codo17

[codo17]

This is a freaking masterpiece wow. i’m speechless. so good. one of the best, if not THE best, i’ve read 😭

Her Perfect Delusion

She's carefully curated the perfect lie, and you're at the centre of it.

There’s one thing about life that you don’t quite understand; how fast you can go from loving someone to hating them.

Those two things are a phenomenon that have coexisted together since the start of humankind, though it’s a hard thing for most people to accept. They’re arguably the two strongest feelings, there’s no choice in experiencing them, they come when they’re least wanted. What are you supposed to do when they occur at the same time?

When you first read that text message, the one that kept you up at night and has done for two weeks, it was as if you were the rope in an endless game of tug-of-war, being pulled back and forth relentlessly by an angel and a devil, by the resentment and longing that fought it out in your mind, each pulling with an equally unbearable amount of force. It prevented you from deciphering your true feelings, only making the whole situation a hundred times worse. 

You hated her, with every fibre of your being, yet you couldn’t shake that godforsaken, overwhelming, self-sacrificial pit of love that refused to leave your heart. Your own organs, both your heart and your mind, were entranced by her, betraying your own common sense to despise her and forget her. 

We can’t tell the team yet. I will pick you up tomorrow morning and we will carry on as normal.

That was it. No other explanation, no clarification, no mercy. 

It came mere minutes after she walked out of your apartment when she had broken up with you. Apparently she had the guts to end your year-long relationship in a heartbeat, but was too much of a coward to give you any say in person about telling your friends. 

And you followed her instructions wordlessly.

How could you ignore her, forget her, hate her, love her, when even after she had broken up with you, she forced herself into your life with no care in the world? 

Part of you thought something was wrong with her, because for a while now, you hadn’t recognised her as the woman you loved. Her breaking up with you just solidified that – she was completely unrecognisable. The sympathetic, caring side of you which she once adored, it craved to wrap her up in your arms, lead her back to bed, and talk for hours as the sun set and subsequently rose until you figured out what was going on inside her mind. Before you got together, you spent far too long trying to unlock that side of her. Maybe you never truly saw it in the first place.

You refused to leave the club, even though staying would mean seeing her almost everyday. Alexia might be Barça, but it was your club too. Your family too. Whether you were overstaying your welcome or not, you weren’t about to let a failed attempt to build a life with someone else stop you from keeping a life for yourself. Barcelona was home. Alexia had been too, you weren’t about to lose two at once.

If you told people, you would be alone. It was Alexia’s club before you joined. Your friends were her friends before she introduced you. Barcelona was Alexia’s home before it was yours. There wasn’t a part of you that doubted she’d turn the whole of Catalunya on you if everybody knew the true state of your relationship.

So the morning after that text, you clambered into her car, a suffocating, thick silence seated in the car with you both, and that was that. Weeks passed before you without even realising it. The hate wore off and the love only got stronger.

Every morning for training, she picked you up, you walked in together, feigned smiles on your faces that physically hurt deep in your chest. With Alexia, you had given her thousands, if not millions, of genuine, joy-filled smiles. All you were left with was tear-filled eyes instead, drowning in the love lingering, blinking them away near enough every second you spent with her. 

It took far too much force to withhold the smile, though it soon became second nature. You got a routine down with her, and you were so focused on keeping up the act, you trained on auto-pilot. The scaffolding it required to pin the smile to your face was heavy, and it was like one strong gust of wind, one act of affection that brought back a whirl of memories, whether that be an arm around your shoulders or a kiss to your cheek, was all it would take to knock the bars out and let it all come crumbling down. Perhaps that would be for the best.

Just a shame you were in too deep to realise that.

“You guys want to come over for dinner tonight?” Irene asked from Alexia’s left. You were on the captain’s right, hands swinging between you. It was the image of happiness, of how soft your love had once been, though that was merely a figment of the past. A piece of your heart you’ll never get back, a piece Alexia held onto and flaunted in your face with how she held onto your hand, and you simply let her.

“We have plans already, no?” Alexia turned to you, a look in her eyes that had you agreeing easily. You didn’t have the strength to verbalise your willingness to fall at Alexia’s feet once more, so you settled for a nod.

“Ah, a shame. Another time.” Irene smiled, a genuine one that you envied. 

God, how pathetic. To envy someone over a smile.

“Por supuesto.” Alexia confirmed, waving at her friend as she made her way to her own car. 

Like always, you put your bag in the trunk of her car, and climbed into the passenger side. As you did everyday, with no complaints. Why didn’t you complain? Is that really how weak you are?

“What are you doing on Saturday?” Alexia asked you this time, her lips in a thin line as she reversed out of the parking space. Her voice was cold, stern, distant, completely devoid of the gentleness she once addressed you with. She almost didn’t sound like Alexia. 

“Um, nothing I think, I don’t h-”

“Good. You will come to dinner with me and my family.” 

It was a demand, not a question, not an invite. The shy, heart-warming excitement she spoke with when she asked you to join her family for dinner for the first time didn’t even feel like something that had once happened anymore. It was such a contrast from that treasured memory, you had to cover your mouth to stop the sob that wanted to suddenly escape.

However, that heartbreak of a reminder wasn't even the main thing on the forefront of your mind at that moment. Instead, all you could focus on was the fact she hadn’t told her family yet. This wasn't part of this fucked up ordeal.

There was no way, in good conscience, that you could look her mother in the eye and lie to her. 

“You haven’t told your family about us?” You said in an insecure voice, chancing it and looking over at her. There was no need; she wore the same expression she had adorned since the breakup, one of stoicism and carelessness. One that exuded control, one which relished in that fact.

“Do not start. Do not pick a fight right now.” Was all she replied, and if there were ever two statements to sum up the state of your relationship, it was those. 

Her hands clutched the steering wheel tighter, her nostrils flared in frustration with her lips pursed into a thin line, meanwhile you cowered into your seat like a scolded child. Throughout this whole situation, each day Alexia had slowly beaten down your confidence, a piece of your self-esteem cracking and falling away with every word that she spoke. You were losing yourself in the process, and having already lost the other half of your soul in your break-up, you didn’t know if you would survive any longer. 

There had been one fight so far, but Alexia refused to let it happen again. Any time you showed the slightest bit of disagreement, she’d say something that would silence you in an instant. You knew it was unfair, and toxic. You didn’t do anything about it though. Of course you didn't.

“I’ll pick you up at eight. It’s at my Mami’s house. You will not say a word about us, you understand?” She pressed sternly, glancing away from the road for a second to give you a piercing glare. It only provoked that pit of nausea that cruelly reminded you of your current position every time it made an appearance. 

“I understand.” You whispered in a voice that Alexia knew too well; there was a lump in your throat that you had to fight past to speak.

This time, when she turned to look at you, you swore you saw a hint of regret in her eyes. Before you could get your hopes up though, she was focused on the road in front of her again, brows furrowed and her usual frown on her face. 

You got a physical break from her the next day, but not a mental one. A two day respite had been given to the team, the Friday and the Saturday, and you loathed them. You cursed yourself for that, because why could you find issue with time off but not the vicious cycle you found yourself in? 

Every second of that Friday was spent in bed, submerged by a blanket that faintly smelled like her, in your bedroom that was still decorated as if someone loved you, with pictures all around and traces of small details which only existed as a result of being wholly adored, like you once had been. They were glimpses of the past, evidence of the affection you had a taste of, yet had been pulled away just as the disbelief began to wear off.

Even a year down the line, you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. From the moment you met her, the moment she asked you out on a date with her voice trembling and her hands fidgeting, you were in a near constant state of disbelief. Never in your life did you picture yourself in such an idyllic relationship, with a woman not even your wildest dreams could have imagined. Maybe you were right to cling onto your insecurities, because in the end it did turn out to be too good to be true.

