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coffeeandcontemplationblog · 7 years ago

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Kitchen features exposed joists and dark wood and brass industrial counter stools to contrast with the soft blue and white colors of the rest of the room in this home in Heber, Utah.

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coffeeandcontemplationblog · 7 years ago

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Bright and colorful industrial apartment | Barcelona, Spain

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coffeeandcontemplationblog · 7 years ago

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Goals for 2018

I’m so tired of feeling like year after year passes me by without making a significant mark on the world (or at least my world). So here are my goals so that 2018 doesn’t travel down the same, unproductive road. I’m really excited about the fresh beginning of a new year; the start of the next 365 days where anything is possible if you work for what you want...right?

Wellbeing

1. Get Back to the Gym: I’ve lost a lot of confidence lately and it’s vital for my mental health to get that confidence back. I slipped out of any semblance of a gym routine these past few months and it absolutely shows. I feel flabby and thick in all the wrong ways, and so this is the year that I discipline myself all year long, carve out time to go to the gym six days a week, and regain pride in my body like I’ve never known before.

2. Make Creativity a Priority: The majority of my days are filled with scrolling aimlessly on various apps on my phone, bartending at my day job, or focusing too much thought and energy on my relationship. I love my boyfriend, but we’re in a wonderful place together so there’s no need to obsess and fixate on the status of our relationship. I need to get my head out of my ass and start nurturing my creative spirit again. I haven't performed in any way in months, and have tons of journals and notebooks that are only half-filled or not at all. So how am I going to go about doing this?

Use my love of social media and online browsing as a tool: It’s clear that I have an addiction to the internet and I don’t think I’m alone in that. So, instead of trying to cut down my time on technology, I’m going to use my habits to my advantage and commit to writing here on tumblr or more deep-diving posts on instagram. I want to write something of import at least three times a week. I’ve had ideas of starting my own blog page, but until I have a focused vision and message I think I’ll hold off.

Follow the impulse to explore photography: As someone who loves taking photographs but never took the idea seriously, I want to devote 2018 to doing all the things that I want to do. I plan on starting with a camera my parents own but never use, a Canon of some sort, and then go from there.

3. Keep drinking limited to 4 nights a week: I’ve noticed in the last 3 months or so that I’ve started to have at least one drink every day. I don’t know if that’s as big a deal as it feels, but I know that for my life it’s definitely unnecessary. It doesn’t help that Im a bartender and having a drink is my primary method of relaxing or dealing with the anxiety that comes with a packed bar. But if I’m really going to commit to the gym again then I won’t have empty calories to waste on wine every day anyway. SO I think 4 nights is a good compromise with myself. And who knows, maybe once I cut down I’ll realize even four is unnecessary and I’ll even go down to three.

4. Really start learning French: This has been a goal of mine for so long that if I don’t get serous about it now I fear I never will. And what better time than now anyway? I’m dating someone who speaks the language, who’s mother also speaks the language, and we’re planning to vacation in France for the SECOND time this summer. So what’s stopping me? Laziness and money. But this is something I truly want and have wanted for years. Ever since high school, really, when I was too insecure to do anything that my friends weren’t doing. I have another friends who speaks the language and I’m going to reach out to her about setting up lessons. If i could get a handle on the language by July I would be so proud of myself and it would be such a huge accomplishment off my life bucket list.

Career

1. Land Representation: This has been a tough one for me for a long time. Each year I say will be the year I finally sign with agents and a manager, and each year I let myself down. Not this year. I’ve just reached out to an agent who has been stringing me along for over a year, asking her to please put me in touch with another agency if she does not feel we’re a good fit for one another. She hasn’t responded yet but I’m hopeful. If that route doesn’t go anywhere then I’m going to reach out to everyone I know, audition for every single play and film I can possibly find, and hopefully get something to invite all of the agents and managers to that I’ve met in passing.

2. Go Back to Class: It’s become very clear to me lately that I still have so much to learn about technique and preparation. Maybe I’ll never be done learning about it. But I cannot sit idly by while day after day passes and I am not practicing my craft for weeks or months at a time. That’s insanity. So I think I’m going to reach out to Michael again this month about returning to taking lessons with him. It’s a gamble because of the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies a relationship with Michael, but it’s worth it if his rates are cheap and I feel artistically fulfilled each week.

3. Make a Promise to Perform Every Three Months: It doesn’t matter if its a play, student film, or finally getting the courage to write and perform slam poetry. If I don’t keep performing, I’m letting excuses and fear run my life. And I’m done with that. So. By the end of this month I am going to have a performance date of SOME SORT scheduled in the books.

Travel

This past year I got to travel a good amount. I went to several parts of France I’d never seen, Iceland, Budapest, Hudson, and D.C. What follows is a list of all the places I want to or plan on traveling to in 2018:

1. Brittany, France

2. Egypt

3. Tiny House (Catskills, NY)

4. Vermont

5. Ireland

6. Budapest

7. Montreal

8. LA/ Northern California

9. Colorado

10. Scotland

Relationships

While my boyfriend is my partner and the strongest relationship I have in my life, I want 2018 to be an exploration in strengthening and prioritizing friendships that I’ve allowed to fall by the wayside. I recently moved out of the home I shared with my best friend, and before doing so we made a pact to see each other once a week every Tuesday. However, her holiday and work schedule took priority and so now we haven’t seen one another in a month. Instead of addressing my feelings of neglect and hurt to her after canceling on me several times, I’ve allowed my frustration to fester and grow like a bacterial disease, resulting of course in me being angry to the point where I can’t text her or else it would start a fight (which of course I’m already in, in my mind). So, I would like to take the opportunity of this new year to be less passive aggressive and more communicative with those close to me when I’m feeling hurt or disrespected. I’m going to reach out to my friend tonight and tell her how I feel. It would have been more mature of me to address these feelings as they were first happening, but that time has passed and I have to start somewhere.

It’s not just this one friend that I’ve been unsuccessful at keeping up with. I find that I have very few friends that I actually see. Sometimes I try to see someone in particular and they regularly blow me off, and sometimes I get invites to see people whom I regularly blow off. I’ve decided that if someone cares enough at this point in time in our lives to make an effort to see me, then I will make an effort to see them. As far as the friendships that I value who I don't see often, I will continue to pursue and reach out to them in the hopes of having more people in my life who I consider to be “close” with.

This is the first time I’ve ever written out resolutions like this, organized and categorized in this manner, but I found it really helpful and in the last hour have gained an immense amount of clarity on what it is I’m truly looking to gain from this next cycle around the sun. I hope it inspires others who come across this post to do the same!

- Ashleen Xx

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coffeeandcontemplationblog · 7 years ago

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