maiko?

The sick feeling in her stomach was only getting worse. The tears couldn’t be held back anymore. She had to let it out. Ren lets out a small sob followed by a sharp breath.

Ren: he. He is. H-

She couldn’t finish her sentence before she just screamed. She didn’t know what to do. The forest echoed her scream back -- The sound of pain, grief, and desperation.

The silence over the communication system was tense. Jean knew. She knew he did. He was a fucking nurse. Jean was in the Mercy class for that reason. Jeanr: I am coming to you.

She couldn’t take it. Ren throws off her helmet, and it rolls and lands not far from the wreckage. Standing while the vomit fills her mouth. She rushes to the nearest tree. Vomiting up pure bile and water. She never ate before missions because the nerves wouldn’t allow it.

Jean was a mile out. His arrival would be quick with how fast he moves. For now, it was her… and Carson’s lightless, lifeless body.

#oc tag #othersiders #mixed dates

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codependentkillers · 5 months

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I literally never write anymore

And most of the shit on here is really bad lol

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codependentkillers · 6 months

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I will do anything,

Tell me what to do.

I need an order,

A directive.

Just tell me what you want from me

And I will do it.

#old writing #unknown date #2021 #writing

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codependentkillers · 10 months

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Sage/Reed, the fanfiction in which I self-project and vent but was ASS BLASTED HIGH when i wrote. I use revolving pronouns for sage in this cuz I couldn’t decide

Admittedly, Reed could sleep through all of his classes. He was smart. He knew he was. Just what was the point of 99% of this stuff, seriously? They have been on the same subject in history for months now. Yet, during the 9th period, he had a reason to be awake. Even if it was the end of the day and no one cared at that point. Having an elective for the last period was a blessing many did not have.

(Poor Anon was still bombing in English. What a sad sad little man who can not read… yet, is somehow passing AP calculus. At the top of their class too! Reed is still salty about it. That’s a rant for another day. Back to it)

Art class. Normally by the end of the day, the art teacher didn’t give a fuck. She may have had a class every other period but 8th period? Ms. Baryon was nowhere to be found. A lot of the time it’s easy to assume she left the school entirely. That’s not why Reed likes it. (Though it is nice). He could see them. Ah yes, them. Sage. The little pastel yellow dino somehow has him wrapped around their little finger. The girl could barely speak above a 50% volume level and sounded like Elmo. Had the goofiest glasses. Honestly, a total dork ass if you ask Reed.

Walking from math to the extracurricular wing was a long haul. Math was on the second floor. He had to go through the lunch room and to the end of the hall. Thank god he’s tall. It goes by fast. Reed snaps out of his thoughts as he walks down the steps. A small head of curly purple hair stuck out in between the crowds of people walking through the halls. Heading its way to the art room. Reed smiles to himself as he jumps the last few steps of the stairs. Well, he does not before he crashes into… Rosa and her things. right as she was rummaging through her bag. At the end of the steps in a hallway because who knows.

“Qué demonios, Reed?!” Rosa scolds him as she stands, brushing herself off. She picks up her bag from the floor. “Maybe look for things in your bag when you get to class. Just maybe.” He laughs.

Her glare could kill. If she were Medusa he would be stone and the newest statue in the school’s garden. He was in for it now.

Reed bends down and picks up Rosa’s book.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” She asks as Reed hands her the book. Reed froze for a second. Not noticing the nervous chuckle that came out as he did so. Rosa’s eyebrow lifts. As one of Sage’s closest friends, she knew her schedule. Her glare turns into a devilish grin. “You and Pequeño have art class together. Correct?” She questions, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. Rosa’s nickname for Sage was quite fitting. He won’t lie. Small. “Uh, yeah.” Reed clears his throat, putting his hands in his pockets. Her grin only deepened. “Go on. I won’t keep you.” Rosa waves at him. The grin never fades as she walks up the stairs past Reed. He looks down at his feet, sighing.