As a matter of fact, it had been your heart that was dropped, shattering into fragments too small to be fixed back together. Instead, you were shoved to the side and thrown to the floor like a child that lost interest in a toy. Even still, Alexia didn’t have the same emotional maturity that a child had to give you your space to grieve, choosing to parade you around on her arm like the pain she’d caused was the greatest achievement of her life. 

You didn’t move, get up, talk to anyone, nothing. Those tasks felt too big to approach, you felt too small, too undeserving. So you subjected yourself to thirty-six hours of nothing but overthinking. What else was there for you to do? You had nothing else going for you except your broken relationship, there wasn’t exactly a lot of options. 

Any memory that came to mind, you thought about it, hashed over every moment of it, looked at every viewpoint you could think of from Alexia’s perspective, until you rinsed it dry and tears soaked your pillow. All these times where her disdain towards you was glaringly obvious, yet you still didn’t have the strength to break apart the love you stored in your bones. You found yourself defending her, coming up with excuses for the way she acted, and no part of you stopped yourself. 

Eventually though, the tears dried out, just in time for you to start getting ready for dinner with her family. 

Her family, who were none the wiser to the despicable actions of their daughter, sister, niece, cousin. They thought the world of her, the star of the family, heart of the city, the best athlete of her sport that could do no wrong, personally and professionally.

Was it wrong to end a relationship out of convenience, yet still pretend to be in love to avoid the dull task of sharing the embarrassment that it hadn’t worked out as planned? They probably wouldn’t think so. They would take her side, paint you as the villain, and shower the Ballon d’Or winner with the support and care they believed you never gave her. You did, Alexia knew that, yet you couldn’t imagine a world where she’d stick up for you anymore.

That was just another example of how lonely you’d be if anyone found out what had happened. You decided, in the end, you had no choice but to continue this act. The realisation that the greatest loss in all this wasn’t the love you had to fake, but the person you became to keep the lie alive, was so soul-crushing. What hurt more was that there wasn’t a thing you could do to fight it.

You had to redo your makeup twice before Alexia texted saying she was waiting for you, not because you were crying, but because your hands trembled with adrenaline, the only saving grace for this dinner. You couldn’t get through it on your own, maybe this was the one time your anxiety would come in handy.

Her mother greeted you warmly, rambling about how long it had been since she last saw you, and how exhausted you looked. Alexia, of course, wasn’t far behind nor out of earshot – you could bet your house on the fact she wouldn’t leave your side for a second throughout this torture, desperate for another glimpse of the wounds she was leaving – with a flash of a warning in her eyes for you to keep your mouth shut, before the warmth came flooding back and she greeted her family with a smile she once gave to you.

Food was passed up and down the table in heirloom dishes, recipes that had been family tradition for longer than any of them could remember filling Eli’s home with a concoction of scents, all of which were heavenly and not an ounce overwhelming. Though, despite the sweetness in the air and the deliciousness on show, you couldn’t quite find your appetite. Alexia noticed and turned her head, her lips by your ear, murmuring about ‘growing up’ and ‘not coming across as rude’ and ‘not making a scene in front of her family’ before pulling away with a kiss to your cheek. Some of her family caught on, grinning and winking and teasing her for such a deliberate display of affection, and she brushed it off with some gently-uttered Catalan, which had them all cooing and smiling brightly at you.

Then, the questions came. Wine, sangria, beer, they’d all loosened the Putellas’ tongues. 

When are you popping the question, Ale?

How many children do you plan to have?

It’s about time you bought a house together, no?

How many carats in your ring, hija?

For reasons you didn’t care to delve into, it was them that snapped you out of the daze you were in. The numbness faded. The emotions came barrelling in. The hate outgrew the love, brewing and simmering, rising, until it bubbled over and erupted.

Though, you still had some decency, where the same couldn’t be said for Alexia.

The questions stopped when you slowly stood from your chair, your adrenaline urging you to move quicker but your sense overshadowing it, as you pulled your hand from Alexia’s grasp. It tightened for a moment, trying to keep you in place and under her control, where she was able to contort and twist your view of yourself, your view of the world and what you believed was acceptable for yourself. But for the first time, you slipped away before she could do anything to stop you. 

Silently, like you should have done weeks ago, you walked away from her and out the front door. As soon as you were out of sight, the door closing softly behind, you ran. 

You ran because you could, because now was finally time for you to relish in the strength that had been out of reach for longer than you could remember. You ran because your adrenaline was shouting for you to, needing an outlet for all that had built up and led to this moment. There were emotions coursing through you again, compared to the numbness that had consumed you, and you didn’t know what to do with the rush that came other than run. It was a madly cathartic feeling, unlike anything you’d ever experienced before.

Until you crashed. And everything crumbled down on top of you. 

You stopped running. You looked around. 

You were in a neighbourhood just outside of Barcelona that you didn’t recognise enough to be able to navigate how to get home. The reason for that? It was your girlfrie- no, your ex-girlfriend’s mother’s neighbourhood, Alexia’s hometown, where everyone there knew the Putellas-Segura family not just because of the height of the captain’s success but because of how close-knit the community was. They didn’t know you, but they surely would when word would spread like a wildfire about the events you had caused. Yet more people that would be against you.

Your phone was buzzing wildly in your pocket, and that numbness, the anxiety, the mental paralysis that struck whenever Alexia reached out to you tried desperately to take over. But you had made it this far, you weren’t about to ruin all your progress. So, you declined her call, and despite the fear that had your hands shaking and mind racing, you blocked her contact.

The calls stopped immediately, as did the messages. And where you stood then, there were no physical traces of her in your life. No toxicity bleeding through your phone and making a place for itself in your mind. It was the first time she couldn’t contact you, couldn’t force herself into your head, couldn’t control you.

Every decision you made then was entirely your choice.

You called a taxi. You waited on the side of a road, having to stumble through the pronunciation of the street you were on to the poor driver on the other side of the phone, and waited. Your eyes didn’t stop scanning the area around you, worried that Alexia would somehow be right behind you, desperate to verbally lay into you for the rest of the evening.

However, the cab arrived before that could happen, so you clambered into the back of it and slammed the door shut behind you with a little too much haste. The driver glanced back at you in the rearview mirror, and you smiled apologetically, before relaying the address of your apartment. 

It wasn't relief or gratitude that filled you during that car journey. That would be too good to be true. No, instead it was a deep, burdening feeling of... unknown. These weeks of unsettlement and unfamiliarity hadn’t prepared you for not being the puppet that Alexia controlled with the strings at her fingertips. Your heart beated wildly in your chest, thumping away with the rhythm of your thoughts which were far too convoluted for you to make a clear plan of action.

What were you going to do once you got home? Just... go to bed? Then wake up in the morning and head to training like nothing had happened? As if your life hadn't just burst at the seams, flipped upside down, imploded, for the second time in only a few weeks?

And as it had done for so long now, your mind began to betray you. One could class it as second nature at this point. Because, how could you do this to her? You did cause a scene in front of her family, and in the process, probably burnt every remaining bridge you had in Barcelona.

This wasn’t something to celebrate. That feeling of catharsis earlier? Merely a distant memory. All you felt was regret. A few friends had warned you in the first place about everything to do with your move to the Spanish city. Why move so far from home? Why uproot everything you ever knew? And many more along those lines.

Yet, the ones that stood out the most were all to do with her.

How could you fall in love with your captain? Wouldn't a breakup between you both ruin the team? She's the best footballer in the world, what are you doing with her? Out of everyone she could have, why you? She could have anyone in Barcelona, what is it about you that she could surely find in anyone else?

Maybe all their doubts were right. It really was doomed from the start.

And as you unlocked one door to your flat after arriving, you looked around at the space that once brought comfort, the only thing it gave now was... cold, but deserved loneliness.

