codywakefield

[codywakefield]

[codywakefield]

I’m sorry

I make you mad and sad all the time and I feel so bad, but it’s never intentional, and the punishment I get is downright criminal. The mistakes that I’ve made ive never made them again. So I’m learning every time and that’s the way that I win.

You like to give me the silent treatment cause you know it hurts me. The lessons that you tryna teach me God dammit it’s working.

But no one is perfect, but trust me we’re worth it. I’ll say it till you believe me, and I have like a million words so I can word it any way I need to so

i’m askin for your forgiveness, I need it bad. You ran away with my happiness I need it back. But the thing about that is my happiness only resides where you’re at. So I need you back.

Now I’m, lookin at my phone till my neck hurts, waitin for your replies. Constant wave after wave of memories of us fillin my mind with A tsunami of tears rushing out my eyes.

No lies, I dont now if this is my last mistake, what if this time is the one that takes the cake. Being new to the the opportunity that I was given isn’t the easiest thing. Everyone else turned out to be fake. You’re the only one id make my wife, so i can keep you in my life. I’d like to say all these things are fake and not happenin. But I see that’s never gonna happen. I hope there can be a me and you again. At least then I would know what to never do again.

Hindsight 20/20 but yea that is super late. Wish I coulda known yesterday, that would be super great. I’d be able to prevent these mistakes that I’ve made.

Somethin to alleviate the pain I have endured and am still enduring. A pat on the back ya know, something reassuring.

But no, all we get is a kick to the feelings. But to make it better for the both of us, to take all the pain away, and to have you back, I’d take a lifetime of those kicks and that’s as real as it gets and that there is real shit. I just hope that you will notice.

I’m sorry.

[codywakefield]

The Cure

Dear “father”,

You expect me to be closer to you,

That's all i ever wanted to do.

The day we met i thought you’d be the guy. The guy every son wants to know.

Everything went fine with a great flow.

As I got older I noticed everything I wanted was blown.

Man how I've grown right.

After every call from you leaving me numb

I keep think mom you're really dumb

You sit there while I'm mistreated twiddling your thumbs.

Never knew you'd walk away while I was decked In my gums.

Gasping for breath after socked in the lungs

What the hell man, I made a mistake but it barely even hurt her

Now you're out for murder

No wonder I became a deserter

You only became a beserker

I wanna go back and fix my wrongs

I've never seen any fatherly love in so damn long

Now you got me here writing these songs.

One mistake I'd fix is my mom's.

That mistake is you

At least we'd all be a happier few

I hate coming home just to see you

If I were stuck in a room with Osama Hitler and you

Only having a gun loaded with two

I’d leave them alone and only shoot you

Id shoot you twice because compared to you they'd be nice

That won't happen which makes me sadden

One day you came at me with a broom and used it as a baton.

I was just explaining why me helping wouldn't happen.

You know things in life happen

When they do you just start scrapin

You got me up late making me irate

Writing song after song about how much I hate your guts

You treat me as if I were a mutt

Well fuck you

I live every day in a rutt

I can't go up and say can we talk cuz all you do is get up and walk

When you do talk to me it's like I just ate chalk

You get done and watch me sulk

I wonder how easy it is to make a noose with some socks.

You say you've been there when I was on my own

You say you'll be there when I know you won't

You say you love me when I know you don't

Your heart so cold it feels like a frost

Lately I feel lost, tell me if you find me

It's hard to put the past behind me, when

My mind just sits there and keeps reminding me of all the

bullshit that I keep Inside me

I've got scars and they each tell a story

Well in this case many stories

You can't have scars unless you bleed

Bleed I did and couldn't find relief

Cut one, cut two, cut three, four

And hella lot more

I needed help cuz i didn't wanna breathe anymore.

So many things that I hate you for

Don't worry, when I'm 18 i can find the door

Walk through another and be safe once more

I can't thank them enough for the love they ensure

Something real true and that I'm sure

I found a real family one strong and pure

I can finally say that I've found my cure

From all the pain...that I've endured

Sincerely

A lesson to be learned.

[codywakefield]

3 AM. 11/7/19

It’s 3 am and here I am

I don’t know why but you’re always on my mind

When You’re around I feel like I can unwind

Someone like you is truly hard to find

Guess that’s why you make my heart gears grind

The first time I saw you I swear your aura shined

Seeing the beauty radiating from you made me go blind, made my heart cry

Having you in my life is the best and I ain’t lyin

I know you’re afraid to get close so I ain’t tryin

I’m here for you tho and always will be

You bring out the best part of me

I’ve never been able to show the side of me that’s happy, Unless you’re right there next to me

You need me in your life just as much and that I do believe, if not it’s alright

If you’ve had a bad day just call on me

I can give you that little bit of sanity

When I’m down and low seein or hearin you brings me relief

Just want you to know you can count on me

I won’t expect anything in return cuz my time is free

I know sometimes shit gets hard and you feel like you can’t breathe

Let me Know so I can help bring you some clarity

I’m on your side all the time just bare with me

If you got some something on your chest just take a breathe and share with me

You’re the most important person in the world to me can’t you see

It takes a lot outta me when I know you’re cryin

I mean it when I say I understand and I ain’t lyin

Life brings us a lotta pain

After that there’s so much to gain

You just gotta walk through the rain

Sometimes life hits you like a train

Feeling lost and alone up inside your brain

Remember I’m here and know that you ain’t alone

Just tell me and my arms can be your walls made of stone.

When I came back around your happiness shown

I ain’t sayin I’m the only one you’re needin

I’m sayin I’m just someone you’re peace can be in

Don’t worry about me cuz I ain’t ever fleein

Just don’t leave me my heart is pleadin

Just know you’re the reason

My heart continues beatin

[codywakefield]

I haven’t been happy in so long

Go ahead ask me whats wrong

Imma tell you nothin

But I’d be lyin

You’ll have to deal with those constant lies

Cause I ain’t gonna tell you otherwise

I can’t seem to form words while under the weight of your eyes

Everyone tells me to just hang on cause before you know it time flies

If I hang here for to long the chance will be gone

I don’t know what to do

I have all these things I wanna say but I can’t say em to you

Maybe it’s because everything is great the way things are

If things change now would we end up where we are now

We been here before and then everything was kicked out the door

My mind and heart are in the middle of an all out war

Man what the fuck for

Shit kills me straight to the core

All I can say is i want more

I’d rather have this than nothin

So when ask me what’s wrong and I’ll say nothin

Ask me what I’m thinkin I’ll say nothin

As me if I’m happy I’ll say for sure

I’m happy in the moment

But Don’t ask me in the mornin

Choose to ask me what I want

I won’t know what to do

I try not hidin anything from you

I wanna tell you everything you want me to

Seems as though something’s are better left unsaid and buried in my head

than let out and have everything we have so far be lost from me opening

and I just can not see that happening so I ain’t letting it

and my heart and mind ain’t getting the best of me

Gotta hang in there and then we’ll see