Reed stands there for a moment. The hallways have mostly cleared. Being late for class didn’t matter anyhow. He begins the walk toward the cafeteria. He passes a couple of classrooms before making it to the hall that leads to the cafeteria from volcano high’s educational wing. The cafeteria was quiet. Which meant as he walked in, all you could hear were footsteps. Reed loved to just clap and make all the noise he could as he walked through. Therapeutic. He smacks his hands together as he walks. Trying to come up with a beat. Fang showed him a rift she came up with. He hasn’t found a best for it. Every clap echoes as he walks through the cafeteria. He could not for the life of him think of one. None of what he was coming up with sounded good. Reed sighs as he rubs his hands together, walking down the hall to the art room. The art room was at the far end of the hall. You could leave through it as it was next to an exit. He walks down the hall sometimes peeking into the other classrooms. Home economics looked so boring. He was glad he was able to avoid it. The door was wide open as he reached it. There was a heat that was rising. He needed to stay calm. Don’t be an idiot.

Reed saunters into the room. Scanning around. Most of the students in this period play hooky and go slack off elsewhere. Very few come in but keep to themselves. It’s an extra study hall for most.

Only Sage and Reed are the ones talking half the time. Though he could not find Sage. Odd. He nears their usual table at the far back of the room. Sage’s things were there on the table but no sight of the smaller dino. “Where the fuck did she go?” Reed murmurs to himself, putting his hand to his chin and scratching it. He should grow a beard. A beard would be perfect for these moments. Old times detective shit. Aw yeah…

“I am down here!” A small voice squeaks from under the table. Reed squats down to see Sage lying under the table on her back. Hood up, headphones on. Big purple eyes peered up at Reed behind large circle frames. Puppy-like and tired. Eye bags upon eye bags. Sage was a big insomniac but this is the worst he’s ever seen her. It’s gotten worse since lunch. “Hey, kiddo. Whatcha doing?” Reed asks, sitting down on the floor next to the chair Sage’s things were sitting in. “Tired.” Sage replies before turning her head to stare forward.

Reed notices what Sage is wearing. A hoodie is normal. The beloved frog hoodie of hers was visible from space. Yet, Sage always is wearing some sort of baggy pants or shorts. It was her brand of you will. So the sweatpants and sandals (with matching greetings sabertooth socks) in mid-December were a surprise. Reed moves the chairs back to lie next to Sage.

he lays on his side next to the smaller raptor. Sage’s bangs were in her face, covering her eyes behind her glasses. He reaches out and brushes them back for her. A small chuckle comes from the other dino. “Thanks,” Sage whispers, looking at Reed with a smile. “Your day go okay?” Sage asks, grabbing Reed’s hand while holding it in their own hand. “You are talking like you haven’t seen me since lunch,” Reed replies, squeezing their hand. Their hands were so small but had slender fingers.. Or Reed just had giant hands.. Or both

. “I guess you got me there.” Sage shrugs as she turns her head to look at the bottom of the table again. They take a deep breath and then exhale. Rubbing circles into Reed’s palm as they close their eyes. Reed stares at them for a moment before closing his own eyes.

They lay there for a moment of silence before a thought comes to Reed’s mind. Sage had asked him if he could drive them home after school. Sage hated the bus as some of the school’s worst assholes happened to live in the same area. So it wasn’t strange for one of the members of their friend group to drive Sage home. She was on the student council too. They were doing prom planning now how did she convince Naomi to let her leave? Sage was the council’s “true party planner” as Naomi put it.

“I thought the student council had a meeting after school. How did you get out of that?” Reed finally breaks the silence, opening his eyes and turning to look at Sage. Her eyes were still open. Unfocused as they stared at the bottom of the table. She didn’t hear a single word he just said. Clearly. Reed reaches over and waves his free hand in front of her face. “Earth to Bambino. It’s Reed speaking” He waves his hands in front of Sage’s eyes a few times. Neither time gaining a single reaction. Damn, he was zonked. So he smacked him in the nose. “Augh!” Sage takes his hand out of Reed’s to hold onto his bopped snoot. “What was that for?” He whines as he holds onto his face. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinted behind his large frames as he glared at Reed. God, he was so cute. “You weren’t listening to me. I asked how you got out of the student council meeting?” He repeats. Sage puts his hands down and sighs. “I asked Naomi if I could skip. The neighbors kept me up all night again.”