All you could do was stare and reflect on how the dull, desolate, dark and dismal space only represented the punishment of your actions. You did this to yourself; there was nobody coming to save you, nor did anyone even want to.

Except one, but help was the furthest thing on her mind.

“Open this door right now!”

You could recognise that angry, demanding voice anywhere.

“Do you know what you have done!?”

Of course you knew. That's what killed you the most. There was no coming back from this, not when she was outside your door with more fury in her words than you had ever heard before.

“Will… will you just let me in? So we can talk?”

When she spoke then, there was an ounce of sympathy in her tone, which you grasped onto as if your life depended on it. She had you wrapped around her finger, and she knew it. You were pretty certain she revelled in it.

A second passed between her plea and you rushing to let her in. Perhaps even that was generous.

Her shoulder shoved into yours as she rushed in, immediately beginning to rant a tad aggressively in rushed Catalan. For a moment, you feared her, afraid of the capability she had with her words. One of the many things you had learnt about her in the weeks that had passed was that her need for control and her willingness to express that had no boundaries at all.

On the other hand, your earlier discovery that you did indeed have a backbone sparked something inside of you. If you didn't act upon it now, didn't take advantage of the rare situation where you had some faith in yourself, you'd never make it out with your self-worth in tact. You didn't want to build your future on a foundation of lies and deceit. You didn't want to trade in your potential for a lifetime with someone that did nothing but wear you down to the point that you didn't recognise the person in the mirror.

You knew who you could be if you just took your life into your own hands, you saw that earlier, and the figure that looked back at you when you did your hair in the morning and brushed your teeth at night was a brave woman that deserved more than what she had put up with these last weeks. You had a life before Alexia, one full of actual joy and unbridled excitement which had led you to this city in the first place – that same person deserved a life free from the restraints of a shameful, dishonourable relationship that hadn't been real for months, nevermind the weeks of theatrical, Oscar-winning performances that came from a place of hatred, not love. It was never love on Alexia's behalf, not for a single fleeting moment.

“No, Alexia, you do not get to come here and do this. I refuse to sit back and be the punching bag you use for your own fucked up ego!”

Her scathing rambling in her mother tongue came to a halt. The silence that followed was oppressive to Alexia, a feeling she'd inflicted upon you countless times yet never been on the receiving end of. For you, the silence was nothing but an opportunity to finally take back the reins of your life.

“YOU broke up with ME!” You shouted, and instantly felt a rush of adrenaline surge through, just like it had done earlier. “But you won't let me leave your life! You won't let me grieve our relationship! I wa-”

“I told you it was better if we c-”

“No, it is my turn to speak. You have spoken more than enough recently.” The glare you sent her way physically hurt her. She knew she deserved it but it made her sick. This had been a long time coming. “I have spent every second these past few weeks trying to be good enough for you and if anybody asked me why, I don't think I could come up with a truthful answer. Maybe it's because I hoped you would see just how much I loved you, that you would change your mind and say you regret breaking up with me. But now... I just have to thank you.”

Her face pinched together in confusion, and all she wished for in that moment was a chance to explain herself.

When she sent that text, however long ago it was, she never planned for it to end like this. She wasn't in her right mind as she typed it out and hit send. Tears burnt her eyes and dropped onto the seat of her car whilst the regret that tried to save her from drowning was out-strengthed by the shame that pulled her under. If she could take back the break-up, she would in a heartbeat. That was something she realised the moment she saw your first tear drop, when she heard the first poorly disguised sniffle from the person she still loved, whilst she wrecked the beautiful relationship you both had built, in less time than it took to say the alphabet.

That was no excuse, she knew that. It was just far too little, and far too late.

“Wh-what? Thank me?” She repeated. The defeated look on her face would have wrecked you once. On this occasion, you had to stifle a grin that would border on being a little too psychotic. Revenge was a dish best served cold.

“Yes. You showed me your true colours, Ale. I planned on spending the rest of my life with you, so thank you for showing me who you truly are before we were in too deep. You hurt me more than I could ever express these last weeks. You ruined me. But I know I am ten times the person you'll ever be, and I know that I can pick myself up and put myself back together. I don't want you around to see that, you don't deserve it.”

There it was, the statement Alexia had feared for weeks: you didn't want her around anymore.

Those words were the reason why she had barely let you out of her sight, why she always cut you off at the first sign of conflict. If she kept you under her watchful eye and within arms reach, she could pretend, even for just half a second, that the pair of you were still wrapped up in each other's love, like Alexia hadn't broken up with you. ‘Selfish’ hardly scratched the surface in reference to her actions and this one-sided deal. But if it all ended, the two of you would just be teammates again, which somehow hurt worse than being strangers. And should you ever leave the club, she wouldn't even have an excuse to talk to you everyday. Maybe that would be better than playing football together whilst having to pretend there wasn't a year's worth of history, of adoration, of pure and whole-hearted love between you.

You clasped your hands in front of you as you waited for her to process your words, just another grace you gave her that she never did you. Everytime in the past that she had said something that felt like a blow to the stomach, she swiftly moved on before you could compute what she said. She seemed speechless, which was a first.

“I… no, you have the wrong impression, mi amor, I didn't-”

“You don't get to call me that anymore. You lost that right the second you started pulling away before you even ended our relationship. But please, go ahead and try to dig yourself out of this mess.” Every time you spoke and returned the harshness she previously addressed you with, the pained expression to her face only intensified.

“The person you saw since we broke up, that's not me, I swear!" You couldn't help but scoff. “I mean that honestly. I... I don't recognise that person. You must know that, no?”

Her lips could lie, but her eyes couldn't hide her true thoughts. She was clutching at straws and coming up empty for reasons about her arrogant, toxic behaviour. Choosing to stay silent despite the pleading look on her face, you sighed exasperatedly.

“I am sorry, and I will make sure that you know that. I have regretted breaking up with you from the moment the words left my mouth. Even more when I asked you to do this deal. It's not right, or fair, and I don't know why I thought it was acceptable to ask you to do it. All I know is that I did it because I love you. And I couldn't bear to let you go.” She spoke slowly but with desperation clear on her face and in the way she moved. 

Whilst she was talking, her hands never stopped moving in front of her, though she ended her point with the palm of her left hand, the one that always held yours no matter what, landing on her heart. Under her soft skin there, with the lines there you were sure you had memorised, she felt the rapid beat of the organ that was slowly, at a tortuous pace, being torn in two. And it was entirely because of her own doing.

“That isn't how you love someone, Ale.” You said simply, ensuring she felt the full effect of those words.

The first tear of the confrontation fell at that precise moment. It didn't come from you.

“I know.” Alexia whispered, her voice cracking as the dam she’d worked so hard to build for the last however long finally burst. 

Even after all that had happened, all the pain she'd handcrafted for you and the irrevocable damage she'd caused, you would be lying if you said the sight of her crying didn't make you feel guilty. You weren't the type of person that made people cry. It took all the will-power you had to remind yourself that the blonde in front of you had dug her own grave and it was time for her lay in it.

“I’m not going to sit around and be the outlet for whatever identity or moral crisis you're going through. I deserve better.”

“And I know that, I promise that I do." She sobbed. “You do deserve better and I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you.”

“There you are.”

Your words shocked you just as much as they did Alexia, they came out before you had even registered them as a thought. Apparently the adrenaline was doing more work than you assumed. It wasn't ideal, but you weren't sure how you would cope without it. Acting like this was so out of the norm for you, if it wasn't for the addictive rush throughout your veins, you dread to think of what you would have done when the midfielder initially arrived. The most likely outcome was… you breaking down into tears, falling to your knees, and apologising in such a pathetic manner that Alexia had no choice but to take you back into her arms with an awkward, pitiful grimace on her face.

Thankfully, nothing remotely close had happened. If anything, it was the opposite. The tables had turned to an extreme degree. You had every bit of control in this scenario, and though you didn't doubt that Alexia could flip it around whenever she felt like it, it was your opportunity to recover your sanity and make the most of this one time where the cards were in your hands.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Alexia questioned.

“The woman I fell in love with, who has a heart and actual feelings." It was a comment that almost crossed an invisible line by your standards. Not like you could take it back though, so you had to settle for pursuing vengeance and continue by explaining yourself to the clueless woman before you. “Who thinks of the person she’s talking to as an equal rather than someone she towers over. Who reali-”

“I have never thought of you as below me, why would you say that?” She interrupted you in a panic, but you ignored her.

“Who realises that her actions actually do have consequences, and that people won’t stick around when she doesn’t show she appreciates their company. Where have you been all this time?” You laughed in spite of her, to which her eyes widened and she took a step closer. She tried to reach out for your hand, but you moved it out of her way.

“I have been right here, I haven’t gone anywhere!” Alexia argued. It was funny really, just how quick her entire façade had subsided and gave way for such a ridiculously victimised mindset.

“You and I both know that’s not true at all. For the last quarter of our relationship, you’ve been a completely different person. So distant and… unbothered. Unbothered about me, you didn’t show for a second that you cared for me and loved me. And instead of a seamless split where we both can grieve in whatever way works best for us individually, you drag me around on your arm, flaunting how detached you are!” You were shouting, you recognised that, but you didn’t care. The neighbours can have their fun and get a front row seat to it all. “I thought you, at the very least, had the common human decency to not be selfish and let me work through my feelings, where I was completely heartbroken may I add, with no distractions and no games. But no, you forced me into this excruciatingly difficult and painful experience that h-has wrecked me!”

Tears hit the wooden slats beneath the pair of you, both looking through blurry vision and barely being able to stomach the sight of the other in such states. Never, in the time you’ve known each other, did either of you think it would ever end like this. 

“I’m sorry.” It was all Alexia could think to say. And it wasn’t good enough, she never had been.

Pulling your sleeves over your hands, you turned away from her for a moment and dried your face from the endless stream of emotion that overwhelmed you. As you did so, you took a few quiet deep breaths in, an attempt to gain back some composure. 

“The last thing you will do for me is telling people the truth.” You began when you turned back to her. “You won’t leave out a single bit of detail. You will tell everybody we had in our life together what you did to me, what you made me do.”

“I already told my family. After you left.”

That caught you off guard. You didn’t expect her to have the guts. 

There was a brief period of time between you getting home and Alexia arriving that you don’t really remember. It was a blur, mostly, not that you were surprised considering the anxious cycle of spiralling you found yourself in. 

You found enough satisfaction from the way she murmured that admission that she felt a deep amount of shame, and possibly a hint of embarrassment, meaning her family had hopefully lay into her about her actions. Maybe they were on your side after all.

“There are still many people to tell. You’re not getting away with this, Ale. I will make sure you never do this to anyone else, ever.” 

For Alexia, who foolishly had a speckle of hope remaining, had all her dreams about the future shattered with that last sentence.

“I cannot get you back? Ever?” 

Even if it did frustrate you, you couldn’t just forget a year-long relationship in a flash.

“I don’t think so.” You told her, because you couldn’t give her a straight no.

She nodded on instinct, until she stopped, because a fresh wave of sobs consumed her, and she had to cover her mouth to muffle the sounds of them. She only allowed a couple to escape, before she forced down all that emotion and glanced back at you.

“I know I deserve that. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.” This time, you nodded, because you agreed with her. 

The Barcelona captain had hurt you immeasurably, yes, but after all, love always went in hand with hate. And despite the fact the latter was a much stronger feeling now than it had been since that day in your apartment with a stoic, indifferent blonde in front of you, you couldn’t ignore the feelings you still held for her. They had taken a backseat throughout this, though as the argument gradually came to a natural end, the events of the day depleting both your emotional staminas, those same feelings came creeping back. In all honesty, you didn’t think they would ever fully leave. That was an issue to tackle another day.

“I understand. But you have to learn how to deal with that because I don’t think it will ever change.” You told her, a little less sternness in your voice now that the fight was beginning to leave you.

“I will. I will do everything you have said, I promise.” Her last promise to you.

There wasn’t much else to say after that, apart from…

“I think… I think you should go now.”

So, with a single nod of her head, Alexia slowly made her way to the door and you trailed after her. You saw the tremor to her hand when she reached for the handle, and heard the shake of her breath when she breathed out. Then she opened the door, and with one last look back at you with glossy eyes that held far too many emotions within them to be unpacked right now, she stepped out into the corridor and closed it behind her.

The sole company you were left with was the silence that cloaked your apartment. It was deafening, and the only thing it did was heighten the emotions you were left with. 

All you could do, in that moment, was slump back against the wall by the entryway, slowly slide down it until you were seated on the floor, and cry out every last tear you had left inside you.

[codo17]

The aura in this picture 👭

[codo17]

Fancy A Drive (Leah Williamson x F1!Reader)

If there’s one person you cannot stand in the world, it’s Leah Williamson. The footballer is consistently getting in the way of you trying to do your job, but all she wants to do is be friends.

Enemies, to friends, to lovers.

You’re in for a wild ride with this series, with a few bumps and crashes along the way

Part 1

Part 2

[codo17]

omg I did buy one very impulsively (and shipping it to canada was EXPENSIVE) but i now feel great about that decision 🫶

How did you manage to get a Fleming Canada home kit?? I need to know your secret please. 🙏🏻

My gf bought it for me. She was smarter than me and realized that I have an online friend who lives in Canada, had it shipped to her, then said friend mailed it to us.

I had the realization that I could do this about 3 days after she had already ordered it 😭

So my secret is having friends in different countries. I still can’t believe CanadaSoccer doesn’t ship to other countries.

[codo17]

Are you fucking kidding, so mad that it’s over and it’s so good and it’s so infuriating urgh 😤

Great work as usual, but screw you Jessie, ilysm still

Drunk Dial Pt. 3

Read the rest of the series here

Warnings: mentions of sex, illusions to sex, cursing, verbal argument, basically Jessie and R yelling at each other for the majority of this chapter

WC: 3.4k

A/N: this is the end of this little series, i have a feeling some of you won’t be too happy with this being where i leave it, but this is sort of a left up to your interpretation ending… don’t forget some of you voted for this ;) (unknowingly, but you did)

You stood looking at yourself in the bathroom off of Haley’s bedroom. Across your body, a sleep shirt from some college, not one you attended and it wasn’t the familiar UCLA logo you had grown to know. On your bottom a pair of sleep shorts you didn’t recognize either. You had just woken up but you were ready to go home, you didn’t need to stay here, you felt out of place being here. That’s when you see your phone light up, Jessie’s face across it.

“Shit shit shit.” You scramble to grab your phone.

You quickly pop your head into Haley’s bedroom. “Uh, sorry, phone call, I should take this. It’s um, work.” You lied, she nodded and pointed out the door toward her living room.

Once the door is closed behind you, you take a deep breath and answer the call, bringing the phone to your ear.

“Hey.” You whisper.

“Hey, why are you whispering?” Jessie’s tone immediately turned accusatory.

“Um, no reason.” You say, clearing your throat and trying to make the hush in your voice less obvious. It’s not like you could tell her where you were, she didn’t need to know the choices you made last night and how regretful you were about them this morning.

“Okay, well I’m on my way over, we need to talk. About last night, about the other night, we need to talk about all of it.”

“Um.” You frantically look around the living room, finding your sweatshirt that had been haphazardly thrown off last night, slipping it over your head. “I’m not home right now. So just give me a little bit.”