INSERT THE FUCKING PARAGRAPH OR LIKE 6 THAT GOT EATEN BY GOOGLE DOCS I AM REALLY REALLY SAD. IDK WHAT HAPPENED.

“So I told him, either you call the cops or I will.” Sage rips off his hoodie and throws it onto the bathroom floor. It hits the floor with a wet smack, it was so drenched from the rain it was now heavy. He turns to face Reed in the doorway throwing his hands in the air. “He doesn’t get that MY ROOM is next to their bedroom. All they do is ARGUE, scream, beat each other up, and have LOUD VIOLENT SEX! THEN THE BABY! CAN’T FORGET THE SCREAMING BABY!” Sage waves his arms in the air as he yells “That’s when I then said call the cops, evict them or something! I want to sleep at night!” He then puts his hands down and begins to take off his shirt. Reed turns his head away for a moment. Not wanting to embarrass the other but at this point, it seems they are too far gone. Not like this was the first time he had seen Sage’s chest. Sage was fighting off his pants as he continued “Then I said I don’t care if they are triggers! I am calling the fucking cops! Fuck them!” Reed had to stop himself from laughing, clasping his hand over his mouth. He wasn’t sure what was the hilarious thing about this current situation. Sage angrily stripped off rain-soaked clothes, his high-pitched yelling voice or him saying a slur with no hesitation. Reed couldn’t help it. A laugh escaped behind his hand. “What?! You think this is funny?!”

Sage says, standing in his underwear in front of Reed. Reed jumps back as he leans in. Reed couldn’t help it

#unfinished and unedited #2023 #summer of 2023 #other writing tag

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codependentkillers · 10 months

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Sage/Reed snoot game fanfic I never finished part 2

In hindsight, Sage should have expected to end up alone. Graduation came and went. Every around him grew like flowers in the school garden. Mostly everyone went to college! Getting their degrees, heck Naser was in medical school! That was a feat! Naomi was going to law school, oddly enough. Sage wasn’t sure what made her change her mind about the medical route. Maybe the breakup. Trish could go even. She scored an outstanding scholarship. Rosa decided to go for teaching after being at odds about going to school or not. Volcano High will be so lucky to have a teacher like her. Stella got accepted into an amazing art school on the other side of the country. She sends him all kinds of beautiful pictures of the city, things she and Chad Shark get into… He decided to take an off year. No need to worry about school for another 4 years for at least another year right? Yet, the other feeling of loneliness bothered him. Relationships. Her friends were mostly in them. Remaining in relationships from their senior year and meeting new people at college. She had friends! Lots of them! Two best friends that he would die for were happy! Rosa’s girlfriend is beautiful and Chad Shark is dedicated to Stella. He moved to New Scut City with her. It was the hopeless romantic side of Sage. It was empty. Unrequited crushes always fell through. Rejections from others that didn’t feel the same. Maybe that part of her was half dead or in a state of stagnancy. She was lonely. Why would he lie?

There was one person who stayed, Reed. Reed's constant presence cannot be overlooked... It wasn’t on purpose. He was always there; the only person he saw every da-. The ring of a doorbell woke her from her thoughts. Oh yeah, she’s at work. “Hi, Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you?” Sage stands up straight from the corner she is leaning on. Not looking the person in the face. She saw so many people daily that she didn’t bother to look at them. Today was even a slow one or she wouldn’t have had time to space out like he did. “I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large and a suicidal raptor employee.” A familiar voice lazily chimed with a snort. Sage looked up at the figure in front of him over the rim of his glasses. Reed was wearing the stupid smirk he always had. Despite being a raptor, he was pretty tall. He was the only Raptor that Sage knew that made him look extra short. Sage lets out a sigh.