“Where are you? It’s 8 in the morning.” You could hear traffic in the background of Jessie’s call, an indication she was likely already on her way.

“No where, I can be there in like 30 minutes.” You hang up before she can ask you any more questions about your whereabouts. You open the bedroom door, Haley is now sitting up in bed, the covers pulled up around her body.

“Hey sorry, I um, I have to go, work calls.” You play it off with a smile and a shake of your cell phone.

“Oh no worries.” She waves a hand at you and gives you a polite smile.

My clothes?” You question the girl.

“Should still be out by the couch.”

“Right, thanks.” You hurry out toward the couch, grabbing the pile of clothes before heading back into the bathroom, quickly taking off the shirt and shorts you had been lent, putting your own jeans and shirt from the night before back on. You walk out of the bathroom, giving Haley another look. “I put the dirty ones in the basket.”

“Got it, thanks.” She gives you a nod. “Have a good rest of your day, I’ll text you. Good luck with, ya know, everything.”

“Thanks.” You give her a tightlipped smile before excusing yourself and heading out her bedroom door and down the hall out of her apartment. You hopped in your car, barely letting it turn on before you threw it in drive. Driving faster than you should have, you raced to your place, hoping somehow you would be able to beat Jessie there.

Your heart drops when you turn the corner toward the entryway of your building and there stands Jessie. You can see the expression on Jessie’s face turn sour, nearly a smile at the start before she examines you and she’s suddenly sporting a scowl. “So I guess that date must have been better than you lead on.” Jessie states as she looks you up and down once you’re a few feet from her.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Are you sure? You clearly went to see someone after you left me.” She gestures to your clothing, you suddenly wish you had spare clothes in the car, or you had worn Haley’s clothes home, you could’ve played it off that you had bought new ones, that Jessie just hasn’t seen them before. But you were wearing the clothes she had touched and seen last night, she knew. “I have a feeling it was her. You left me, for her, for someone you barely know.”

“Jessie, that’s not what happened.” You notice your voice raising, trying to defend yourself in an unfortunate situation.

“You sure? Because that’s how it feels and that’s what it fucking looks like.” Jessie raises her voice right back at you, something she had hardly done when the two of you were together, occasionally during an argument but the Canadian held her temper and emotions close most of the time. She waved a hand up and down reminding you that you were in fact still in your clothes from last night.

“Can we do this inside?” You look around at the pedestrian traffic that is passing by the two of you. A couple giving you looks as the two of you argued.

“Sure.” Jessie says, rolling her eyes but following you silently as you open the door to your building and walk to the elevator. The ride up is quiet, as is the walk down the hallway. Once inside your apartment you find your way to the dining room, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

“So we should talk about what happened, all of it.” You say, a twinge in annoyance in your voice.

“Where do you want to start?” Jessie says, propping herself against the wall, her arms crossed across her chest.

the way she stood, arms crossed in defense as if you were the only one in the wrong here, pissed you off. “Oh I don’t know Jessie. Maybe the part where you hid the fact that I told you my feelings when I was drunk? Or how when I left the next morning you told me you weren’t in love with me anymore, only for you drunkenly invited me out last night only to drop the bomb on me that you do in fact still love me? Or how you were trying to get me to take you home and fuck you last night? We have options Jessie, where do you want to start?”

“Where do I want to start?” She stares back at you, raising her voice slightly. “You’re the one who broke the no contact that we had agreed on in the first place calling me after you got stood up! You’re the one who hid these feelings and were too scared to tell me all this time. Then you confess them while you’re drunk, leaving me in a weird spot. I didn’t know what to do. Not to mention your little “gift” you gave me. I’m sorry for calling you yesterday if that’s what you want to hear. But coming yesterday and then pawning me off to Arnold was a shitty move.”

“I didn’t pawn you off, jez Jessie, I wanted to make sure you were safe! You were drunk, it wasn’t the right time for us to talk, or sort this out.” You throw your hands up at her, fists clenched in frustration.

“But it was the time for you to go fuck some girl you hardly know?!” Her cheeks were starting to turn the familiar red that you used to tease her for, you always thought she looked adorable with the slight blush, only now that blush that was caused by compliments or teasing comments was now being caused by the way she yelled at you.

“I didn’t fuck her!” You scream back, your hand coming down to hit the table. You had never yelled at Jessie like this, not when you argued or fought, not when you broke up, never.

Jessie scoffs, “I find that hard to believe.” She’s still defensive in her tone but it’s quieter, almost as if she’s scared.

You immediately drop the anger from your voice. “Jessie I didn’t. I wasn’t in a good mood last night when I left the bar, I panicked, and I called her because I needed someone. I got to her place, and when she let me in, we watched a movie and talked and I broke down about you to her. I was hysterical, I didn’t know what to do.”

That was the truth. You had been embarrassed about it, you showed up to Haley’s door. You knew she was likely expecting sex, that you had called her for a late night hook up. Instead what she got was you at her doorstep, asking to talk.

You started off by apologizing for wasting her time on your date earlier that day. You told her you weren’t ready to commit to anything, and you should’ve realized that before trying to date again. She had been understanding, not making you feel any worse for what had happened. The two of you agreed friendship could be the path you take instead. The more you two talked the more you told her. You told her about Jessie, your past and your current feelings. She offered as good of advice as she could and when you cried about it, she comforted you, offering you to stay the night due to how late it was. You took her up on the offer for the couch, and also for the pair of old shorts and shirt to sleep in. You thought nothing of it, no one would know, it wouldn’t be a problem. You hadn’t expected Jessie to call you bright and early the next morning demanding to see you instantly.

“But you spent the night, you were there this morning, that’s why you were whispering.”

“On the couch! I spent the night on the couch!” You exclaim. “Jessie, I don’t know how to prove it, nothing happened between her and I, we didn’t even kiss. She was being a friend, that’s all I see myself being with her.”

“I find that so hard to believe!”

“We didn’t do anything, nothing!”

“Fine, let’s say you didn’t fuck her, did you go with the intention of fucking her? Did you plan to use her to get over me, to get me out of your head?”

Her question catches you off guard. “I-” you stutter, unsure of what to say and unsure of what your answer even should be. The truth was, you didn’t know. Maybe some tiny bit of you thought maybe you’d get laid, maybe some bit of you just wanted attention, the comfort of another body on yours, some part of you wanted someone to rant to, complain to. You just wanted someone.

Jessie clicks her tongue as you struggle to find the right words. “That’s all I need to know.” She nods slowly before starting to turn away from you.

“No Jessie, wait!” You stand up fast, knocking your chair out from behind you, creating a loud crash that has Jessie turning back to see what had happened. You leave the chair, climbing over it to make your way closer to her.

“No, because clearly you don’t know what you want, I can’t get involved with you again if you don’t know what you want.” She says walking away and towards the door.

“I know what I want.” You say as you walk after her, you couldn’t let her walk out of that door on you, you couldn’t lose her for a second time. You reach your hand out, catching hers stopping her in her tracks. She shakes her hand from your grip.

“I’m leaving.” Her hand turns the doorknob and as she steps out she turns back. “Call me once you have your head on straight and can actually talk with me.”

Being beyond frustrated your anger comes back and you shout at her as you watch her head down the hallway. “Fuck you Jessie, you invited yourself over, no warning, nothing, what if I wasn’t ready to talk?!”

She doesn’t answer, she doesn’t even turn back, doesn’t lift her head. She ignores you. The door to the stairs is swung open and her figure quickly disappears as she leaves out of your building.

“Fuck.” It wasn’t going to fix anything but shouting made it hurt less for the time being, so did the swift kick you gave to the door as you closed it.

That was your chance. That was your chance and you fucked it up.

You sent the rest of the afternoon spiraling, unsure of what to say, what to do, nothing felt right. You had cried, your eyes and head both still throbbing as a result. You spent a fair amount of time staring off at the wall, feeling numb to your surroundings. It wouldn’t change anything, you had the opportunity and you failed to win her back. When you tucked yourself into bed early, you tried everything in your power but to think of that brown eyes girl.

But you couldn’t get her out of your mind, she was in every thought, every emotion you had.

“This is so stupid.” The same words you had mumbled to yourself as you got out of your warm bed you repeated to yourself as you started walking. You were walking down the streets of Portland at quarter to midnight, not your brightest idea but you couldn’t stop thinking about her. You should’ve driven, probably safer and faster, but walking cleared your head and that’s what you needed, a clear head.

You walked yourself all the way to the doorstep of Jessie’s townhome, banging on the door. Raising your fist again to knock the door swings open and you nearly punch the Canadian.

“Sorry.”

“What are you doing here?” Her voice is raspy, a little deep, you realize you’ve probably woken her from a sleep. She steps onto the porch closing the door behind her.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave earlier. I should have never let you leave. I still want you Jessie, I was stupid before, so stupid to let you ever go, I should’ve fought for you, I should’ve figured something else out, I should’ve tried something else before we called it quits.” You confess to her.

“So what, are you still in love with me?” The silence between the two of you after she asked was painful, you could practically hear your own blood pumping through your body. You definitely hadn’t expected such a direct question right off the start with her, but at least you’d get straight to the point.

“Are you?” You stare blankly back at Jessie, throwing her own question in her face. The two of you stand eye to eye, neither of you answering.

“What did I tell you at the bar yesterday?” Jessie finally says.

Squinting at her you’re not sure if it’s a rhetorical question or if you should answer, you take the safer option and just reiterate what she told you drunkenly last night. “That you were, you still loved me, you were still in love with me, that you had been too scared to tell me.”

“Then there’s your answer.” Jessie says, as if you were supposed to have assumed that on your own.

The longer you stared at her face the more you felt your anger and frustration with her fade and replacing it was the overwhelming urge to complete her request from last night, push her softly inside the door, kiss her against the wall, lift her into your arms and make the blind walk to her bedroom that you knew so well, take her to bed, make her yours again. Easier said than done and you knew taking her to bed would just complicate the already confusing situation the two of you were in.

“Then you know my answer too Jess.” The nickname slips out of your mouth, it wasn’t something you had called her in a long time. “I don’t know how to prove it, but please just trust me, nothing happened between me and that girl, nothing, Jessie I love you too much to do that.”

Bringing her hand up, she lets her fingers run through her hair before she pulls at the bottom of her sleep shirt. She releases a sigh and looks at the ground.

“So what does that mean for us?” She looks up at you, her brown eyes have a small glisten to them from the moon above both of your heads. You missed her eyes. You missed how she’d wink at you across a crowded room and your stomach would flutter, how she’d look up at you when you came to the side of the pitch to say hello after a game, how she’d steal glances at you when you sat snuggled into the couch. Those eyes made you feel seen in a way no one had before.

“What do you think it means?” You knew what you wanted it to mean, but you didn’t know if she felt the same.

“God some things never change do they?” Jessie fights back a smile as she looks at you with a small shake of her head.

“What does that mean?” You feel yourself starting to get defensive, your tone changing.

“You, the indecisiveness, you could never make choices when we were together. You could never pick a movie, never could pick a board game to play, never pick a restaurant, you never wanted to be the one to make the call, you could never pick anything.”

“I picked you Jessie. And I’d still pick you, everyday.” That was the truth, that was what you had been trying to say to her all along. She was your person, she was it for you, you just hoped she’d feel the same.

“If you’re actually choosing me then do it, pick me and tell me what you want to do, don’t put this on me, make a damn decision for once.” Jessie’s tone had shifted, less angry, less frustrated, it was soft and almost needy as if she was begging you.

“I’m not saying we're dating or that we even go on dates, or hook up, or anything. I’m also not saying we will ever go back to dating, we didn’t work the first time, who’s to say we would now, but I want to try, with you because I still love you, I’ve never stopped loving you. So maybe we start with removing that no contact plan we had? We talk again, we text again, you know, baby steps?” You feel yourself hold your breath when you finish speaking, as if you’re scared you’ve made a poor choice, that she’ll be mad at your proposal.

“Baby steps.” She gives a slow nod of her head, looking you up and down. “Okay, yeah, we can do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll text you then.” You can feel the happiness blossoming in your chest.

“Sounds good, get home safe.” Jessie says before turning back to her door. You practically skip down the stairs and down the street all the way back to your home, feeling elated that you might have a chance to finally fix what you had broken months ago.

Jessie turned back, resting against the door, eyes closed. She perked up at the sound of footsteps coming in her direction, straightening up and blinking her eyes quickly as she made out the figure coming toward her.

“You alright? Who was that?” Jessie’s eyes fell on the dark haired girl standing in front of her who was wearing her old grey UCLA shirt that she had always let you borrow and a pair of her boxers. Jessie didn’t know her well, she hardly remembered her name as she stood looking at the woman. The dark red hickey that she had sucked into the unknown girl’s neck just hours ago was peeking out of the collar. Jessie knew there were a lot more hiding under her shirt as well. A wave of guilt flashed through her body, she had just been trying to get even. She hadn’t realized she’d woken her by leaving the bed, she had barely heard the knocking on the door.

Jessie shook her head at the girl. “No one. Wrong house number. You can go back to bed, I’ll be there in a second.”

[codo17]

What is happening to Imane Khelif rn is absolutely disturbing.

When Michael Phelps had a genetic advantage, he got celebrated for how good he was. Praised him for how lucky he was to have this kind of advantage.

But when women like Imane Khelif or Caster Semenya have a naturally high testosterone level, people start to riot, call these women trans or men, and call foul play.

[codo17]

JESSIE JUST SCORED I LOVE HER SO MUCH

[codo17]

This is beyond incredible, thank you so much for writing this story ❤️

Physio’s Daughter Part 13 (epilogue)

Jessie Fleming x Reader

The whole series is here!

Warnings: none

WC: 2.5k

A/N: I’m not even sure what to put here, thank you to everyone who read this. I never expected people to like it as much as you all did and I never expected myself to be writing 13 parts but here we are. I appreciate every single person who’s left a like or reblogged or commented or send me asks about this series, I wouldn’t have ever had the motivation or ideas to write this series. Thank you 🥹

I’ve thought about writing some little blurbs/headcannons type things if you guys wanted to hear the details of how I thought the middle 20+ years that this went through would go. If that’s something yall want just feel free to send requests and I’ll write them. (I’m not quite ready to let go of this series of you couldn’t tell)

“You ready for this?” You squeezed Jessie hand tightly, trying to reassure her and give her peace of mind.

“As ready as I think I can be.”

That’s when you hear the announcement.

“And for her final time representing and leading Canada, please welcome Jessie Fleming.”

Jessie looks over at you one more time. You give her a nod and a tight squeeze on her hand before letting her go and she walks out onto the field. The cheering for her is deafening and you hear it for a moment before it all is drowned out by your ears ringing as your brain goes fuzzy at the realization that you’re watching your wife walk onto the field for the last time ever.

You watch as she walks out, looking around and making her way to the middle where a ceremonial framed jersey was waiting for her. You had both cried enough tears over her retirement decision, you had pinky promised that today was going to be a celebration, no tears.

“Mommy!” You feel the tug on your arm and look down to see your and Jessie's four year old daughter tugging on your hand while her other arm waved wildly toward the field. “Can we go with Mama?”

“Just a second baby.” You look down at your daughter, she’s just excited to see her Mama play, she hasn’t quite been able to grasp the idea of Jessie’s retirement. You knew she’d probably be asking when she can go watch her play again in just a few days.