Before she can begin to reply, Reed cuts her off. “What time do you get off work?” He asks, leaning on the corner to reach over and push Sage’s glasses back from hanging off her nose. Reed’s face is in hers, his eyes looking into hers. Eye contact. Sage adverts his gaze up to the clock on the wall. 3:37. Sage had surfed through the high school rush without realizing it. The last time she had the chance to look at the clock was during her break at noon.

“4, I have been here since we opened at 6,” Sage replies, looking back at Reed, who had been still leaning on the corner but an arm reaching over it

Reed was fishing in the straw cup to get one out… Sage knew what was next if he got one out of the cup. He did it every time he came to visit her at work. “Why?” She questions as she smacks Reed’s hand. “You going to finally kill me so I can quit?” Reed moves his hand out of the cup with a straw in his hand, the wrapper still on for now. “Maybe. It is quite dead in here right now. About as dead as you look.” Reed shrugs as he rips off one end of the wrapper. “Please don’t” Sage slumps her shoulders with a groan, throwing his head back. Reed puts the straw to his lips and blows, shooting the wrapper at Sage with a soft ‘foof’. It hits Sage in the chest before falling to the ground. Sage stands up straight before looking at Reed with a glare.

“Do you want anything, or are you going to stand here wasting our straws until I am off?” She asks Reed as she taps the cash register screen to begin the order. He simply stands there with his hands in his pockets as he stands in front of the register. That stupid smirk on his face, with the straw hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette. Sage hated it when he smirked like that. It was almost sickening. It had the horrid mixture of calming and smugness when Sage saw it.

“You suck.” Sage murmurs with a roll of her eyes. “Oh, but you love me for it!” Reed exclaims with a shrug.

The doorbell of the cafe rings behind them. Two customers came in, Two little old ladies with shopping bags. Which meant tea. Easy enough. Better than the teenagers trying the secret menu crap. The store was next to the mall, so it wasn’t uncommon for shoppers to stop after leaving. “Hi! Welcome to Starcucks!” Sage chimes quickly before looking at Reed. “Go sit down or something.” He waves him off to the tables not far from the counter. Reed takes his hands out of his pockets, putting them up while slightly leaning over the counter. “Alright, Alright, but one more.” Reed quickly moves to grab another straw. Sage smacks his hand before he can reach across the counter. “Go.” Sage points at the tables again. Reed lets out a chuff while shooting Sage a toothy, dumb, stupid, gross grin.

She wishes he would go away so she can just do her job, but… It made the day more bearable at least… straw wrappers aside.

The two little stegosaurus ladies approach the counter, walking at their slow snail paces. Sage puts back on her customer service voice “Hi ladies! What can I get you two today?!” She grins as he begins to take their order. The taller blue stego with big purple glasses squints her eyes as she looks up at the menu. The shorter orange stego next to her pokes her with her elbow. “Oh! Sorry, love.” The blue dino apologizes as she begins to order. “I would like a tall iced matcha tea latte.” Easy enough. “2% alright with that?” Sage asks as she enters the order. “Yes, yes.” She replies. “And you?” She asks the orange stego who is waiting patiently. “I would like the small honey citrus tea, please.” She croaks out. Sage pegs in the order, adding up the total. The shorter woman begins to shuffle for her handbag. She sees the other shake her head and reach out to stop her from opening the bag. She must be a coin purse granny. The type that took a long time to count out her money with coins included. “That will be 10.90!” She says, turning to grab their cups as the older woman pays with her credit card.

“Can I get your names for your cups!?” Sage picks up the marker to write their names on the cups. “Rita,” the small one answers before gesturing to the taller dino. “And Janet.”

What little old lady names, she thought to himself as she wrote their names on the cups. Rita on the citrus tea. Janet on the matcha latte. God, she loved it when little old ladies came to work. Such simple orders. She puts down the cups to rip their receipt from the printer and hands it to Janet, the taller blue one... “By the way, dearie.” Janet, the blue one, chimes in. “Yes, ma’am?” Sage answers as she begins to move the cups to the drink-making station. She opens the milk as she watches the two ladies quietly argue amongst themselves for a moment. Janet points over toward Reed, who is mindlessly chewing on the straw as he stares at his phone with his feet up on the table. “Is that handsome young man over there your boyfriend? You two make a cute couple.”

Sage drops the jug of milk on the floor. It spills all over her apron, pants, and work shoes. Now she has to change the moment ASAP after leaving work... Also, explain why and how she wasted a whole gallon of milk to his boss... Fuck.

Luckily for Sage, Reed kept a change of clothes in the back of his van after a misadventure on “Guys’ night”. The van was a friend group legend. He had pooled together money from working at Moe’s to buy himself a “certified drum hauler” which really was a creeper van that could break down any second. Anon, Naser and he had spray-painted flames on the side of it, horribly. What confused everyone the most was how they got Naser to be apart. Reed brought her the hoodie and sweatpants while she hid in the back. Thankfully her coworker came off break so she could clock out at the same time she dropped the milk. The embarrassing part wasn’t having to change in the employee bathroom, not the first time. Not really dropping the milk either. That was just STUPID of her. It was the fact she was changing into HIS clothes. They were slightly too long and big for her body. The gray sweatpants had to be rolled at the waist to stay up and at the ankles to not drag under her shoes. The hoodie was a familiar one, not like he hadn’t let her… wear it before. It was a WURM DRAMA hoodie that Stella made for Reed, Fang, and Trish. It was a yellow color that was almost baby-puke color. Stella was her best friend but by god it was ugly. Not to mention the logo. Graphic design was truly Reed’s passion.

#unknown date #2023 #other writing #unfinished and unedited

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codependentkillers · 10 months

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“I always have wondered if I deserved this life. The things that have happened to me have shaped me into something. Something that is hopeless. One day, Daniel will kill me. I don’t know when that will be. I know deep in my heart it will happen but it will happen. Sooner rather than later. I pretend that it’s fine, it’s okay, it’s alright. I lie to Danny and Tory. I tell them he isn’t hurting me badly. I pretend to others that this man is my father, the man who raised me and that my mother is dead from illness. When in reality the man who raised me is in jail for selling drugs. He allowed me to be raped and abused by my stepbrother who he liked more than me. My mother was murdered. She was abused, trafficked, and murdered. She never stood a chance. I am Daniel’s replacement of her. She was his high school sweetheart who got away. If she hadn’t. Would this be her reality? Would she just endure the same fate differently? Would Daniel be a different man? Would I even exist? My grandmother sent me to live with Auntie for a better life. She just wanted rid of me. She saw Eileen in me. In my behavior, looks, and personality. She didn’t see me. She saw her daughter warmed over. She never wanted my mother. Why would she want me? Macy is severely retarded. A fucking retard is better than me. She’s the forever child who will never act out of line. Not Eileen all over again. Not me. Had I not met Daniel in that diner… Where would I be? Would I be safe? Would I graduate with my head down, working a dead-end job while attending college? Would I be able to live on my own? Would I ever meet Danny or Tory? Would I end up in the arms of this man regardless? Would I have this scar? He spent years grooming me for this position. His doll, his toy, and his prey. The part-time job was just his way to start it all. The coming over to ‘help’ Auntie was the second part of the plan. He learned my routine. He learned about me. Down to the core. My insecurities, my trauma, my disorders, and my life. He stalked me like a wolf would a deer. I had no chance. I was an easy target. He won me over. He took me that day. He brought me into this house. He made sure I felt his love. Felt his love in the pain. The punches to my stomach, cigarettes to my skin, dunking my head into the pool water, cutting my chest to leave this scar and the sex. I became his accomplice in kidnap, sex trafficking, murder, and black market sales of organs… all of this. I should be scared, right? I should hate this? I shouldn’t want this… I love every second of it. He loves me. I love him. He does love me but this love will be the reason I die. I will die at a man’s hands, Just like her. I am Eileen. Charlene never existed.”

#december 2023 #oc tag #made in stockholm

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