You look back out to watch as Jessie makes her way down the line being hugged by all of her teammates before she gets to where the jersey was. You watch her look at it, then take a second to look around the field, taking in every second. She then takes photos with the coaching staff before she motions to you.

“Go run to Mama.” You let go of your daughter's hand and she runs ahead of you to Jessie. Jessie squats, grabbing your daughter under her arms and lifting her up around her hip. You make your way out onto the field before standing next to Jessie to take a few photos.

You give Jessie a quick peck to the cheek before taking back your daughter and walking off to the side of the pitch. You stand for a minute watching Jessie continue to absorb the moment around her.

“Look at this!” Olivia comes rushing up next to you holding out her camera for you to look at. It’s a photo of your wife from the side, she’s got a big smile on her face and is squatting down, arms stretched out toward your daughter who is also smiling big, running toward Jessie. “You two seriously have the cutest kid.”

“Soon to be cutest kids.” You whisper to her putting emphasis on the ‘s’. Olivia turns to you, mouth wide before looking down at your stomach.

“Are you?”

Her face lights up as you give her a nod, “We just found out a few weeks ago.”

“Oh my gosh! Congratulations!” Olivia pulls you into a hug. She then passes you a piece of paper with a note before giving you a wink. Her eyes get really wide for a second and she says “don’t drink the champagne,” before heading back to take more photos of the pregame ceremonies.

You make your way up to the reserved box, all of Jessie’s family attending the game as well as many of her former teammates. Your daughter was quick to run to her grandparents, excited to see them.

“Not working today?” Janine says coming up beside you. She hands you a drink and you give her a look questioning what was in the cup. “It’s just cranberry juice. Congratulations by the way, Jessie told me so we could make sure we have non-alcoholic stuff at the retirement party.”

“Thank you and yeah, I took the day off, thankfully Canada Soccer understood the importance of attending my own wife’s retirement game.” You had finished up school nearly 14 years ago, getting hired back immediately by Canada Soccer. That’s when you and Jessie had to be upfront with your relationship, disclosing it to HR and management before you signed the contract. Your relationship meant you were no longer able to handle Jessie’s treatments yourself but you were able to keep your job and still work closely with her.

The two of you had been dating for just over a year at that point, the first few months of long distance were hard, having to figure out communication expectations along with both of you juggling busy schedules. But you put in the work and effort and managed to figure it out together. You visited Jessie when you could and she’d visit you, FaceTime was your saving grace being able to see her face most days. You did silly little dates where you’d read together on FaceTime, not speaking but still as if she was in the room with you. You’d cook the same meal and eat together, you watch TV series together, she’d help quiz you for exams, the two of you made it work.

When you first told your Mom you were still talking with Jessie she didn’t think much of it, to be fair you didn’t give her the impression the two of you were together. You had planned on it, but chickened out and made it seem like a friendship. It wasn’t until almost six months into dating that you finally told your Mom. You and Jessie had talked about spending the holidays together, back in your hometown with your Mom. When you asked if your girlfriend could spend a couple days, your Mom was confused, never having met or heard a mention of a girlfriend on your end. She insisted she meet the girl first, to which you had to explain she had met the girl, she actually worked with her. Your Mom was able to put together the hints and realize you and Jessie were dating. She still scolded you just as she had when she caught the two of you kissing. Worried about the age difference, worried you’d never find a job if people knew, worried about the traveling and long distance, she went on and on for a while. But with some extra begging, she agreed to let Jessie come for the holidays and you formally introduced her as your girlfriend. Your Mom was quick to come around on your relationship once she saw how you and Jessie interacted, how happy she made you, it only took a couple hours before your Mom was getting out the scrapbooks to show Jessie embarrassing baby photos of you.

You started as a trainer with the Canadian team just after graduation, in a similar role as you had been for the team that one summer. You stayed in that position for a while before your Mom retired. Your Mom had previously taken over for Mark when he retired and you were given the promotion to that same position as the head of staff. This meant less hands on work and more administrative business, while a little less fun for you, it meant you could work from home whenever you needed to or just wanted to. You’d come in when the team was in or when you needed access to the facilities but when the girls returned to their club teams, you’d often follow Jessie to Portland and the two of you would live there.

Within the past few years you had been offered the opportunity to create a new position to oversee the physio and training staff as well as working with the player performance team. You loved your new position, you worked with the coaches, the nutritionists, the team doctors, the players themselves, all to work on creating training plans that made your players better while keeping them healthy and safe. You were going to continue to work after Jessie’s retirement despite how much she tries to convince you that you could both retire now, you loved your job too much to leave it quite yet.

It was five years into your relationship when you finally proposed. You had known for a long time that you were going to marry Jessie, but the two of you weren’t in any rush, the commitment to each other was always the same, married or not. You had taken her on a picnic to a wildflower field you found. Picnics became a staple date in your and Jessie’s relationship ever since your first one. You had waited for her to look away, to get distracted by a flower and you quickly scrambled to get on one knee, ring box open and facing her. She of course said yes once she recovered from the initial surprise and the two of you got married a year later. You had a small ceremony, only a couple people in attendance, keeping it easy. You instead hosted a large reception, with Jessie’s teammates, your coworkers, both of your friend and family, you couldn’t have asked for a more perfect start to your married life.

It was just a year into your marriage when the idea of having a baby started to float around more and more in both of your minds. You had talked about kids while you were dating but it was all talk, you both not quite ready to settle down with a child yet. But after seeing Jessie with her teammates kids weekend after weekend at Portland you couldn’t help but long for that to be your kid in her arms. So one day you simply asked Jessie. You asked if she’d be interested in getting a consultation together to see what your options were as far as having a kid. She agreed happily and you two found yourselves quickly in the seats of a fertility clinic, getting started with the IVF process. It took a couple rounds before you got the positive test and nine months later the two of you had a healthy baby girl.

The sleepless nights and traveling with a baby was not easy. It was especially hard when Jessie would be away from club games and you were left to parent alone. Thankfully your friends and family were always there to help out, knowing how crazy Jessie’s travel can be. All the chaos and exhaustion was worth it everytime you got to watch your daughter totter around wearing your wife’s jersey, just as you got to see today as she ran to Jessie for her final game.

Jessie’s decision to retire hadn’t been easy but you both knew it was time and she was settled with her decision. So now you stood watching the last few minutes of her career play out in front of you. You had been ushered back down to the field sideline by security so you could greet your wife and as the final whistle blew you watched as Jessie moved to the center of the field before sitting down. Her hands move to her boots and she slowly unties them before sliding them off her feet and you can practically see her heart break. She’s taking deep breaths the way her shoulders and chest are rising, most likely trying to keep her emotions at bay. Her teammates and the opposing team’s players made their way to her congratulating her, giving her their praises. You walked to her, your daughter in your arms. She stood up to greet you and you could see the tears in her eyes, quickly causing your own to well up.

“I’m so proud of you.” You whispered to her as she pulled you into an incredibly tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

“You okay?” You say when you pull back from her, you let your forehead rest on hers, not caring about the sticky feeling of her sweat.

“Yeah, it’s just weird, that was it after 24 years on this team. I’ll never do that again.” She seems to be in a state of shock, not quite believing that she would never play for Canada again.

“I know.” You rub her back gently as your daughter blabs on about a bird that’s flying overhead.

Jessie is quickly swept away for interview after interview. You and your daughter make your way around the pitch talking with Jessie’s teammates to kill time before everyone heads back into the locker rooms and the stadium crowd clears out.

You find Jessie’s parents, who graciously offered to watch their granddaughter for the night so you and Jessie could have the evening to yourself. They knew their daughter would likely need an evening of relaxation and reflection after the long day of celebration which might not be possible if she was being asked to build legos or color or play dress up.

“Hey, she’s the last one in there, I’m not sure how long she’ll be. She’s just standing there, you might want to go in and check on her.” Jordyn says as she and Julia exit the locker room and see you waiting for Jessie.

“Thank you.” You take Jordyn’s suggestion and enter the locker room. There’s essie, she’s changed, wearing sweatpants and a shirt, standing in front of her cubby staring at the name plate above it with her name, number, and a large C on it. You come up and hug her from behind, not saying much, just being with her. It’s quiet but finally Jessie grabs the name plate, sliding it off the cubby and puts it in her bag.

“Alright let’s go, I don’t want to keep people waiting at the party.” Jessie says. Janine and Sinc had organized a small retirement party for later that night, you and Jessie had both put heavy emphasis on it being a small party, thankfully you still had a couple of hours.

“There’s something I wanted to do first, if you’re up for it. The party isn’t for a couple hours. We have time.” Jessie nods. Youre happy that she’s agreeing and that she trusts you aren’t going to make her do something crazy after playing her last ever game. You take her hand pulling her from the dressing room, down the hall, and back in the direction of the pitch. You walk with her until you come to the middle of the pitch. “Sit.” You point to the grass before taking off running to one tunnel, the one Olivia had written on her note and grabbing the basket she had left for the two of you. You make your way back to Jessie and open the basket pulling out a bottle of champagne and a single glass.

“Olivia didn’t know I was pregnant when she set this up, I told her today though. She got a really cute photo of you and Emery.” You say to Jessie before pouring her a glass and getting out some of the snacks she had packed.

Jessie laughs to herself. “Remember when I thought the two of you were together.”

“I still can’t believe you thought that.” You shake your head thinking back to the screaming match you and Jessie had in the hotel, all because both of you were silly, immature, young adults who didn’t know how to talk to each other about your feelings. “You were so jealous.”

“Was not!”

“You so were.”

“Fine I was, but it turned out pretty great for me.” She crosses her arms across her chest pretending to be mad.

“Yeah, we turned out alright.”

The two of you fall into a silence, you wait for Jessie to speak. You want to let Jessie have the time to think through all of her thoughts, feel all of her emotions, take her time sitting on the field.

“I love you.”

“I love you Jessie.” You respond as she plops her head onto your shoulder.

“This is just like our first date, when you brought me to the field in Paris.”

“I know. And I knew how much you appreciated that. So I just wanted to make sure you were able to soak it all in for one last time.”

[codo17]

Plus Jess is the one organizing the auction:) She’s such an awesome laydee 🙏

Wowowow 🥰

She loves those pants like she loves her Nike shirt and that black hat

I wish they were selling these jerseys though not just auctioning them, like do both Canada Soccer please 🙏

[codo17]

My baby girl is the prettiest in the whole wide world 🌈

[codo17]

She’s so sweet, i’m in love 🥰

[codo17]

I literally breathed the same air as royalty today ❤️🤍❤️

[codo17]

OMG IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NSL (Northern Super League), the brand new canadian women soccer league!!! I’ll be at every freaking game in Montreal for sure 🔥

[codo17]

[codo17]

she probably has the olympics rings somewhere too 😏

Hi!

Do you know what Jessie’s tattoos are? Or have pictures of them?

She’s got 3 as far as I know.

the triangle on her forearm the three lines on her wrist and then the ‘eh’ on her bicep.

I don’t think she’s ever explicitly said what the lines or the triangles are, people have speculated various things meaning with those two.

Surprisingly hard to find a photo where the “eh” is visible, usually her shirt sleeve or armband is covering it

[codo17]

Go watch the 3rd episode of On Guard: CANWNT on YouTube! Jess is so cute and excited watching the solar eclipse 🤗

[codo17]

Stars Aligned

**I was inspired by the solar eclipse. It was my first time and probably last time experiencing it and it was everything! This is my first story so I hope you like it. English is not my first language so please do correct me if there's anything wrong. <3**

-> ~750 word

-> fluff

Today, April 8th, 2024, was destined to be a day etched into the tapestry of your shared history—a moment of cosmic significance that stirred excitement across North America. But for you and Jessie, it wasn't just about witnessing a total solar eclipse; it was about experiencing it together, sharing a bond that transcended mere scientific curiosity.

Since childhood, the mysteries of the cosmos had held you captive. From your early days crafting makeshift telescopes to the late-night stargazing sessions, there was an undeniable pull toward the heavens above. The infinite knowledge contained within trillions of light-years had always filled you with a sense of wonder and awe, making you feel simultaneously insignificant and connected to something greater than yourself.

Of course, you'd always dreamed of finding someone with whom you could share this passion—a kindred spirit who would listen to your ramblings about the Andromeda Galaxy and the Kuiper Belt with genuine interest. Someone who gave you the same heart palpitations and goofy smile that perseids did. And then, Jessie entered your orbit—a radiant burst of light in your universe.

Meeting during your college days at UCLA, she defied engineering student stereotypes with her intelligence, charm, and warmth. There was an instant connection, a gravitational pull drawing you together like celestial bodies in motion. You bonded over shared interests in Tim Horton's, Sidney Crosby, sustainable farming, and football, finding comfort and joy in each other's company.

As your friendship with Jessie blossomed into love, it felt like discovering a new constellation—a beautiful alignment of hearts and minds. Study sessions transformed into late nights spent under the star-studded sky, fingers entwined as you traced the paths of shooting stars, sharing dreams and fears in the quiet darkness.

Seven years had passed since those early days, but the magic between you remained as potent as ever. Jessie's beauty wasn't just in her freckled face or twinkling brown eyes; it was in the way she laughed, the way she listened, the way she made you feel like you were the center of her universe.

As the solar eclipse approached, you couldn't imagine experiencing it with anyone but Jessie. Together, you made plans to witness the celestial spectacle—a rare moment of cosmic harmony that promised to be nothing short of breathtaking.

Standing side by side, the air crackled with anticipation as the moon began its slow dance across the sun's fiery surface. Jessie's hand found yours in the darkness, fingers intertwining as you both watched in awe.

"It's incredible," Jessie whispered, her voice barely audible above the thrum of excitement. You stole a glance at her, struck once again by her beauty and the depth of her gaze.

Your heart swelled with emotion as you watched the eclipse unfold, feeling a sense of wonder and insignificance wash over you. It was as if the universe had paused just for the two of you, a moment of perfect alignment in an otherwise chaotic world.

As the eclipse reached its peak, you turned to Jessie, her face illuminated by the otherworldly glow. "I feel so small but so in sync with the whole Universe at the same time... I don't know how to describe it, it's just uniquely perfect."

Jessie nodded, her eyes reflecting the fading remnants of the eclipse. "It's like we're a tiny part of something so much bigger, yet connected to it in a way that's hard to put into words."

"I think you've said it all," you replied, grateful for her understanding.

As the eclipse waned and the world returned to normal, you felt a surge of love and gratitude for the woman by your side. Cupping her face in your hands, you leaned in to press a tender kiss to her lips, savoring the warmth and sweetness of the moment.

"I love you so much, Jessie," you whispered, your voice filled with emotion.

Jessie's cheeks flushed with emotion as she met your gaze. "I love you too, as big as the whole world, y/n." She wrapped her arms around you, pulling you close in a tight embrace.

And in that moment, as the last traces of the eclipse faded into the sky, you knew that your love for each other was as boundless as the universe itself. With Jessie by your side, you felt ready to face whatever challenges the future might hold, knowing that together, you could weather any storm.

As you both basked in the afterglow of the eclipse, the sky gradually regained its familiar hue, and the world resumed its normal rhythm. But the experience had left an indelible mark on your hearts, strengthening the bond between you in ways words could never fully capture.